Rant VIII: The Reckoning
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Get some weed.
Chills, sore throat, and a headache.
Drink water with lemon wedges in it. Good for your throat AND lots of vitamin C.
Also cook something with lots of fried garlic. My go-to food is chicken fajitas.
Guaranteed you'll fight off that cold in no time.
Dave
Staff member
For what you said this is actually a very valid response.
I'm going the spicy ramen route.
The house has a gas boiler for steam heat. And it appears that the boiler has failed. There is a small pump on the outside of the boiler that is still running, but is overheating in the absence of steam. No matter how high I adjust the thermostat, the boiler isn't kicking on. Turned the gas off for a few minutes and tried again. No luck.
Repair may be able to come today. Probably tomorrow. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
Repair may be able to come today. Probably tomorrow. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
It was the blower. It overheated. The casing was very hot to the touch, and that's where the source of the smell was coming from. Like dust burning off when an electric heater hadn't been used in a while. I hit it up with canned air all over, and when I turned the power back on, it started right up per normal.
We'll keep an ear and eye on it the rest of the day in case we still need a tech in the morning.
More experience than I want, but honestly not that much.
Ours has to be filled (and "burped") manually, biggest problems we run into are the motor potentially overheating due to overuse (the relay burned out a couple months ago and needs to be replaced, so right now it's just hot-wired to an outlet when we want it "on"), and the fact that my father-in-law keeps wanting to turn the tank heat up to >180F so that pump "doesn't have to work as hard" because he has no concept of what "specific heat" means when it comes to maintaining 80gal of water at 180F.
--Patrick
So, I got all my 1099s, my 1098s, my w2s, and spent about $180 to file my federal and state taxes.
Yesterday, Amazon and Createspace send out emails saying "Whoops, those 1099s were wrong. We're sending out new ones in a couple weeks."
Freaking awesome. As if my tax return didn't already have enough audit triggers on it (about 6 1099s for royalty earnings from various outlets, a schedule c, home office deductions) without me filing an amended return.
Yesterday, Amazon and Createspace send out emails saying "Whoops, those 1099s were wrong. We're sending out new ones in a couple weeks."
Freaking awesome. As if my tax return didn't already have enough audit triggers on it (about 6 1099s for royalty earnings from various outlets, a schedule c, home office deductions) without me filing an amended return.
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Mom had another heart attack yesterday. The hospital in Bluefield ordered an echocardiogram while she was in the ER and they gave it to her TWENTY THREE HOURS LATER. But at least she had a lung scan while she was waiting.
She was admitted yesterday at 8 AM. The ambulance is taking her to Charleston (for competent care, I suppose) tomorrow at 9 AM - 49 hours (read: 2 days + 1 hour, or 3 billable days) after she was admitted. As much as I love West Virginia, my family has got to get out of Bluefield before it kills them.
At least somebody told me about it in advance this time.
She was admitted yesterday at 8 AM. The ambulance is taking her to Charleston (for competent care, I suppose) tomorrow at 9 AM - 49 hours (read: 2 days + 1 hour, or 3 billable days) after she was admitted. As much as I love West Virginia, my family has got to get out of Bluefield before it kills them.
At least somebody told me about it in advance this time.
Dave
Staff member
Hope everything turns out okay!
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
So for the LONGEST time my wife was wanted to have another kids but after our youngest she got her tubes tied. Anyway with this tax refund we have all but $500 needed for the reversal. The thing is I don't know if I want to have another kid. I won't tell her know because she has her heart set on it and I couldn't break her heart like that but we are barely making ends meat as it is (and currently going through a bankruptcy thing as well yay). I wanted to use a little more than half of it to pay off our car note so we'd have an extra 218 a month but that doesn't look like it's happening now. Anyway.. /rant.
Thank goodness Ruby (WVU Hospital for the rest of yas) is just the other side of town from me.
That's tough. I'd suggest you have the discussion before major surgery is done. Good luck!
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
I can't say no. This is something she really wants/needs I would be the hugest dick if I voiced my true opinion on the matter
As Dei said. You may feel you can't say no without seeming like a dick...And perhaps you will. But just being quiet and letting frustration build up isn't going to help or solve anything either. If it was just a matter of "she wants another one, I don't" then, well, perhaps - don't know how many you have already. But the moment financials become involved, everything always goes pear-shaped. If you're already struggling, it may simply not be in anyone's best interest to have another child. Considering you already have at least two ("after the youngest"), I'd imagine she's at least aware of all the extra costs an additional child brings with it. It may be better to be able to raise 2 (or 3, or 8 if you're stienman 
) to the standard you want to be able to give them (whatever that may be), then to have one-too-many and not being able to give any of them everything they need or you feel they should have.
I'm not saying your no should definitely "win" against her yes, but it's at least valid to bring up that you're not comfortable with the idea, for various reasons. Also, if I may ask, if she wanted another one...Why did she have her tubes tied? That isn't all that easy or cheap or safe a procedure to undergo if you're planning on reversing it.
) to the standard you want to be able to give them (whatever that may be), then to have one-too-many and not being able to give any of them everything they need or you feel they should have.I'm not saying your no should definitely "win" against her yes, but it's at least valid to bring up that you're not comfortable with the idea, for various reasons. Also, if I may ask, if she wanted another one...Why did she have her tubes tied? That isn't all that easy or cheap or safe a procedure to undergo if you're planning on reversing it.
To me, it seems like it's one thing if you're financially struggling to make ends meet and you wind up expecting again, and a whole other to be financially struggling and to then spend a significant amount of money on a surgery to allow you to have more children that you can't adequate support. It kind of seems like wanting to have another kid is actually rather selfish on her part, given your situation. If circumstances were different and you weren't struggling to keep afloat, then sure, but if you're already going through a rough patch, this only seems like it can make things worse.
fade
Staff member
You may feel like a dick, but this isn't her marriage alone. You're not doing your relationship any favors by deferring to your wife. This will leave you in a place of resentment, and you'll have financial troubles, which sounds like a 1-2 combo for relationship problems to me. This seems like a place to get things in the open.
...
As a personal note, I really did not want a second child. My wife "convinced" me (by which I mean, she said it was happening, so it did--she'd make an awesome green lantern). Anyway, I really love my daughter, and it would seem weird to me now to only have our son. I'm not even sure why I protested the idea so much in retrospect.
...
As a personal note, I really did not want a second child. My wife "convinced" me (by which I mean, she said it was happening, so it did--she'd make an awesome green lantern). Anyway, I really love my daughter, and it would seem weird to me now to only have our son. I'm not even sure why I protested the idea so much in retrospect.
A few months ago, before his wedding to his second wife, my friend John was talking about how his first marriage dissolved, seemingly almost overnight. He'd been unhappy for a long time because his wife didn't really give him any say on things. It came to a point, he said, where he was cleaning one of his rifles in his home office at night while she slept and said to himself, "You know, one bullet could solve this problem, one way or another." And he realized that if they didn't start counseling, within a year, he'd either kill her or himself. So he said to her, "I think we need to go to a marriage counselor. I need to have some say in how we make decisions. You don't listen to my input and even when you're wrong, everything has to be done your way. Our relationship needs to change or I can't see any point in staying together." She said, "No, things are fine just as they are, shut up and get used to it." So he left her. No kids, so the divorce wasn't overly complicated. He and his current wife are much happier since they have more of an equal partnership (of course, both being divorcees and in their late 40s has given them a much less impractical view of marriage).
My point? Knuckling under may seem easier at the time, but doing so habitually can poison the relationship, because you're no longer partners. It's not about being contrary or confrontational over every thing, but when there are big decisions to be made, you both need to at least express your opinions on the matter.
My point? Knuckling under may seem easier at the time, but doing so habitually can poison the relationship, because you're no longer partners. It's not about being contrary or confrontational over every thing, but when there are big decisions to be made, you both need to at least express your opinions on the matter.
I have to agree with the others: this is really a decision that warrants a quiet, personal conversation, probably after the kids are in bed and the TV is off. You both should be honest with each other why you feel the way you do and work from there. With all the commitment that goes into even one kid (financial, emotional, mental, etc.), I would never want to have another kid unless Mr. Z was on board. Kids really need a committed team effort, and it's challenging enough when you DO want them.
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
We didn't plan on having any more children after that (we have 3 btw) but she's been super depressed since the tubal (and that's an actual medical thing that happens from what my google-fu has seen). So the other side effect that we are hoping for is a diminishing of her depression which is another reason I can't really say that I don't want to because, seriously, who would say no to something that could possibly help out their spouses quality of life.
Well, having a baby for any reason other than "we (or at least, I) want to have and raise a child" is a bad idea. I've seen couples have babies to replace a lost child, to combat depression, to try and reinvigorate the relationship, to try and combat loneliness, to be a marrow donor for another child - and in all of those cases, the child suffered as a result.
Honestly, I most certainly understand how hard it can be to deal with depression, certainly brought on by a medical procedure. And, in this case, I can understand the reasoning of thinking a child may help "solve" the depression - but it can't, and won't.
It may or may not be necessary to reverse the procedure (though it seems this is far from a guarantee to actually help curb the depression which can be brought on by having the tubes tied; hormones are great that way). This doesn't necessarily mean you should also go and have a fourth child.
A child can give you great happiness and a purpose and help in all kinds of ways, but those can never be the reason to have the child. Try to see these as separate issues, and be certain that if there is a wish for a child, it's for the right reasons.
Honestly, I most certainly understand how hard it can be to deal with depression, certainly brought on by a medical procedure. And, in this case, I can understand the reasoning of thinking a child may help "solve" the depression - but it can't, and won't.
It may or may not be necessary to reverse the procedure (though it seems this is far from a guarantee to actually help curb the depression which can be brought on by having the tubes tied; hormones are great that way). This doesn't necessarily mean you should also go and have a fourth child.
A child can give you great happiness and a purpose and help in all kinds of ways, but those can never be the reason to have the child. Try to see these as separate issues, and be certain that if there is a wish for a child, it's for the right reasons.
As many know, I'm on extended assignment far from home and family.
Kati decided to send me a care package for Valentine's Day, and as a bit of a surprise, in addition to the cookies and homemade hot cocoa mix, she decided to include a couple of Personally Precious Porcelain Artifacts™* that I've had put away for the last 7 years but which now bear messages highly relevant to my current situation.
Well, they weren't packed all that securely, and they smashed together repeatedly on their way here, so now the one that was never used is shattered, and the one that I only used once or twice is noticeably scarred.
And I had to let her know.
And neither of us were happy with this outcome.
--Patrick
*A matched pair of discontinued mugs with a loooong and sentimental story behind their acquisition.
Kati decided to send me a care package for Valentine's Day, and as a bit of a surprise, in addition to the cookies and homemade hot cocoa mix, she decided to include a couple of Personally Precious Porcelain Artifacts™* that I've had put away for the last 7 years but which now bear messages highly relevant to my current situation.
Well, they weren't packed all that securely, and they smashed together repeatedly on their way here, so now the one that was never used is shattered, and the one that I only used once or twice is noticeably scarred.
And I had to let her know.
And neither of us were happy with this outcome.
--Patrick
*A matched pair of discontinued mugs with a loooong and sentimental story behind their acquisition.