You guys make me want to hide in an apartment forever, because I clearly don't know dick about houses.
Rant VII: Now With 25% Less Drama
- Thread starter North_Ranger
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Neither did that plumber that put Dave's plumbing in. Booyah!
That was good.
The American Dream.Now you can poop with confidence it won't end up in your clothes.
No, that's a world dream. We take it for granted we won't have poop in our clothes.
Well yes, but that's why people move to America.
(And Canada. We don't poop in our clothes either, thankyouverymuch)
YOU don't maybe.
Friend of mine from high school:
http://www.edmontonsun.com/2012/01/27/sicko-kidnapper-sent-to-the-clink#.TyTREyT2QbR.facebook
http://www.edmontonsun.com/2012/01/27/sicko-kidnapper-sent-to-the-clink#.TyTREyT2QbR.facebook
*sigh*
Gah. I'm so freaking busy right now it's not even funny. I feel like I can't slow down.
My office needs to be turned into the baby's room.
My computer has to be upgraded and I only have half the stuff here.
My bedroom needs to be reworked so I can fit a chunk of office stuff in it so I can still work.
I start a second job doing video editing tomorrow which requires quite a bit of the above to be done by today.
I need to run to my main job today and get some stuff done.
I'd kind of rather be playing skyrim right now. But I don't have the time.
I need another pot of coffee.
My office needs to be turned into the baby's room.
My computer has to be upgraded and I only have half the stuff here.
My bedroom needs to be reworked so I can fit a chunk of office stuff in it so I can still work.
I start a second job doing video editing tomorrow which requires quite a bit of the above to be done by today.
I need to run to my main job today and get some stuff done.
I'd kind of rather be playing skyrim right now. But I don't have the time.
I need another pot of coffee.
I finally told my parents I am an atheist and given the fact that my dad is a pastor you can imagine how well he took it. My dad told me I am being deceived I am full of pride and that I am going to hell. My mom started to bring up the fact that she has a brain tumor that is stable but could get worse at any time and that she doesn't want me to go to hell. Than a huge discussion followed where my parents told me why I should believe and they refused to listed to any of my points. And now I feel like crap and am wishing I had some some of alcohol in front of me.
Expect "us"?
Also, good that you don't live at home when you did this or that'd be a disaster and a half.
What was the end result you hoped to gain from telling them? So they wouldn't bug you to go to church anymore? If anything it seems to me they may now have a religious mission to "save you". Though if you're lucky they'll just write you off and speak less and less to you till nothing at all. If that was the result you were going for anyway?
Also, good that you don't live at home when you did this or that'd be a disaster and a half.
What was the end result you hoped to gain from telling them? So they wouldn't bug you to go to church anymore? If anything it seems to me they may now have a religious mission to "save you". Though if you're lucky they'll just write you off and speak less and less to you till nothing at all. If that was the result you were going for anyway?
I basically was just wanting them to understand that I am not going to be going to church. Plus I got tired of keeping my mouth shut when they bad mouth gays or other religions and I can openly talk about evolution and other things like that. Pretty much I am not wanting to put on a facade around them all the time.
Dave
Staff member
I feel you, man. When I "came out" there was nothing but consternation and disapproval. While it sucks, I had to let them come to their own happy place about it. The secret is to not preach at them and ask them politely not to preach at you. If they continue to do so, tell them "Judge not..." and let them know you're the same person and you love them, you just no longer believe that there's a God. It's no longer your problem. They are the ones who need to learn to accept it.
I know that sounds harsh, but you need to figure out what you're going to do if they refuse to accept it. You either put up with the snide comments and judgement or you break off ties until such time as they can deal with it.
I know that sounds harsh, but you need to figure out what you're going to do if they refuse to accept it. You either put up with the snide comments and judgement or you break off ties until such time as they can deal with it.
I feel a certain kinship with hylian, I never made any qualms about my lack of faith, when I was 14 I straight up told my parents I was done. Like Shego says it did not end well, but for whatever reason they did not throw me out. although it was tense for a while, eventually my parents did come to accept that my argument that I was a "decent human being" had nothing to do with sin or virtue or some divine allowing the J-man in to my heart and more to do with them being decent hard working people who instilled those values in me. To be honest as I grew older it has had more to do with my political views and less with my philosophical/religious views. I am a fair bit liberal, my parents belong to a conservative old school parish/church in a very traditional Catholic neighborhood. To say I am a complete atheist is strong word, its not as if I preach for there being no god, its just that its existence means little to me. If this divine creator showed up tomorrow nothing would change in my life, I am defined by a hungry pursuit of knowledge, and so I would go about quantifying its existence as I would any other natural phenomena.
to you Hylian, it is as Dave says, you have to let time heal the wounds. They will either come around or they wont. You have shaken them by becoming the first sheep in their flock to become a "sheepdog". we use to use that term when the priest would tell us there were only two kinds of people, sheep and wolves, I argue you can be a nonbeliever and be a "good person", So we use to say we were sheepdogs. You still care about them, you don't want to see them hurt, but you are no longer counted among their numbers, to them you are are almost as dangerous as the wolves they fear, you may look them to be the same, but you are not.
to you Hylian, it is as Dave says, you have to let time heal the wounds. They will either come around or they wont. You have shaken them by becoming the first sheep in their flock to become a "sheepdog". we use to use that term when the priest would tell us there were only two kinds of people, sheep and wolves, I argue you can be a nonbeliever and be a "good person", So we use to say we were sheepdogs. You still care about them, you don't want to see them hurt, but you are no longer counted among their numbers, to them you are are almost as dangerous as the wolves they fear, you may look them to be the same, but you are not.
What is there to gain by constantly deceiving your family and putting forth extra effort in your life to maintain a lie that doesn't make you happy?
Some people, most, I'd wager, enjoy their family and want to continue to have a strong relationship with their family without deception.
Except in the case where you tell your family the truth and they return your honesty with either a slow push away to the point where you're nearly never on speaking terms again or an instant and complete removal of all ties.
Depending on the family and what the truth you're hiding is, it could very much be a possibility. Some families are hardcore religious, and with Hylian stating that even his father was a Pastor, I could easily have seen one of the two scenarios above playing out.
Depending on the family and what the truth you're hiding is, it could very much be a possibility. Some families are hardcore religious, and with Hylian stating that even his father was a Pastor, I could easily have seen one of the two scenarios above playing out.
GasBandit
Staff member
I suppose I should be thankful I had not-particularly-religious parents... by the time I was in my teens we only went to church at christmas. They never bug me about religion, and even the grandfolks never bugged me about going to church when I visited, even though they were pretty devout Lutherans.
Added at: 11:22
Added at: 11:22
I agree. The truth isn't always the best thing to have out in the open. There are some lies that make the world work.
@Fade - When you're living at home? Zero good.
When you're living on your own? Multiple things. Not having to discuss things you didn't want to before, not having to attend gatherings having to do with the thing you confessed against, no longer being invited to said gatherings at all, or in a similar type of confession, being able to be more open with a partner, introduce them to family etc.
However, it comes with the possibility of serious negative reactions. So it's up to the individual to gauge whether the confession will ultimately benefit the whole of the family or tear it apart.
If you knowingly confess something that you know will cause more harm than good though? That's on you.
When you're living on your own? Multiple things. Not having to discuss things you didn't want to before, not having to attend gatherings having to do with the thing you confessed against, no longer being invited to said gatherings at all, or in a similar type of confession, being able to be more open with a partner, introduce them to family etc.
However, it comes with the possibility of serious negative reactions. So it's up to the individual to gauge whether the confession will ultimately benefit the whole of the family or tear it apart.
If you knowingly confess something that you know will cause more harm than good though? That's on you.
While I agree that it may seem a bit selfish for me to have told my parents and make them worry so much. And I know that the only one who really gains anything from there knowing is myself but I just couldn't take it anymore. The stress it put on me as a kid definitely was not healthy for me and their over protectiveness when I was a kid also did not help me any. Every time I had to hear their homophobic arguments or their bashing of other religions and talk of how christians are being persecuted and that they need to stand up and all that garbage it felt like I was being hit becuase I had to sit there and be quiet. And the few times I tried to inject a few topics for discussion they would get upset and claim I just like to argue. It just got to a point where I felt like I had to say something because I couldn't keep living like that. Every time the thought of someone seeing me there and thinking I was as angry and bigoted as they were it made me sick. I really did not want to cause my parents undue stress and harm but I just could not take it anymore.
M
makare
honestly I know this is going to seem judgmental or wishful thinking on my part but I wish you had just argued your view on homosexuality, other religions etc without saying you were atheist. now they are going to definitely dismiss your view just because of the atheist thing.
like "oh of course he thinks that he doesn't even believe in God!"
like "oh of course he thinks that he doesn't even believe in God!"
I think you did the right thing. It'll change your relationship, but the reality is that you needed the relationship to change - you couldn't keep living like that.
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