Laugh it up, fuzzball! (Dave's comedy tonight)

[Philosopher B.]

Then strike a seductive pose.

 

[Emrys]

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

 

[Shegokigo]

Just a little? X_o

 

[Allen who is Quiet]

 

[ThatNickGuy]

Goddamn, that shit is hot!

I'll be in my bunk.

 

[Philosopher B.]

 

[strawman]

The wife is pissed at me.

I HATE YOU FOR BEING TOO SEXY.

STOP IT RIGHT THE *bleep* NOW!!!

 

[Philosopher B.]

I got punished once for being too sexy.

If you know what I mean.

 

[Emrys]

I got punished once for being too sexy.

If you know what I mean.

No, you didn't. You were being mugged.

 

[Philosopher B.]

Dammit. I thought that stilleto was too slim to fit onto anyone's foot. :-(

 

[Dave]

Ready for this?

 

[Espy]

READY.

 

[Philosopher B.]

I don't know if I'm ready.

But I'm going in.

 

[ThatNickGuy]

I don't know if I'm ready.

But I'm going in.

Sounds like my prom night!
Added at: 13:18
You killed it, Dave. You totally KILLED it.

Heh, though the DeLong name now reminds me of a running joke a friend and me had. There was a real estate agent advertised sometimes on the radio called "Phil DePlussy".

 

[Espy]

Good stuff Dave. You are pretty damn good man. It seems super natural for you man.

"There's a certain thing that goes off inside your head, and that thing is 'unrealistic expectations' "

 

[Gryfter]

Bravo Dave, bravo!

 

[Emrys]

Stupid firewalls on stupid work computers. Ruining my opportunites of goofing off.
I'll pop some popcorn and watch when I get home.

 

[Dave]

It's true! The camera does add 50 pounds!

 

[Emrys]

You're not supposed to hold the camera while weighing yourself.

 

[Hylian]

You did a very good job out there

 

[North_Ranger]

Kudos, Mr DeLong. Kudos.

 

[Wahad]

 

[doomdragon6]

Haven't watched yet but CONGRATS DAVE. I'm excited for you.

 

[Dave]

Thanks, all! It was a blast! Well, everything except the crazy drunk chick who got my ass in trouble. Her I could have done without!

 

[Emrys]

How about if we all show up at your next venue and throw our underwear at you?

 

[Dave]

How about if we all show up at your next venue and throw our underwear at you?

Um...probably a bad idea. Unless it's Gusto. He's so dreamy.

 

[CrimsonSoul]

What about us Dave? I thought I was the only one for you!

 

[Allen who is Quiet]

Um...probably a bad idea. Unless it's Gusto. He's so dreamy.

 

[doomdragon6]

Kari.... DeLong.... I don't get it.

But you got some laughs out of me! Good job! ^^ *clap clap*

 

[Chad Sexington]

Carried along.

 

[doomdragon6]

I still don't get it.

 

[Allen who is Quiet]

Her name becomes a play on words. It isn't immediately obvious that her name would be one by marrying Dave, so when it's revealed that it sounds like two actual words, you weren't expecting that to be her objection. It also implies passivity on her part, which is another potential thing she could be objecting to.

 

[Chad Sexington]

"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process."
— E. B. White

 

[CrimsonSoul]

That was pretty darn good.

 

[Dave]

I submitted this to another critique site and got this:

To be honest you could spend a little more time working your material, run the stuff by some of your friends before taking to the open mike. Got a lot of potential though.

Can you expand? What about it did you not like? What did you like?

For specifics, on a lot of the jokes the build up was long but the punch line was a little lackluster (Carry Delong, Eye color said 'broke,' ). The set up themselves have good energy, but the punches are a little anticlimactic. You were funniest when you said true, self depricating things (like Louis CK and Chris Rock use) like with the girl in the bedroom being like a disappointed kid on Christmas. I would stick to trueisms (funny b/c their true) and stay away from embellishment (guns in the bin at the DMV). That's what people can relate to and laugh at.