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(News) Twilight ruined my life! (spoilers inside)

#1



Chibibar

Twilight Almost Cost Me My Wife (and my life) | It Thing!

Wow. I think that couple has more issue than trying to blame a trilogy/movie.

Note: THERE BE SPOILERS IN THE ARTICLE!!!!


#2



Chazwozel

She went on and on about me not respecting her boundaries and trying to take away her identity.
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Funny enough that's exactly what Edward does to Bella in these stories, and Bella being the idiot Barbie doll that she is, is more than happy to oblige. THESE STORIES ARE TERRIBLE! WHY DO WOMEN LOVE THEM!??!?!??!


That said, I hope you realize that this article was a piece of satire.


#3

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

I think Chaz's Picard avatar sums up my thoughts on this perfectly.

If this story is true... that woman has serious f@#$ing problems...


#4

Hylian

Hylian

So far I have never read or watched any of the Twilight Books or movies and I plan to keep it that way.


#5



Chazwozel

Hylian said:
So far I have never read or watched any of the Twilight Books or movies and I plan to keep it that way.
Click to expand...

My wife loves them. I don't know why. She's an intelligent person. I don't know what the magnetism is that draws women to these stories (then again my wife is a fan of Nora Roberts D:). The stories are so trite. Bella gets everything she wants. There is no character development. Everyone stays the same. The only one to grow a little is the werewolf kid, and even he gets a happy ending when he gets to fuck a baby vampire or some shit.

Stephanie Meyer gives me hope, however. If she can write that utter piece of garbage and become an instant millionaire then there is hope for us all to do the same. I've read fan fiction with more substance than Twilight.


#6



makare

I don't think it is fair for that guy to blame twilight for his wife being weird (regardless of how bad twilight is). She could just as easily have become obsessed with something else. At least it wasnt like the Dexter books or something.


#7



Chazwozel

makare said:
I don't think it is fair for that guy to blame twilight for his wife being weird (regardless of how bad twilight is). She could just as easily have become obsessed with something else. At least it wasnt like the Dexter books or something.
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It's obviously a piece of satire. I don't think anyone could be that insane over Twilight (at least I hope no one over the age of 16).


#8



makare

Oh well that's good. i admit to skimming.


#9



Iaculus



#10

Espy

Espy

Yeah, I doubt thats real, based on reality? Sure, but it's written as satire...

Either way, the fact is, we all love the shit we love. I can't defend some of the dumb stuff I enjoy, but I know I sure as hell like my Batman comics so, eh. Of course I'm not spending my days fantasizing about banging high school kids so, hey! Maybe my dumb shit is better (and less pedophile-ish)!


#11

Cajungal

Cajungal

Espy said:
Yeah, I doubt thats real, based on reality? Sure, but it's written as satire...

Either way, the fact is, we all love the shit we love. I can't defend some of the dumb stuff I enjoy, but I know I sure as hell like my Batman comics so, eh. Of course I'm not spending my days fantasizing about banging high school kids so, hey! Maybe my dumb shit is better (and less pedophile-ish)!
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Yeah, like I've said before.. I don't begrudge people their guilty pleasures as long as they're willing to admit that this is the Taco Bell of literature and film. I like some stupid stuff too.


#12

General Specific

General Specific

Espy said:
Either way, the fact is, we all love the shit we love.
Click to expand...


#13

ElJuski

ElJuski

If you know that what you're reading is pure escapist trash...and that you understand the dynamics of these characters and separate that from fantasy...and you still have the capacity to read something that has more merit...then by all means, go for it.

What bums me out is that all too many people (A) don't realize it's escapist trash, (B) have no real analytical thought into what they're reading and (C) probably won't read anything that has more thoughtful or social impact.

Stupid, base things have their place, sure, but used sparingly. The salty foods of the Let's Not Make America Even Dumber food pyramid.


#14



makare

I havent read Twilight yet. I have looked at it but it just hasn't appealed to me. My sister likes it so that makes me happy. She never reads anything and she has such a short attention span. Im hoping if she reads more that will get better.


#15

Espy

Espy

All I'm saying is if it was reversed and it was a bunch of dads obsessing about romancing (see: BANGING) highschool girls suddenly all their ladies that are into this crap wouldn't be so excited about it methinks.

But like I said, I got my shit, I enjoy it, knock yourself out Mrs. RomanceNovelReader.:cool:


#16

ElJuski

ElJuski

makare said:
I havent read Twilight yet. I have looked at it but it just hasn't appealed to me. My sister likes it so that makes me happy. She never reads anything and she has such a short attention span. Im hoping if she reads more that will get better.
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And when she's done with Twilight you should hand over something that you enjoy, and get her reading that!

Vigilance in literacy!


#17



makare

I dont know. She just is unable to read very well. The things I read are way too advanced for her. I try to find stuff I read in like the 6th grade but she wont read it.


#18

ElJuski

ElJuski

makare said:
I dont know. She just is unable to read very well. The things I read are way too advanced for her. I try to find stuff I read in like the 6th grade but she wont read it.
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I guess I'm prying, but is it a cognitive issue or just not enough practice? How old is she? I can probably make a few good recommendations for her age level that might hit the sweet spot.


#19



makare

She's 22. She has ADD i guess. I dont know. and she is completely incapable of processing a thought. Like she watches movies or reads books and does not remember anything that happens in them.


#20

Espy

Espy

She should try Michael Bays The Novelization of Michael Bays Transfomers 2, written by Michael Bay and Stephenie Meyer. It's 99% just pictures from the movie and it makes even less sense, if thats possible.


#21

David

David

"I'm not having sex until Bella does."
"I want a divorce."

Is how that conversation would have ended with me.


#22

Espy

Espy

No shit.


#23

ElJuski

ElJuski

makare said:
She's 22. She has ADD i guess. I dont know. and she is completely incapable of processing a thought. Like she watches movies or reads books and does not remember anything that happens in them.
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Hrmmm. Well that's a bummer. Either way, hopefully reading Twilight will give her a more solid foundation. And cross your fingers, she might even pick up another book, too!

Oh, reading.


#24

Dave

Dave

David said:
"I'm not having sex until Bella does."
"I want a divorce."

Is how that conversation would have ended with me.
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Mine would have been:

"I'm not having sex until Bella does."
"So nothing is changing?"


#25

Espy

Espy

Dave don't get no respect!


#26

Necronic

Necronic

Tinwhistler said:
I consider Twilight to be 'chick porn'. That's not to say that chicks don't dig actual porn, but books like twilight and romance novels cater to a deep seated primal need in many women much like hot sweaty fake-tittied sluts slapping uglies with average looking joes caters to a deep seated primal need in many men.

Chicks react to the guy who plays Edward much the way I might react to Asia Carerra ;)

And as much as I like to imagine that this story is satire, it actually hits very close to the reason why my last wife became my ex-wife.
Click to expand...
this this this this this

and this

Romance novels and chick flicks are total chick bait, because it oversimplifies romance (read: gives a woman's view of romance) where the guy equivalent oversimplifies, well...

Like where's the scene in Twighlight where Edward comes home from a crappy day at work where he got chewed out by his boss for not killing a werewolf, and of course it wasn't even his fault, Henderson didn't come in (again.) Then there's the crap going on in accounting, they have wasted 2 weeks of hist time arguing for him to justify a 500$ purchase of blood which (based on his salary) wasted a good 2k in labor. And he sits there questioning if his life (or unlife) actually adds anything to the world, if the first 2 centuries of his existence have been wasted and all he has to look forward to is a gold watch and a crappy dinner at Chili's. And then he comes home. He wants a beer (or a michelada or whatever the fuck vampire's drink) and just wants to watch the game (bloodbowl!)

And there's Bella. It's not that he doesn't love her, but he's so tired. He's just so tired. And all he wants is to just go into his coffin and go to sleep and not think about his failures. And then she tears into him because he forgot to bring home some human food for her, and it's all he can do to not just walk out that door, but he doesn't, because he loves her, so he just sits there with his eyes on the game. But all she see's is another lazy vampire layabout, and she tells him so. So he leaves the room, and as he looks back through the doorway at her and see's all the anger, all the difficulties in communication, and finally realizes how alone he is and always will be, he decides to walk out that front door into the sunlight and end it all.

But of course then he just glitters.

Where's that scene?


#27



Chibibar

While the actual stories are satire, there is a reality to some of it. I met some people who are totally fascinated by these books to extreme levels.

Ever met a hardcore potter fan? I have, it is pretty scary.


#28

Espy

Espy

Awesome Necronic. Truly Awesome.


#29



Chazwozel

makare said:
She's 22. She has ADD i guess. I dont know. and she is completely incapable of processing a thought. Like she watches movies or reads books and does not remember anything that happens in them.
Click to expand...

That might be just poor comprehension skill. I know it's old school, but maybe she should cognitively try the ol' SQRRR reading system and work that into an automatic system like most advanced readers do?

Dude, Nec, you're on a role here. I nearly pulled down my pants and masturbated to your writing.


#30



Chibibar

Vampire don't glitter. I never understood that. Of course I know many women (and some men) obsess of the romance with vampire. human are usually consider food FOR vampire. Not sexual toys or play thing. Sure some vampire play with their food before eating them, but I guess some people have that kick.

Then came twilight and change it all (I haven't read the book or watch the movie, but my wife watched the 1st one and hated it. She is more into classic vampire than glitter kind)


#31

Green_Lantern

Green_Lantern

Chibibar said:
While the actual stories are satire, there is a reality to some of it. I met some people who are totally fascinated by these books to extreme levels.

Ever met a hardcore potter fan? I have, it is pretty scary.
Click to expand...
Well, give examples!

also, necronic: perfect, just perfect. *glitters*


#32



Chazwozel

Chibibar said:
Vampire don't glitter. I never understood that. Of course I know many women (and some men) obsess of the romance with vampire. human are usually consider food FOR vampire. Not sexual toys or play thing. Sure some vampire play with their food before eating them, but I guess some people have that kick.

Then came twilight and change it all (I haven't read the book or watch the movie, but my wife watched the 1st one and hated it. She is more into classic vampire than glitter kind)
Click to expand...
The glittering concept disturbs me because it removes that last weakness that these superhuman beings could have. You can't identify with the story's human characters because they pale in comparison to these living demigods, and can't kill them. Everyone who's a vampire essentially gets what they want. There's nothing to drive the plot; no character development as a result. They are Gods.

Return of the Living Dead does something similar in which the humans can't kill the zombies with a shot to the head. Return of the Living Dead, however, doesn't take itself seriously.


#33



Chibibar

Green_Lantern;411823][QUOTE=Chibibar said:
While the actual stories are satire, there is a reality to some of it. I met some people who are totally fascinated by these books to extreme levels.

Ever met a hardcore potter fan? I have, it is pretty scary.
Click to expand...
Well, give examples!

also, necronic: perfect, just perfect. *glitters*[/QUOTE]

well.. I have met moms who are total potter fan. My wife love the books and was waiting the last novel. We went to one of those parties and wow....... the parents were scarrier than the kids. Some were going on and on how I don't read them. I was there cause I just don't want my wife to get mugged when she is trying to check out her book and it was like midnight release.

---------- Post added at 03:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:31 PM ----------
Chazwozel;411834][QUOTE=Chibibar said:
Vampire don't glitter. I never understood that. Of course I know many women (and some men) obsess of the romance with vampire. human are usually consider food FOR vampire. Not sexual toys or play thing. Sure some vampire play with their food before eating them, but I guess some people have that kick.

Then came twilight and change it all (I haven't read the book or watch the movie, but my wife watched the 1st one and hated it. She is more into classic vampire than glitter kind)
Click to expand...
The glittering concept disturbs me because it removes that last weakness that these superhuman beings could have. You can't identify with the story's human characters because they pale in comparison to these living demigods, and can't kill them. Everyone who's a vampire essentially gets what they want. There's nothing to drive the plot; no character development as a result. They are Gods.

Return of the Living Dead does something similar in which the humans can't kill the zombies with a shot to the head. Return of the Living Dead, however, doesn't take itself seriously.[/QUOTE]
you are right. Essentially these new vampires are pretty much immortals with one "weakness" which is blood but I put that in quote they seem to have a work around on that too.


#34

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Call me old fashioned but aren't vampires supposed to lead a cursed existence as an undead immortal?

Stupid Twilight...


#35



makare

Anne rice's vampires have kind of a glittery marble look to them. I think it is supposed to bring to mind stone.


#36

General Specific

General Specific

Azurephoenix said:
Call me old fashioned but aren't vampires supposed to lead a cursed existence as an undead immortal?

Stupid Twilight...
Click to expand...
Having to go to High School forever isn't a cursed existence?


#37

Cajungal

Cajungal

General Specific;411925][QUOTE=Azurephoenix said:
Call me old fashioned but aren't vampires supposed to lead a cursed existence as an undead immortal?

Stupid Twilight...
Click to expand...
Having to go to High School forever isn't a cursed existence?[/QUOTE]

That's what I was thinking when I watched the Riff. After I saw all the different caps and gowns he's accumulated, I felt sorry for him for the first time.


#38

Green_Lantern

Green_Lantern

makare said:
Anne rice's vampires have kind of a glittery marble look to them. I think it is supposed to bring to mind stone.
Click to expand...
Great, not even THAT is original.


#39



Chazwozel

General Specific;411925][QUOTE=Azurephoenix said:
Call me old fashioned but aren't vampires supposed to lead a cursed existence as an undead immortal?

Stupid Twilight...
Click to expand...
Having to go to High School forever isn't a cursed existence?[/QUOTE]


Why do they go to high school on a constant basis? Just because you look 17 doesn't mean you can't matriculate to college. What the fuck does a vampire who's mentally over a hundred years old want to do with high school subjects? I'd be banging my head against the wall "learning" the same shit over and over and over agian, year after year.

Wait. Why do they even go to school? They're fucking vampires. Why would they need to educate themselves in a formal setting? They're not going to college. They're not going to get a job. Why not just learn at home? They have a bazillion years to do it.


#40

General Specific

General Specific

Those truancy officers must be tough...


#41



Chazwozel

General Specific said:
Those truancy officers must be tough...
Click to expand...

Fuck the truancy officer! You're a vampire. Rip his fucking head off and feast on the gooey insides!


GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhh! I hate you Stephanie Meyers. I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns!


#42

Green_Lantern

Green_Lantern

Chazwozel;411959][QUOTE=General Specific;411925][QUOTE=Azurephoenix said:
Call me old fashioned but aren't vampires supposed to lead a cursed existence as an undead immortal?

Stupid Twilight...
Click to expand...
Having to go to High School forever isn't a cursed existence?[/QUOTE]


Why do they go to high school on a constant basis? Just because you look 17 doesn't mean you can't matriculate to college. What the fuck does a vampire who's mentally over a hundred years old want to do with high school subjects? I'd be banging my head against the wall "learning" the same shit over and over and over agian, year after year.

Wait. Why do they even go to school? They're fucking vampires. Why would they need to educate themselves in a formal setting? They're not going to college. They're not going to get a job. Why not just learn at home? They have a bazillion years to do it.[/QUOTE]

They are doing it to cover they "secret identities", yeap, that is the pale and sparkly vampires decided that being around horny and gossipy teens was the best way to hide. You know, rather than not interacting with humans at all to not put them in danger.

but I wonder how usefull the History lessons would be


#43

General Specific

General Specific

Wait a sec, someone said that the twilight vampires don't drink blood (at least the "good" ones don't)?

I wonder where that idea came from?


#44



Chazwozel

General Specific said:
Wait a sec, someone said that the twilight vampires don't drink blood (at least the "good" ones don't)?

I wonder where that idea came from?
Click to expand...

No, no they're 'vegetarian' vampires. They only drink animal blood.


#45

Dave

Dave

So do the ones who feed on Humans.


#46

ThatGrinningIdiot!

ThatGrinningIdiot!

Chazwozel;411980][QUOTE=General Specific said:
Wait a sec, someone said that the twilight vampires don't drink blood (at least the "good" ones don't)?

I wonder where that idea came from?
Click to expand...

No, no they're 'vegetarian' vampires. They only drink animal blood.[/QUOTE]

This statement angers me something fierce.


#47

Cajungal

Cajungal

ThatGrinningIdiot!;411985][QUOTE=Chazwozel;411980][QUOTE=General Specific said:
Wait a sec, someone said that the twilight vampires don't drink blood (at least the "good" ones don't)?

I wonder where that idea came from?
Click to expand...

No, no they're 'vegetarian' vampires. They only drink animal blood.[/QUOTE]

This statement angers me something fierce.[/QUOTE]

There's a hilarious joke about that in the Rifftrax.

*someone's starting at Bella*

SHUT UP! My boyfriend eats tofu blood!


#48

General Specific

General Specific

They're not vampires, they're LAMEpires! :smug:


#49

Hylian

Hylian



#50

ThatGrinningIdiot!

ThatGrinningIdiot!

Cajungal;411998][QUOTE=ThatGrinningIdiot!;411985][QUOTE=Chazwozel;411980][QUOTE=General Specific said:
Wait a sec, someone said that the twilight vampires don't drink blood (at least the "good" ones don't)?

I wonder where that idea came from?
Click to expand...

No, no they're 'vegetarian' vampires. They only drink animal blood.[/QUOTE]

This statement angers me something fierce.[/QUOTE]

There's a hilarious joke about that in the Rifftrax.

*someone's starting at Bella*

SHUT UP! My boyfriend eats tofu blood![/QUOTE]

That's exactly what I was thinking! If they're vegetarian vampires, wouldn't they be sucking the juices from fruit and vegetables? A story about vegan vampires would be a more interesting read than Twilight, methinks.


#51

Hylian

Hylian

ThatGrinningIdiot!;412064][QUOTE=Cajungal;411998][QUOTE=ThatGrinningIdiot!;411985][QUOTE=Chazwozel;411980][QUOTE=General Specific said:
Wait a sec, someone said that the twilight vampires don't drink blood (at least the "good" ones don't)?

I wonder where that idea came from?
Click to expand...

No, no they're 'vegetarian' vampires. They only drink animal blood.[/QUOTE]

This statement angers me something fierce.[/QUOTE]

There's a hilarious joke about that in the Rifftrax.

*someone's starting at Bella*

SHUT UP! My boyfriend eats tofu blood![/QUOTE]

That's exactly what I was thinking! If they're vegetarian vampires, wouldn't they be sucking the juices from fruit and vegetables? A story about vegan vampires would be a more interesting read than Twilight, methinks.[/QUOTE]




#52

Calleja

Calleja



#53



makare

I love Bunnicula but the Celery Stalks at Midnight is my favorite


#54

Charlie Don't Surf

The Lovely Boehner

If I were immortal, I would keep going to different high schools as a social experiment/game.


#55

CrimsonSoul

CrimsonSoul

Question: If they go to high school wouldn't that imply that they are in the sunlight constantly and would thusly sparkle all day which would give away that clark kent is superman?


#56

Cajungal

Cajungal

They live in Washington, so it's always overcast. They play hooky on sunny days. >.< Oh Christ, I know these things.


#57

Calleja

Calleja

No, cause the town Bella moves to is ALWAYS cloudy. And when it's not the vampires "go hunting" and aren't seen.

Hey, I never said it was a GOOD explanation.


#58

Espy

Espy

Cajungal said:
They live in Washington, so it's always overcast. They play hooky on sunny days. >.< Oh Christ, I know these things.
Click to expand...
OHMYGOSHICAN'TTAKETHESTUPIDITY.

Stop telling me things from that book! I keep dumber getting!


#59

CrimsonSoul

CrimsonSoul

What happens if it starts out overcast then as the day moves on, so do the clouds? I mean, I know I'm thinking outside the box here, but it IS possible


#60

Espy

Espy

STOP USING LOGIC HERE. Stephenie Meyers can defeat every little bit of reason you throw at her and frankly, I don't want to know. I want to keep my innocence.


#61

Calleja

Calleja

Yes. That would need the author to have thought things over, though.


#62

Vagabond

V.Bond

Espy said:
I want to keep my innocence.
Click to expand...


You certain about that, babycakes?


#63



makare

speaking of sparkly....


#64



Philosopher B.

Holy shit. It just occurred to me. If a Twilight vamp boxes the one-eyed champ in the sunlight, does that mean he gets a sparkly boner? :wtf:

Boners should not be sparkly!

---------- Post added at 01:15 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:14 AM ----------

Also, I highly recommend everyone read the first installment of the Twlight saga. It's perfect for seeing what not to do when writing a novel!


#65

Bubble181

Bubble181

Darn it guys, I'm really not supposed to be laughing out loud at work!

That said, assuming you're a semi-immortal being, but you need social attention and stuff so you want to hang around humans. Given the choice of high school forever, a low-wage factory job forever, or a nursing home forever, I'd say I'd go hang around with the nubile teen girls exploring their sexuality, too. Not to sound too creepy, sorry about that. I'd rather opt for "none of the above", but I suppose the average reader of Twilight couldn't identify as much if the vampires spent their time getting university degrees and actually learning new stuff and/or trying to improve the human race ,rather than learn the square root of 169 every other year.


#66

Math242

Math242

i hate twilight oh so god damn much.


#67

Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

Edward Cullen is supposed to be like 110 years old.

That'd be like this guy sticking it to your 17 year old daughter.

creeeepy


#68

Math242

Math242

haha excellent !


#69

ElJuski

ElJuski

Azurephoenix said:
Call me old fashioned but...
Click to expand...


#70

Calleja

Calleja

Vampires don't have a pulse.


How would Edward get an erection with no pulse?


#71



makare

synthetic penile implants.

oh or maybe when they become a vampire they developed a penis bone.

I bet it's super sparkly!


#72



Chazwozel

Calleja said:
Vampires don't have a pulse.


How would Edward get an erection with no pulse?
Click to expand...

Well that's not fair. Don't vampires in other books have sex all the time? Or wait, is it that they lure their prey with sexual fantasy and perversion?

HAHA! Edward limpdick.


#73

General Specific

General Specific

Calleja said:
Vampires don't have a pulse.


How would Edward get an erection with no pulse?
Click to expand...
Rigor Mortis


#74

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Calleja said:
Vampires don't have a pulse.


How would Edward get an erection with no pulse?
Click to expand...
Also... how the hell do they reproduce sexually with a human? Thanks for that bit of awesomeness Stephenie Meyer!


#75

Calleja

Calleja

To be fair they're pretty surprised about that in-story, too.


#76

Espy

Espy

ITS AWESOME CUZ EVERYTHING WORKS OUT A-OK WHEN YOU DONT USE LOGIC.


#77



Chazwozel

The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.


#78

Calleja

Calleja

And I'm realizing it seems like I know a lot about Twilight and am in danger of looking like a fan.

I'm not, don't worry.

I think I mentioned it before, but I did read the first book before the movies came out. I heard a new vampire movie was coming out and said "ooh, cool, vampires!" and got the first book from my school's library..... I finished it out of sheer pride of never leaving a book unfinished, but oh man is it CRAP. The rest of the info I got from a digest a friend of mine who did read them all gave me. While I made my face swell up from all the palming I subjected it to.


#79

ElJuski

ElJuski

Chazwozel said:
The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.
Click to expand...
Not any author worth any merit. She's a hack writing sex fantasies and selling it to thirteen-year olds. I was talking to my friend about this. It's a big rage to these teen girls because there's sexual tension...but no actual sex. Which is sexually thrilling to an unexperienced, but hormonally willing crowd of young girls. And uh, chicks that work at Great Clips, I guess.


#80

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.


#81

Calleja

Calleja

Gilman Chatsworth;412386][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:
The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.
Click to expand...
Not any author worth any merit. She's a hack writing sex fantasies and selling it to thirteen-year olds. I was talking to my friend about this. It's a big rage to these teen girls because there's sexual tension...but no actual sex. Which is sexually thrilling to an unexperienced, but hormonally willing crowd of young girls. And uh, chicks that work at Great Clips, I guess.[/QUOTE]



And their moms, for some reason.


#82

Piotyr

Piotyr

Haven't read any of the books or seen any of the movies, but from what I can tell, Twilight is about a high school girl's difficult choice between necrophilia and bestiality.


#83



makare

Ok im confused here. Existence of vampires = logical. Vampires having children= illogical.

I don't get it.


#84

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

There's something deeply unsettling about a vampire having a child with it's food...


#85

Hylian

Hylian

makare said:
Ok im confused here. Existence of vampires = logical. Vampires having children= illogical.

I don't get it.
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The ability for Vampires to have children really depends on what Vampire lore you are going off of


Tables of vampire traits - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia




#86

Calleja

Calleja

makare said:
Ok im confused here. Existence of vampires = logical. Vampires having children= illogical.

I don't get it.
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Yes, it's the same reason we can accept Superman flying but not him turning back time by reversing the rotation of the Earth. Suspension of disbelief needs to be earned.


#87



makare

I have no problem with vampires having children. Lately Ive been reading a manga where the vamps have kids AND playing a dnd game where vampires have kids.

I am not a vampire junkie or anything. It's just I borrowed the manga from the same person running the dnd game. Lol. Just wanted to be clear about that.

If something can be both alive and dead then I dont see why it can't have offspring.


#88



Chibibar

makare said:
Ok im confused here. Existence of vampires = logical. Vampires having children= illogical.

I don't get it.
Click to expand...
Well depending on which vampire lore you are pulling from here are some of the basic.

Vampire in most cases are undead. They are not living creatures. Their heart is not working. The sexual part is from arousal and blood pumping to your sexual organ (male part) so.... without it, you can't really be erect unless rigor mortis :).
Now being undead, most would assume that reproductive cycle is also suspended. There has been some exception like Blade
the conception happen BEFORE the mother was turn vampire in the movie. I can't remember the comic version so there is a mix on that part

Since Vampire doesn't really age (again on lore) then there is no growth either. How can a person develop inside you if nothing is growing. Regeneration doesn't count. It just go back to the form it once were. If you become a vampire at 16, you stay 16 (in most lore that I am familiar with) forever.

Now the Van Helsing Lore
the vampire lay "eggs" type thing which then incubate and then suppose to hatch later. That was a bit weird and I am not even going into the idea of female vampire once human lay eggs once they are vampire.......


#89

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Vampires generally can create offspring... they do it by biting people and turning them into a vampire.

It's just really... weird (and fairly gross considering a lot of vampires are demon infested undead) to have vampires reproducing sexually with a human.

Am I alone in this? I think it's f@#$ed up.


#90

Necronic

Necronic

The way my ex described it to me the part of the twilight series that is so attractive to women is that Meyers wrote the relationship with a ton of unfullfilled sexual tension (no sex till marriage kiddos!) which was incredibly appealing to her. I don't think that men can appreciate that concept of sexuality, which may be why we read it and go 'meeehhhhhhh' but (some) women read it and go 'yeaaahhhhhh'. On the flip side of things I would say that Richard Morgan's books appeal to men in a way that women would never appreciate.


#91

Fun Size

Fun Size

Azurephoenix said:
Vampires generally can create offspring... they do it by biting people and turning them into a vampire.

It's just really... weird (and fairly gross considering a lot of vampires are demon infested undead) to have vampires reproducing sexually with a human.

Am I alone in this? I think it's f@#$ed up.
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No dude, what's f@#$ed up is the blood-red money shot.

(I actually gave myself a case of the wiggums just typing that.)


#92

ElJuski

ElJuski

Necronic said:
The way my ex described it to me the part of the twilight series that is so attractive to women is that Meyers wrote the relationship with a ton of unfullfilled sexual tension (no sex till marriage kiddos!) which was incredibly appealing to her. I don't think that men can appreciate that concept of sexuality, which may be why we read it and go 'meeehhhhhhh' but (some) women read it and go 'yeaaahhhhhh'. On the flip side of things I would say that Richard Morgan's books appeal to men in a way that women would never appreciate.
Click to expand...
And truly great books transcend that garbage and relate to all sorts of people! And usually with some significant point or message, to boot!


#93



makare

I dont know alot of shows do that sexual tension thing, as doctor cox said, will they wont they will they wont they

it's a pretty common theme.


#94

ElJuski

ElJuski

Yeah but the sitcom type romance you're talking about isn't on the same level as the stuff going on in Twilight. Although I'm sure it's all a part of why movies that cater to that demographic usually deal with those tropes.


#95

David

David

sixpackshaker said:
Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
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She's the one who agreed to do it.


#96



Chazwozel

Gilman Chatsworth;412386][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:
The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.
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Not any author worth any merit. She's a hack writing sex fantasies and selling it to thirteen-year olds. I was talking to my friend about this. It's a big rage to these teen girls because there's sexual tension...but no actual sex. Which is sexually thrilling to an unexperienced, but hormonally willing crowd of young girls. And uh, chicks that work at Great Clips, I guess.[/QUOTE]

I just realized I wrote "write" as "right".

DOH!


#97

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

David;412493][QUOTE=sixpackshaker said:
Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
Click to expand...
She's the one who agreed to do it.[/QUOTE]

Then she realized what she did, and spent the next hour washing the filth off of herself...


#98

David

David

sixpackshaker;412495][QUOTE=David;412493][QUOTE=sixpackshaker said:
Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
Click to expand...
She's the one who agreed to do it.[/QUOTE]

Then she realized what she did, and spent the next hour washing the filth off of herself...[/QUOTE]

Edward is 17 (or has the body of a 17-year-old boy). She has 0 room to judge.


#99

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

David;412496][QUOTE=sixpackshaker;412495][QUOTE=David;412493][QUOTE=sixpackshaker said:
Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
Click to expand...
She's the one who agreed to do it.[/QUOTE]

Then she realized what she did, and spent the next hour washing the filth off of herself...[/QUOTE]

Edward is 17 (or has the body of a 17-year-old boy). She has 0 room to judge.[/QUOTE]

But she is not sleeping with him...


#100

David

David

The guy didn't sleep with Hermione :p

He slept with a grown woman dressed as a Hogwarts witch. And I'm sure she was very mature for her age.


#101

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Hermione has been through a lot for a wizard her age...


#102

Calleja

Calleja



#103



Chazwozel

David said:
The guy didn't sleep with Hermione :p

He slept with a grown woman dressed as a Hogwarts witch. And I'm sure she was very mature for her age.
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Why's he a perv for asking his wife to dress as Harmione for Halloween? I went as Dumbledore and my wife as Luna one year at a party.

Wait...

Even if he and his wife did roleplay as Harry Potter and Harmione in bed, that wouldn't make him a pedo. So if someone has say - a cheerleader fetish or catholic school-girl outfit fetish (both of which have tons of legal sites dedicated to) that makes that person a pedophile? It's part of a fantasy. You're not having sex with a child: you're fucking the prom queen, the head cheerleader, or the cute Catholic school girl you met during track practice...(fantasy being that you're also a high school student or not. I dunno. As long as people aren't actually fucking kids I have no issues with what happens in their bedroom).


#104

David

David

My argument has absolutely nothing to do with Emma Watson being gorgeous and the same age as me. Yes.


#105



makare

I think elvis looks like he is blowing kisses so the context is always weird to me.


#106

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Tinwhistler said:
embarrassed elvis has become this forum's pedobear
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I fits because Elvis had a thing for 14 year old girls too.


If the fantasy becomes an obsession...

It is still the desire to bang the homecoming queen. It is just all those high school frustrations being fantasied about years later is troubling.

But you were dressed as Dumbledore, he had the hots for Harry instead.


#107



makare

you are so disrespectful to the king...


#108

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

makare said:
you are so disrespectful to the king...
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He was a grown man screwing a little kid. I respect the hell out of that. /sarcasm


#109



makare

I actually meant tinwhistler.

and i was joking.


#110

Calleja

Calleja

Wait, Elvis fucked a 14-year old!?



#111

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker



He did marry her when she hit 18, after 4 years of dating, and 2 years of cohabitation.


#112

Calleja

Calleja

Well she does look mature for her age.


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