Wait. Are you talking about HF?
lol no!
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
I am so worn out, I feel like I am just blindly going through life waiting for each day to end. I used to look forward to sleep because it would be a brief reprieve from mental torment throughout the day but now I don’t even get peace in my sleep. My mind seems to take pleasure in tormenting me day and night now. At times I am afraid of my own thoughts. I barely have a day go by that I don’t at least think about suicide or death in some form. I am still strong enough that I am not going to kill myself and it is usually just passing thoughts throughout the day/night but I feel myself getting weaker with each passing day.
My whole life I have felt that I don’t belong and that I don’t deserve to be alive. That I cheated someone out of life who would have been better at it than me and better for the world. Despite thinking about suicide or death almost every day I don’t think I would ever kill myself but I often feel that if I was to just die I would be alright with that. I wish I could just vanish and disappear but at the same time I feel that I can’t just disappear because I haven’t earned being alive yet. I feel that since I was born I need to do something to make my life worth actually having been born. But despite that I have no motivation and can barely get through the day.
I am just so worn out…………
My whole life I have felt that I don’t belong and that I don’t deserve to be alive. That I cheated someone out of life who would have been better at it than me and better for the world. Despite thinking about suicide or death almost every day I don’t think I would ever kill myself but I often feel that if I was to just die I would be alright with that. I wish I could just vanish and disappear but at the same time I feel that I can’t just disappear because I haven’t earned being alive yet. I feel that since I was born I need to do something to make my life worth actually having been born. But despite that I have no motivation and can barely get through the day.
I am just so worn out…………
That's a tough cycle. I've been there too. I have thoughts like this every couple of weeks, and I have had long periods like this is the past. It really seems to have to do with goals in life. I have thought along the way that certain things would make me "happy". When I was single, I wanted a girlfriend. When I was in school, I wanted to graduate. When I was in grad school, I wanted publications and wanted to graduate. My goal posts kept changing, but my happiness never did. So, maybe your goals need to change? Hope you break out of the cycle.
fade
Staff member
One thing I've learned from the internet is that probably a majority of people have been through some kind of major depressive episode (which ironically means that those same internet postings can probably stop "educating" this likely fictional crowd of people who just "don't get it"). You slog through it. People give you aphorisms precisely because so many have been through it, and unwelcome or not, the aphorisms are probably true, even though you can't see it right now. You swim through concrete to make it to the water on the other side. The only other person you're cheating out of not being here--albeit not by choice--is a different you. All this is to say that a lot of us get it. You have to find that spark, and you only find it by sticking around. You won't find it by feeling you're a bad person. We're all turds who do terrible things. You live for those brief moments when you do something brilliant, not the hours you didn't. That's just about the best you can hope for, and it ain't bad.
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
I am pretty sure I have been fighting depression my whole life but I keep postponing going to a therapist because just like life I seem to lack motivation to do something even if it's for my own benefit. Lately though it has been getting worse and my friends have been taking not and are trying to convince me to get help. My own family for the most part are to self centered to even care or notice. They just kind of pretend I don't exist unless they need something.
You're even considering paying the federal government and rewarding them for bothering you?
They generally ask for less than they are owed, if only to actually get SOMETHING.
No one loves auditors 
I'm an auditor as well.
GasBandit
Staff member
The day I dreaded for months arrived unexpectedly today... our fancy Xerox printer/copier, that management got to replace ALL other printers in the building to save toner, ran out of toner. The thing is supposed to reorder its own toner replacements. Well, I guess it got lost in shipping somewhere because we never got it. Now all of a sudden the whole building needs to print stuff (including invoices from accounting for August because yesterday was the 31st), and naturally because it plugs into the wall and they don't understand how it works, the copier is somehow I.T.'s responsibility to take care of. Because, you know, a xerox machine is the same as a desktop PC, right? Hey, I got the drivers installed correctly on everybody's PC, that's my part. IMO this is a problem for the office manager... if we had one. Closest we'd have is our accountant/HR, who is up to her ears in 9 other things she doesn't understand either... soooo GAS BANDIT TO THE RESCUE AGAIN.
Oh, turns out the local office number for Dahill "CANNOT BE COMPLETED AS DIALED." Oh fun.
Manage to find the direct number for one of their guys from a guy my boss knows, so I'm getting it fukkin' done.
Oh, turns out the local office number for Dahill "CANNOT BE COMPLETED AS DIALED." Oh fun.
Manage to find the direct number for one of their guys from a guy my boss knows, so I'm getting it fukkin' done.
Make sure you include that in your quarterly review. "I get shit fukken DONE."
GasBandit
Staff member
They don't give me quarterly reviews. They don't even give me annual reviews. Every time I insist on a review, they end up having to give me a raise.
WELP.... time for a review!
GasBandit
Staff member
Eh heh heh heh... dude, I like, JUST got promoted earlier this year.
And? Clearly you're still doing EVERYONE ELSE'S job, as well...
GasBandit
Staff member
Fair point, that.[DOUBLEPOST=1441133633,1441133598][/DOUBLEPOST]
We're only owned by one person, though.
Waiting for the owner to come in one day, "Someday, lad...all this will be yours. And that day is today. See ya!" <bolts out door, sound of screeching tires>
--Patrick
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GasBandit
Staff member
"Please, if you really cared, you'd resign, but there's no way you ever will, because you're just counting the days until,
