(News) Twilight ruined my life! (spoilers inside)

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Chazwozel

She went on and on about me not respecting her boundaries and trying to take away her identity.
Funny enough that's exactly what Edward does to Bella in these stories, and Bella being the idiot Barbie doll that she is, is more than happy to oblige. THESE STORIES ARE TERRIBLE! WHY DO WOMEN LOVE THEM!??!?!??!


That said, I hope you realize that this article was a piece of satire.
 
I think Chaz's Picard avatar sums up my thoughts on this perfectly.

If this story is true... that woman has serious f@#$ing problems...
 
So far I have never read or watched any of the Twilight Books or movies and I plan to keep it that way.
 
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Chazwozel

So far I have never read or watched any of the Twilight Books or movies and I plan to keep it that way.

My wife loves them. I don't know why. She's an intelligent person. I don't know what the magnetism is that draws women to these stories (then again my wife is a fan of Nora Roberts D:). The stories are so trite. Bella gets everything she wants. There is no character development. Everyone stays the same. The only one to grow a little is the werewolf kid, and even he gets a happy ending when he gets to fuck a baby vampire or some shit.

Stephanie Meyer gives me hope, however. If she can write that utter piece of garbage and become an instant millionaire then there is hope for us all to do the same. I've read fan fiction with more substance than Twilight.
 
M

makare

I don't think it is fair for that guy to blame twilight for his wife being weird (regardless of how bad twilight is). She could just as easily have become obsessed with something else. At least it wasnt like the Dexter books or something.
 
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Chazwozel

I don't think it is fair for that guy to blame twilight for his wife being weird (regardless of how bad twilight is). She could just as easily have become obsessed with something else. At least it wasnt like the Dexter books or something.
It's obviously a piece of satire. I don't think anyone could be that insane over Twilight (at least I hope no one over the age of 16).
 
Yeah, I doubt thats real, based on reality? Sure, but it's written as satire...

Either way, the fact is, we all love the shit we love. I can't defend some of the dumb stuff I enjoy, but I know I sure as hell like my Batman comics so, eh. Of course I'm not spending my days fantasizing about banging high school kids so, hey! Maybe my dumb shit is better (and less pedophile-ish)!
 

Cajungal

Staff member
Yeah, I doubt thats real, based on reality? Sure, but it's written as satire...

Either way, the fact is, we all love the shit we love. I can't defend some of the dumb stuff I enjoy, but I know I sure as hell like my Batman comics so, eh. Of course I'm not spending my days fantasizing about banging high school kids so, hey! Maybe my dumb shit is better (and less pedophile-ish)!
Yeah, like I've said before.. I don't begrudge people their guilty pleasures as long as they're willing to admit that this is the Taco Bell of literature and film. I like some stupid stuff too.
 

ElJuski

Staff member
If you know that what you're reading is pure escapist trash...and that you understand the dynamics of these characters and separate that from fantasy...and you still have the capacity to read something that has more merit...then by all means, go for it.

What bums me out is that all too many people (A) don't realize it's escapist trash, (B) have no real analytical thought into what they're reading and (C) probably won't read anything that has more thoughtful or social impact.

Stupid, base things have their place, sure, but used sparingly. The salty foods of the Let's Not Make America Even Dumber food pyramid.
 
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makare

I havent read Twilight yet. I have looked at it but it just hasn't appealed to me. My sister likes it so that makes me happy. She never reads anything and she has such a short attention span. Im hoping if she reads more that will get better.
 
All I'm saying is if it was reversed and it was a bunch of dads obsessing about romancing (see: BANGING) highschool girls suddenly all their ladies that are into this crap wouldn't be so excited about it methinks.

But like I said, I got my shit, I enjoy it, knock yourself out Mrs. RomanceNovelReader.:cool:
 

ElJuski

Staff member
I havent read Twilight yet. I have looked at it but it just hasn't appealed to me. My sister likes it so that makes me happy. She never reads anything and she has such a short attention span. Im hoping if she reads more that will get better.
And when she's done with Twilight you should hand over something that you enjoy, and get her reading that!

Vigilance in literacy!
 
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makare

I dont know. She just is unable to read very well. The things I read are way too advanced for her. I try to find stuff I read in like the 6th grade but she wont read it.
 

ElJuski

Staff member
I dont know. She just is unable to read very well. The things I read are way too advanced for her. I try to find stuff I read in like the 6th grade but she wont read it.
I guess I'm prying, but is it a cognitive issue or just not enough practice? How old is she? I can probably make a few good recommendations for her age level that might hit the sweet spot.
 
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makare

She's 22. She has ADD i guess. I dont know. and she is completely incapable of processing a thought. Like she watches movies or reads books and does not remember anything that happens in them.
 
She should try Michael Bays The Novelization of Michael Bays Transfomers 2, written by Michael Bay and Stephenie Meyer. It's 99% just pictures from the movie and it makes even less sense, if thats possible.
 
"I'm not having sex until Bella does."
"I want a divorce."

Is how that conversation would have ended with me.
 

ElJuski

Staff member
She's 22. She has ADD i guess. I dont know. and she is completely incapable of processing a thought. Like she watches movies or reads books and does not remember anything that happens in them.
Hrmmm. Well that's a bummer. Either way, hopefully reading Twilight will give her a more solid foundation. And cross your fingers, she might even pick up another book, too!

Oh, reading.
 

Necronic

Staff member
I consider Twilight to be 'chick porn'. That's not to say that chicks don't dig actual porn, but books like twilight and romance novels cater to a deep seated primal need in many women much like hot sweaty fake-tittied sluts slapping uglies with average looking joes caters to a deep seated primal need in many men.

Chicks react to the guy who plays Edward much the way I might react to Asia Carerra ;)

And as much as I like to imagine that this story is satire, it actually hits very close to the reason why my last wife became my ex-wife.
this this this this this

and this

Romance novels and chick flicks are total chick bait, because it oversimplifies romance (read: gives a woman's view of romance) where the guy equivalent oversimplifies, well...

Like where's the scene in Twighlight where Edward comes home from a crappy day at work where he got chewed out by his boss for not killing a werewolf, and of course it wasn't even his fault, Henderson didn't come in (again.) Then there's the crap going on in accounting, they have wasted 2 weeks of hist time arguing for him to justify a 500$ purchase of blood which (based on his salary) wasted a good 2k in labor. And he sits there questioning if his life (or unlife) actually adds anything to the world, if the first 2 centuries of his existence have been wasted and all he has to look forward to is a gold watch and a crappy dinner at Chili's. And then he comes home. He wants a beer (or a michelada or whatever the fuck vampire's drink) and just wants to watch the game (bloodbowl!)

And there's Bella. It's not that he doesn't love her, but he's so tired. He's just so tired. And all he wants is to just go into his coffin and go to sleep and not think about his failures. And then she tears into him because he forgot to bring home some human food for her, and it's all he can do to not just walk out that door, but he doesn't, because he loves her, so he just sits there with his eyes on the game. But all she see's is another lazy vampire layabout, and she tells him so. So he leaves the room, and as he looks back through the doorway at her and see's all the anger, all the difficulties in communication, and finally realizes how alone he is and always will be, he decides to walk out that front door into the sunlight and end it all.

But of course then he just glitters.

Where's that scene?
 
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Chibibar

While the actual stories are satire, there is a reality to some of it. I met some people who are totally fascinated by these books to extreme levels.

Ever met a hardcore potter fan? I have, it is pretty scary.
 
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Chazwozel

She's 22. She has ADD i guess. I dont know. and she is completely incapable of processing a thought. Like she watches movies or reads books and does not remember anything that happens in them.

That might be just poor comprehension skill. I know it's old school, but maybe she should cognitively try the ol' SQRRR reading system and work that into an automatic system like most advanced readers do?

Dude, Nec, you're on a role here. I nearly pulled down my pants and masturbated to your writing.
 
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Chibibar

Vampire don't glitter. I never understood that. Of course I know many women (and some men) obsess of the romance with vampire. human are usually consider food FOR vampire. Not sexual toys or play thing. Sure some vampire play with their food before eating them, but I guess some people have that kick.

Then came twilight and change it all (I haven't read the book or watch the movie, but my wife watched the 1st one and hated it. She is more into classic vampire than glitter kind)
 

Green_Lantern

Staff member
While the actual stories are satire, there is a reality to some of it. I met some people who are totally fascinated by these books to extreme levels.

Ever met a hardcore potter fan? I have, it is pretty scary.
Well, give examples!

also, necronic: perfect, just perfect. *glitters*
 
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Chazwozel

Vampire don't glitter. I never understood that. Of course I know many women (and some men) obsess of the romance with vampire. human are usually consider food FOR vampire. Not sexual toys or play thing. Sure some vampire play with their food before eating them, but I guess some people have that kick.

Then came twilight and change it all (I haven't read the book or watch the movie, but my wife watched the 1st one and hated it. She is more into classic vampire than glitter kind)
The glittering concept disturbs me because it removes that last weakness that these superhuman beings could have. You can't identify with the story's human characters because they pale in comparison to these living demigods, and can't kill them. Everyone who's a vampire essentially gets what they want. There's nothing to drive the plot; no character development as a result. They are Gods.

Return of the Living Dead does something similar in which the humans can't kill the zombies with a shot to the head. Return of the Living Dead, however, doesn't take itself seriously.
 
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Chibibar

While the actual stories are satire, there is a reality to some of it. I met some people who are totally fascinated by these books to extreme levels.

Ever met a hardcore potter fan? I have, it is pretty scary.
Well, give examples!

also, necronic: perfect, just perfect. *glitters*[/QUOTE]

well.. I have met moms who are total potter fan. My wife love the books and was waiting the last novel. We went to one of those parties and wow....... the parents were scarrier than the kids. Some were going on and on how I don't read them. I was there cause I just don't want my wife to get mugged when she is trying to check out her book and it was like midnight release.

---------- Post added at 03:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:31 PM ----------

Vampire don't glitter. I never understood that. Of course I know many women (and some men) obsess of the romance with vampire. human are usually consider food FOR vampire. Not sexual toys or play thing. Sure some vampire play with their food before eating them, but I guess some people have that kick.

Then came twilight and change it all (I haven't read the book or watch the movie, but my wife watched the 1st one and hated it. She is more into classic vampire than glitter kind)
The glittering concept disturbs me because it removes that last weakness that these superhuman beings could have. You can't identify with the story's human characters because they pale in comparison to these living demigods, and can't kill them. Everyone who's a vampire essentially gets what they want. There's nothing to drive the plot; no character development as a result. They are Gods.

Return of the Living Dead does something similar in which the humans can't kill the zombies with a shot to the head. Return of the Living Dead, however, doesn't take itself seriously.[/QUOTE]
you are right. Essentially these new vampires are pretty much immortals with one "weakness" which is blood but I put that in quote they seem to have a work around on that too.
 
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makare

Anne rice's vampires have kind of a glittery marble look to them. I think it is supposed to bring to mind stone.
 
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