Nah, dude, save the things you love. All this shall pass and you'll find yourself thinking back how you wish you hadn't sold all of that and have a "Damn! I could have had a V8!" moment.
I would echo this. My brother purged when he got divorced. He said he felt like he just didn't give a shit about anything he owned. Later he came to regret that, big time. There were some important keepsakes, and he ended up re-buying things he wanted later anyway.
fade
Staff member
That is definitely my mindset right now. I get your point, but pragmatically speaking, it's a good time to get rid of stuff I rarely use. Like the drill press for example. It's heavy and huge, and while I use it, I only need it for really precise drilling like my Halloween props. Usually I can just use a regular drill. I'm definitely not giving up my power tools. I'll just box them up in a closet for now.
Funny enough, it'd be a paying forward. I got a lot of my woodworking stuff for a song when my neighbor did the same thing a decade and a half ago. He said, you know what? You got...$300 on you? It's all yours. Which was a fraction. Like me, he just wanted it gone.
fade
Staff member
Another thing...divorce and post-divorce support online seems to be heavily biased toward women, and women of a certain personality. It's hard to find much help for dudes. I mean, sure, some of it is unisex, but a lot of it is very much geared toward the Sex and the City crowd.
If it helps, we can try to assist you in figuring out if you're a Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda.
Seriously though, that sucks.
fade
Staff member
Well, it has been an interesting 2 months since she gave me divorce papers. I went through some really deep, deep sadness like I hadn't felt in ages. Like that kind that makes you feel like you cannot even breathe in. I can't say it's really much better. I haven't had much time to process anything. I spent so much time repairing and repainting this house. All by myself while she continued to go out with her soccer friends. She's never here anymore. I do everything around here, and frankly I am feeling a little taken advantage of. But despite all that..ironically, she actually talks to me now. The one thing I ever wanted. The one thing that would've saved it all.
The saddest thing that happened over the last two months was when I told her that I guess I always knew she never felt the same about me that I did about her, and instead of protesting, she agreed. She said she regretted not saying anything sooner, which was cold comfort.
The saddest thing that happened over the last two months was when I told her that I guess I always knew she never felt the same about me that I did about her, and instead of protesting, she agreed. She said she regretted not saying anything sooner, which was cold comfort.
GasBandit
Staff member
She honestly sounds like a sociopath, if not for the regret part, if that's genuine.
When you begin to realize you've been living a lie, even if a blissful lie, then the truth can feel freeing.
fade
Staff member
Just an update on this. House is sold and gone. We made a pretty good profit off of it, but she couldn't resist screwing me over one last time. For context, we decided to keep our joint accounts until the house closed. We only have one credit card, and it's from our bank. She's always been the financial manager, and I had no access to these accounts. However, I do have access to my credit report, which gives me the balances. She racked up a large credit card debt getting her new place set up and paying for her attorney. When we got the proceeds, she insisted that we pay the credit card first, then split the rest. I said, I don't want to pay your credit card debt. Oh don't worry, she says, I paid that down quite a bit. So we get the profits, and she pays things off, and then gives the passwords and removes herself from the joint account.
Now, I don't know if she thinks I'm stupid, but giving me the account details means I now have the full CC statement and bank statement. I can easily see the closing payout, and how much the credit card bill was. I know math isn't her thing, but surely she realizes that paying off the CC and then splitting is exactly equivalent to me paying off half the CC. Also, her "big payment" was not that big, and it was from the joint checking account, which means I still paid for more than half of it.
For the record, we're talking thousands of dollars here. I checked the CC statement, and lets say generously I agree maybe 1/4-1/3 of the debt was pre-divorce or mine. Generously. I think if I press her on it, she will simply say we both shared the attorney, so I should pay half. Bullshit. It was her attorney and her divorce. I simply didn't contest it. I had no attorney, because her terms were generous on paper. But I don't think I should pay half of hers.
What it really comes down to is that I really don't want to fight it. Only the kids will pay the price. And because we were together 25 years, she knows I won't fight it, which is exactly why she did it. It has certainly made it easier to move on, though...
Oh, and while I'm ranting, we agreed to split the house contents, but...she hired movers who came and cleared out most of the stuff. To be clear, I was fine with almost all of that. But I'm not fine with the fact that she didn't ask me. She just did it.
And, one more rant. She just stopped answering me. She won't communicate at all anymore.
Now, I don't know if she thinks I'm stupid, but giving me the account details means I now have the full CC statement and bank statement. I can easily see the closing payout, and how much the credit card bill was. I know math isn't her thing, but surely she realizes that paying off the CC and then splitting is exactly equivalent to me paying off half the CC. Also, her "big payment" was not that big, and it was from the joint checking account, which means I still paid for more than half of it.
For the record, we're talking thousands of dollars here. I checked the CC statement, and lets say generously I agree maybe 1/4-1/3 of the debt was pre-divorce or mine. Generously. I think if I press her on it, she will simply say we both shared the attorney, so I should pay half. Bullshit. It was her attorney and her divorce. I simply didn't contest it. I had no attorney, because her terms were generous on paper. But I don't think I should pay half of hers.
What it really comes down to is that I really don't want to fight it. Only the kids will pay the price. And because we were together 25 years, she knows I won't fight it, which is exactly why she did it. It has certainly made it easier to move on, though...
Oh, and while I'm ranting, we agreed to split the house contents, but...she hired movers who came and cleared out most of the stuff. To be clear, I was fine with almost all of that. But I'm not fine with the fact that she didn't ask me. She just did it.
And, one more rant. She just stopped answering me. She won't communicate at all anymore.
GasBandit
Staff member
JFC.
At some point, you start to think that ANY size exit wound is worth just being done and gone... but on the other hand, fucking put termites on her new house or something.