The Ultimate In Nerd Security Systems

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I have an Asp and a diving knife. No guns...which is odd with a cop in the house. I'm not morally opposed to them, though. They're just extremely expensive unless you're buying some illegal Saturday night special. Never understood how so many rednecks could afford them. The Asp is fairly lethal, though...if you get close enough to use it.
Most rednecks I know either get their guns at Wal Mart or yeah, illegally. And yes, I do know a lot of rednecks.
 
I

Iaculus

I have an Asp and a diving knife. No guns...which is odd with a cop in the house. I'm not morally opposed to them, though. They're just extremely expensive unless you're buying some illegal Saturday night special. Never understood how so many rednecks could afford them. The Asp is fairly lethal, though...if you get close enough to use it.
A tangent, I know, but what exactly is it that makes Asps so nasty? For such an innocuous weapon, they're pretty feared.
 

fade

Staff member
It's a very heavy mass concentrated into a thin rod. It's like having the whole baseball bat shrunk down into a tiny package. They do hurt quite a bit when used sparingly, and could easily break bones with greater force, and be lethal when applied to the skull (and probably elsewhere).
 
Well that guy's screwed. Here comes the waterworks from the family of the burglar, and how the punishment didn't fit the crime and oh he was just a lonely misguided boy, blah blah blah. By the end the kid with the sword will be a malicious fire-breathing monster instead of a scared-witless guy who grabbed something sharp to defend himself from who knows what.

The older I get, the more burglary bothers me. I worked hard for the stuff I have.
Home defense

 
I

Iaculus

It's a very heavy mass concentrated into a thin rod. It's like having the whole baseball bat shrunk down into a tiny package. They do hurt quite a bit when used sparingly, and could easily break bones with greater force, and be lethal when applied to the skull (and probably elsewhere).
Ah, I see. Wasn't aware they were quite that dense. Telescopic stuff tends to be light and hollow in my experience, you see.
 
I have a machete leaning against my desk. It is within arm's reach RIGHT NOW. I'm ready for intruders/zombies.
 
T

ThatNickGuy

I have all four Absolute volumes of Neil Gaiman's Sandman.

Any one of them will kill a burglar in one hit.

And then I can tell the police: "I killed him with dreams."
 
Most of the martial arts schools I went to insisted on weapons training of some kind, so, in my room, I have:

-Two pairs of nunchaku (one rubber, for practice; the other wood). I do know how to use them, but wouldn't really be my first choice if somebody broke into my house (except maybe as a scare tactic, since I could replicate Bruce Lee)
-One replica sword (which would do dick-all; was just a $50 knockoff that twisted the handle 90 degrees upon unsheathing it the first time)
-One six-foot staff
-Several knives, including one hunting/survival knife.

But yeah; seems like the robber got what was coming to him. I HATE that excuse of, "He was my baby, he was just poor and misguided!", and it's becoming far too common. Two guys walked up to somebody at the Fruitvale BART station near here early this year (or late last year, I forget how long ago it was), and one threatened him with a knife. The guy somehow managed to get the knife and stabbed the other guy (who was giving verbal threats) in a scuffle, the stabee got home and bled out, and the parents were screaming for the guy's head.

Appropriate force is appropriate force. If you threaten to kill somebody, and look like you're gonna do it, then they got every right to kill you back if they think you're gonna hurt 'em. You can debate semantics later.

(read the last paragraph in Mal's voice)
 
C

Chazwozel

Don't fuck with people who own swords!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/15/samurai.sword.killing/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

CNN) -- A Johns Hopkins University student killed an apparent burglar with a samurai sword after discovering the man in his garage, police said Tuesday.

Baltimore, Maryland, police received a phone call shortly before 1:30 a.m. Tuesday about a suspicious person, and an off-duty officer arrived at the scene with campus security, city police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said.

When authorities arrived, they heard calls for help and for police, he said. They discovered a suspected burglar with a severed left hand and severe lacerations to his upper body, Guglielmi said.

The suspect died at the scene, he said.

The man had entered a home where several Johns Hopkins students lived, Guglielmi said. Four students, one armed with a samurai sword, had confronted the suspect in the garage.

The man \"lunged\" at the students, and the student with the sword defended himself, severing the man's left hand and cutting his upper body, Guglielmi said.

Police did not release the name of the suspect, who Guglielmi said had a long criminal history, or that of the student.

Police questioned the three witnesses, Guglielmi said, and released them. It was not immediately clear whether all four students lived at the house, he said.

Authorities are determining whether the student will face criminal charges, Guglielmi said.

Burglars had taken two laptops and a Sony PlayStation from the students' home Monday, Guglielmi said.

The burglary suspect had been released from prison Saturday, Guglielmi said.
DAMN! I'm going show this to my wife, who constantly complains about my 300 dollar Glamdring purchase.
 
C

Chazwozel

Bah, I made a late thread to this. Anyway. My house contains Glamdring: The Burglar Hammer.
 
Don't fuck with people who own swords!

Psssst, that's because it's from the t-shirt design. :slywink:
Say not, my dear! I almost didn't think of that!

:D

---------- Post added at 05:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:23 PM ----------

And by the way, Chaz... I think the thread title is highly offending... Doest that mean that I should restrain from intercourse from now on? And you too? And every other swordbearing being on this planet?

:zoid:


(Edit: Have I just adressed Shego with "my dear"???)
 
Don't fuck with people who own swords!



A handy diagram, to help the process along.


It would be hilarious to see someone get that tattooed on there stomach[/QUOTE]

Maybe like, let's say, a mentally challenged samurai?

---------- Post added at 05:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:37 PM ----------

(Edit: Have I just adressed Shego with "my dear"???)
[/QUOTE]

Now you made me go...
 
A

Andromache

Don't fuck with people who own swords!

if it was a tshirt, shouldn't the lettering be inverted?
 
Don't fuck with people who own swords!

Psssst, that's because it's from the t-shirt design. :slywink:
Say not, my dear! I almost didn't think of that!

:D

---------- Post added at 05:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:23 PM ----------

And by the way, Chaz... I think the thread title is highly offending... Doest that mean that I should restrain from intercourse from now on? And you too? And every other swordbearing being on this planet?

:zoid:


(Edit: Have I just adressed Shego with "my dear"???)[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I was wondering too. "Don't fuck people with swords", "I own a sword", "I'm going to show this to my wife", sends a pretty clear message. Sure JCM wasn't right about your wife after all? :paranoid:;)
 
C

Chibibar

Don't fuck with people who own swords!

student may face criminal charges? (they haven't decided yet) dang. No castle law in Baltimore?

In Texas, it is self defense.
 
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