So this guy Bob has a friend called Rick. Rick lives the life. Big house, sweet car, lovely wife. Rick also throws the best kinds of parties. About once every three months or so, he throws an amazing party where everybody is invited, the booze flows like water, and things happen that keep it the talk of the town until the next party rolls around.
So on one of these nights, Bob joins the party. He's a bit late, 'coz he couldn't find his favorite tie, and you gotta dress up fine when you come to one of Rick's parties. Anyway, he gets there, and the party is in full swing. Bob grabs a drink, and goes to mingle. He says hi to Cheryl from work, and Vinnie, the barman at his other favorite hangout, and Sally the neighbor comes up for a bit because she really needs a babysitter for next week and gosh, the kids just love hanging out with Bob so much 'coz he's such a sweet fella.
As he's mingling, and having a good time, his eyes glaze over the crowd, and he spots an ostrich. Not just any ostrich, an ostrich sporting a big red tie and a beer-hat. Bob doesn't believe what he's seeing. Rick throws some wild parties, sure, but he's never had a wild animal over the floor. So he nudges Sally and is like "are you seeing what I'm seeing? Is that an actual ostrich?"
And Sally goes "oh, yeah! Dunno where Rick managed to get him from but he's a total riot! Really, you should hang out with him for a bit, it'll be great!" But as Bob looks over again, the ostrich has disappeared to another room. In Rick's house, these things come and go, so Bob figures he has better things to do than hunt down a damn ostrich at a party and goes to get another drink.
The night goes on, and Bob's outside a few hours later snacking on some pizza with Dennis, Rick's assistant. They always get pizza at parties like these, and other food as well, but Bob's favorite is the double pepperoni, 'coz it's exactly the salty, greasy bomb his gut needs after a bunch of cocktails. And as they're shooting the shit, Bob spots that damn ostrich again, through the window at the salon. So he asks Dennis about the ostrich, and Dennis is like "Man, you have no idea. Rick wanted to liven things up, you know? But the zoo wouldn't rent any animals out, obviously, so he got me to track down this weird ostrich farmer out in the sticks to buy the damn thing, but for whatever reason every body loves him! I don't get it, man. It's just an ostrich, how fun can it be? But everybody swears they have a great time with him." Of course, by the time Bob looks over again, the mass of partygoers in the salon has shifted.
It's near the end of the night - 4am? 5am? Who knows. Time blurs together at evenings like these. Bob's half-asleep on the couch, nursing a beer, with Rick. People are still around, the music is still playing, but Bob is getting a bit sleepy as the years go on, and he can't pull it all night going all-out like he used to. Anyway, who else happens to walk into the room but the ostrich. Bob looks over to Ostrich, and then to Rick - who's passed out, at this point. Drugs may have been involved - Bob never touches the stuff, but you know. So, before the damn bird can get away again, Bob hoists himself unsteadily to his feet.
He stumbles on over to the ostrich, and points at him. "Y'know, ostrich, I don't get you," he says, "how come you're walking around with a tie and a beer-hat like you're a regular person, and everybody loves partying with you, when you're just a dumb bird?"
So the ostrich looks at him, slurps his beer hat, and opens his beak for a response.
But the ostrich says nothing, because ostriches can't talk.
