This is a True Whine (TM) (ie, nothings wrong and nothing needs fixing, I just feel like venting. Posted anony-moose-ly in the unlikely event that in some future date my wife decides to read my posts here but it should be pretty obvious to those interested)
So over the years we've always run our budget right at the edge of what I'm making, and have slowly grown our consumer credit debt to a level which is disappointing. I increased my income by 33% a few years ago, but then we decided (as usual) to increase our cost of living by a similar amount by moving into a home which more comfortably fits our large family. That's all well and good, but my wife does the finances and has made many, many pointed comments over the last 18 months about how tight our belt is financially, and suggesting that maybe she could look for work outside the home.
Now if that's what she wanted then I'm fine with that, but from all indications it's really her way of saying "Breadwinner, go get more money" without actually telling me that our financial situation is my fault. She knows I'm capable of more, but at the same time doesn't want to pressure me*, and doesn't really want to move to a higher value market anyway.
So fast forward to this spring and after some legwork I've pulled in three contracts that together would pay off our consumer debt three times over, which I can do without conflict with my full time job - but it necessarily means evening time spent away from family and working on consulting rather than other honey-do projects she desires me to do. This is a point of friction, as there is a lot that can and should be done but I can either make money (and I'm charging $100 - $120/hr for these projects, so it's not a small amount of money) or work on things around the house. I can even pay for someone else to do these things, but being frugal people we would rather leave something we can do ourselves undone than pay someone else to do it - no, it doesn't always make financial sense, but there it is.
This week our two teenagers are off at high adventure scouting camp, and we were out of town last week, so our 4+ acres needed mowing, which she worked on today. Owing to our large family and her current pregnant state she had to take frequent restroom breaks, and it's simply hard on her body now that she's in the third trimester and dealing with water gain, loose joints, etc.
In short, she's trying really hard to make sure I have time available for these consulting projects, which she clearly values.
She needs an outlet, too, though and so she complained about the restroom break issue during mowing on facebook, and we now have several friends who are insisting on mowing our lawn for free in order to save her from doing it. She's turned down everyone, but one couple isn't taking no for an answer and so I guess they're going to show up later this week and take care of the rest of the lawn. They'll use our commercial mower (about an acre an hour) and they seem interested partly because it's fun to use bigger than normal machines, but still.
So now I'm in the uncomfortable position of feeling like a heel because I'm essentially having friends save my pregnant wife from mowing so I can make extra money.
Long story short, I mowed the rest of the back of the property and left the easier front yard for the friends. Offering to serve someone, then having them come back and say, "nevermind, we beat you to it" doesn't sit well with me, but I didn't want them spending more than an hour here either, doing menial labor, particularly when even with these projects I'm still spending a couple hours a week on trivial things like TV.
If I suggest we hire someone to do it, she'll balk at the cost and insist on doing it herself. I suspect I'm going to be working late nights in order to make up the difference over the next few months. Didn't get any billable time in tonight, but I sent emails and set some deadlines so I should be able to dig right in later this week.
I'm probably more irritated about this than I realize, though, but due instead to the fact that my full time job is behind on paychecks. They've been treading water for years now, and we've structured our finances to absorb 2-3 week late paychecks without issue, but they were four weeks late just prior to my vacation, and while the others were paid while I was on vacation, the office manager was specifically told to withold my paycheck until after my vacation. Upon receiving my "Gee, you're behind payment by 5 weeks, and I've done work nearly two months ago you haven't paid me for, do we need to rework our agreement?" email the primary decision maker blamed the office manager. I did get a paycheck today, though, and will receive two more by the end of the week (ie, par for the course, but later than they've ever been in the last four years).
So while I'm venting about a domestic issue of little consequence, I bet the real reason I'm venting is because of shenanigans at work.
And while a lot of this must sound pretty messed up, I'm enjoying life and don't think I'd have it any other way. Love my wife. Love my kids. Love where and how I live. Enjoy my work. I enjoy mowing and all the other tasks I could be doing - it's really just an issue of time (and to some degree, money).
Still, feel free to recommend THERAPY or any other suggestion as a panacea for all my whinable woes as you find things about this you feel are untenable.
*
She's worked extraordinarily hard on changing how she communicates with me over the last few years, avoiding placing blame, nagging, or pressuring me, and puts a lot of effort into accepting my undesirable traits along with all the parts about me that she enjoys. I don't really deserve her, but I'm trying to improve a little more each day.