A salute to my testicles (vasectomy ahoy!)

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fade

fade

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Here's to my balls. I hardly knew ye.

[Military salute]
[Cue footage of slow mo' montage, from the drop to the present day].

O', how many a teenagéd night have I fondled thee. How neglected were ye in many a sexual escapade. Shall I compare thee to a summer day, when thou art swimming in underpants soup?

*le sigh*

Seriously though. I'm off in one hour to get my initial consult. And yes, I know a vasectomy is not a neutering. I'm just playing. Still can't help but feel that I'm losing a little bit of my manhood. The urologist wants my wife there for the consult. Which I find very strange. They're my boys, aren't they?
 
Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

I'm not surprised that they want your wife there. It's a life-altering decision for the family, not just for you. Here, they prefer to not even consider giving you a vasectomy unless you're over 25 and already have 2 kids.

Though some guys experience life-long complications with a vasectomy, my own personal experience is the only thing you lose is the nagging worry that you're going to inadvertently knock someone up.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Two words for you, Fade:


Anytime.
Anywhere.


It's over quick and you get a lot of sympathy from the wife. Then you shoot blanks.
 
T

ThatNickGuy

It's a ballsy procedure and you might be a little teste for awhile following it, but I'm sure you'll still be able to dick around.
 
Thread Necromancer

Thread Necromancer

What Dave and Tin said +1.

I love not having the worry of pregnancy. I have my two beautiful children. I don't want more and I hate raincoats.

Been cut for 5 years now and have never once regretted it.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

Oh Fade, why go through so much trouble and spend so much money?



I'd be MORE than willing to help you out with that and I'll give you a discount. You know, on account of how much I like you and how much fun it'd be. (for me)
 
fade

fade

Staff member
I'm back, baby! Other than having some dude play with my balls in front of my wife, it was fairly uneventful. He set up the appointment really soon. Apparently, they're installing some titanium clamps, which possibly could be retrofitted into some sort of weapon. Maybe by clenching really hard, they can become a kind of projectile. Problem is that kind of weapon takes a while to warm up and it only fires twice. Maybe three times when I was fourteen.

"Hang on! I'm reloading."
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

fade said:
Other than having some dude play with my balls in front of my wife, it was fairly uneventful.
Click to expand...
Now that she's seen it once, she's gonna want to make it a regular thing.





I'm free next weekend.
 
strawman

strawman

Gruebeard;264136][quote=fade said:
Other than having some dude play with my balls in front of my wife, it was fairly uneventful.
Click to expand...
Now that she's seen it once, she's gonna want to make it a regular thing.





I'm free next weekend.[/QUOTE]

The following weekend, however, he charges his normal rate of $5/hr. You can find him on Canal street down by the docks.

-Adam
 
Adam

Adam

I had one coworker who swore that being snipped made him more attractive to women because they knew he wouldn't knock them up.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
It takes a special kind of bravery to allow a man with a scalpel near your John Thomas.

Should I ever be lucky enough to have children (still looking for someone willing to procreate with yours truly), I'll join your testibuddy club after kid #3. Or sooner, depending on whether the future missus will tell me "No... more... you... asshole...".
 
Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

North_Ranger said:
It takes a special kind of bravery to allow a man with a scalpel near your John Thomas.

Should I ever be lucky enough to have children (still looking for someone willing to procreate with yours truly), I'll join your testibuddy club after kid #3. Or sooner, depending on whether the future missus will tell me "No... more... you... asshole...".
Click to expand...
For what it's worth, in a no-stitch vasectomy (like i had), it's not a scalpel, but something more like this:

They uses these scissors/pointed forceps to poke a tiny hole in your nut sack, pull the vas out (like spaghetti) and then do all the work that way, and then stuff it back into that tiny hole.
 
A

Armadillo

Adammon said:
I had one coworker who swore that being snipped made him more attractive to women because they knew he wouldn't knock them up.
Click to expand...
Oh GREAT, like putting on the wedding ring didn't exponentially increase attractiveness to women...

WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TEMPTING US WHEN WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, YOU HARLOTS?!?!?
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Armadillo;264276][quote=Adammon said:
I had one coworker who swore that being snipped made him more attractive to women because they knew he wouldn't knock them up.
Click to expand...
Oh GREAT, like putting on the wedding ring didn't exponentially increase attractiveness to women...

WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TEMPTING US WHEN WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, YOU HARLOTS?!?!?[/QUOTE]

Dem bitches be hos, bro.

[/jk][/horrid jive]
 
Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

These kinds of threads always make my pant-friends shudder. It's a cold tingling sensation, like my genitalia wanted to crawl inside me and hide or start running like mad.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

North_Ranger said:
It takes a special kind of bravery to allow a man with a scalpel near your John Thomas.

Should I ever be lucky enough to have children (still looking for someone willing to procreate with yours truly), I'll join your testibuddy club after kid #3. Or sooner, depending on whether the future missus will tell me "No... more... you... asshole...".
Click to expand...
...You'd rather get snipped than have anal sex? Dude, it's fun :-P
 
R

rabbitgod

I've contemplated freezing some sperm and getting the ol' snip snip. Anytime anywhere appeals to me. I've always been a good boy and had protection and I feel like I've put in my time. I shouldn't have to think about it anymore.

In other news, I love the tags for this thread.
 
fade

fade

Staff member
The deed is done. As of about noon. It was really painless. I joked around with the doc the whole time. He was hilarious. His last name anagrams to Nut-seezer, which isn't a perfect anagram, but it's still awesome. I let him know. Now I have to friggin' lie down for 24-48 hours. Annoying.
 
Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

you get the no scalpel kind?

My vasectomy wasn't exactly painless, since I'm all but immune to anesthesia.

But it really wasn't that painful, honestly.
 
strawman

strawman

Bowielee said:
I like how everyone thinks that unwanted pregnancy is the only consequence of unprotected sex....
Click to expand...
Many (most?) men who get vasectomies are in a committed long term monogamous relationship, so for the portion of population that gets one unwanted pregnancy is the major consequence.

But you are correct - it's a method of birth control, not STD prevention.

-Adam
 
W

Wasabi Poptart

stienman;276442][quote=Bowielee said:
I like how everyone thinks that unwanted pregnancy is the only consequence of unprotected sex....
Click to expand...
Many (most?) men who get vasectomies are in a committed long term monogamous relationship, so for the portion of population that gets one unwanted pregnancy is the major consequence.

But you are correct - it's a method of birth control, not STD prevention.

-Adam[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm not worried about my husband giving me an STD. Neither of us want another baby though.
 
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