Laugh it up, fuzzball! (Dave's comedy tonight)

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doomdragon6

doomdragon6

Staff member
Huh. I do have to agree on those. Some of the build-ups were pretty funny and energetic, then petered out.

For example, and these are subjective, to ME those jokes would have been funnier as such:

Carry DeLong: I didn't get this joke. And after getting it, it wasn't really funny, to me, because "carried along" itself isn't that funny. The funnier joke is the changing the first name part. You would start out saying she didn't want to get married to a man with your name (Doug DeLong). You do the "oh shit" part and the "but I love her so I pay and blah blah" part, and you end by going, "Honey, I fixed it. I changed my name to Dave!" then proceed with her shitstorm. And maybe a more understandable name than "Doug". I didn't quite here it at first, so shoot for a longer / more pronounced name or even another pun.

Broke Eye: I was actually on board with this joke all the way and was enjoying the "choose a bandana / why / where you get shot" sort of thing, and then I started laughing at the "color blind" part expecting a joke in there somewhere, and then it curved suddenly and went to "Hair: Brown / Eyes: Broke" and I just went, "wat? Where'd the joke go??"

I did enjoy the guns/bin joke at the DMV, especially having to take one when you go.

No offense here, just adding to his critique.

Also! I would try to stay away from the "get someone funnier than me up here" type jokes, they hurt you I think. Like, a "I'll be out of your hair for the next guy soon" can work, but stay away from the "funnier than me" parts because it sort of feels like a sympathy line and it sends negative pangs to the audience.

If you'd like I could watch the video again and take more detailed notes on what I personally felt worked and what didn't.
 
Piotyr

Piotyr

So...was the emcee the crazy drunk lady?
Added at: 20:04
doomdragon6 said:
Carry DeLong: I didn't get this joke. And after getting it, it wasn't really funny, to me, because "carried along" itself isn't that funny. The funnier joke is the changing the first name part. You would start out saying she didn't want to get married to a man with your name (Doug DeLong). You do the "oh shit" part and the "but I love her so I pay and blah blah" part, and you end by going, "Honey, I fixed it. I changed my name to Dave!" then proceed with her shitstorm. And maybe a more understandable name than "Doug". I didn't quite here it at first, so shoot for a longer / more pronounced name or even another pun.
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I like Peter DeLong, but it's also a bit of an obvious fake.
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

I have to politely agree with the critiques there, Dave. I didn't want to be the first to admit I didn't get the Kari Delong joke, either. But I fully agree that the best part of the set was about the bedroom and Christmas comparison. :D
 
Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

This might just make me sound like a stuffy prude, but I'm not overly fond of comedians going blue for no reason. Herein, Bill Cosby demonstrates how to perfectly use a swear: http://youtu.be/achFxzgS0gE?t=5m24s
It's unexpected, (except that I've told you now :D) because Cosby doesn't really swear, it's suited, it's poignant, it's funny.

The thing, of course, is if you listen to all your critics you'll go nowhere because we all find different things funny, so before taking any criticism you should know the kind of comedy you want to do... and heed the advice that betters you toward that. The rest of us, ignore or whatever.

But I'm totally right.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
doomdragon6 said:
Broke Eye: I was actually on board with this joke all the way and was enjoying the "choose a bandana / why / where you get shot" sort of thing, and then I started laughing at the "color blind" part expecting a joke in there somewhere, and then it curved suddenly and went to "Hair: Brown / Eyes: Broke" and I just went, "wat? Where'd the joke go??"
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I actually cut that bit down because I thought I was getting short on time. It usually ends with my throwing up a gang sign. But because I'm old it looks like I've either got arthritis or I'm retarded. (Sorry for the joke in bad humor.)

So I get the fact it seemed rushed. Good review, though.

But man I like that Kerri DeLong joke.
 
Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Dave said:
But man I like that Kerri DeLong joke.
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I got it & liked it... I think it works good too, to tease the audience. Even to add a larger pause, "You idiot, I don't care that your name is Doug, my name is Kerri!...(pregnant pause for the sharper audience members to chuckle) ...And your last name is DeLong." (more explanation for the doomdragons totally wonderful audience members who just might not be up to speed that night :D)
 
M

makare

I didn't get the DeLong joke either actually. But I guess that is because we have family friends who are the DeLongs and so I don't think of it as a funny thing. Overall I'm glad the audience members were laughing but most of the time I missed the joke I guess.
 
P

Philosopher B.

I got the DeLong joke, but I dunno, I was expecting something ... naughtier, I guess. When you've got a lot of buildup, you want to make sure the punch is killer. Still, you had some great energy. Just keep gettin' up there and workin' on your shit, man. Wish I had the balls (or the memory!) to get onstage.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
This is the kind of feedback I need, folks. Thanks! Dave DeLong is an in-your-face kinda guy so the cursing is a part of his personae. It would be like Andrew Dice Clay (who is also a character) being totally clean. I tried being Dave Nihsen and it didn't work so well so I'm being more antagonistic with this approach.

Actually, the Kerri DeLong thing had a different ending where I said fine and wanted to fuck with her some more. I would have kept Dave and changed my last name but it would have been to something else she hated like "DeBucket" or for you math geeks, DeOne.

She said she still wasn't going to marry me so I showed her the ring I bought and said, "Fine. Guess I'll have to take THIS back!" Three weeks later we were married...
 
Null

Null

Well, congratulations on getting up and doing it in front of an audience. You need to work on your material, and try and work more around where the light and mike stand are - you're hard to see for half your act.

I would suggest you slow down a bit, and trim your bits - you run out of steam halfway through, and then the joke finishes weak. You need to make it punchier - or, conversely, make the long meandering build up the joke.

The Kerri DeLong bit is awful. It isn't funny, and it's not going to get funny.
 
doomdragon6

doomdragon6

Staff member
I don't mean to make you feel bad, Dave. I'm a pun man; I love puns. I saw you up there, working your magic. You threw like 10 puns at us, hoping one of them would land. But unfortunately, no pun in ten did. :\
 
Mathias

Mathias

doomdragon6 said:
I don't mean to make you feel bad, Dave. I'm a pun man; I love puns. I saw you up there, working your magic. You threw like 10 puns at us, hoping one of them would land. But unfortunately, no pun in ten did. :\
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I hate puns. Puns are just a step above mime.

Anyway, I think Dave did a good job overall. I have a buddy from highschool that's coming up in the comedy circuit. I always enjoy good amateur standup.



Louis CK, self-depreciating humor, always works well for a budding comic.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Don't get me wrong, folks. I joke around but the feedback is very helpful, even though some hate some things others like, etc. It just means that I'm targeting an almost too-marrow audience. Puns are great if you get them but otherwise you feel kinda left out. So I think the Kerri DeLong this is hysterical and so do those who catch it, but I don't need to alienate 1/2 my audience for the sake of a joke I'm overly fond of.
 
M

makare

I got the pun I just don't understand the humor of the name Delong.

I never had a problem with puns until I spent alot of time on Mirc now I hate them. Rarely are puns clever enough to be actually entertaining. I make some myself such as the immaculate reception one but even then Im like, I hate myself for making that joke.

Also I don't think having your name be carried along would be worth making a big deal about. How often do people use others whole names anyway.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Went back up tonight. Not as successful. I'll write up something more tomorrow, but it was kinda rough.
 
B

Biannoshufu

what about Richard DeLong instead of Doug?
how much time do you practice aloud ?
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Okay, here's what went down.

I got to the place fairly early and got a small table ready as there were only going to be a few people there for me. And then about 6 or 7 showed up. Problem is, the people who showed up were the ones before who were loud, obnoxious and just plain fucking rude. And they continued where they left off. Telling them to shut the fuck up had little to no effect. And because of them, the guy running the thing put me on near last (almost midnight), which ensured the room was nearly empty. Those who were there were only there because (a) they wanted to see me or (2) they wanted to destroy me because of the assholes I was sitting with who fucked with their friends when they were on stage. Let me put it this way - my boss's wife confronted one of the comedians at the bar because she felt he told too many racist jokes (and this dude was funny as shit!).

So that was the atmosphere when I hit the stage. To make matters worse, I was trying out some new stuff. Not sure if the new stuff doesn't work or if it was swallowed up by the room but it was fucking brutal. I did my time and got out.

Next time I'm not telling anyone I'm going up. If they'll even let me come back now.
 
M

makare

If they were disruptive why didn't you get put on early to get you and those people out of there?
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
makare said:
If they were disruptive why didn't you get put on early to get you and those people out of there?
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Excellent question. Don't quite get the logic, but the guy running teh show told me point blank that the reason I went on when I did was because of the jerks with me.
 
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