Rant VIII: The Reckoning

[Denbrought]

Also, make sure to keep proof because any extra charges incurred or whatever are the responsibility of your employer, not you.

IANAL, but this might be true. Courts (see Gordon v. Maxim Healthcare Services) have interpreted late payment as non-payment for the purpose of damages. You should probably keep records and ask nicely to be reimbursed, but could need to consult an employment lawyer if they push back.

This is why I have my bills drawn on the 5th of the month. In case of error, I have a few days to fix it. Or if the first is a Saturday or Sunday I won't see the money until Monday. ... and if that happens to be a bank holiday...

This is why I save like a miserable miser whenever my liquid savings are smaller than 3-6x my unavoidable monthly expenses, and keep a month worth of them in my bills-paying account. Regardless, his employer is at fault here.

 

[fade]

My bills are drawn by Amelia Bedelia.

 

[bhamv3]

My bills are drawn by Amelia Bedelia.

You have a series of beautiful sketches of bird beaks?

 

[Dave]

This is why I have my bills drawn on the 5th of the month. In case of error, I have a few days to fix it. Or if the first is a Saturday or Sunday I won't see the money until Monday. ... and if that happens to be a bank holiday...

Normally I do, but I went through January with only 1 check that was only 2 weeks. So I had to call all my utilities & cable, etc. and let them know that I got paid today and please don't shut me off. They all said cool, we'll extend you until the 1st. Well...that's today.

 

[jwhouk]

The fecal matter may have hit the rotary impeller at work last night.

That's all I'm really at liberty to say.

 

[CrimsonSoul]

God damn it. I got passed over for a promotion at work for the sole reason that some guy from Tennessee is going through a divorce in Houston and needs to be closer (he's friends with the regional leader). So now my job is to train him to do his job. I normally work 4 12s but this guy is working 4 10s and one 8 so guess who is losing a day off work so that they can train someone to do the promotion I was suppose to get?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

 

[drawn_inward]

God damn it. I got passed over for a promotion at work for the sole reason that some guy from Tennessee is going through a divorce in Houston and needs to be closer (he's friends with the regional leader). So now my job is to train him to do his job. I normally work 4 12s but this guy is working 4 10s and one 8 so guess who is losing a day off work so that they can train someone to do the promotion I was suppose to get?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Good 'ol nepotism. Sorry, sir. Train him to do it all wrong, and then soak in the confusion and chaos!

 

[Gared]

Well, that was the shortest new job ever. Apparently my spirit is still too broken from watching my last company go down the drain, as well as unmanaged depression and anxiety (my Zoloft isn't keeping me level, even with supplemental medication in the form of anti-anxiety marijuana strains). Self medicating and sticking with the old program aren't working, so it's time for me to see a therapist (which I'm working on setting up right now). I quite literally had to be stoned to leave the house Monday morning. My wife had to drive me to work because all I could do was curl up in the fetal position and cry - and I don't mean tears running silently down my cheeks either, we're talking full on bawling.

 

[Gruebeard]

That is so rough, man.

 

[Gared]

That is so rough, man.

Thanks, it's been a pretty rough week. Luckily, I have a consult with a therapist in a couple of hours.

 

[Gruebeard]

That is good. I hope it goes well for you.

 

[ThatNickGuy]

Welp, another rejection via online dating. Never even got to a first date. Think I'm done trying. It feels like I'm always the one taking the initiative, showing interest, asking questions, suggesting date ideas. The next girl that I might want to date will have to blatantly obvious about it and be the one to make the first move.

I'm just...I'm tired of playing this "game." It's not that I want to settle for anyone, but I'm just lonely. I don't mean for friendship. I have friends. I miss having a companion. A partner in crime, if you will. I'm a huge, hopeless romantic and keep hoping to meet someone but it never seems to work out.

 

[CynicismKills]

Welp, another rejection via online dating. Never even got to a first date. Think I'm done trying. It feels like I'm always the one taking the initiative, showing interest, asking questions, suggesting date ideas. The next girl that I might want to date will have to blatantly obvious about it and be the one to make the first move.

I'm just...I'm tired of playing this "game." It's not that I want to settle for anyone, but I'm just lonely. I don't mean for friendship. I have friends. I miss having a companion. A partner in crime, if you will. I'm a huge, hopeless romantic and keep hoping to meet someone but it never seems to work out.

Yeah, man, I totally get this.

I've had some amazing conversations on dating sites and such, but then as soon as I throw the "let's meet up" invite out there I get fucking Ghosted. Much as I hate it, I've basically resigned myself to not finding anyone.

 

[Bones]

Same here, im just content to have friends and deal with the crushing loneliness of no one missing me when im sparse.

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

 

[Simfers]

This is gonna be clichéd as fuck, and maybe I'm not helping anything, but here goes:

I was right where you both are around a year and a half ago. I'd just about given up (hell, it'd been years since my last relationship, and more years since the one before THAT), and then a mutual friend introduced me and my girlfriend to each other, and, well, the rest is history. She's the best thing in my life.

The point is, don't give up hope. Maybe stop looking actively, but, y'know, stay open to the possibility and keep those eyes peeled. Good things DO happen, I promise.

There, this was your daily allotment of sappy sentiment for the day. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[CynicismKills]

Yeah it's been seven years since my last relationship, so I can't say I'm still optimistic.

Not closed off to the idea, but not optimistic.

 

[Bones]

This is gonna be clichéd as fuck, and maybe I'm not helping anything, but here goes:

I was right where you both are around a year and a half ago. I'd just about given up (hell, it'd been years since my last relationship, and more years since the one before THAT), and then a mutual friend introduced me and my girlfriend to each other, and, well, the rest is history. She's the best thing in my life.

The point is, don't give up hope. Maybe stop looking actively, but, y'know, stay open to the possibility and keep those eyes peeled. Good things DO happen, I promise.

There, this was your daily allotment of sappy sentiment for the day. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

nah man its ok, im at peace with the fact that i can disappear and no one will miss me.

Yeah it's been seven years since my last relationship, so I can't say I'm still optimistic.

Not closed off to the idea, but not optimistic.

and to you CK, i feel the pain, you are a strong man, keep on keeping on.

 

[Dave]

Everyone has people that would miss them, even if you don't know it.

 

[LittleKagsin]

nah man its ok, im at peace with the fact that i can disappear and no one will miss me.

Fuck you very much, I'll miss you!!

 

[jwhouk]

Ooh, you made Kags swear!!!!

Sent from my Nextbook on Tapatalk

 

[Bones]

Yeah yeah, you guys dont count though. You are in the group that would miss me in the sense that we are buddies not friends who would wonder if i was alright because i dont say hello for more than a week lol

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

 

[Bubble181]

Yeah yeah, you guys dont count though. You are in the group that would miss me in the sense that we are buddies not friends who would wonder if i was alright because i dont say hello for more than a week lol

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

Hmm.... Yes and no. On the one hand, okay, I, for one, don't *really* know you all that well.
On the other hand, I think this board has proven on several occasions, and for several forumites, that we really can and do care - whether you want to look at @Chad Sexington, @North_Ranger or Nick.

 

[IronBrig4]

On Thursday night, my car got hit in the driveway. It appears that a teenaged driver ran off the street and hit the accelerator when he should have hit the brake. His Mom claimed she was the driver and begged me over and over to not call the police. I called my insurance company right away, filed a claim, and sent them photos. At first glance, the damage didn't seem too bad so we agreed to let insurance handle it. But in the light of day, the damage looked more severe. Their insurance company is probably paying for everything because I wasn't even in the car when it happened. And neither was my neighbor, whose truck got hit in the domino effect. So it won't cost me a dime but it's still a hassle and I have to file a crash report.

I didn't call the cops because I figured this was a kid who had just been trying to drive his drunk mother home from his Dad's birthday party. I'm starting to think I should have just to save me the trouble of writing out a report.

 

[Anonymous]

Doing this anonymously in case a family member searches.

We get the pleasure of moving my mom this week from an assisted living facility to a nursing home...and it's possibly a hospice thing. We don't know yet. She has a meeting with her doctor today that will determine that.

Now for the reason I'm anonymizing this. I hope she passes soon. As it stands she's alone no matter how often we get there. She's confused, she's scared, and she thinks everyone has abandoned her. My sister is falling apart and I live too far away to be of any real great help. My brother is already no help at all.

There's no hope she'll ever get better. There are hardly ever any times any more where she's my mom. Now she's just a person I used to know. We say fuck cancer, but some people survive that. Alzheimer's is cancer's bigger, meaner, asshole brother and there is no beating it.

I think I need to crawl into my Protective Blanket of Fear.

 

[Bubble181]

We say fuck cancer, but some people survive that. Alzheimer's is cancer's bigger, meaner, asshole brother and there is no beating it.

I've seen people die from all kinds of cancer, and I've seen people die with Alzheimer's, and I know for absolutely sure which one I'd rather have. Fuck cancer with a prickly cactus, but Alzheimer's is beyond, beyond horrible - especially as long as the people still do have some lucid moments and feel everything slipping away, feel all their loss,and how hard they're making other people suffer through no fault of their own. The biggest of hugs.

 

[Hylian]

I hate most of my family

I knew they would not take my being trans very well but seeing/hearing it first hand is still hard. I luckily have two brothers who are sticking up for me but my parents and my sister are refusing to call me by my preferred name and their reasoning is stuff like "we gave him that name and we will use it" or "we have to let show our love by explaining that they are sinning" or even "if we call them by that name we will be endorsing the sin". My mom is telling my brother that if I can't stand their calling me by my birth name and don't want to be around them for that reason it is my fault and not theirs. My dad said he would just say neither name but use male pronouns and I could only come over if I was dressed as a male.

I knew they would not handle it well but this level of hatred towards their own kid/sibling is painful nevertheless. The one good thing is that one of my brothers had been convinced I was exaggerating the bad stuff about our parents but he is quickly realizing that I wasn't lying or exaggerating. They are even accusingly attacking him saying he isn't being a good christian by accepting me. Now I am not a christian at all but I understand my brother is and he was deeply hurt by my parents accusations towards him and their hatred towards me. The whole time they keep saying they love me and I have told my brother that they don't really love me they love the idea of me they have in their heads and they would rather have memories of a son that never existed and a dead daughter than to accept me. He told me I was crazy but he is sadly seeing it firsthand now and is slowly realizing what our parents really are.

I told him I was going to cut them out of my life but he is still trying to get me to give them time but I don't see how they will ever change. They have proven they love their religion more than they love their own kid and things will never be the same.

 

[ThatNickGuy]

I hate most of my family

I knew they would not take my being trans very well but seeing/hearing it first hand is still hard. I luckily have two brothers who are sticking up for me but my parents and my sister are refusing to call me by my preferred name and their reasoning is stuff like "we gave him that name and we will use it" or "we have to let show our love by explaining that they are sinning" or even "if we call them by that name we will be endorsing the sin". My mom is telling my brother that if I can't stand their calling me by my birth name and don't want to be around them for that reason it is my fault and not theirs. My dad said he would just say neither name but use male pronouns and I could only come over if I was dressed as a male.

I knew they would not handle it well but this level of hatred towards their own kid/sibling is painful nevertheless. The one good thing is that one of my brothers had been convinced I was exaggerating the bad stuff about our parents but he is quickly realizing that I wasn't lying or exaggerating. They are even accusingly attacking him saying he isn't being a good christian by accepting me. Now I am not a christian at all but I understand my brother is and he was deeply hurt by my parents accusations towards him and their hatred towards me. The whole time they keep saying they love me and I have told my brother that they don't really love me they love the idea of me they have in their heads and they would rather have memories of a son that never existed and a dead daughter than to accept me. He told me I was crazy but he is sadly seeing it firsthand now and is slowly realizing what our parents really are.

I told him I was going to cut them out of my life but he is still trying to get me to give them time but I don't see how they will ever change. They have proven they love their religion more than they love their own kid and things will never be the same.

If it helps, a friend of mine had a similar situation when he came out as gay to his family. He was so afraid of his parents' reaction that he actually wrote them a snail mail letter. His mother wrote back and said things like "I have no son," "You're going to Hell," and so on. Eventually, they DID accept him, though. From what I understand, he still goes home sometimes (with his husband) for family dinners.

 

[Hylian]

If it helps, a friend of mine had a similar situation when he came out as gay to his family. He was so afraid of his parents' reaction that he actually wrote them a snail mail letter. His mother wrote back and said things like "I have no son," "You're going to Hell," and so on. Eventually, they DID accept him, though. From what I understand, he still goes home sometimes (with his husband) for family dinners.

I hope they come around but I have a hard time seeing any possibility

 

[Dei]

What most so called christians in this country have lost sight of is that Jesus taught people to love one another, and that God was the ultimate judge, not them. So your brother is really the only Christian in your family. *hugs*

 

[ThatNickGuy]

I hope they come around but I have a hard time seeing any possibility

I'm really sorry. I've heard stories like this from other people in the trans community. Come to think of it, my sister's best friend came out as transgender and her family didn't take it well, either. But they slowly grew to accept him. It might take time. Maybe they won't, but I really hope they eventually come around. Cutting them out of your life FOR NOW might be the best thing for all parties.

 

[Hylian]

What most so called christians in this country have lost sight of is that Jesus taught people to love one another, and that God was the ultimate judge, not them. So your brother is really the only Christian in your family. *hugs*

I told him that but he was still hurt by them

 

[strawman]

It probably took you years, little by little, to understand and accept this in yourself. It's only fair to give your parents a few years to process this and figure it out as well.

I have a friend who was essentially disowned every way but legally for a series of decisions he made about who he was which offended his parents religiously. It was years before they reformed their relationships and if anything their bonds are stronger now than they were when he was traveling the path they originally intended him to follow.

Things will be painful, and probably for a very long time, but if you maintain an opening for them and make efforts to reach out these relationships can be rebuilt.

It won't happen in a day, month, year, and perhaps not in one decade. Give them time, give them the respect they aren't giving you and probably don't deserve, and see what grows in that space. You might be surprised.

 

[Ravenpoe]

It probably took you years, little by little, to understand and accept this in yourself. It's only fair to give your parents a few years to process this and figure it out as well.

I have a friend who was essentially disowned every way but legally for a series of decisions he made about who he was which offended his parents religiously. It was years before they reformed their relationships and if anything their bonds are stronger now than they were when he was traveling the path they originally intended him to follow.

Things will be painful, and probably for a very long time, but if you maintain an opening for them and make efforts to reach out these relationships can be rebuilt.

It won't happen in a day, month, year, and perhaps not in one decade. Give them time, give them the respect they aren't giving you and probably don't deserve, and see what grows in that space. You might be surprised.

As cathartic as it may be to write off your parents as unsalvagable (and I don't know your history with them, but I'm going to assume this isn't the first time you've felt that way) I'm going to agree with stienman. People slam doors as a defense mechanism, which sounds like what they are doing, and what you wish to do in return. It's much harder to be able to open the door, but it's a skill that's worth cultivating. I think in your situation, you probably don't want to hear give it time, because you are tired of giving it time. You are finally moving after feeling like you were stuck still, but that sort of inertia doesn't happen overnight, and they might need time to catch up.


And I just realized I broke some of my own advice from years ago... don't try to offer advice in the rant thread, where people want to rant. So feel free to keep ranting, catharsis is helpful.

 

[Hylian]

I want to give them time but it also seems very unlikely that they will change. My dad just blocked me on Facebook for crying out loud

 

[Cheesy1]

Unfortunately, sometimes shitty people are just shitty people. And more times than not, they're family members.