Rant VIII: The Reckoning

So, I was watching some video on facebook that was basically an ad for some plant terrarium thing. I thought they looked cool, so I was watching the whole thing, when it was interrupted in the middle by another freaking ad. Ad Inception. WTF
 
Uncle died last night due to some issues that resulted from having drank and been drunk his entire life. That led to some choices that pushed his kids and wife away from him as well as most of the immediate family for the last few years. Now, many of them are beating themselves up over not having reconciled before this happened. I'm definitely broken up about it but I don't regret not reconciling necessarily, maybe I will in a few years but not now anyway. We were closer when I was younger because I was younger, but he was always a bit of a bully toward me, everyone really. While I loved him for those memories of when I was little, I don't have any fond ones from the last 20+ years.


The biggest hit is that age-wise we weren't terribly far apart, him 45, me turning 33 this week. He and my Grandmother that passed a few years ago always provided a cautionary tale to me in regards to alcohol so I'm not overly concerned that way for myself. What worries me most is how similar he and my brother always were. He's started drinking a bit more the last few years I've noticed and I'd hate for his story to end the same. I'm hoping this puts a bit of fear into him because he's the type that won't listen to anyone, another trait they shared. He's going to decide for himself every time, and reactionarily against what anyone else tells him to do. Just hoping that seeing how this has devastated my Mom and Aunts gives him a bit of perspective.
 
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Just got a call from my sister. Her ex-husband has passed. He'd told his brother that he hadn't been feeling well the last few days, and was found in his car dead of an apparent heart attack. He was always worried he'd go early, as his father died at 42.

I've really got nothing else. I never really had issues with him. I would see him every few weeks when the previous hotel would have their comedy night and he would be there as security. But I hadn't seen or spoken with him since then, which is now several years.
 
Facebook reminded me that today was the one year anniversary of when I first broke the news that I had gotten hired at a full-time graphic design job. Which lasted approximately a month before I was laid off due to the first California COVID lockdown. They offered to rehire me 2 months later, but for various reasons it made more financial sense to move away (specifically that the $16/hour isn't really a long-term living wage for LA County, and they weren't willing to renegotiate my wage for my return, which I originally accepted in January with the agreement that I would be evaluated and could renegotiate after 90 days), and now I work at a warehouse in Kansas with a higher wage and a significantly lower cost of living but now I'm back mentally to where I was last year pre-COVID, kinda just... coasting, idly hating my job, and not having energy to do anything about it. I've been wasting my free time on scrolling reddit or playing video games that I'm not sure I even enjoy anymore. I can't remember the last time I drew, even as I have a reoccurring freelance gig that I could be doing if I would just do the work and turn it in but haven't been. I monitor new prepress and graphic design jobs that pop up on indeed but find myself not going through with actually applying to them. I don't work on updating or improving my portfolio. I loved the work I was doing for that brief period last year and I know what I need to do to get back into it but can't seem to find the will to do it when I'm not working or sleeping.
 
My dad has been having issues for the last month. Severe heartburn, fatigue, and nausea. Thought he was getting better when he started managing his sugar levels more adequately. But this last week or so he had relapsed again. Today he and my mom went to an appointment at the local urgent care, and was told to go check into the ER. They seem to think he has gastrointestinal bleeding of some kind, but the local hospital doesn't have the equipment to verify that and he's been transferred to another one.

Oh, and today was his birthday.
 
I hate being at an age and state of fitness where I can't determine if I should go to the doctor for things. Upon waking, and sometimes getting up from my desk after long sitting sessions, my left calf hurts. This has been going on for weeks I'm now realizing, with no physical cause. Combine that with the near constant chest pains on my left side, and I feel like I should call the doctor. I frequently have bouts of chest pains though due to stress, so I've been through the myriad rounds of testing a couple of times now, and all they have ever found is that sometimes my heart throws in an extra beat for fun. Thus the idea of surrounding myself with sick people to once again find out nothing is wrong does not excite me.

TL;DR - I'm having chest and calf pains but don't want to go to the doctor for nothing again.
 
I’m not saying it is, pains in the calf like that have been linked to blood clots, but also could just be that you’re doing something (changed normal sitting position, changed foot position, clenching calf) different and not realize you’ve done that.
 
Exactly. So I have a couple of symptoms that could be lifestyle changes due to covid and/or crippling stress, or could be killing me.

I'll go to the damned doctor, and pay lots of money to find out nothing is wrong still.
 
My dad has been having issues for the last month. Severe heartburn, fatigue, and nausea. Thought he was getting better when he started managing his sugar levels more adequately. But this last week or so he had relapsed again. Today he and my mom went to an appointment at the local urgent care, and was told to go check into the ER. They seem to think he has gastrointestinal bleeding of some kind, but the local hospital doesn't have the equipment to verify that and he's been transferred to another one.

Oh, and today was his birthday.
Update:
My dad came home tonight. Apparently he's been taking too much NSAIDs (Advil) and it caused a bleeding ulcer in his stomach. So they gave him meds to heal that up and he can't take NSAIDs anymore.
 
Exactly. So I have a couple of symptoms that could be lifestyle changes due to covid and/or crippling stress, or could be killing me.

I'll go to the damned doctor, and pay lots of money to find out nothing is wrong still.
So, they took an x-ray of my chest, and the doctor called to tell me he wants a cat scan of my chest because "there's something there that wasn't there before". The good news is that I'm in the U.S., so I only have to wait a week for permission from my insurance company before I can get said scan. Won't be stressing about this for a week. No sir.
 
It would stress me, too, but mainly because it'd give me a bad case of the echoing Lansburies.
Also, hang tight--pulmonary nodules are very common as you get older and are usually benign.

--Patrick
I've been through these things enough to expect nothing to come of it, but I do like getting my full deductible out of the way by the end of February.
 
So, they took an x-ray of my chest, and the doctor called to tell me he wants a cat scan of my chest because "there's something there that wasn't there before". The good news is that I'm in the U.S., so I only have to wait a week for permission from my insurance company before I can get said scan. Won't be stressing about this for a week. No sir.
Is it a chestburster? It's a chestburster, isn't it?
 
I've been through these things enough to expect nothing to come of it, but I do like getting my full deductible out of the way by the end of February.
So my cat scan found a nodule on my diaphragm. Apparently small enough to leave alone and it should go away. The kicker? It's not big enough to cause pain, so whatever is causing me pain goes undiagnosed. I'm getting to the point where I'll be relieved when I finally have the heart attack.
 
Next door neighbor had another psychotic break. And got in a confrontation with someone outside the apartment. Followed by more ranting and raving. To the point where I’m somewhere else for the rest of the day. Dude is a danger to himself and others.
 
Next door neighbor had another psychotic break. And got in a confrontation with someone outside the apartment. Followed by more ranting and raving. To the point where I’m somewhere else for the rest of the day. Dude is a danger to himself and others.
If only you lived in the civilized world where you could call some sort of government agency to help this person and protect the mfrom harming themselves or others. You know, something like the police, only without the heavy weapnry and with some mental health and de-escalation training.
 
If only you lived in the civilized world where you could call some sort of government agency to help this person and protect the mfrom harming themselves or others. You know, something like the police, only without the heavy weapnry and with some mental health and de-escalation training.
The police can do that, and we were unfortunately a front row observer, and get the person in for a 72 hour observation and evaluation. Our police have plenty of training with this stuff, and have handled it very well, talking to the guy, getting him to calm down, and getting him secured without anything worse than a scratch that was purely accidental.
 
Today must be one of those "mysterious ways" days. If the above stuff hadn't happened, I wouldn't have happened to walk through the lobby at 7pm to deal with a couple who had been kicked out at ~11:30am, but were still hanging out in the lobby. Refused to leave. Not having a ride was not our problem. The persisted, and I called 911 on them. Eventually they left, but not without the guy cursing me out a lot. Dude is known to law enforcement.

If it had been a normal night, I'd have walked in just before 11pm and had to deal with them by myself.
 
It’s no small thing to tell your wife that you want nothing to do with her family, and you don’t want your children to have anything to do with them either. I just can’t let them think that the bullshit anti-vax, Q-anon bullshit is ok. That we should just gloss it over and say “ Crazy family.” Fuck them. If they want to come back to reality, good for them. If you send my family your bullshit videos again, I will call you out for what you are. The fucking dregs of society. I don’t care how I look.
 
Had something like that going on in my family. I hope my reaction to it nipped that in the bud before any family members were lost to that kind of recruiting.

--Patrick
 
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