Mixed marriages

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drawn_inward

drawn_inward

I didn't post this in the politics/religion thread because I am not interested in debate. However, if the mods see fit to move it, I understand.

What do you folks think about mixed-race marriages?

And,

What do you think about mixed religion marriages?

I'm really not trying to stir the pot. If things get out of hand, I'll have a mod nuke this thread from orbit.

Here's my 2 cents, I think that mixed-race marriages can be great. I am sure there would be some difficulties that would accompany such a union, but they are becoming more frequent, and folks seemed to be a lot less shocked by them. Also, studies show that kids born from 2 completely different ethnic backgrounds, can have a better immune system (higher genetic variability). I'll see if I can track down the original work for that.

As for the mixed-religions, I'd say that I am sure it can work, but the road would be quite difficult unless there was a complete understanding and respect for each person's respective religion. If one was constantly trying to convert the other, it would be terrible. If one was dominating and/or dismissive of the other's beliefs, it would be terrible. I think the couple would have to think very seriously before undertaking such a difficult life.
 
D

Dusty668

I think as long as both know it will be a constant struggle for outsiders to understand what seems so clear to them, have a plan, and are willing to cut and run when needed, or stand their ground as appropriate either situation could be wonderful for them.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
I think that, with respect, patience, and understanding, any union can survive. It helps to have a supportive family. I think that's what causes most of the trouble. It's not that the two people in the relationship can't get over each other's differences; it's that parents--sometimes out of nothing more than concern--create a hostile environment. I've heard more than one mother rationalize that the only reason she wouldn't want her daughter dating a black man (or insert other different race/ethnicity here) is because of how intolerant OTHERS can be. Frankly I think that's just their way of saying, "I'm prejudiced, but I don't want you to know it."

When it comes to mixed-race marriages, I think what matters just as much (if not more) as the physical differences are the cultural differences. A lot of times people don't stick to their own "kind" because they don't believe in mixed-race marriages; it's because they want to marry someone with a similar upbringing and similar goals. If two people from very different backgrounds fall in love, I believe that it would be challenging but possible.

Mixed religion can be hard for the same reason that mixed culture can be hard, because religion is a part of culture. Disputes over how children are raised can be a big problem.

All that said, I think that if two people of any background, color, or religion want to give a relationship a go, then go for it. It's worth trying if you think something good can come of it. Even if they (and their children) stand to be criticized, people can't be afraid of that. If no one does it, then we're all prisoners of the pressure that a closed-minded few want to put on us.

 
K

Kitty Sinatra

Seeing as mixed-gender marriages fail pretty damn often, I really don't see the issue here.
 
C

Chibibar

Gruebeard said:
Seeing as mixed-gender marriages fail pretty damn often, I really don't see the issue here.
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LOL yea. people are stupid.

I can speak from mix race AND mix religion ;)

I am Asian, and my wife is American Indian/European mix. Talk about two different culture. Her family is well..... nuts (y'all have read my stories and rants) and my parents are old fashion sometimes. I love my wife with all my heart and been together for 10 years now and still going strong.

I'm a Taoist/buddist type belief, my wife is kinda Christian type (doesn't go to church but believe in god) so there are some different belief system there.

Any union can work if you have communication and understanding toward the other group. In-laws...... that is a different story. My wife and I get along great. My parents FINALLY accepts my wife (they figure I'm not leaving her after 10 years. it is time to accept it fact I'm not marrying an Asian woman) and it works well, but it was not easy for the first 5 years that is for sure.

I think it is a great thing. Why limit yourself to a specific "race" or "religion" we are all human being and thus should be allow to be with anyone that makes you happy.
 
I

Iaculus

Same as my opinion on marriages between any two people.

Some work, some don't. Depends on the folks in question more than anything else.
 
P

Philosopher B.

Cajungal said:
I've heard more than one mother rationalize that the only reason she wouldn't want her daughter dating a black man (or insert other different race/ethnicity here) is because of how intolerant OTHERS can be. Frankly I think that's just their way of saying, "I'm prejudiced, but I don't want you to know it."
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That's my parents to a T.

---------- Post added at 11:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:24 PM ----------
escushion;348262][QUOTE=Iaculus said:
Same as my opinion on marriages between any two people.

Some work, some don't. Depends on the folks in question more than anything else.
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This.[/QUOTE]
That.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Aw. Well, I definitely think that part of it, for some people, really is that they don't want their children to suffer because of others' ignorance. But by giving in to that fear you're ensuring that nothing will change.
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
My stepmother is black. My father is white. Back in the 80s they sometimes got double-takes down in the deep south, but as for the marriage itself, it hasn't been any more of a factor than anything else.
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

Statistically, a marriage is more likely to be successful if people are similar to each other. This means race, socio-economic status, religion, education, you name it. That said, I think a mixed-race marriage would be easier than a mixed-religion marriage. I am assuming that people are taking their faiths seriously. If it is just about going through the religious acts, the ceremonies and rituals involved but without any driving motivation to follow them then I doubt religion will factor as strongly in the marriage. On the other hand, those with a deep connection to their faith will have a tough time spending their lives with someone that does not share that faith.
 
Espy

Espy

Regarding religion if neither party is actually "religious" nor has strong beliefs and simply hold more to the "label" of a religion then it won't really matter. If one or both parties are very committed to their faiths then it has to be hard, there really isn't any way to have two strong set of ideals that push against one another naturally without issues. So I guess I agree with MD up there whose post I just read and realized he already wrote what I was writing. Way to go buddy. Steal my thunder. :p
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

Espy said:
Regarding religion if neither party is actually "religious" nor has strong beliefs and simply hold more to the "label" of a religion then it won't really matter. If one or both parties are very committed to their faiths then it has to be hard, there really isn't any way to have two strong set of ideals that push against one another naturally without issues. So I guess I agree with MD up there whose post I just read and realized he already wrote what I was writing. Way to go buddy. Steal my thunder. :p
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You thunder is delicious. Actually, you did cross my mind while I was trying to make the distinction between faith and religion. I figured you might see it similarly.
 
phil

phil

It depends on the religion I guess. If both people are of religious beliefs that everyone needs to be a part of their exact sect than I don't think marriage would ever enter into the equation. They would probably break up early into the relationship once they found out that the other was going to hell.

As far as race goes, I don't really see that as much of an issue. Maybe 30 years ago, but now not so much.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
i would too, but I do agree there's probably some truth to the old saying I've heard a lot down here-- "Like marries like." It doesn't have to be wrong for people who are similar to seek each other out. It doesn't have to imply bigotry. Marriage seems hard enough; I don't think I could fault someone for trying to make it a fraction simpler. Some cultures are really strict about who their children marry because they fear that their customs and history will be lost otherwise. It's an understandable fear; however, I don't believe any of that should stop two adults from different backgrounds who want to marry.
 
Cheesy1

Cheesy1

I'm the product of a mixed race marriage. My father is Mexican, my mother is White. They married in the mid-Seventies, and my mother's family hails from the south, so that made for some awkward moments early on. My dad likes to tell the story of when he met my great-grandmother, Willie Mae, for the first time. As her name would imply, she was a good ol' girl from the south. As he walked into her kitchen, she was sitting there with some of her friends who were also a bunch of southern white ladies. She turns to her friends and says, "This here's Andy, Toni's new husband. He's a Mexican, but he's one of the GOOD ones." And apparently they all nodded their heads like they completely understood what she was talking about. Yeah.

Besides that, being a mixed race marriage has not affected them in the least. In fact, out of all my friends, I'm the ONLY one who's original parents are still married to each other.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

I feel that both of those questions feel outdated in today's world. The thought of issues of mixed race or religion in a marriage don't even enter my mind, and seems an artifact of older generations and ideas.

I know this isn't strictly the case, though. I'm sure there are people (and probably lots) who would find issue in the two. But to me personally, it seems like a big non-issue.
 
sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

I've dated 3 girls that took issue with me being Catholic. Even though they did not go to church, and I did not either. One actually used that reason not to stay with me.
 
C

Chazwozel

I pretty much said bye bye to Catholicism when the bishop had a shit fit over my wife being Methodist. Oh well, no skin off my ass. I still go to mass occasionally, but eh, I've been agnostic for a long time now.

---------- Post added at 09:47 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 PM ----------
sixpackshaker said:
I've dated 3 girls that took issue with me being Catholic. Even though they did not go to church, and I did not either. One actually used that reason not to stay with me.
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Wow that's weird, me too. I dated a black girl in college and her dad didn't give a crap that I was white but rather that I was Catholic and not Baptist. Religion has a crazy hold on people. Good times though. I think we both kinda felt it was exciting to date someone from another race though. Except when she saw the size of my wiener :(
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Ravenpoe said:
I feel that both of those questions feel outdated in today's world. The thought of issues of mixed race or religion in a marriage don't even enter my mind, and seems an artifact of older generations and ideas.

I know this isn't strictly the case, though. I'm sure there are people (and probably lots) who would find issue in the two. But to me personally, it seems like a big non-issue.
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Depends on where you are and what generation you're from. In a lot of places down here, it's still a bit weird. My generation and younger is generally cool with it, as far as I've seen. There are some exceptions, though. I've had a friend who thought I was weird for saying that a black guy was hot. She'd never thought of anyone outside her skin color as a guy she could (or should, I never knew) find attractive. But that's not a common experience for me.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Cajungal;348325][QUOTE=Ravenpoe said:
I feel that both of those questions feel outdated in today's world. The thought of issues of mixed race or religion in a marriage don't even enter my mind, and seems an artifact of older generations and ideas.

I know this isn't strictly the case, though. I'm sure there are people (and probably lots) who would find issue in the two. But to me personally, it seems like a big non-issue.
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Depends on where you are and what generation you're from. In a lot of places down here, it's still a bit weird. My generation and younger is generally cool with it, as far as I've seen. There are some exceptions, though. I've had a friend who thought I was weird for saying that a black guy was hot. She'd never thought of anyone outside her skin color as a guy she could (or should, I never knew) find attractive. But that's not a common experience for me.[/QUOTE]

Oh, I know. In fact, I can probably think of people I know who are my age who would have issue with it. It's just that, from my own perspective and experience, those people are an outlier. It's like hearing about someone using cassette tapes, or a beta max. It feels old and outdated, and unexpected.

The religion issue, however, I suppose I can understand. I'm an atheist, and so anyone I date would probably have to be cool with that. I don't care if someone is religious, so long as they don't try to convert me, or make an issue out of it.

I couldn't date a scientologist, though. Does that count?
 
Rob King

Rob King

Religion is unique in that it's easy for idiots to get up in arms about.

For me, I would swap 'religion' for 'ideological' differences. In that area, I would say that the likelihood of relationships working out becomes a balance between the compatibility of the ideologies involved, and the importance that each individual places on their ideology. A Buddhist/Christian union isn't going to cause many problems if neither person gives a shit about religion.

Similarly, I have run into problems with girls that I have dated over worldview incongruities, which don't neatly fit into the 'religious difference' category. In one case we were both Christian, but she viewed the world as a dark and evil place that we were supposed to protect ourselves from, while I saw it as a beautiful myriad of differing life experiences and personal philosophies that we should feel implored by God himself to downright bathe in.
 
phil

phil

Cajungal;348325][QUOTE=Ravenpoe said:
I feel that both of those questions feel outdated in today's world. The thought of issues of mixed race or religion in a marriage don't even enter my mind, and seems an artifact of older generations and ideas.

I know this isn't strictly the case, though. I'm sure there are people (and probably lots) who would find issue in the two. But to me personally, it seems like a big non-issue.
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Depends on where you are and what generation you're from. In a lot of places down here, it's still a bit weird. My generation and younger is generally cool with it, as far as I've seen. There are some exceptions, though. I've had a friend who thought I was weird for saying that a black guy was hot. She'd never thought of anyone outside her skin color as a guy she could (or should, I never knew) find attractive. But that's not a common experience for me.[/QUOTE]


You said it about Flava Flav though....
 
phil

phil

I'd like to imagine at the time of your posting that Denzel Washington said "hell yeah it was about me" and then winked. He has no idea why.
 
Rob King

Rob King

Cajungal said:
*shudder* He is one of the grossest-looking people I've ever seen. No, it was Denzel Washington.
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Holy crap. Denzel Washington is the only man that I have ever heard my mother describe as 'sexually appealing.'

Canjun ... are you my mother?

And at the risk of sounding racist, I find black women generally unappealing. That's not to say that I'm attracted to white women exclusively, or that I have never been attracted to a black woman, but a much lower percentage of black women I have seen I would label 'attractive' than say ... white women, or even women of other ethnicities.
 
H

Hansagan

I've been in a mixed race marriage for 5 years now (I'm a European New Zealander and my wife is Malaysian Chinese), and we've spawned an adorable little half-breed. I would have to say that mongrel children like ours really are the cutest, it doesn't seem to matter which races combine to produce them :)
 
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