Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!
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Or Lindsey Buckingham!
I really wish I could keep my mouth shut. Shortly before leaving work yesterday, I made a joke to my manager about sitting home and collecting unemployment. We laughed, because I know she needs my help and I'm going to be there.
Except then last night I caught what Julie had this past weekend and it crushed me into a flat soda can. So I had to call in. I wouldn't feel bad since I'm A. not getting paid for it and B. I haven't called in sick since July last year (somehow managed to only ruin my weekends with illness since then), if I hadn't made that stupid joke, because the irrational part of my brain says GEE THAT LOOKS PLANNED
Except then last night I caught what Julie had this past weekend and it crushed me into a flat soda can. So I had to call in. I wouldn't feel bad since I'm A. not getting paid for it and B. I haven't called in sick since July last year (somehow managed to only ruin my weekends with illness since then), if I hadn't made that stupid joke, because the irrational part of my brain says GEE THAT LOOKS PLANNED
You're working for free. Fuck what they think.
...Okay, this is two-for-two. Who are you, and what have you done with @blotsfan?
It was the weasels! <mwahahahahaha!>
The Chicago Blackhawks of the 2010s are the most impressive dynasty in NHL history when factoring in the cap and other considerations of the modern game compared to the NHL of old in this essay I will
[Jibber] So I made a lemon tea for breakfast yesterday and it was okay. Then after work I ran some errands and got home a little later than usual. Since my wife was a good egg, I got her a treat. But I fell asleep before she got back home. And she found the treat and ate it herself! I didn't even get to give it to her, she said we talked about it, but I suspect she was just talking to Captain Holt on the TV show I left playing on Netflix.[/Jibber]
Dude, we talked about it and I was home for hours and you came busting into our room freaking that I was there.
It was odd lol.
It was odd lol.
Dave
Staff member
Just booked a gig on Valentine's Day. Pays $400 for an hour and a half. They want 3 comedians. We've done this place before and the owner is CRAZY. The problem is, because she's crazy nobody wants to go do this. So I have less than a month to find 2 or 3 comics who want to do the gig and I'm starting to sweat.
Dave
Staff member
Have you ever tried to write 90 minutes of stand-up material? Most I've ever done was an hour and I was scared as hell. I did it, but I used some real skeevy tricks to pad the time. It was a corporate event so I brought up a couple of the bosses and had them do some improv exercises with me. That ate up about 10 minutes and the crowd loved it.
Hold an “intermission,” tell them you’ll be back in “just a second,” leave the stage, make them think that your lapel mic is still live, start playing a bunch of prerecorded audio of you going on a 20min “adventure” (to find an unoccupied bathroom, getting kidnapped by aliens, arrested, whatever). Come back onstage all rumpled with your hair all messed up and tell them, “Man, you wouldn’t believe what just happened!” And then segue into your third act.
—Patrick
—Patrick
Yeah, that's why my suggestion was a joke.
Dave
Staff member
Okay. Hard to tell, though. You'd be surprised how many people say what you said and are dead serious.
Dead mouse at work. So gross.
He’s a spoiled cat. He would pack soft cheese and triscuits 
Yummy!!!
At least it’s non toxic, am I right?
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At least it’s non toxic, am I right?
I love the awkward feeling of having to make sure an ezine isn't stealing one of my stories.
If I'm wrong, I get to be embarrassed.
If I'm right, I have to contact them further.
Fun!
I submitted to one, they rejected the story, but now there's hints the story may be in their next issue when I was not consulted or paid. I've continued sending this story to other venues, so it's a problem for many reasons.
If I'm wrong, I get to be embarrassed.
If I'm right, I have to contact them further.
Fun!
I submitted to one, they rejected the story, but now there's hints the story may be in their next issue when I was not consulted or paid. I've continued sending this story to other venues, so it's a problem for many reasons.
Went out to watch the eclipse. In 5 minutes I got a minimum of 9 mosquito bites. I'm allergic to the ones here in Hawaii. So the bites aren't just itchy. They're on fire like hives. Using the 10-scale like they do for pain, my legs are at a 15 and it is taking all of my concentration to sit here without ripping my skin off (which is also part of the reason I'm typing this out since it keeps my hands busy and kind of my mind off of the intensity of the burn).
I'm a stupid ass for not using bug repellent before going out. Two of them are about 2 inches across right now. Those are the ones I haven't put an ice pack on. Fuck me.
I'm a stupid ass for not using bug repellent before going out. Two of them are about 2 inches across right now. Those are the ones I haven't put an ice pack on. Fuck me.
Living right off of Pearl Harbor is not doing me favors in the mosquito department. Fun fact, though: I have a distant cousin who studied malaria and mosquitoes. He has one named for him.