(News) Twilight ruined my life! (spoilers inside)

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M

makare

synthetic penile implants.

oh or maybe when they become a vampire they developed a penis bone.

I bet it's super sparkly!
 
C

Chazwozel

Calleja said:
Vampires don't have a pulse.


How would Edward get an erection with no pulse?
Click to expand...

Well that's not fair. Don't vampires in other books have sex all the time? Or wait, is it that they lure their prey with sexual fantasy and perversion?

HAHA! Edward limpdick.
 
C

Chazwozel

The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.
 
Calleja

Calleja

And I'm realizing it seems like I know a lot about Twilight and am in danger of looking like a fan.

I'm not, don't worry.

I think I mentioned it before, but I did read the first book before the movies came out. I heard a new vampire movie was coming out and said "ooh, cool, vampires!" and got the first book from my school's library..... I finished it out of sheer pride of never leaving a book unfinished, but oh man is it CRAP. The rest of the info I got from a digest a friend of mine who did read them all gave me. While I made my face swell up from all the palming I subjected it to.
 
ElJuski

ElJuski

Staff member
Chazwozel said:
The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.
Click to expand...
Not any author worth any merit. She's a hack writing sex fantasies and selling it to thirteen-year olds. I was talking to my friend about this. It's a big rage to these teen girls because there's sexual tension...but no actual sex. Which is sexually thrilling to an unexperienced, but hormonally willing crowd of young girls. And uh, chicks that work at Great Clips, I guess.
 
sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
 
Calleja

Calleja

Gilman Chatsworth;412386][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:
The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.
Click to expand...
Not any author worth any merit. She's a hack writing sex fantasies and selling it to thirteen-year olds. I was talking to my friend about this. It's a big rage to these teen girls because there's sexual tension...but no actual sex. Which is sexually thrilling to an unexperienced, but hormonally willing crowd of young girls. And uh, chicks that work at Great Clips, I guess.[/QUOTE]



And their moms, for some reason.
 
Piotyr

Piotyr

Haven't read any of the books or seen any of the movies, but from what I can tell, Twilight is about a high school girl's difficult choice between necrophilia and bestiality.
 
M

makare

Ok im confused here. Existence of vampires = logical. Vampires having children= illogical.

I don't get it.
 
Calleja

Calleja

makare said:
Ok im confused here. Existence of vampires = logical. Vampires having children= illogical.

I don't get it.
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Yes, it's the same reason we can accept Superman flying but not him turning back time by reversing the rotation of the Earth. Suspension of disbelief needs to be earned.
 
M

makare

I have no problem with vampires having children. Lately Ive been reading a manga where the vamps have kids AND playing a dnd game where vampires have kids.

I am not a vampire junkie or anything. It's just I borrowed the manga from the same person running the dnd game. Lol. Just wanted to be clear about that.

If something can be both alive and dead then I dont see why it can't have offspring.
 
C

Chibibar

makare said:
Ok im confused here. Existence of vampires = logical. Vampires having children= illogical.

I don't get it.
Click to expand...
Well depending on which vampire lore you are pulling from here are some of the basic.

Vampire in most cases are undead. They are not living creatures. Their heart is not working. The sexual part is from arousal and blood pumping to your sexual organ (male part) so.... without it, you can't really be erect unless rigor mortis :).
Now being undead, most would assume that reproductive cycle is also suspended. There has been some exception like Blade
the conception happen BEFORE the mother was turn vampire in the movie. I can't remember the comic version so there is a mix on that part

Since Vampire doesn't really age (again on lore) then there is no growth either. How can a person develop inside you if nothing is growing. Regeneration doesn't count. It just go back to the form it once were. If you become a vampire at 16, you stay 16 (in most lore that I am familiar with) forever.

Now the Van Helsing Lore
the vampire lay "eggs" type thing which then incubate and then suppose to hatch later. That was a bit weird and I am not even going into the idea of female vampire once human lay eggs once they are vampire.......
 
Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

Vampires generally can create offspring... they do it by biting people and turning them into a vampire.

It's just really... weird (and fairly gross considering a lot of vampires are demon infested undead) to have vampires reproducing sexually with a human.

Am I alone in this? I think it's f@#$ed up.
 
Necronic

Necronic

Staff member
The way my ex described it to me the part of the twilight series that is so attractive to women is that Meyers wrote the relationship with a ton of unfullfilled sexual tension (no sex till marriage kiddos!) which was incredibly appealing to her. I don't think that men can appreciate that concept of sexuality, which may be why we read it and go 'meeehhhhhhh' but (some) women read it and go 'yeaaahhhhhh'. On the flip side of things I would say that Richard Morgan's books appeal to men in a way that women would never appreciate.
 
Fun Size

Fun Size

Azurephoenix said:
Vampires generally can create offspring... they do it by biting people and turning them into a vampire.

It's just really... weird (and fairly gross considering a lot of vampires are demon infested undead) to have vampires reproducing sexually with a human.

Am I alone in this? I think it's f@#$ed up.
Click to expand...
No dude, what's f@#$ed up is the blood-red money shot.

(I actually gave myself a case of the wiggums just typing that.)
 
ElJuski

ElJuski

Staff member
Necronic said:
The way my ex described it to me the part of the twilight series that is so attractive to women is that Meyers wrote the relationship with a ton of unfullfilled sexual tension (no sex till marriage kiddos!) which was incredibly appealing to her. I don't think that men can appreciate that concept of sexuality, which may be why we read it and go 'meeehhhhhhh' but (some) women read it and go 'yeaaahhhhhh'. On the flip side of things I would say that Richard Morgan's books appeal to men in a way that women would never appreciate.
Click to expand...
And truly great books transcend that garbage and relate to all sorts of people! And usually with some significant point or message, to boot!
 
M

makare

I dont know alot of shows do that sexual tension thing, as doctor cox said, will they wont they will they wont they

it's a pretty common theme.
 
ElJuski

ElJuski

Staff member
Yeah but the sitcom type romance you're talking about isn't on the same level as the stuff going on in Twilight. Although I'm sure it's all a part of why movies that cater to that demographic usually deal with those tropes.
 
David

David

sixpackshaker said:
Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
Click to expand...
She's the one who agreed to do it.
 
C

Chazwozel

Gilman Chatsworth;412386][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:
The reason Twilight is so horrible is that Stephanie Meyer never researched her topic, she never planned anything out, there was no overarching plot arc that she developed. She just sat down and wrote a long ass description of Edward.

Now don't get me wrong, some authors can sit down and right without a plan. Not many but some. Stephanie Meyer is not one of them.
Click to expand...
Not any author worth any merit. She's a hack writing sex fantasies and selling it to thirteen-year olds. I was talking to my friend about this. It's a big rage to these teen girls because there's sexual tension...but no actual sex. Which is sexually thrilling to an unexperienced, but hormonally willing crowd of young girls. And uh, chicks that work at Great Clips, I guess.[/QUOTE]

I just realized I wrote "write" as "right".

DOH!
 
David

David

sixpackshaker;412495][QUOTE=David;412493][QUOTE=sixpackshaker said:
Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
Click to expand...
She's the one who agreed to do it.[/QUOTE]

Then she realized what she did, and spent the next hour washing the filth off of herself...[/QUOTE]

Edward is 17 (or has the body of a 17-year-old boy). She has 0 room to judge.
 
sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

David;412496][QUOTE=sixpackshaker;412495][QUOTE=David;412493][QUOTE=sixpackshaker said:
Back to the pervert in the OP's article...

WHY THE HELL WOULD A GROWN MAN HAVE HIS WIFE DRESS UP AS A CHILD!?!?!

No wonder the marriage was on the rocks. She used Twilight as an excuse not to bang the wannabe pedo.
Click to expand...
She's the one who agreed to do it.[/QUOTE]

Then she realized what she did, and spent the next hour washing the filth off of herself...[/QUOTE]

Edward is 17 (or has the body of a 17-year-old boy). She has 0 room to judge.[/QUOTE]

But she is not sleeping with him...
 
David

David

The guy didn't sleep with Hermione :p

He slept with a grown woman dressed as a Hogwarts witch. And I'm sure she was very mature for her age.
 
C

Chazwozel

David said:
The guy didn't sleep with Hermione :p

He slept with a grown woman dressed as a Hogwarts witch. And I'm sure she was very mature for her age.
Click to expand...
Why's he a perv for asking his wife to dress as Harmione for Halloween? I went as Dumbledore and my wife as Luna one year at a party.

Wait...

Even if he and his wife did roleplay as Harry Potter and Harmione in bed, that wouldn't make him a pedo. So if someone has say - a cheerleader fetish or catholic school-girl outfit fetish (both of which have tons of legal sites dedicated to) that makes that person a pedophile? It's part of a fantasy. You're not having sex with a child: you're fucking the prom queen, the head cheerleader, or the cute Catholic school girl you met during track practice...(fantasy being that you're also a high school student or not. I dunno. As long as people aren't actually fucking kids I have no issues with what happens in their bedroom).
 
M

makare

I think elvis looks like he is blowing kisses so the context is always weird to me.
 
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