Rant VI: Now Drama Free
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C
Chazwozel
What?!?!? Gay friends are perfect wingmen!
What?!?!? Gay friends are perfect wingmen![/QUOTE]
I can see how that'd normally be the case. But I feel anyone hanging off you completely hammered, ranting to everyone about having your babies, and actually literally chasing you down if you manage to get away, is doing more harm than good.
Home from Mexico. And yeah, I'm not happy about that. I just spent a week being waited on hand and foot. Now I have to make my own bed? Pay for food? WHAT IS THIS CRAP.
So, Callistarya has been diagnosed with non-invasive cervical cancer.
bleh.
bleh.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Oh crap, Tin, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Anything the doctors can do about it?
Anything the doctors can do about it?
Her gyn is consulting with an oncologist.
In the next week or to, they're either gonna cut away most of her cervix, or take out the entire uterus. We won't know til next week some time. But they're moving quickly on it...they want the surgery by this coming friday or the friday after (which is when they schedule the surgeries).
After that, they'll examine all the bits they took out to make sure that they got all the bad bits ('make sure the margins are clear' in the lingo) and didn't leave any bits behind, and make sure that there was nothing more invasive than the bits they did find. After that, we'll know what the remaining options are.
In the next week or to, they're either gonna cut away most of her cervix, or take out the entire uterus. We won't know til next week some time. But they're moving quickly on it...they want the surgery by this coming friday or the friday after (which is when they schedule the surgeries).
After that, they'll examine all the bits they took out to make sure that they got all the bad bits ('make sure the margins are clear' in the lingo) and didn't leave any bits behind, and make sure that there was nothing more invasive than the bits they did find. After that, we'll know what the remaining options are.
A
Andromache
indeed. Hang tough, Tin.
North_Ranger
Staff member
At least they're moving quickly with it... Best of luck, I'll keep ya both in my thoughts.
W
Wasabi Poptart
Sorry to hear that, Tin. You and Callistarya will be in my thoughts.
I
Iaculus
Best of luck to Sin, Tin, and the rest.
Went to see my grandmother today for what may well be either the last time or close to it. Ye gods, my mum looked heartbroken - on the weekend of Mothering Sunday, too.
The surprise visit from university that me and my sister arranged for the latter event was definitely a good idea.
Went to see my grandmother today for what may well be either the last time or close to it. Ye gods, my mum looked heartbroken - on the weekend of Mothering Sunday, too.
The surprise visit from university that me and my sister arranged for the latter event was definitely a good idea.
My hopes are with Cal.
P
Philosopher B.
Woah, Tin. Here's hoping you guys pull through all right.
K
Kitty Sinatra
I'm watching Die Hard 2 right now. I hope you're not living it.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Whoa, and I thought waiting for 5-6 hours at Schiphol (Amsterdam's main airport) was bad. Fortunately, the airline company that fucked up royally was nice enough to give me €300 in compensation.Airports suck. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. Waiting in airports suck. Sky harbour in Phoenix is actually pretty nice -free wireless for example. And about 30 different Starbucks'. I would like to just go home though - 9 hours is a long layover
Unfortunately, there was no Starbucks
This isn't my longest layover on record. It is the most uncomfortable due to the timing (midday) and the lack of quiet sleeping accomodations. Singapore was 11 hours but at least you could rent a napping room. Was up a 3am this morning to get fro Jaco to San Jose to fly to Phoenix. Now San Jose (costa frica) has a stupid airport. And my brutal Spanish only makes it worse. At least back in the US most people speak English
Some days I find it really hard to connect with anyone I know. My interests seem radically different from everyone and I feel like I'm boring people. I think part of my problem is my love for debate. I want to talk politics, economics, religion, but the people I know find that crap boring, or they aren't well read or comfortable enough with the subjects to any interesting input of their own. There's like an Atheists & Agnostics Society here in town, but then I'd just be sitting in a room full of people who agree with me, which would be boring, and religious meeting groups tend not to want to debate, either, plus then I'd be in a room full of people who disagree with me and so it'd be a challenge to get a word in edgewise. I can't find any debate groups that aren't university-based and I am not a student (yet).
So I guess I'll just go become a politician and do this crap for money.
Also I want Pepsi. This rant is fixable by the short walk to my kitchen, which I will now take.
So I guess I'll just go become a politician and do this crap for money.
Also I want Pepsi. This rant is fixable by the short walk to my kitchen, which I will now take.
W
Wasabi Poptart
I want a Pepsi, too, but I'd have to go to the store to get it.
What is my problem with this girl? I mean, I am no Casanova, I'll give you that. But I am better with women than this. With this girl I'm a bumbling fool, self-conscious all the time, and completely ball-less. To put this in perspective: I've never cared much for explicit definitions of things, but this would be our third date. Between those dates, we've had coffee, hung out, watched movies, PLUS a bunch of stuff in larger social groups. This basically began four, maybe five weeks ago, and tonight was the first time I actually worked up the courage to kiss the girl goodnight.
And now ... I'm beginning to wonder. I mean, she's a lot of fun, and she's hardly a prude. But her stance on sexual limits ... I don't know what they are specifically, but I know that they stop far short of my own line. I don't want that to be the deal-breaking issue, because that feels shallow as hell, especially since she's awesome and we get along great. But I'm not sure what's going to happen when we careen into that limit (or at my rate, gently bump into it apologetically).
I know, I know. I should talk to her about it. And I will. But I'm just a little frustrated now.
I don't even know how to articulate anymore. I'm really glad things are going well (albeit slow) with this girl, because she seems to want the same sort of life I do. Travel and adventure with no end in sight. But ... there's another girl who wants pretty much that exact same thing. She is also beautiful, and has a much more relaxed stance on sexuality. I thought this other girl might have been into me for a while, too, but I have been assured that she is just flirty as all hell. To make things worse, though, this other girl is very good friends with the girl that I am dating, and in fact was basically the strongest voice in the 'consensus' that we would make a good couple.
Goddammit. This is frustrating as shit.
And now ... I'm beginning to wonder. I mean, she's a lot of fun, and she's hardly a prude. But her stance on sexual limits ... I don't know what they are specifically, but I know that they stop far short of my own line. I don't want that to be the deal-breaking issue, because that feels shallow as hell, especially since she's awesome and we get along great. But I'm not sure what's going to happen when we careen into that limit (or at my rate, gently bump into it apologetically).
I know, I know. I should talk to her about it. And I will. But I'm just a little frustrated now.
I don't even know how to articulate anymore. I'm really glad things are going well (albeit slow) with this girl, because she seems to want the same sort of life I do. Travel and adventure with no end in sight. But ... there's another girl who wants pretty much that exact same thing. She is also beautiful, and has a much more relaxed stance on sexuality. I thought this other girl might have been into me for a while, too, but I have been assured that she is just flirty as all hell. To make things worse, though, this other girl is very good friends with the girl that I am dating, and in fact was basically the strongest voice in the 'consensus' that we would make a good couple.
Goddammit. This is frustrating as shit.
While I appreciate your concern that it might be shallow to worry about such things, there is something to be said for sexual compatibility as a part of any healthy relationship. Like anything in a relationship, you'll never be 100% compatible on any subject, but hopefully you can create some common ground.
However you seem to have a decent grasp that this is complicated and multifaceted situation and probably don't need my two cents.
So I guess what I'm saying is... I know it's frustrating, but I hope it goes well for you.
However you seem to have a decent grasp that this is complicated and multifaceted situation and probably don't need my two cents.
So I guess what I'm saying is... I know it's frustrating, but I hope it goes well for you.
W
Wasabi Poptart
^ This. Sex is a very important part of a romantic relationship. There is no reason why it can't be a deal breaker without being shallow. We all have wants, needs, and expectations in a relationship. However, there is something to be said for communication here (as you already know judging by your post). If you feel "ball-less" around her and you've only been dating her for 5 weeks, that IMO, isn't such a good sign regardless of the sex issue. Getting along great with someone, but not getting what you need in other aspects of the relationship, is going to cause more frustration for you especially if you can't express what it is you want or expect to happen next.
I agree with Wild and most of what the others have said. I don't say this because I think if she wants to go slower it's a bad thing, personally I think it's probably a smart thing , but if she wants to go slower and you want to go faster then there is already a pretty big compatibility issue. So if your line is "here' and hers is "HERE" in the end she is going to feel pressured by you to compromise her morals and regardless of what she ends up doing (but especially if she does give in to your pressure) she could resent you for it, which I don't need to tell anyone here isn't terribly healthy.
I think you are right Rob, talk to her about it. Say that you don't want to pressure her but you want to know where the lines are because you DON'T want to pressure her to go beyond what she is comfortable with. When she tells you then you can decide if you want to be in that relationship.
Personally? If she's amazing and you feel you could have a serious future? It never killed anyone to take the physical side of things slower. It's not shallow to want more, I would argue it's terribly natural, but it's also not wrong to draw a line shorter. It just means the partners have to decide who is willing to bend to the other, a big part of any aspect of a relationship. You just have to decide if she's worth it or if you want a girl who has different morals than her.
I think you are right Rob, talk to her about it. Say that you don't want to pressure her but you want to know where the lines are because you DON'T want to pressure her to go beyond what she is comfortable with. When she tells you then you can decide if you want to be in that relationship.
Personally? If she's amazing and you feel you could have a serious future? It never killed anyone to take the physical side of things slower. It's not shallow to want more, I would argue it's terribly natural, but it's also not wrong to draw a line shorter. It just means the partners have to decide who is willing to bend to the other, a big part of any aspect of a relationship. You just have to decide if she's worth it or if you want a girl who has different morals than her.
I think I'm gonna go with this one.
Seriously though guys, thanks for your words. I think I've got it under control, but it's a bit frustrating all the same.
On a slightly bigger note, I phoned my mom today on her cellphone and she was visiting our friend Judy (the one who's in the hospital living what are presumably the last days of her cancer-ridden life). I talked to her for a bit, and told her I'd be trying to come in this Thursday. I'm not sure she'll last that long, but it was great to hear her voice. We joked for a bit, and then the call was over.
I hung up and lost my shit. My knuckles are still sore from punching my desk half a dozen times. This is some seriously fucking hard shit to deal with. Aside from a few pets, and a guy that I kind of sort of knew in High School, the only person I've known who has died is my grandmother, and that was sort of a gentle downward journey over three years, to the point where we were glad to see her go. This thing with Judy is a little more sudden, even though I knew in the back of my head that it could happen at any time. I want to call it unfair, but I don't subscribe to a philosophy of life where fairness plays into it at all. I know that I should be questioning God, but I'm completely at peace with 'his' part in this.
At this point these are selfish tears. I don't get to laugh and joke and look forward to seeing her when I come home anymore. I won't get to hear her encouragement or teasing before my next date. I won't be able to share any of the things that I want to accomplish in life with her when I actually manage to accomplish them.
What makes matters worse is that I've got to borrow money in order to get home to hopefully maybe see her. That makes me even more frustrated with my employment situation, and reminds me that I am still not as independent as I like to pretend. I've still got to take money from my father in emergencies ... emergencies that happen with alarming frequency these days. Then, I've had this insomnia creep up on me for the last three weeks, which hasn't made the work that I do get to do that easy. I couldn't sleep last night until about 4, and then I slept past 9:30, when I was supposed to be at a school doing a breakfast program at 8:30. I know that the teachers at the school can handle it without me, but it's just another fistful of sand on the 'I am worthless ' side of the balance scale.
When it rains, it pours, I guess. Some of the shit I've been feeling in the last week has reminded me of my past two major depressive episodes ... the last one having happened over 21 months ago. If I stay social I should be able to get through this, but it doesn't make trudging through the emotional muck any more fun.
Thanks again guys. For what support you've shown me already, but also for just being a fucking hillarious place on the internet. I've been spending an unhealthy amount of time refreshing my Halforums window lately, so I'm going to try and be around a little less. But I just wanted to let you know how much this place means to me. So extra thanks to Dave and Ame and everyone for keeping it around
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