Rant VIII: The Reckoning

Dave

Staff member
When I applied at A very large railroad company that is totally not UP, the interview lasted about an hour and a half and was like undergoing a stress test. They ran what's called a Stress Interview and it was a very different experience. The two ladies interviewing me openly scoffed at all of my answers, basically called me a liar on a couple, and just generally acted like they didn't want me in the room with them. At first I was a bit nonplussed, but then I started just laughing (inwardly) at the whole thing and started giving fairly flippant answers.

In the end I didn't get the job, but only because I didn't have a degree at the time. Yet my sister-in-law got the same job because she had a degree...in meteorology. I was about 12 credit hours from finishing my BS at the time.
 
Doesn't it all sort of depend on your definition of a "two hour interview"? On one hand I've had assessments for jobs lasting 2 days, one interview after the other. On the other hand, even for jobs I didn't get, I've had a half-hour interview with HR, followed by half an hour with the direct supervisor, followed by a half hour with someone higher up,and then back to HR.
 
In the end I didn't get the job, but only because I didn't have a degree at the time. Yet my sister-in-law got the same job because she had a degree...in meteorology. I was about 12 credit hours from finishing my BS at the time.
One of my coworkers used to do sign language interpretation for the local school district. Nobody else had her level of certification, and in fact there was probably not another person with 100mi with her level of experience/talent.
Doesn't matter, revisions to the school district rules for the upcoming year state all employees of this grade have to have a degree, if you don't get a degree by (deadline) we'll have to fire you. Also we won't pay for your classes.
I don't think she works there any more.

--Patrick
 
Fucking hate clients fuck you fucking fucktards fuck you and your entire family fuck's sake I fucking hate fucking dealing with all this fucking bullshit fuck you all of you someone should fucking nuke your entire fucking country you fucking dumbasses fuck I need a break from all this crap fuck's sake every week a new fucking emergency needs fucking dealing with I really can't fucking handle all this fucking bovine excrement for fuck's sake.
 

fade

Staff member
Fucking hate clients fuck you fucking fucktards fuck you and your entire family fuck's sake I fucking hate fucking dealing with all this fucking bullshit fuck you all of you someone should fucking nuke your entire fucking country you fucking dumbasses fuck I need a break from all this crap fuck's sake every week a new fucking emergency needs fucking dealing with I really can't fucking handle all this fucking bovine excrement for fuck's sake.
I kind of want to see THIS translated to Chinese.
 
I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to be a loser for the rest of my life. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable in confusing in, I have no social life, no skills to get me anything better than a minimum wage job, and will be stuck single and living with my parents until the end of...whatever.

I go to bed every night hoping I won't wake up and am disappointed that I have to face another day. I'm too much of a coward to hurt myself and keep hoping someone will just turn their car the wrong way and bit me while I'm biking home or something. I'm terrified of dying, so I can't even work up the courage to kill myself.

Either I push everyone away with my depression or my own selfishness or they let me down to the point that I hold a grudge and don't want anything to do with them.

As soon as I get home from work, I sit in front of the computer and that's it until it's time for bed. And it's never time to myself, even when I want it, because my parents are always bothering me about something. II can't talk to them about anything because mom is judgmental or laughs at anything or is more worried about what the neighbors think than her own son having a breakdown. Dad just agrees with anything negative thing I have to say about myself or makes it worse by saying something insensitive.

I've given up. I've been thinking more and more of just leaving everything, take my bike, and just go. Don't know or care where, just go and let everyone forget about me. Because either they're too busy in their own lives to give a shit about me or I've pushed them away.

My ex was right. I'll probably always be like this. And she, just like everyone else I've dated, has already started dating again while I'll struggle for years just go find some poor sucker to put up with with me until up i fuck it up and they realize what I fucking loser I am.

FUCKING HELL. I HAD WRITTEN ANOTHER TWO OR THRER PARAGRAPHS AND SUDDENLY ALL DELETED WHEN I TRIED BACKSPACING ON THIS FUCKING PHONE. FINE. I'll TRY AGAIN

Counseling? Forget it. I've tried probably hundreds of them through the years. None of them help. They stop seeing once I'm feeling better. All short term, no long term. They just let me down just like everyone else does. It's any wonder why I don't reach out to anyone or can confide in anyone. Everyone just lets you down.
 
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Dave

Staff member
Nick, what kind of medication are you on? You really, really need to be if you are not. If you are, you need to change it. You are so up & down, man.
 
What's the point? It's not going to fix anything. I'm still getting growingly frustrated with everything to the point that I've almost snapped at work several times. Probably just one breakdown away from really hurting someone.

And then I'll go to jail and that'll be it for me. Probably for the best. I'm no good to anyone, anyway.
 
Um, perfect example? I know rough times are bad. But right now, your brain is lying to you, and it's hard without support, I know, but you need to get your meds adjusted. They aren't doing their job. I never really told my parents half the shit going on in my head, and to this day I still hide almost everything because it's habit and I think no one will give a shit anyways. But we do care and we'd miss you, even if we are just a crazy internet gang.
 
Will new meds get me the skills I need to get a better job? No. Will it help me afford living on my own without my parents support? Will it fix my narcissism? No. There's no point anymore.

I'm probably going back soon and just quit. They'd be better off without me.

Everyone would.
 
New meds will help. You don't even realize how many of the things you are thinking right now are your brain lying to you. It's very hard to overcome by yourself. Right now, people giving you support are making you mad probably, because depression lies. I mean shit, you've written things that have been good enough for a publisher to want to buy. Even if they aren't wildly popular (yet!), that is farther than a lot of people ever get. You can't even see the good things you have accomplished because depression lies. It's lying. I promise.
 
Will new meds get me the skills I need to get a better job? No. Will it help me afford living on my own without my parents support? Will it fix my narcissism? No. There's no point anymore.

I'm probably going back soon and just quit. They'd be better off without me.

Everyone would.
you are acutely mentally ill right now...seek medical attention. that is all there is to say.
 
Will new meds get me the skills I need to get a better job? Will it help me afford living on my own without my parents support?
They will give you the ability to gain those skills. Changing your current balance will put you back on track, emotionally, to do the things you want to do.

Will it fix my narcissism?
Just as above they will help you to see yourself more objectively, rather than "I'm making progress!" one day and "I suck!" another day. Narcissism isn't the worst problem one can have, and lots of people live perfectly happy lives with that trait. That you are aware of it means you can develop tools to help you handle it better, but it's not necessarily going to keep you from getting the things in life that you want.

There's no point anymore.
Do you remember where you were 5 years ago? Worse off than you are now. Some things haven't changed, but a lot has - you are a twice published author. You have a job that gives you a great deal of support and understanding. You have a relationship that is rough and tumble, but you would have given anything 5 years ago to be the person you are right now. Your relationship with your parents has evolved and even as annoying as it is now, is still better than it was five years ago.

There is a point - you may not be able to see it now, but you have progressed significantly beyond where you were.

All you have to do is continue to put one foot in front of the other, even on days like today where there seems to be no point, no good, nothing to look forward to.

I'm probably going back soon and just quit. They'd be better off without me.
No, they wouldn't. When that becomes the case, they will fire you.

When YOU would be better off without THEM, that is the time to quit. Don't quit based on your belief about what they're feeling - you are not them.

Everyone would.
This is simply not true - again you're telling me, and everyone else who loves and cares about you, what they are thinking. It's wrong to claim I, or anyone else, would be better off without you, and in this case it's patently untrue. Stop attributing thoughts to me and others and assuming our lives would somehow be improved if you weren't part of them.

You are part of my life. I enjoy you. Suddenly disappearing would only fill me with dread - you've seen how this affects us when others disappear from the forum. I'm very certain that the people who are closer to you would be that much worse off without you.

This will pass. I promise this will pass. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until it does.
 
I'm no doctor but I have to agree. You need to find some help today. I care and I wish I had some useful advice for you other than that.

Don't worry about what your parents or anyone else thinks, you need to focus on what you think. Call 811 and see how they can help. They're pretty fantastic there.
 
I'm not sure they can do that can they?
Canada is better about this than the US: "With the exception of certain safety-sensitive industries (airlines being one of them), Canadian employers cannot discipline, dismiss or otherwise discriminate against employees with illnesses or disabilities, whether overt or perceived, and they must attempt to accommodate them instead. Workplace accommodation refers to the legal obligation to discuss and attempt to find an acceptable and practical solution for an employee with medical restrictions in order to permit him or her to continue to perform the essential conditions of the job."

So it's unlikely that they are allowed to, and given what he's said about their accommodations in the past, I'm guessing they intend to do what they can within the law.

Just left work. Home, now.
I know you're in a bad place right now, and you probably don't want any advice. Too bad, you're going to get some anyway. Do your yoga. Don't turn on the computer or TV. Just do a few poses and see if you feel like continuing. If you do - keep going, if not - then do whatever. But just give it a try. Set the thoughts and feelings you're currently having aside - not get rid of them, just allow yourself to deal with them later - and do some yoga.
 
I'm not sure they can do that can they?
I've already been written up several times for crying or being angry around co-workers or customers. Broke a handful of hangers once while trying to put away clothes. Been nearly non-responsive while ringing through customers at cash. And of course, leaving before the end of my shift, even though I've always checked with a supervisor first.[DOUBLEPOST=1443200908,1443200875][/DOUBLEPOST]
Canada is better about this than the US: "With the exception of certain safety-sensitive industries (airlines being one of them), Canadian employers cannot discipline, dismiss or otherwise discriminate against employees with illnesses or disabilities, whether overt or perceived, and they must attempt to accommodate them instead. Workplace accommodation refers to the legal obligation to discuss and attempt to find an acceptable and practical solution for an employee with medical restrictions in order to permit him or her to continue to perform the essential conditions of the job."

So it's unlikely that they are allowed to, and given what he's said about their accommodations in the past, I'm guessing they intend to do what they can within the law.



I know you're in a bad place right now, and you probably don't want any advice. Too bad, you're going to get some anyway. Do your yoga. Don't turn on the computer or TV. Just do a few poses and see if you feel like continuing. If you do - keep going, if not - then do whatever. But just give it a try. Set the thoughts and feelings you're currently having aside - not get rid of them, just allow yourself to deal with them later - and do some yoga.
I'm in no mood to do yoga. Just going to game or something.
 
Guys, I'm not sure we're getting through to him. He just keeps shooting down all of our suggestions.

@stienman - Regrettably, I am being completely serious with this statement.

--Patrick
 
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Nurf. Struggled with an email trying to reply to the correct person before realizing the contact method was a phone number.
 
Fucking 2nd year assholes who decided that a Friday evening class would be a good thing.[DOUBLEPOST=1443231113,1443230776][/DOUBLEPOST]
I am, but I guess it's not working.
I know you have tried a number of therapists, but my suggestion is going to be try another one. Find someone who does dialectical behavior therapy. I think it would be good for you.
 
Shrug

It's been four and a half years.

And 30 and a half years.

Oh, and it'll be 35 years in a couple of months.

Yeah.
 
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