I fear Oprah.

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C

Chazwozel

This is why:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/09/30/o.troubled.marriage/index.html

The fist paragraph made me laugh. And it's the primary reason I kept reading the article. I was sure there was more anti-male gold to be found. Sure enough there was, but this lady was contemplating leaving her no good, dirty, rotten husband because he has a porn collection... What a son of a bitch, really. :pud:

The rest of it well... I admit the dude had rage issues, but I love how everything his fault. Everything is a vacuum. The relationship has it's problems because of his rage issue. That's it.

As an aside, what normal human being doesn't at least mutter, friggin old bag, when it comes to waiting for the little old lady to finish making her 5 minute decision to finally make a turn?
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Chaz, buddy. You are so very, very wrong here I can't fathom the depth of your wrongness.

I have seen guys like this who have anger issues snap over small shit. He was not physically abusive, but I would say that it was probably going to happen, especially after he grabbed her and told her that she was making him do it, which is the classic self-delusion that abusers use.

As someone who has had to look into a mirror about anger issues and a gambling addiction I can safely say that this was probably the major sticking point in the relationship. Yes, there had to be other issues, but this was the one that had to be reconciled or it was over.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Oh, and my wife had a lot of trouble with the fact that had porn at first, but she finally realized that it had nothing to do with her and it was not "an addiction".
 
ZenMonkey

ZenMonkey

I fear Oprah because she gives idiot nutbags like Jenny McCarthy a podium from which to shriek her delusional antivax bullshit.
 
C

Chazwozel

Dave said:
Chaz, buddy. You are so very, very wrong here I can't fathom the depth of your wrongness.

I have seen guys like this who have anger issues snap over small shit. He was not physically abusive, but I would say that it was probably going to happen, especially after he grabbed her and told her that she was making him do it, which is the classic self-delusion that abusers use.

As someone who has had to look into a mirror about anger issues and a gambling addiction I can safely say that this was probably the major sticking point in the relationship. Yes, there had to be other issues, but this was the one that had to be reconciled or it was over.
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Well my main issue is with the porn collection = lecherous bastard opener.

The dude had rage issues, no doubt, but I doubt the whole fiasco was one sided.

---------- Post added at 03:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:12 PM ----------
ZenMonkey said:
I fear Oprah because she gives idiot nutbags like Jenny McCarthy a podium from which to shriek her delusional antivax bullshit.
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I love how Polio and Measles cases are back on the rise! 58 cases of Measles in 2007. Over 1,000 in 2009 with 3 deaths as a result.

Don't bring up the anti vaccination campaign. I'm starting to rage myself over thinking about it too much.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Now THAT makes me fear Oprah and her bully pulpit of outreach to millions of vacuous housewives who believe a talkshow host and her unqualified guests over people with years and decades of medical experience and training.

But the article itself was well done and showed that the porn thing was not about the porn but about the fact that he hid it from her, which she took to be a trust issue. She started by saying it was perverted but by the end was saying it reminded her of her first husband who hid the financial difficulties from her. Now, both of the men are doing it for laudable reasons - teh porn guy because he didn't want to get yelled at and the finances guy because he tried to shoulder all of the burdens himself. What neither guy did was include his wife in their life. You know as well as I do that secrets in a marriage are poison.

I think you read the first paragraph and it colored your views of it from there.
 
I

Icarus

I have a brother with anger management issues but I know him well enough to know what sets him off and what cools him down. His ex didn't. What to her were random bouts of anger, were, to me, pretty predictable and often, she was the one to trigger them (or make them far worse). When she used to live in with my brother and me before I moved out, I often saw cases where she should have had the common sense to leave him be but instead she "poked the bear". In other words: if you know your husband/wife has a short temper, don't make it worse you dolt. There's a reason two people with short tempers just don't work - the other person needs to be the opposite & calm by nature to balance the other.

Still, abusing your wife is a big step up since anger and abuse are on a different plane all together and so "not done". I still don't get why women so often go for violent men. I've heard the same story from dozens of girls and women online, and it's always the same thing: she knew he had a short temper and that he could get violent, but she thought she could change him *facepalm*.

It's like the joke:
Women want their man to change after marriage but are upset because he doesn't.
Men are upset because they don't want their wife to change, but she does.

In high school, I daily saw girls falling for the "rebels" which were nearly always assholes with bad attitudes and short tempers. I was more annoyed with the girls than at the guys because after the unavoidable break up, they then came running at me for a shoulder to cry on (yes, I was that kind of guy sadly enough). After two years of this, I got pretty annoyed by it and actually started berating them, telling them that if they were going to go with that type of guy, they were going to get the same thing every single damn time! It's like sticking your hand in the cage of a tiger - YOU are the dumb ass who put your arm in there when you should be smart enough to know a tiger is not a kitten.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Blaming the victim. Awesome.

And this guy was on the verge of physical abuse as he'd already exhibited signs such as grabbing her, etc.
 
AshburnerX

AshburnerX

Dave said:
Blaming the victim. Awesome.

And this guy was on the verge of physical abuse as he'd already exhibited signs such as grabbing her, etc.
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She'd be a victim if he'd done this unprovoked, but the fact is she knew this was a hot button issue and kept pressing it. What he did wasn't right by any stretch of the imagination, but what she did wasn't exactly the smartest move ether. Both are to blame.
 
Covar

Covar

But the article itself was well done and showed that the porn thing was not about the porn but about the fact that he hid it from her, which she took to be a trust issue.
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Man hides porn, News at 11.

seriously men hide porn like squirrels gather nuts. pun completely intentional.
 
R

RealBigNuke

Well, first off, this is the Oprah site we're talking about - everything in it is 100% suspect and unverified.

Second? Yeah, Oprah is terrifying, in that millions of people actually buy her sensationalist bullshit.

Finally, anger management issues >>>>>> porn collection in terms of a problem. Stupid squeamish American values - would you rather have a sexually active(but faithful) spouse or a violent one? Isn't this a no-brainer? Although I may get on them for not telling about - hard to work it without trust.
 
Q

Qonas

Icarus said:
It's like the joke:
Women want their man to change after marriage but are upset because he doesn't.
Men are upset because they don't want their wife to change, but she does.

In high school, I daily saw girls falling for the "rebels" which were nearly always assholes with bad attitudes and short tempers. I was more annoyed with the girls than at the guys because after the unavoidable break up, they then came running at me for a shoulder to cry on (yes, I was that kind of guy sadly enough). After two years of this, I got pretty annoyed by it and actually started berating them, telling them that if they were going to go with that type of guy, they were going to get the same thing every single damn time! It's like sticking your hand in the cage of a tiger - YOU are the dumb ass who put your arm in there when you should be smart enough to know a tiger is not a kitten.

Dave said:
Blaming the victim. Awesome.
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In this case, yes. Absolutely yes. Because they willingly became a victim over the singular dumbass thought that they can tame the "bad guy" into some house husband who is still bad. It's ridiculous. The jackass guy is wrong for being a jackass guy, sure, but the vapid vacuum-brained women who flock to these men are to blame for their stupidity as well. You don't blame a bear who got fed food from humans at a campsite for tearing the place up after they stop with the hand-outs; you blame the humans for being morons.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
My brother is this type of person. He is also alarmingly charming. Until you know him better he's a great guy. I know we are only getting one side to this story, but the whole premise of the OP is that the article revolves around PORN = WARRLGARBL which is not correct.
 
L

Laurelai

I walked in on the other half while he was watching some compooter pron. He immediately shut it down and looked all "omg I r so caughted!" I kissed him on the top of the head and told him I honestly didn't care if he looked at porn. I was serious and went ab out my business... I'm not sure if he believed me though lol.
 
ZenMonkey

ZenMonkey

Laurelai said:
I walked in on the other half while he was watching some compooter pron. He immediately shut it down and looked all "omg I r so caughted!" I kissed him on the top of the head and told him I honestly didn't care if he looked at porn. I was serious and went ab out my business... I'm not sure if he believed me though lol.
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Heh, that's how it goes around here sometimes. And he does believe me that I don't care, but he still gets so adorably embarrassed.

I think the only way it would bother me is if he got off on something really disturbing, like CP or that fetish where people kill kittens by stepping on them. As it is, whatever.
 
L

LordRavage

Wait wait....you mean your NOT evil when you have a huge porn collection???

Now what the Hell am I going to do with all this porn now? ;)
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
RealBigNuke said:
Finally, anger management issues >>>>>> porn collection in terms of a problem. Stupid squeamish American values - would you rather have a sexually active(but faithful) spouse or a violent one? Isn't this a no-brainer? Although I may get on them for not telling about - hard to work it without trust.
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Agreed. The fellow swears he's not into porn, but if I ever catch him, it'll be a huge "who cares" moment. If you're dating a heterosexual man, chances are he'll be looking at woman that aren't you. That doesn't suggest a lack of devotion.

As for the anger situation... I understand Chaz's initial reaction. With Lifetime, Oxygen, Oprah, I guess guys sometimes feel like we're out to get them and demonize them. But that much anger is a serious problem, regardless of what else went on in their relationship, and I'm happy he sought help.
 
R

rabbitgod

LordRavage said:
Wait wait....you mean your NOT evil when you have a huge porn collection???

Now what the Hell am I going to do with all this porn now? ;)
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All that work wasted! Now you'll have to find a new way to get into Hell.


My wife thinks it would be weird if I didn't look/collect porn. She sees it as it is intended a supplement, not a replacement of her.

Plus about half the time she catches me she'll help out.
 
L

LordRavage

rabbitgod;266341][quote=LordRavage said:
Wait wait....you mean your NOT evil when you have a huge porn collection???

Now what the Hell am I going to do with all this porn now? ;)
Click to expand...
All that work wasted! Now you'll have to find a new way to get into Hell.


My wife thinks it would be weird if I didn't look/collect porn. She sees it as it is intended a supplement, not a replacement of her.

Plus about half the time she catches me she'll help out.[/QUOTE]

I believe it should be added as a sub section to the male user guide. We must speak with others and have it inscribed. :D
 
I

Iaculus

Qonas;266313][quote=Icarus said:
It's like the joke:
Women want their man to change after marriage but are upset because he doesn't.
Men are upset because they don't want their wife to change, but she does.

In high school, I daily saw girls falling for the "rebels" which were nearly always assholes with bad attitudes and short tempers. I was more annoyed with the girls than at the guys because after the unavoidable break up, they then came running at me for a shoulder to cry on (yes, I was that kind of guy sadly enough). After two years of this, I got pretty annoyed by it and actually started berating them, telling them that if they were going to go with that type of guy, they were going to get the same thing every single damn time! It's like sticking your hand in the cage of a tiger - YOU are the dumb ass who put your arm in there when you should be smart enough to know a tiger is not a kitten.

Dave said:
Blaming the victim. Awesome.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
In this case, yes. Absolutely yes. Because they willingly became a victim over the singular dumbass thought that they can tame the "bad guy" into some house husband who is still bad. It's ridiculous. The jackass guy is wrong for being a jackass guy, sure, but the vapid vacuum-brained women who flock to these men are to blame for their stupidity as well. You don't blame a bear who got fed food from humans at a campsite for tearing the place up after they stop with the hand-outs; you blame the humans for being morons.[/QUOTE]

There are several complicating factors, though. The anger issues only started cropping up gradually, once they had been going steady for a while. There were kids involved. Lastly, the tone of the writing rather suggests that this lady is not from the sort of place where divorcees are looked upon with kindness. It's not just a case of someone who was an outright psycho from the start who she's sticking with despite a liberal background re: divorce and separation and no material ties keeping them together. Even if you don't agree with her decision (and hell, I don't, though it's apparently worked out for her), it is at least possible to sympathise with it.

Oh, and incidentally, the anger-management lady and the one who found her husband's porn stash are two separate people. The former decided to stay with her husband, and the problem apparently went away after counselling. The latter was thinking of divorcing hers - outcome unknown there.
 
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