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I figured we needed a place to share the collective wisdom of this, our new home. I'll start.

Being funny is hard. Interestingly, the converse is almost never true.

Never pick your nose while being driven down a bumpy road.

Never masturbate with a sandpaper glove.

If someone dies Shego obviously had a hand in it (and a foot and a knife and her teeth and her .. well you get the idea)

Better to be alone and hope for love than be with someone and hope for love.

hylian said:

If someone dies Shego obviously had a hand in it (and a foot and a knife and her teeth and her .. well you get the idea)

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You can't prove a damn thing in a court of law!

North_Ranger said:

Better to be alone and hope for love than be with someone and hope for love.

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Ouch.... :tear:

Shegokigo said:

Ouch.... :tear:

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Sorry, Shegs. Didn't mean to hit so close to home.

*hugs*

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends underneath the couch.

Shegokigo said:

You can't prove a damn thing in a court of law!

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And as long as you don't try and kill me I won't have to try


you aren't trying now are you? aranoid:

Never f**ck with some one who handles your food.

For Shego : http://www.splitreason.com/Product_Images/3cc2771eed41-xl.jpg I don't want to hot link, since I've bought stuff there in the past.

Yesterday's gone, and tomorrow's yet to come. So live today.

hylian said:

And as long as you don't try and kill me I won't have to try


you aren't trying now are you? aranoid:

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If it makes you feel better, Shego never tries.

WildSoul said:

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends underneath the couch.

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Clearly, you need a better blender.

Anyone can dream a dream but very few ever wake up to make that dream a reality. But those who never wake up never will have there dream crushed by reality.

Once told to me while getting mildly electrocuted. It was raining and I was in a hole in the ground holding 2 pipes together, with a weldor arch welding the two.

"A chicken's eyes aren't but this far apart, but he knows when to get out of the rain."

Don't accept any wooden nickels from strangers.

And remember kids, never suck the juice out of a tractor.

Never trust Greeks bearing gifts.

Greendog said:

Never trust Greeks bearing gifts.

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Ah, but you're also not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth.

So which one is true?

WildSoul said:

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends underneath the couch.

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You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

Best advice I ever got: If you have to sneeze, look up at a light.

That never works for me. Ever.

My stepdad, however, just so much has to look at the sun and he sneezes like five times in a row.

Underestimating human stupidity always leads to disappointment.

General Specific said:

Ah, but you're also not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth.

So which one is true?

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Not sure. You got a magic eight ball handy?

Never moon a werewolf.

That really would be a bad moon rising...

fun size said:

i figured we needed a place to share the collective wisdom of this, our new home. I'll start.

Being funny is hard. Interestingly, the converse is almost never true.

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q.e.d.?

To err is human... To blame someone else shows good management skills.

Zappit said:

Underestimating human stupidity always leads to disappointment.

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Never stick a knife in the toaster to check if the toast is done. Trust me, it's a bad idea.

No matter what you do, you'll be dead in a hundred years. Enjoy what time you've got.

Holy Knickers said:

To err is human... To blame someone else shows good management skills.

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To err is human. To really smurf things up requires a computer.

The number one leading cause of celebrity deaths is Tom Brazelton.

The answer, is and forever shall be:
42

LordRavage said:

Never moon a werewolf.

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Great one!

I've got a little booklet that I sometime write down realizations and revelations in. Here's the latest. I don't know if it counts as 'wisdom' but it certainly made me

"If some cataclysm were to befall the earth, eliminating every human on the planet - even if it did no physical damage to the planet - it would then only be a matter of time before not a single bowling pin stands upright."

If you give a man fire, he'll be warm for awhile. But if you set that man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

CynicismKills said:

If you give a man fire, he'll be warm for awhile. But if you set that man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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That's one of my personal daily mantras.

And everybody say Jack, ooh don't you know:

You don't call ZenMonkey an ape
You don't mouth off to an admin
You don't sit on the hat of the ol' North_Ranger
and you don't troll Like JCM.



Okay, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'm not much of a lyricist. *sigh* maybe it would have been better just to quote the song.

ljklasdln; v., vzlknadgv; lsjgop9iuthjpin;kgpi 0uoelqtnoli5phn; ahadfknl .as goih bn

"I'm not worried that all hell will break loose. I'm worried that a part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect." -- George Carlin

figmentPez said:

maybe it would have been better just to quote the song.

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If it makes you feel any better, it gave me a great "WTF?" moment before I realized where you were going.

As for wisdom, I'm just going to copy one of my favorite quotes of all time, from Arthur C. Clarke: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

No wisdom from me (and isn't that surprising?), but...why is it this sort of "wise words" are almost always cynical and negative? People always say I'm way too negative (and they're right), but even I don't try to live by following these rules. N_R and ZM are the only two with messages that at least can be construed as positive!

Looking at a light to sneeze isn't negative.

Most of these, Bubble, are just "take on life" quotes by various people throughout the ages. And of course, a quote isn't memorable unless it's humorous.

Bubble181 said:

N_R and ZM are the only two with messages that at least can be construed as positive!

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Excuse me?

Shegokigo said:

The answer, is and forever shall be:
42

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You stand corrected sir. :humph:

Words of wisdom?
Hmmmm . . . .
One from my dad: "If you stopped whining and did the dishes already, they would've been finished by now."

Never take life too seriously. No one ever gets out alive anyway.

Bubble181 said:

N_R and ZM are the only two with messages that at least can be construed as positive!

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Mine's positive!

Just... kinda morbid.

Its never Lupus!

Another nugget of wisdom, gleaned from this thread:

If you're going to single someone out, single everyone out. :uhhuh:

If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it.

You will meet a lot of people in your life. The important ones will be the ones you call friends.

Never cook bacon naked.

Wear sunscreen.

(I swear someone mentioned this in a previous thread.....)

To err is human.
To arr is pirate!

Jake said:

If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it.

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Well that's not very useful for some....

42 just means we're run by mice.
Wear sunscreen I mentioned in the previous thread ;P
And cooking bacon naked is the only way to learn how to do it without splashing grease all over the place!

Always let the Wookiee win.

If someone asks you if you're a god, you always say yes.

If you shoot a barrel, there's a pretty good chance that it's gonna blow up.

Ancient weapons and hokey religions are no match for a good blaster at your side.

if you adventure into the dark you will be eaten by a grue

hylian said:

if you adventure into the dark you will be eaten by a grue

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It's likely anyway.

It is always a trap, except when it's not.

people will retread memes to exhaustion, trying desperately to seem witty, and feeling a dark cold spot in their souls knowing that if they ever do create the Next Big Meme, they'll only still be popular on the Net.

Bubble181 said:

No wisdom from me (and isn't that surprising?), but...why is it this sort of "wise words" are almost always cynical and negative? People always say I'm way too negative (and they're right), but even I don't try to live by following these rules. N_R and ZM are the only two with messages that at least can be construed as positive!

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Mine's positive, because I'm totally helping that guy out. Also it's taken from the Terry Pratchett book Jingo. The whole quote goes (father and son are fishing):

"If you give a man fire, he'll be warm for awhile, but if you set that man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
"Dad, I don't think that's how the saying goes."
"Shhh, you'll scare the fish away, son."

Crone said:

people will retread memes to exhaustion, trying desperately to seem witty, and feeling a dark cold spot in their souls knowing that if they ever do create the Next Big Meme, they'll only still be popular on the Net.

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Boy, if I actually cared what people on the internet thought, that might hurt. Maybe.


Back on topic:
Everyone is a hack. Especially Kurtz.

ZenMonkey said:

If it makes you feel any better, it gave me a great "WTF?" moment before I realized where you were going.

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Did you get to both places I was going? It was a Jim Crocce parody, but it was also a vague Discworld reference. I figure if the Librarian gets offended at being called a monkey, then monkeys would get offended at being called apes. (There are just too few words that rhyme with cape, let alone ones that have any sort of connection to the forums.)

Okay, words of wisdom:

"Life is full of doors that don't open when you knock, equally spaced amid those that open when you don't want them to."
- Roger Zelazny

"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."
-Unknown

"The sublime and the ridiculous are often so nearly related that it is difficult to class them separately. One step above the sublime makes the ridiculous; and one step above the ridiculous makes the sublime again."
-Thomas Paine

Ewig ist ein langer Kauf.
(Forever is a long bargain.)
- German Proverb

"For the Female of the species is more deadly than the male."
- Rudyard Kipling

"Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps."
- David Lloyd George

"It's all fun and games until someone pokes an eye out.
Then it's a sport."
- Unknown

"And given a chance and a rock see which one breaks a window
And see which one keeps me up all night and into the day"
- "Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call on their album "40 Acres"

"The map is not the territory."
-Alfred Korzybski

Cuyval Dar said:

It is always a trap, except when it's not.

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I always think everything is a trap. It's why I'm still alive.

And so we come the end of another episode of "All My Circuits", join us next time when Calculon reveals...

Cuyval Dar said:

Boy, if I actually cared what people on the internet thought, that might hurt. Maybe.

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wow, you actually paid attention to it?

I find that the best way to get through a hard day is to step outside, look at the sky/treetops, and take a long, deep breath.

Then drink a glass of water and go back to whatever you have to do.

I find that the best way to get through a hard day is to step inside, look at the monitor/tv screen, and take a long, deep breath.

Then drink a glass of vodka and go back to whatever game you were playing.

Shegokigo said:

I find that the best way to get through a hard day is to step inside, look at the monitor/tv screen, and take a long, deep breath.

Then drink a glass of vodka and go back to whatever game you were playing.

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Which brings me to what no one in my family ever said but always implied:

"It takes all kinds."

figmentPez said:

I figure if the Librarian gets offended at being called a monkey, then monkeys would get offended at being called apes.

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I just finished Guards, Guards! a few days ago.

ZenMonkey said:

I just finished Guards, Guards! a few days ago.

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I just re-read The Fifth Elephant recently. Reaper Man is still my favorite, thanks to this quote:

What can the Harvest hope for, if not the care of the Reaper Man?"

Also, Soul Music's Music With Rocks In always makes me giggle.

Never start a 'Say something' thread. You will be sucked in just like that http://tvtropes.org/ website.

if you have nothing to post, post naked

Allen said:

if you have nothing to post, post naked

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Who says we don't already?

You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim

There is porn of it.
No exceptions.

Tears are cleansing rain for the soul, washing away sorrow and pain.

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

Cuyval Dar said:

Never start a 'Say something' thread. You will be sucked in just like that http://tvtropes.org/ website.

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This is true. Every time I finally close TV Tropes, I find that 4 months have passed.

My old sig:

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

fade said:

ljklasdln; v., vzlknadgv; lsjgop9iuthjpin;kgpi 0uoelqtnoli5phn; ahadfknl .as goih bn

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(The point was that I was banging my head against the keyboard--literally.)

Just because one drink makes you feel good, two drinks will not make you feel twice as good.

Allen said:

if you have nothing to post, post naked

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If you post naked, your chair will start to smell funny.

Fun Size said:

Just because one drink makes you feel good, two drinks will not make you feel twice as good.

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I call bullshit on this one. :humph:

Shegokigo said:

I call bullshit on this one. :humph:

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Then you're not mixing that first drink strong enough. For some of us, Half-o-rum isn't just a forum, it's a goddamned way of life. :falldown:

Or your second drink is too weak.

booze sucks, I've recently decided. So not worth it.

Isn't that against the oath you swore as a Mexican?

not really, cause I've sorta substituted with some other substance that was also clichedly pinned on mexicans for quite a while

tacos?

Laziness?

Mustaches?

.... it's very funny that all those also apply right now.

Wisdom eh?

Always tell your loved ones that you love them.
The person most responsible for your safety is you.
Always be courteous.
Woman and children first.
Choose to do things not because they are easy, but because they are hard.

Ladies first... especially on thin ice.

I'd rather be alone and right, than in a crowd and wrong.

Bump.

Listening to extremists is like debating a midget. Even if they make some good arguments, their viewpoint is still nuts.

The problem is the media and society are now accepting extreme leftist views as "truth" and "sound judgment" instead of the nutjob batshit insanity they rightfully are.

Thread hijack over, carry on.

When you're sad and tired, have a tiny spoonful of peanut butter. It'll make you feel better unless you're allergic to peanuts, in which case...disregard..

Uh.. a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down?

The medicine go down.






The medicine go down.

Perhaps, but it won't sustain you like mashed legumes will.

Beating a new video game is more important than sleep.


You are never to old for cartoons.

There's always time for lubricant.

Blood makes an excellent lubricant.

False, falser, statistics.

Never predict the end of the world in your own lifetime.

Expert (normal use) - n. A person who has achieved a deep understanding of a particular subject through years of rigorous study, critical reading and the study of evidence.
Expert (internet) - Any idiot who has access to YouTube and MS Paint. Also see 'Douchebag'.