Our dog is completely anti organized playing at all times. “I found a stick to chew on! This is great!” and “I love coming to the park! Loads of running room!” But, get one of her chew toys or even if she miraculously brings a toy to you, and you toss said toy so she can play a little fetch… nope, you’re not playing correctly with my toy, I’m going to put it back in my area and you can’t play with it anymore.
Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!
- Thread starter strawman
- Start date
The wife is mad at me because I bought a CUPCAKE. According to her, October until New Years is the holiday season and I'm not supposed to buy stuff for myself during this time of year. She might buy it as a gift for me and she knows Halloween is my favorite holiday. I had to swing by a cake shop to pick up some cupcakes for a work thing at her school. I was in the shop when I felt like getting a cupcake for myself. The way I see it, food =/= stuff.
So she gets home tonight and sees that I got a cupcake. She then goes on a rant about how one of the cupcakes in the work batch was a surprise for me. I say I can just freeze the one I bought and enjoy the one she got me instead. Nope, that's not good enough. The surprise is ruined.
"It's just a cupcake."
"What do you mean JUST a cupcake?!"
So she gets home tonight and sees that I got a cupcake. She then goes on a rant about how one of the cupcakes in the work batch was a surprise for me. I say I can just freeze the one I bought and enjoy the one she got me instead. Nope, that's not good enough. The surprise is ruined.
"It's just a cupcake."
"What do you mean JUST a cupcake?!"
This is usually an indicator that 1) there's something else bothering her (or multiple things), and this is just the incident that's tipping her over into expressing her frustration out loud, or 2) she's crazy.
I'm inclined to hope it's the first one.
That was my first thought. This sounds very much like a case of "The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here."
It's definitely the first one. She has taken the miscarriage hard and it doesn't help that her sister and some of her coworkers are pregnant.
Oh, and the feral kid in her class bit her.
I also want to note that there is no judgment or condemnation from me if she really has gone crazy. I think going through a miscarriage should entitle your wife to going at least a little nuts. Especially when people around her are getting knocked up, which is a constant reminder of her own tragedy.
If I can add some unsolicited advice, when my first wife had a miscarriage, we deviated in our trauma response quite significantly. I was relatively unbothered, saw she was struggling and it was difficult to comprehend the depths of that suffering. When we went to counselling, it was really explicitly explained to me that we differed in our pain because what happened to her was in her present, it actually happened to her and she would feel the immediate pain and grief as a result. What happened to me was in my future, the loss of potential. That perspective really changed how I approached our conversations going forward. She understood my perspective, and I understood her perspective, and our support towards each other shifted as a result. She kept expecting me to breakdown, and I kept expecting her to recover more gracefully and more quickly. If there's a way to communicate that (if true) to her, I think you'll find that it will help a lot.
Yup, we've hashed it out. Every time she goes to the clinic for blood work (they're checking her levels post-miscarriage) it's just a reminder that the pregnancy didn't work. The same doctors and nurses who work there are really nice and supportive, but there has been a change. She had been expecting to see an ultrasound of the fetus but instead we just saw nothing. She says it feels like being at a funeral, with well-meaning people offering advice and condolences. For me, I had processed the possibility of loss so I got over it pretty quickly. For her, everything is a reminder that she will most likely never have one of her own because of her health issues.
IVF looks like our best bet.
IVF looks like our best bet.