The Random Crap Thread 2: It Hits the Fan.
- Thread starter North_Ranger
- Start date
You should bring it up with your doctor. Either they are understaffed and are too busy to return calls, or they aren't doing their job.
On the other hand, if it's a small clinic with a small town feel, it may just be one of those places you have to go in person to chat. You'll get your info quickly that way, but it can really eat into your day, depending on distance.
Dave
Staff member
Yup. I'm not going to get bent out of shape until I have an actual diagnosis. Until then it's just conjecture. Ain't nothing I can do about it until I find out so why worry?
On the bright side, starting Thursday I get to pee in a bottle. For 24 hours. Then take it in to the doctor's office right away. That and my bloodwork will give them a clearer picture as to what this is. It's either the cancer, kidney problems, or false positives. In any event, no matter what it is it should be early into the disease so it's able to be fought. I made the mistake of going to WebMD and now I'm officially dead.
On the bright side, starting Thursday I get to pee in a bottle. For 24 hours. Then take it in to the doctor's office right away. That and my bloodwork will give them a clearer picture as to what this is. It's either the cancer, kidney problems, or false positives. In any event, no matter what it is it should be early into the disease so it's able to be fought. I made the mistake of going to WebMD and now I'm officially dead.
I had to do that when I was pregnant with both kids. :/ Nothing like a giant bottle of pee to take to the lab.
Dave
Staff member
Yeah. My luck I'll get into a car accident and it'll go all over.
GasBandit
Staff member
Wrap it in a sweatshirt and buckle it up in the seat next to youYeah. My luck I'll get into a car accident and it'll go all over.
It's not a Tommy gun!
If you thought the cat was paranoid before...
Or you'll find out that you're actually pregnant.Yeah. My luck I'll get into a car accident and it'll go all over.
Dave
Staff member
A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."
"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited $10. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.
That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took this concoction down to the drugstore, poured it in the machine and deposited $10. The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:
Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off your tennis elbow will never get better.
"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited $10. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.
That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took this concoction down to the drugstore, poured it in the machine and deposited $10. The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:
Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off your tennis elbow will never get better.
That joke was old when you were young, man. And that's saying something.
Dave
Staff member
Yup. But it fit the topic so I went and found a copy of it.
yeah, the genetic mutation for adult lactose tolerance occurred after homo sapiens expanded into Europe, I think somewhere in the region of France, if I recall correctly."Why do white people like cheese so much?!"
Because we can.
Was it a mutation? Or was it just because of the custom of abandoning dairy in all forms once adulthood is reached? (or did one cause the other?)
--Patrick
GasBandit
Staff member
Cheese. Now THAT is #WhitePrivilege
I bet that guy hates football now.
I spent nearly all day in a very dull meeting today, which barely had anything to do with me and what I do. It involved an eternal consultant coming to our company and talking about, well, stuff. I was so bored in the meeting, I ended up writing a poem.
This random guy is ramb'ling on and on,
About some stuff that's naught to do with me.
There's other work that I need to get done,
And other places where I need to be.
I honestly have honestly no clue
What this meeting is meant to be about.
I have some cases that are overdue.
The client prob'ly wants to punch my snout.
At least the girl who's sitting next to me
is kinda cute - I wonder what's her name?
Her dress is blue and stops above the knee.
Her shoelace colors are not quite the same.
Oh shit the speaker's looking in my way.
I think he's noticed I'm not listening.
It's not my fault I hate to waste a day
On useless meetings, like this stupid thing.
And then, at this point, the external consultant asked me a question, so I had to stop writing.
This random guy is ramb'ling on and on,
About some stuff that's naught to do with me.
There's other work that I need to get done,
And other places where I need to be.
I honestly have honestly no clue
What this meeting is meant to be about.
I have some cases that are overdue.
The client prob'ly wants to punch my snout.
At least the girl who's sitting next to me
is kinda cute - I wonder what's her name?
Her dress is blue and stops above the knee.
Her shoelace colors are not quite the same.
Oh shit the speaker's looking in my way.
I think he's noticed I'm not listening.
It's not my fault I hate to waste a day
On useless meetings, like this stupid thing.
And then, at this point, the external consultant asked me a question, so I had to stop writing.
Did you give her the poem?
Roll for chutzpah...
...failed to translate that...