Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!

I kept the screen door in the back open to ventilate some painting/shellacing I'm doing, and now I'm stuffed up like a cotton ball. Stupid tree fucking season.
 
They don't work against some of the $#!+ that gets blown around here in the Valley.

Ask me how I... I... I... ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...(cough) (ahem) know.
 
I sometimes search myself on here for old posts. No idea why. Maybe to see what my thoughts were on something at the time. Or reread certain discussions.

Well, tonight I made the mistake of rereading old posts on the Rant thread. And spent...more time doing so than I'm willing to admit. And all it did was dredge up a lot of old, painful memories. Lost jobs, failed relationships, emotional breakdowns. Even some old rants about frustrations with my writing, which was doubly painful since I don't write anymore. Or when I was scared to start my teaching practicum, only to drop out of the program months later. I remembered how I felt at the time of each post and in some ways, it made me feel that way again, though not to the same extreme degree.

And Christ, I snapped at others a lot. Some maybe warranted like when Charlie or ElJuski said something. But that only made things worse.

And it's just...I'm really struggling these days. I'm surprised work hasn't fired me for all the time I've missed because I keep calling in "sick" when I'm severely depressed. I desperately want to move out, but I don't think I can afford it on my own despite having a decent paying job and no major expenses. I've regained all the weight I lost two years ago, and then some. And I'm just so fucking lonely.
 
As nasty as Charlie and ElJuski were, they likely had your best interest at heart.

I know I do not respond to you as warmly as I should. I have walked your steps at times in my life. I would bet my life that we would do what ever it takes to keep you around.
 
As nasty as Charlie and ElJuski were, they likely had your best interest at heart.

I know I do not respond to you as warmly as I should. I have walked your steps at times in my life. I would bet my life that we would do what ever it takes to keep you around.
Nah. The narrative of "these people were dicks to you because they care" is bull, especially in the case of repeatedly being asked to not be a dick.

That said, I totally agree with the last sentence of the post.
 
I sometimes search myself on here for old posts. No idea why. Maybe to see what my thoughts were on something at the time. Or reread certain discussions.

Well, tonight I made the mistake of rereading old posts on the Rant thread. And spent...more time doing so than I'm willing to admit. And all it did was dredge up a lot of old, painful memories. Lost jobs, failed relationships, emotional breakdowns. Even some old rants about frustrations with my writing, which was doubly painful since I don't write anymore. Or when I was scared to start my teaching practicum, only to drop out of the program months later. I remembered how I felt at the time of each post and in some ways, it made me feel that way again, though not to the same extreme degree.

And Christ, I snapped at others a lot. Some maybe warranted like when Charlie or ElJuski said something. But that only made things worse.

And it's just...I'm really struggling these days. I'm surprised work hasn't fired me for all the time I've missed because I keep calling in "sick" when I'm severely depressed. I desperately want to move out, but I don't think I can afford it on my own despite having a decent paying job and no major expenses. I've regained all the weight I lost two years ago, and then some. And I'm just so fucking lonely.
I wish I could offer more than just a digital hug. But I understand pouring over old posts. It's self destructive behavior and we shouldn't do it, but I know at least for me when I was in the pit of a depressive spiral I would be drawn to shit like that. I would actively seek out past tragedies or traumas and relive them. Maybe because I thought the pain was cathartic? I don't really know.

I don't really have anything helpful to add, but wanted to add something because just clicking hug felt like too little. We love ya Nick, and if it helps any I don't think the extra weight looks bad on you.
 
I don't have time for a lot right now, but just quickly, you're not calling in "sick" when you're struggling with depression. You're calling in sick.
I can do my work better with a migraine and a throat infection than I can in the midst of a bout of depression.
My last place of employment got a lot of things wrong. But this is one thing they got right. Over the time that I worked there, they transitioned from sick time/pto/vacation time to all PTO. If you were planning on being out more than a couple of days, they requested advanced notice, but they no longer stopped needing a reason (sick, etc) for why you took PTO, and actively espoused that a "personal day" for any reason at all was necessary sometimes for peoples wellbeing.
 
I have difficulty expressing myself at times, so apologies if this comes off as ham-fisted or whatever, but:

I have people close to me who have gone on workers' comp or long-term sick leave because of mental health. It's real, it's valid and you should NEVER feel guilty for taking care of your mind.

I rarely pipe up when these subjects come up, because I never really know what to say, but to all my fellow Halforumites who are struggling with this:

Know that you are loved and you are valued. You all make this place what it is and all of our lives would be diminished without you.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
My last place of employment got a lot of things wrong. But this is one thing they got right. Over the time that I worked there, they transitioned from sick time/pto/vacation time to all PTO. If you were planning on being out more than a couple of days, they requested advanced notice, but they no longer stopped needing a reason (sick, etc) for why you took PTO, and actively espoused that a "personal day" for any reason at all was necessary sometimes for peoples wellbeing.
I had 2 weeks of sick time I never took at my old job, as well as a couple days of PTO, and 4 weeks of vacation (also never took). It did not roll over, nor was I paid for unused time.

New job does not have sick time, and combined PTO and vacation. I get one week of PTO to use as I choose. If I don't use it, they pay me for it at the end of the year.

I figure despite it sounding much worse, I'm actually coming out ahead.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I understand pouring over old posts. It's self destructive behavior and we shouldn't do it, but I know at least for me when I was in the pit of a depressive spiral I would be drawn to shit like that.
Sometimes I go back and read posts I made years ago (even posts AFTER I stopped trying to be the world's biggest asshole), and I find myself cringing so hard at the shit I used to say, and how I used to present myself. Even more because I know I haven't done anything to change in the last 7 years or so, so I'm probably doing the exact same thing. Blergh.
 
I had 2 weeks of sick time I never took at my old job, as well as a couple days of PTO, and 4 weeks of vacation (also never took). It did not roll over, nor was I paid for unused time.

New job does not have sick time, and combined PTO and vacation. I get one week of PTO to use as I choose. If I don't use it, they pay me for it at the end of the year.

I figure despite it sounding much worse, I'm actually coming out ahead.
For the first several years, I didn't/couldn't take vacation, and was losing my vacation time every year. So I started taking off all of December because it was our slowest time at work. After a couple of years of that, they got a lot better about letting me take a week here or there, along with revamping the vacation/pto policy :)
 
I think I've said this before, but my husband's job got rid of designated PTO (because a lot of people just never used it, and they ended up having to pay people for it), and pretty much just said that if they need time off, just take it, as long as it doesn't directly conflict with big releases. (They are all salaried, so it really doesn't make a difference) So it's nice, but really just a way to save money :p. With thoughts of going back to the "Normal" coming in to play as well, they are already talking about having office work becoming more flex between in person and remote, and generally allowing people who prefer remote to just stay that way full time, unless travel is required.
 
Sometimes I go back and read posts I made years ago (even posts AFTER I stopped trying to be the world's biggest asshole), and I find myself cringing so hard at the shit I used to say, and how I used to present myself. Even more because I know I haven't done anything to change in the last 7 years or so, so I'm probably doing the exact same thing. Blergh.
I've never said anything I regret, due to being a consistent genius.
 
I've posted similar whines before but... I don't like my job and I don't seem to be motivated to do much to change it =/

Also they just lowered my wage back down $0.50 because my last merit increase of a whole dollar was apparently a mistake they just caught. My managers consistently praise my hard work and willingness to do what needs to be done without complaint, so being suddenly told by HR that my labor is actually worth $18 per work week less was kind of a slap in the face.
 
I just don't want to feel anything anymore. Maybe I need to go back on antidepressants so I can feel that way again.
I haven't been on any meds in awhile and I'm thinking the same thing. At the very least, something for my ADHD. Maybe then I could concentrate more or not get so easily frustrated when things don't go right.
 
Not from personal experience, as I've only been on one kind and felt the same deal as you, but it took one of my best friends a half dozen tries to find an antidepressant medicine/combo that truly worked for them (as in, the positives outweigh the negatives by a wiiiide margin).
 
Not from personal experience, as I've only been on one kind and felt the same deal as you, but it took one of my best friends a half dozen tries to find an antidepressant medicine/combo that truly worked for them (as in, the positives outweigh the negatives by a wiiiide margin).
We still have a small collection of various psych meds that we acquired through trial and error trying to find ones that would help my son 3 years ago. Someday I might remember to bring them to the pharmacy for disposal.
 
I'm surprised work hasn't fired me for all the time I've missed because I keep calling in "sick" when I'm severely depressed.
I don't have time for a lot right now, but just quickly, you're not calling in "sick" when you're struggling with depression. You're calling in sick.
Mental illness is still illness. Break a leg, out for two months, everybody understands. But wake up suddenly unable to do anything other than hug your cat and cry for those same two months, and that's somehow perceived as "not real."
Diabetes is widely recognized and accepted as a disease caused by some kind of chemical imbalance in your body. The same is true for phenylketonuria, scurvy, rickets, some kinds of anemia/insomnia, dwarfism/gigantism, goiter, lactose intolerance, and many more. But depression doesn't get the same acceptance because you're somehow supposed to be able to "just stop being so sad" through sheer force of will. And that's not how (clinical) depression works.

I don't think the prevalence of depression in this world is going to reduce significantly until, as a civilization, we can uncouple the idea that a person's worth is somehow determined by their uptime. We reboot computers. We recharge batteries. We have to refuel and maintain vehicles. Why does society refuse to acknowledge that people sometimes need downtime/maintenance/etc., too? And I mean a downtime where they won't need to stress about what will happen to themselves/friends/family because they are unable to show up for work for two months.

--Patrick
 
I don't think the prevalence of depression in this world is going to reduce significantly until, as a civilization, we can uncouple the idea that a person's worth is somehow determined by their uptime. We reboot computers. We recharge batteries. We have to refuel and maintain vehicles. Why does society refuse to acknowledge that people sometimes need downtime/maintenance/etc., too? And I mean a downtime where they won't need to stress about what will happen to themselves/friends/family because they are unable to show up for work for two months.

--Patrick
The promise of automation was that we, as a society, would each individually have to do less work to achieve the same standard of living... that we'd be able to take time off and live our lives with dignity and become part of our communities. Our own government thought 4 day work weeks were an eventuallity, not something we'd have to fight for. Instead, every gain that has been achieved by automation has been sent to the owners for their sole benefit instead of being shared with the workers.

It's long past time we stop letting those who seek to profit from others be the ones who get to judge value.
 
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