Well fuck. Just fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
After one of the better days in recent memory, where I left the house intending to attend a picnic for an hour or two, and then returned to the house 12 hours later, today is just ... fuck.
I just walked over to the house in which I was doing homecare. I don't know if I posted about it before, but the couple I work with are stone deaf, so that makes things difficult. The man has been battling prostate cancer for some time now, and he was sent home to essentially wait for death. The doctors said that there's nothing more they can do.
Well, his wife managed to gesture enough for me to understand that the man was no longer in the house, (although not with the grief I would assume accompanies death) and I wasn't needed. She wasn't being rude, just blunt, and considering the language barrier, I'm glad for it. Anyhow, after miming a conversation for ten minutes, with little success, we went downstairs to where their daughter was living. She is hearing, but with deaf parents, she understands sign too.
"Oh yeah. He had kidney failure or something." she says.
A few things ...
A) Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Like I literally have tears in my eyes. I don't have any concept of how bad kidney failure is, but I know he won't be returning to his house ever again. And that's a sad thought, because he's such a great man.
B) I can't believe I wasn't there. I've been on vacation for a little over a week, and I know there would have been nothing I could have done, but I just feel terrible. I also feel a little stupid for feeling this, because I've literally only worked in the man's home for two days. Ten hours total. But he's the kind of guy that sticks with you, and apparently they had their neighbor call in to the home care place to make sure that when I got back off vacation, that I would be sent to their home again. Apparently they liked me a lot. A lot of that probably had to do with the fact that I was having them teach me ASL.
Protip: Language barriers are truly the most effective friend-makers. If you put the effort in to learning to communicate with someone in their language, and you can laugh at yourself the many many times you screw up, you are pretty much instantly liked.
C) What the fuck kind of mickey-mouse operation is this homecare company?! The wife apologized to me through the daughter for not calling to tell me I wasn't needed anymore, but that's not her job. That's the home-care company's job. I haven't called in to my boss yet. I figured I'd come on here, type until my fingers bled, scream into a pillow a few times, and have a good cry before I pick up the phone and possibly come off as insubordinate or something. But seriously. What the fuck is this place? I've been working for them two weeks, and I've already heard enough stories to know that I won't be hiring these people for anyone that I love.
D) I was hired on specifically for this man. So unless they have someone else they can match me up with, I'm basically up shit creek without a paddle. I'll be looking for another job. But even if they have someone I can work with, I'm not going to have as sweet a deal as I did with this guy. He was ten minutes away, the most lovable human being you could imagine, and it was the perfect opportunity for me to knock one of my big 'to do's' off my list: learn sign language.
So yeah. That's long. Whatever. I just needed to type it. I'll be looking him up in the hospital for a visit in a day or two, but I'm not sure if that'll be a useless gesture, because I still only know like ... twenty signs, and most of them have to do with what chores need to be done around the house.
FUCK!!!
This job made me sad today.
rly: 
