May Contest - Haiku Me, Baby!

[Dave]

Enter old folk's home.
Gasp and laugh at what is seen.
His diaper...is gone.

 

[General Specific]

I need some brain bleach
Cannot unsee what I saw
Dave without his pants

 

[Officer_Charon]

Wondering, musing
Some things are best left alone:
Why think of Dave, Gen?

 

[Cajungal]

Foot up in the air
My mouth waters, not for food
But rich pecan ale

 

[Officer_Charon]

Nighttime brings the hunt
Repeated time after time
No dirties found yet.

hwell:

 

[Cheesy1]

Sees others my age
Happily married with kids
My dream, unfulfilled

 

[Fun Size]

Sees others my age
Free to pursue their desires
Grass always greener

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

The dull moans echo.
All around me, shuffling feet.
Soon I am brainless.

 

[Officer_Charon]

"He took my remote!
I can't watch my episodes!"
Ma'am, you're drunk. Shut up.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

Slick warm goo dripping
From my lips and down my chin
As I brush my teeth

 

[Element 117]

these pointless haiku
irrelevant numbers game
echoes of my life

 

[Cajungal]

Soft sunlight rolls in
The color of my omelet
Sleep is for the dead.

 

[General Specific]

Corpses are rising
Zombies, not dead or alive
Oh look! There's grandma!

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

Steam curls rising up
Warm earthy scented liquid
Good morning coffee

 

[Dave]

Last week of contest.
Monday is a holiday
in the U.S.A.

Get in your entries.
or lose out on the prizes.
Well, 1 prize - a book!

 

[General Specific]

An urgent message
The contest is at an end
I must win the prize

 

[Hylian]

I shall surely lose
For I lack creativeness
So I play for fun

 

[Officer_Charon]

Swollen belly grows
Filled with promise of new life
Fatherhood comes soon

Swollen belly shrinks
Sloughing off like melting ice
P90X hurts

 

[drawn_inward]

Swollen chest grows
Filled with the promise of new life
Chest-burster appears!

/sorry Off. Charon!

 

[Fun Size]

Swollen trousers grow.
Filled with badly timed passion.
I hate speech giving.

 

[General Specific]

swollen swelling swells
ever bigger it will grow
until pop! all gone

 

[Cheesy1]

May's about to end.
Guess I should make more haikus.
Nah, maybe later.

 

[Element 117]

for more time with him
all the prizes in the world
i would gladly spurn

 

[Krisken]

Moment of pleasure
Forgot instantly due to
The sting in his eye

 

[Hylian]

Who? What? Where? When? Why?
Doesn't really matter now
I am just babbling

 

[Element 117]

tears of moon white hue
traitorous body fails him
memory haunts him.

 

[drawn_inward]

Weeping little one,
what troubles you so, my dove?
Lay your burdens down.

 

[General Specific]

Xiaofang's signature
Song and images so weird
my brain is broken

 

[phil]

Dave is not that old
I mean come on guys for real
perspective is key

what the hell is this
bug all up in my face yo
get the fuck out man

I swear to god man
If that cat bites me again
I swear to god man

Got to find a job
But who would hire me, bro?
Time to kiss some ass

 

[Bumble the Boy Wonder]

Hit up the forums
First return in thirteen days
Nine-hundred new posts...

 

[Fun Size]

Now Gary Coleman
Can finally find some peace
Resting three feet deep.

 

[phil]

whoa there man, Fun Size.
Don't take this the wrong way but
too soon man, too soon.

 

[Dave]

Okay! The winners have finally been chosen! Jesus this one was hard! In the end there were enough entries that I've got TWO winners!

Here's how the winners were chosen.

1. I printed out the haiku without names.
2. Alphabetized them all by first line.
3. Sorted them by serious and humorous.
4. Gave them to coworkers and others to tell me their top 3 favorites from both. Best score wins.

As it turns out, we had a tie in both categories! So I found a couple people who had not seen them and kept at it until I had my two winners.

Humorous:

FUN SIZE!!

Kids sharing bath time
When my daughter says the words,
"Hey, there's poop in here!"

This entry was the overall favorite and tied with another that also turned out to be Fun Size.

Serious:

B.T.!!

tears of white hue
traitorous body fails him
memory haunts him.

Some comments I got were along the lines of, "My grandfather was a WWII vet and he just wasted away. It infuriated him that he couldn't take care of himself and the very act of losing this control made him want to give up. This poem reminds me of him."

The one this was initially tied with? PatrThom's poem about kids on Christmas morning.

Three steps from the hearth.
Two eyes fixed on stockings hung.
One small heart, pounding.

So congrats, Fun Size and B.T.! When I finally finish getting the Halforums Anthology together you will get a free copy of your very own!

 

[Cheesy1]

Man, I did not win.
Hope I do better next time.
Vengeance will be mine!

 

[PatrThom]

Woo-hoo! I almost won something!

--Patrick