This is not a shallow hole, quickly dug with a quick and easy fix. I'm not even sure how "crazy" he is. Yes, his actions are crazy to others, but now that I've actually started reading about him, I wonder if the problem isn't a combination of personality, societal and cultural programming - incompatible with actual civilized society. Not
broken, just...
made wrong. Like being told the first 20 years of your life "be a wrench, be a wrench, be a wrench" and then try to fit into/be judged by a world comprised entirely of hammers. I don't condone his actions, certainly, but
like others I recognize parts of his diatribes in the frustrations I had when I was 19, or in words expressed to me by male "nerd" friends. Our upbringing is one of mixed messages and competing influences. We're told to simultaneously be worshipful and yet to objectify women. We're told to be both "nice" or considerate and yet alpha and aggressive. Masculinity is equal parts strength and insensitivity - and is simultaneously lionized and demonized. Our broken homes remove male role models from our upbringing and our babysitters on the big and small screens teach us that only pretty girls are worth chasing and you're supposed to
never stop chasing until you get that which you are entitled to - a pretty girlfriend, as only the attractive (of either gender) have worth. We're told that women don't like how cloddish men treat them, overcompensate by putting them on a pedestal and then watch them flock to the clods anyway - sometimes even faster, because really who wants to be put on a pedestal? Then add in a huge dollop of the omnipresent exploitative pornography (not that all pornography is exploitative, but someone's always pushing the envelope) to really sear in the idea that these creatures you used to enshrine are really so very less than perfect and what does that make you, you who can't even land a pretty girl, not even one who gets jizzed on by 7 guys she met that day?
Call it societal misogyny if you like. And as I said, I'm not convinced that the shooter's misogyny wasn't a symptom rather than a motivation.
This is one of those times I really miss Pauline. I really want to hear what she would have to say on the subject. She always had ways of making me see things I hadn't even considered. And thinking about any deep issue like this without being able to talk to her about it feels like trying to think without half my brain.