So, all right, this is the thing. I'm going to study something I like to study, vacation is expecting me to free me from my reeeeeeeeeeeeally stressful life as a "freelance writer" and, well, I have a nice party to expect at the end of this week, as I had last week. I even finished the rough copy of the 20 pages of script I started writing. In english! And I had never written any scripts before!
So, why am I feeling so miserable?
·Because I'm fat. None of my summer clothes from last year seem to fit, and I'm back at the 100-101 kilos ratio instead of my usual 97. Just 3 Kg make a HUGE difference. But I had a week, A SIMPLE WEEK of eating without controlling my intake (before an important exam) and BAM. Since then, i've been unable to go back to this previous, still overweight, 97 kg.
My fans will remember that I started going to the gym:
·My "bad" leg hurts. I have a leg that has been operated twice to extract a tumor. Cronic pain, yea, but I get used to it. And the, I start going to the gym, losing weight, feeling fitter. A car door closes on my bad leg, on the exact place. I've been limping for the last 3 months, and doctors make me have 3 doses a day of watever you call "antiinflamatorios" in english and, of course, no gym. I hated goin to the gym, but i hate more not being able to decide if I go or I don't. I'm not the only one thta has healt problems at home though:
·My father has back trouble. And I have him all day at home, wich is a pain in the ass, and I keep accompaining him to hospital trips, to see doctors and listen to them, because he is unable to even grasp a word of what they are saying. Oh, did I mention I'm phobic to hospitals because of my childhood leg-jobs? But, well, at least i have the internet at home (when my father is not occupying my PC for HOURS to write 2 or 3 e-mails) and my friends to relax:
·My "traditional" childhood friends have been busy, and I semi-argued with one (even if we kind of settled things up after that). And what about my "new" friends, the friends I made at the University? I'm losing them, because I suck at social relations. When they see me day after day, they think "hey, this guy is great!". Well, I don't know how to keep contact. I don't ever call anyone, not just those friends. They don't feel the internet is a "good" way of communicaton, it's just a complement for other, "main", kinds. I have never gone out to have a coffee with somebody. I don't improvise plans. I can't drive, and feel disoriented in my own hometown. I was even awarded with the "Mr. Nice" and "Great friend" awards when we graduated. I was VOTED that.
And the worst part is, I don't know why, but I keep AVOIDING them when I have the chance to meet them. And sometimes, I even avoid them on the internet:
·Specially my female friends. Because, when I'm there and you see me every day, my creepy pervert comments are buried in between of lots of other talk and don't stand up, It's just my sense of humor. But on the internet, every word has much more weight. It's written down, it doesn't fade.
Oh, and of course, I'm still in love with the girl I liked and rejected me. I see her every day more ugly and hateful, but it still hurts to see her on Facebook or Msn.
Rant rant rant, put in there the typical stuff about not having a girlfriend, being socially inept, not knowing what to do with my life etc. etc.