I used to sneak out of the house to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties so I can go home.
GasBandit
Ask me about my Reprehensible Filth 41 From Gas' Texan Tile and Pork Sausage Distillery
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[E\\..............F] <- Outta Gas
It takes 45 muscles to frown, but only 10 to smile. So smiling is for the weak and lazy. Frown your way to fitness.
Few things are as gratifying as finally managing to grab that one stray ear hair with tweezers and no mirror.
I don't need discord, I just need an audio file on loop "Hey Gas, I got a question.."
♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫
If you're not in Discord, are you even really a Halforumite?
My AMA disappeared into the mists of time. Maybe for the best
I'd do an AMA, too, but I know it'd just be 30 questions about pork sausage.
I'm playing the game - the one that will take me to my end. I'm waiting for the rain, to wash who I am.
The mark of maturity is enjoying things you hated as a child. For example, spankings and naps.
My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I HATE BABIES
Every day is a struggle against the idea of putting chicken nuggets in the blender and calling it a protein shake. 17 days til solid food.
Well, here goes nothing.
Bricks are domesticated rocks.
When the PC Master Race curses you: "May your ping time match your frames per second."
The boss just banned overly-specific nicknames, and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian the Good Time Ruiner.
Marriage must be especially awful for a bisexual. There's TWICE as many people you can't have sex with!
I donââ¬â¢t always use UTF-8, but when I do, I parse it as ASCII.
If there is a universal constant, it might be that no man of any age ever wants to consider the thought that he may have had his last BJ.
Yogurt is just spoiled milk pretending to be pudding.
If animals didn't want to be eaten, why are they made out of food.
It annoys me that the lowest magnitude numbered street in my town is 15th street. Doesn't that really make 15th street... 1st street?
Whose IQ is higher, a Hanzo Main, or a Rick and Morty fan?
Being a solid 3.5 with a thing for 10s is rough.
Karma means I can do bad things to people all day long and rest easy in the knowledge they deserve it.
Being an adult is easy. You just feel tired all the time and tell people about how tired you are and they tell you THEY are tired as well.
Every mother teaches their son to mansplain from day one by pretending not to know. And then they grow up and get griped at for it.
Why does Norway paint barcodes on their warships? So when they all return to port, they can SCANDINAVIAN
"Dependence begets subservience and venality, suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition." Jefferson
You ever notice how unburned CD-Rs smell like celery?
We went a walking in the dark, goosing statues in the park, and honey, if Sherman's Horse can take it, so can you.
I bet the first guy to hear a parrot talk freaked right the hell out and was afraid to tell anybody.
Horror movies with jump scares are like stand up comedians who tickle people instead of telling jokes. "You laughed! Technically I'm funny!"
Why is Monday so far from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday. -
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