Export thread

Rapture after-party

#1

strawman

strawman

So I keep seeing bits and pieces online suggesting that someone thinks the rapture is at hand. I haven't bothered to look into it further, but an after-rapture party sounds like a fun idea for all of us who are left behind.

I'll bring punch and hamburgers.


#2

Cajungal

Cajungal

I'll bring.... helium balloons. Like, a billion of em.


#3

Fun Size

Fun Size

I've got the hedonism covered.


#4

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

I'll book ozzy to perform.


#5

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

....AND I FEEL FINE...

But really, this guy got the Endtimes wrong on several occasions. Yet, some how he keeps guessing from beyond the grave.

Won't I be surprised if he is right.


#6

Hylian

Hylian

I'll party like Slurms Mckenzie



#7

Gusto

Gusto

Hylian said:
I'll party like Slurms Mckenzie

Click to expand...
Whammy wham wham wozzle!


#8

Emrys

Emrys

I'll bring something to spike the punch with.


#9



Jiarn



#10

Piotyr

Piotyr

Was waiting for the axe joke.

Now it's a rapture party.


#11

IronBrig4

IronBrig4

There are some of those big tent churches between here and Houston that are advertising for it. Bible-thumping rednecks will believe ANYthing.


#12

@Li3n

@Li3n

sixpackshaker said:
But really, this guy got the Endtimes wrong on several occasions. Yet, some how he keeps guessing from beyond the grave.

Won't I be surprised if he is right.
Click to expand...
No, see, the thing is that he was right the first time... we've been living in a post rapture world for a while now, but no one noticed because so few people got raptured.


#13

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

@Li3n said:
No, see, the thing is that he was right the first time... we've been living in a post rapture world for a while now, but no one noticed because so few people got raptured.
Click to expand...
We were all predestined to fail. So drink up...


#14

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

The same group said the world would end in 1994, too.

Since then, I have questioned their veracity in soothsaying.


#15

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

I got into a pretty heated discussion about the end times with a friend of mine. He's convinced that it will be soon...

I told him to worry about his own end of days... because that will come far sooner than the end of the world.


#16

strawman

strawman

ThatNickGuy said:
The same group said the world would end in 1994, too.

Since then, I have questioned their veracity in soothsaying.
Click to expand...
The radio station that is tied to this revelation has continued its scheduling beyond the deadline, and the employees are still planning on showing up.

Either they don't believe it, or they each believe they aren't eligible.


#17

Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

This whole thing is pretty fantastic. As a misanthrope, I can embrace the fact that on Sunday morning SOMEONE is going to be disappointed:

A) The Rapture doesn't happen, these people are let down.
B) The Rapture doesn't happen, these people believe it did but are still here: very let down.
C) The Rapture happens, all of us heretics are stuck here: sure, I'm stuck here, but I can still draw some schadenfreude from all of you also still here.

I'm a horrible person.

And I'm so down for the after-party.


#18

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Count me in. I'll bring vodka and funny music.

Also, if Rapture doesn't show up, I intend to host a hold-nothing-back party/orgy on December 21st, 2012. Since we're all gonna roast and burn in the fury of the Mayan gods anyway...


#19

Emrys

Emrys

North_Ranger said:
Count me in. I'll bring vodka and funny music.
Also, if Rapture doesn't show up, I intend to host a hold-nothing-back party/orgy on December 21st, 2012. Since we're all gonna roast and burn in the fury of the Mayan gods anyway...
Click to expand...
Can I come?


#20

Allen who is Quiet

Allen who is Quiet

Emrys said:
Can I come?
Click to expand...
:awesome:


#21

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Emrys said:
Can I come?
Click to expand...
As long as you are willing to party like Quetzalcoatl is going to swallow the world at sunrise.


#22

figmentPez

figmentPez

Ugh, people who believe in predictions of the rapture have never studied the Bible.

Just a friendly reminder that not all Christians believe whatever cult-ish teachings have recently hit the news. In this particular case, most Christians either don't believe in a rapture at all or believe that the date cannot be known ahead of time.


#23

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

I just assumed the Rapture already occured when Justine Bieber got her own movie.


#24

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

ThatNickGuy said:
I just assumed the Rapture already occured when Justine Bieber got her own movie.
Click to expand...
...wut?


#25

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Y'heard me.


#26

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Is anyone bringing angel food cake? Cause angels are on sale at the store this week, so I can whip up a batch.


#27

fade

fade

I can't believe how much attention this Family Radio bit is getting. I guess I should make a goodbye thread, since I won't be here after Saturday.


#28

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

I don't know if whipping angels is the path to salvation...


#29

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

sixpackshaker said:
I don't know if whipping angels is the path to salvation...
Click to expand...
Beating them only leads to lumps, you need to whip them to get that fluffy bubbly feeling.


#30

strawman

strawman

And who likes lumpy angels? Not me, let me tell you.

Protip: If you aren't sure whether you'll be around after rapture, whipping angels will ensure you'll be here for the party!


#31

Allen who is Quiet

Allen who is Quiet

The angels have sat out too long, so I must whip them.


#32

Krisken

Krisken

It's not a party without Magnitude. Pop Pop!


#33

strawman

strawman

Allen who is Quiet said:
The angels have sat out too long, so I must whip them.
Click to expand...
If you've peeled them, you can add some lemon juice to prevent discoloration. Otherwise you'll end up with discolored angels, and while they taste the same, the food presentation suffers.


#34

Allen who is Quiet

Allen who is Quiet

I'll whip them into shape. Shape them up.


#35

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

How many angels can dance on the top of a firm, whipped peak?


#36

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

17 if you peel them
15 otherwise
Pluck the wings first? maybe 27


#37

SpecialKO

SpecialKO



#38

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

heh, the greatest song about masturbation that is not a song about masturbation.


#39

Gryfter

Gryfter

Am I the only one who wants to go out in the wee hours of the morning on May 21st and randomly place clothes laid out as if the person wearing them just up and disappeared all over the place?


#40

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Gryfter said:
Am I the only one who wants to go out in the wee hours of the morning on May 21st and randomly place clothes laid out as if the person wearing them just up and disappeared all over the place?
Click to expand...
QUICK, TO THE SALVATION ARMY!!!


#41

strawman

strawman

That would be awesome! You should have a big sign posted in a park, "Rapture party!" then lay out sets of clothes for about 30-40 people.

It would be perfect for a flash mob. "Instructions: Bring one set of old clothing, complete including underwear, etc, that you don't mind leaving behind..."


#42

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Would be better to have the clothing representative of people that rapture watchers are sure will not ascend, like Oakland Raider fans, heterosexuals, Democrats, web comic artists and Canadians.
Added at: 23:18


#43



Chibibar

you know what is scary? I think there are some people who really believe in this and may have massive ritual suicide or something if they are alive on sunday.


#44

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Gryfter said:
Am I the only one who wants to go out in the wee hours of the morning on May 21st and randomly place clothes laid out as if the person wearing them just up and disappeared all over the place?
Click to expand...
That sounds fucking awesome.


#45

strawman

strawman

escushion said:
That sounds fucking awesome.
Click to expand...
Are you suggesting we place the clothing in compromising positions?


#46

General Specific

General Specific

Chibibar said:
you know what is scary? I think there are some people who really believe in this and may have massive ritual suicide or something if they are alive on sunday.
Click to expand...
Darwin works in mysterious ways.


#47

Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

stienman said:
Are you suggesting we place the clothing in compromising positions?
Click to expand...
If you're having sex in such a way that when you vanish your clothing falls off, I think you are having sex incorrectly.


#48

blotsfan

blotsfan

This is perfect for sports. Just have a bunch of outfits with jerseys of your favorite team on the ground and one guy wearing your rival's jersey standing around.


#49

fade

fade

Gryfter said:
Am I the only one who wants to go out in the wee hours of the morning on May 21st and randomly place clothes laid out as if the person wearing them just up and disappeared all over the place?
Click to expand...
Old joke is old. (Sorry. I just wanted to do that thing.)


#50

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

fade said:
Old joke is old. (Sorry. I just wanted to do that thing.)
Click to expand...
You could try liking it for a change.


#51

Cajungal

Cajungal

As long as the rapture happens after 10 pm... my brother's playing from 7-10, and I don't want to miss it.


#52

figmentPez

figmentPez

It's supposed to be at 6pm, but I've heard that which time zone is a little fuzzy.


#53



Wasabi Poptart

Cajungal said:
As long as the rapture happens after 10 pm... my brother's playing from 7-10, and I don't want to miss it.
Click to expand...
Oh come on. That would mean I don't get to eat dinner since it would be 5pm here.


#54

Cajungal

Cajungal

Do an early bird dinner! Jesus can't wait forever!


#55



Wasabi Poptart

He waited this long to come back! What's another 90 minutes?


#56

figmentPez

figmentPez

Ahahahahaha! Someone I follow on twitter posted "Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in heaven has in store. One more dawn. One more day. One day more!!!" and I thought I was going to have to unfollow them for being an idiot who bought into this rapture bunk. Then I realized she was just quoting from Les Miserables, and that the supposed date is a couple days away, not tomorrow. I'm glad I gave my brain a chance to rethink the conclusions I'd jumped to.


#57

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

Also remember, in Heaven there is no beer!


#58

Krisken

Krisken

Cheesy1 said:
Also remember, in Heaven there is no beer!
Click to expand...
No. NNOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!

Ahem. I knew I chose wisely.


#59

Allen who is Quiet

Allen who is Quiet

Then how is it heaven?


#60

@Li3n

@Li3n

sixpackshaker said:
We were all predestined to fail. So drink up...
Click to expand...
Hold on there sonny, maybe you where, you lazy good for nothing, but i failed through my own herculean efforts and no one else's.


#61

DarkAudit

DarkAudit

There must be beer in Heaven. Ben Franklin said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."


#62

Adam

Adammon

Heh, I'm going to a gay wedding tomorrow as MC, and it just so happens that they're getting hitched at 6PM. I don't believe that they planned it this way, but it tickles my funny bone.

After all, we've been told for years that gay marriage would be the end of the world.


#63

Gryfter

Gryfter

Adammon said:
After all, we've been told for years that gay marriage would be the end of the world.
Click to expand...
And now we'll know exactly who to blame. ;)


#64

Emrys

Emrys

Meh, mother always said I was going to hell. Fortunately, I grew up in the deep South so I'll be able to handle the heat.


#65

checkeredhat

checkeredhat

Fun Size said:
I've got the hedonism covered.
Click to expand...
*AHEM*
<---


#66

Gusto

Gusto

WELP I done got razed.


#67

Krisken

Krisken

I want to play some Arkham Horror tomorrow night. Just for funsies.


#68

CrimsonSoul

CrimsonSoul

Did he specify a time because it's Saturday and I'm st...... Ohhhhhh shit


#69

figmentPez

figmentPez

According to what I've read, the kook originally said 6PM in New Zealand, but later was more vague about things.


#70

DarkAudit

DarkAudit

I thought it was 6pm Pacific Daylight Time.


#71

strawman

strawman

the end of the world will take place today, May 21, at precisely 6 p.m.-- that's local time wherever you happen to be, in case you're planning a cookout. This means that you'll be able watch the destruction ripple its way across the globe until it reaches you.
Click to expand...
Of course, it's already past midnight (ie, Sunday morning) in New Zealand, and so far there are no reports of the world ending there. Still, predicting the end of the world is very difficult. Perhaps he's just go the time wrong?

I'm still bringing punch.


#72

General Specific

General Specific

Well, if the world is ending and the apocalypse is beginning, I imagine there are so many people being raptured and so much upheaval that getting a report out might be tough. So maybe no news is bad?


#73

strawman

strawman



Hotlinking because after the rapture it won't matter none, son!

(via http://laughingsquid.com/this-weeks-5-day-weather-forecast/ in case they block hotlinking...)


#74

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Man, if the world ends tonight, that'll be the worst way to go out: working at Blockbuster, right after hearing from my boss that we'll be closing in a few months.


#75

Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

ThatNickGuy said:
Man, if the world ends tonight, that'll be the worst way to go out: working at Blockbuster, right after hearing from my boss that we'll be closing in a few months.
Click to expand...
Ah, just don't show up:

"Why weren't you at work yesterday, Nick?" "Because fuck you, the world was supposed to end!"


#76

General Specific

General Specific

Stephen Fry's take via Twitter:
"Marvellous news! #rapture doesn't mean end of world: apparently all the plantet's imbeciles disappear in one go #dreamcometrue"

And a follow up to someone:
"Calm down. Never said all Christians are imbeciles. Just those who think they'll be raised up today. They do the faith a grave disservice."


#77

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

machoman.jpg


"OOOHHH YEAAH! THIS RAPTURE IS OVER! IT"S MACHO MADNESS NOW AND FOREVER BROTHER! YEAAAH!


#78

CrimsonSoul

CrimsonSoul

Randy Savage died in order to stop the Rapture... I... I can actually believe that


#79

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

He gave his life, that we might all snap into a Slim Jim...

Stay macho, man. *SNAP*


#80

ScytheRexx

ScytheRexx

Jesus versus Savage at the Pearly Gates this Sunday for the Heaven Heavyweight Championship, it's going to be a real slobbernocker! OHHH YEEAHHH!


#81

Cheesy1

Cheesy1



#82

Baerdog

Baerdog

CrimsonSoul said:
Randy Savage died in order to stop the Rapture... I... I can actually believe that
Click to expand...
What if he was just the only one who got picked? :aaah:


#83

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

Baerdog said:
What if he was just the only one who got picked? :aaah:
Click to expand...
Then upon being struck down, he became more powerful than we could possibly imagine


#84



Wasabi Poptart

HCGLNS said:
View attachment 2089

"OOOHHH YEAAH! THIS RAPTURE IS OVER! IT"S MACHO MADNESS NOW AND FOREVER BROTHER! YEAAAH!
Click to expand...
My mom told me I was awful for laughing at this picture as hard as I did yesterday.


#85

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

You should only feel awful if your Mom doesn't convert to Macho-Madness! A new subset of Christianity wherein, Randy Savage ascended up to Heaven, climbed to the top rope of the Ring of Eternity and dropped the big elbow on God himself. And when God awoke, it was not 1 thousand, not two thousand but 3 thousands years later. Ooooh Yeah!


#86

fade

fade

Harold Camping speaks out.

Nothing earth-shattering (ba-doomp crssh). He gets a little sexist, surprisingly tolerant of non-christian religions while ironically lambasting Christian denominations.


#87

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

And NOW he's saying it's actually Oct. 21st instead. It will never end with this guy.


#88

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Now I am starting to realize why false prophets were burned at the stake 500 years ago.


#89

@Li3n

@Li3n

This is what i liked most:


Asked if he had any advice to offer those who had given away their material wealth in the belief the world was about to end, Mr Camping said they would cope.
"We just had a great recession. There's lots of people who lost their jobs, lots of people who lost their houses... and somehow they all survived," he said.
"We're not in the business of giving any financial advice," he added.
"We're in the business of telling people maybe there is someone you can talk to, and that's God."
Click to expand...
Plus, why give advice when you've taught them the most valuable life lesson of all...


#90

strawman

strawman

Cheesy1 said:
And NOW he's saying it's actually Oct. 21st instead. It will never end with this guy.
Click to expand...
To be fair, his original claim was:

Rapture (second coming of Jesus) May 21, 2011 with up to 200 million humans being taken up.
5 in between months used to torture those remaining behind with apocalyptic/cataclysmic devastation.
World ends October 21, 2011.

His latest statement was that he's not sure why the rapture didn't happen, but he's quite certain the end of the world will still occur as predicted.

If you've seen his explanations for how he calculated the dates, though, it's utterly hilarious. He's literally pulling numbers out of thin air (based loosely on the bible) and using math to generate the dates.

He appears to be discounting the idea that maybe the rapture did occur, but the people taken up weren't noticed. I assume it's because he wasn't taken up, that he doesn't believe anyone was.

However, about 150,000 people die every day, and over the next 5 months that will add up to over 20 million, which is certainly "up to 200 million" so perhaps he's just off by his method of rapture (death vs floating into... uh... space......?) and the timeframe (single day vs spread out over time).


#91

@Li3n

@Li3n

stienman said:
He appears to be discounting the idea that maybe the rapture did occur, but the people taken up weren't noticed. I assume it's because he wasn't taken up, that he doesn't believe anyone was.
Click to expand...
That and the fact that less then a dozen people disappearing would barely even register as a statistical bump...


#92

Gusto

Gusto

Oh, humans.


Top