Go buy a gun, and a cleaning kit. AR-15 preferably as it looks like one of those "scary" rifles that go off and kill everyone by itself, and a gun cleaning kit. The entire time she's there next just be sitting in the front room cleaning the gun watching her/her family the entire time, as a side by a pistol, a 1911 has a real nice affect and have it strapped to your hip openly, which is legal in Texas as long as you are on property that YOU CONTROL, i.e. you own/rent and have the power to tell people to leave, so if the house is in your name it's legal. Also, it's legal to openly carry a rifle anywhere in Texas. but yeah, 1911 on your hip the whole time, and clean an AR-15 the whole time. All in all you're looking at around 2 grand, but it'll be worth it. When you're done you can give it to me or sell it or pawn them off or keep them.