GasBandit
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  • You ever notice, for special occasions, ladies with curly hair straighten it, and ladies with straight hair curl it?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    And well-endowed women minimize while slender women pad.
    The best part of the cucumber tastes like the worst part of the watermelon.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    But put them both on the belt in the checkout lane with a jar of Vaseline and see what kind of looks you get.
    When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees, sycamore~~~
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    When converting Poe's "Raven" to text-to-speech .WAV, "Nevermore~~~"
    I used to sneak out of the house to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties so I can go home.
    • Like
    Reactions: Dei
    It takes 45 muscles to frown, but only 10 to smile. So smiling is for the weak and lazy. Frown your way to fitness.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    It only takes two muscles to close your eyes, though, and then you don't have to do either.
    Few things are as gratifying as finally managing to grab that one stray ear hair with tweezers and no mirror.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Or even sans tweezers.
    I don't need discord, I just need an audio file on loop "Hey Gas, I got a question.."
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    But it's only a QUICK question...
    GasBandit
    GasBandit
    But a "legitimate" question!
    ♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    It's still a little early for Christmas music.
    I'm playing the game - the one that will take me to my end. I'm waiting for the rain, to wash who I am.
    The mark of maturity is enjoying things you hated as a child. For example, spankings and naps.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    And brussels sprouts. Mmm, tiny cabbages.
    Every day is a struggle against the idea of putting chicken nuggets in the blender and calling it a protein shake. 17 days til solid food.
    When the PC Master Race curses you: "May your ping time match your frames per second."
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    "May your GPU temp match your FPS in °C."
    The boss just banned overly-specific nicknames, and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian the Good Time Ruiner.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Yeah, leave Brian’s good name out of it.
    Marriage must be especially awful for a bisexual. There's TWICE as many people you can't have sex with!
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    What happens if you marry an asexual?
    If there is a universal constant, it might be that no man of any age ever wants to consider the thought that he may have had his last BJ.
    Yogurt is just spoiled milk pretending to be pudding.
    blotsfan
    blotsfan
    Greek yogurt is delicious and can work as a great, healthier substitute for cheese in many places. Fight me.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    At least it's not kefir.
    If animals didn't want to be eaten, why are they made out of food.
    • Like
    Reactions: Dei
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Because making out of the food food eats would also make them much, much slower.
    It annoys me that the lowest magnitude numbered street in my town is 15th street. Doesn't that really make 15th street... 1st street?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    No, it means they could only come up with 14 clever street names.
    Whose IQ is higher, a Hanzo Main, or a Rick and Morty fan?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Statistically? I'm guessing the R&M fan. Just remember that IQ is only a measure of INT, not WIS.
    Karma means I can do bad things to people all day long and rest easy in the knowledge they deserve it.
    Being an adult is easy. You just feel tired all the time and tell people about how tired you are and they tell you THEY are tired as well.
    blotsfan
    blotsfan
    Then take a nap.

    THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES!
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Then you tell them about how you stayed up until 3:30a the previous night dicking around on the Internet.
    "Dependence begets subservience and venality, suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition." Jefferson
    We went a walking in the dark, goosing statues in the park, and honey, if Sherman's Horse can take it, so can you.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    ...and reminisciiiiiiiiiing
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