The Random Crap Thread 2: It Hits the Fan.
- Thread starter North_Ranger
- Start date
Ah, Washington state. The state where, as of tomorrow morning, bright and early, it will be completely legal to smoke marijuana. Just, you know, not legal to sell it or grow it. So apparently, we'll all be smoking the magical pot that falls from the sky. Or rather, people who like to smoke pot will; I will continue to abstain.
If you're going to go 80's, you might as well try mixing in "All I Need is a Miracle," while you're at it.
--Patrick
I get some of the most bizarre spam in my work inbox. I can't lock it down much tighter than it already is, because 95% of my mail is unsolicited and from people who've never contacted me before, so a lot of spam winds up getting through; but I just got a spam email, in Arabic, advertising English language learning schools - with free food!
Free food? Dude, you should go.
Wait wait. Are you telling me that this lunch isn't actually free?
Oh. Okay. So the saying "There's always such a thing as a free lunch" totally holds then?
Got almost into a fight with a drunk bro who insulted my female friend.He kept shouting racials slurs and called me a fag which was a big mistake,for we were in a part of Hamburg that is notoriously anti-racism and pro-LGBT.
Got tossed out on his ass by the bouncers and I got a free drink.I love spiced hot wine.
Got tossed out on his ass by the bouncers and I got a free drink.I love spiced hot wine.
I dissected a crae-fish the other day. Some people were disgusted by the dead marine life. Me? I WAS STARVING! All around me were carcases of delicious sea-food that I COULD NOT EAT! One because I am allergic to crustaceans, two because I couldn't cook them and three because they pumped more preservatives in there than [Insert celebrity who had plastic surgery here].
Don't ever come to Texas or Louisiana. Ever. You say "crae-fish" around here and somebody might just beat the crap out of you. I'm not saying I'd do it, but I do know people.
I'm a bass. I'm a bass made out of coal. Come fish, guys.
Rushing things results in nothing but kids who are assholes.
You guys are there just like on Golgata. Stand there for a while, then.
You have the poor quality of kidding seriously.
We're not here to die, we're here to kill.
Heehee, those guys got their asshairs fried, heehee!
Damn right we're gonna shoot. Nobody's gonna sit here with their thumb up their arse waiting to get killed.
That guy behind the shrub there. You gave me a new hair cut. For that, I'm gonna saw half your head off.
Look at the young one talk. Keep quiet, or they'll know you are here, and run away.
Rushing things results in nothing but kids who are assholes.
You guys are there just like on Golgata. Stand there for a while, then.
You have the poor quality of kidding seriously.
We're not here to die, we're here to kill.
Heehee, those guys got their asshairs fried, heehee!
Damn right we're gonna shoot. Nobody's gonna sit here with their thumb up their arse waiting to get killed.
That guy behind the shrub there. You gave me a new hair cut. For that, I'm gonna saw half your head off.
Look at the young one talk. Keep quiet, or they'll know you are here, and run away.
North_Ranger
Staff member
[Name] from Finland. Eats iron and shits chain.
Essential things must be taken care of, otherwise we're like Ellu's chickens.
What could possibly kill evil?
The girl will give if she's like her mother. And if she's like her father, she'll practically ask for it.
So where are we going, then? All the way to Hell, huh?
Fire at their balls!
Look at me, guys! I'm a plane!
Put some coffee on! I gotta have something. It feels like someone's eaten cat shit with my mouth.
Look here, lieutenant. Where do ya need a good man? You've got one here.
See you at the tanner's pole.
Essential things must be taken care of, otherwise we're like Ellu's chickens.
What could possibly kill evil?
The girl will give if she's like her mother. And if she's like her father, she'll practically ask for it.
So where are we going, then? All the way to Hell, huh?
Fire at their balls!
Look at me, guys! I'm a plane!
Put some coffee on! I gotta have something. It feels like someone's eaten cat shit with my mouth.
Look here, lieutenant. Where do ya need a good man? You've got one here.
See you at the tanner's pole.
I used to think he was so excited about Santa coming that he got an upset stomach.
Rapping? Ma'am, this is culture!
I really wish junk food weren't cheaper than real food. I've been doing really good lately about eating real, healthy food at work instead of junk, but today I was too broke to afford good food, and the stuff I got is not satisfactory.
Actually, the worst part about eating this particular junk food is that it makes me want to down sodas and cans of tea constantly.
Actually, the worst part about eating this particular junk food is that it makes me want to down sodas and cans of tea constantly.
My parents always said that when they made me, they threw away the mold.That's right, I'm cultured as fuck!
/lifts arm
I think I found some of it...
-Emo Philips.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Our culture is fresher, ma'am.
No lvoe for Germany? 
North_Ranger
Staff member
Fuck. Yeah. Mother. Fuckers.
Ah, cottage cheese then.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Still better than individually packed cheddar slicesAh, cottage cheese then.
I feel extra happy today, so I want to give all my extra love to anyone who needs it today. Here are some virtual hugs from me to you! 
GasBandit
Staff member
That's not what you think american cheese is... is it? Because cheddar is way better than american cheese. Even in america, it's illegal to call amercian cheese "Cheese." It has to be labeled "Processed cheese product." As in, it's kinda made from cheese but it isn't technically cheese any more.Still better than individually packed cheddar slices