[Rant] Minor Rant III: For a Few Hollers More

Dave

Dave

Staff member
Found out today through a facebook post that my son has had contact - for who knows how long - with his biological father and half siblings. I'm kind of torn about this. On the one hand, as someone who was adopted and has found his biological family, I get it. But on the other hand, this is the guy who abandoned you and through that abandonment was allowed to be adopted. He wanted nothing to do with you until you were old enough to no longer be difficult to raise. He took no responsibility for anything you did. He was not there. He never reached out save one mailed letter when you were 3 that started "To Whom It May Concern".

I am going to wait to see what his reasons are before I say anything. But his mom is super hurt and angry. Happy 31st anniversary.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
I let him know his mom was upset but I didn't accuse or anything like that. He told me that he told them to tag him on facebook and that this was the first time he'd met with them so he could get medical history from that side. I completely understand but I still don't think Kerri will.
 
HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Dave said:
I let him know his mom was upset but I didn't accuse or anything like that. He told me that he told them to tag him on facebook and that this was the first time he'd met with them so he could get medical history from that side. I completely understand but I still don't think Kerri will.
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Not uncommon for family planning. Sounds like he's just adulting.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Minor rant because this doesn't affect me that much, but...

Ordered food tonight from a local place we like. Haven't been there in a fair bit but they charge WAY more through doordash se when we order food from them we do it directly and then go pick it up. And since it's only a few blocks from my house, I'm ALWAYS early to get it. Tonight, for example, I was about 20 minutes early. But that's not the crux of this story.

They changed the dress code for waitresses and bartenders. Note I saw NO male waiters or bar staff. The dress code is now short shorts and cutoff shirts that show the midriff. I guess it's not that bad, really, IF YOU WANT TO WEAR THAT! But apparently it was not a decision made by the girls working there. While sitting at the bar I heard them talking. They were embarrassed to be wearing that at work. One said - and this is almost a direct quote - she could wear the same thing on only fans and make more money. Plus her feet wouldn't hurt.

I felt dirty just being in there.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Dave said:
Minor rant because this doesn't affect me that much, but...

Ordered food tonight from a local place we like. Haven't been there in a fair bit but they charge WAY more through doordash se when we order food from them we do it directly and then go pick it up. And since it's only a few blocks from my house, I'm ALWAYS early to get it. Tonight, for example, I was about 20 minutes early. But that's not the crux of this story.

They changed the dress code for waitresses and bartenders. Note I saw NO male waiters or bar staff. The dress code is now short shorts and cutoff shirts that show the midriff. I guess it's not that bad, really, IF YOU WANT TO WEAR THAT! But apparently it was not a decision made by the girls working there. While sitting at the bar I heard them talking. They were embarrassed to be wearing that at work. One said - and this is almost a direct quote - she could wear the same thing on only fans and make more money. Plus her feet wouldn't hurt.

I felt dirty just being in there.
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Well stop eating at BAZONGAS. You should have seen this coming...
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

drawn_inward said:
Sore throat and fatigued with a negative covid test.
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My brain of course immediately tried to fit this into "LA face with an Oakland booty" and now it is helpfully trying to redo all the lyrics. The "best" so far has been, "My adenoids ain't no fun unless you pound that NyQuil, son."

--Patrick
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
The 19-year-old may have turned 20 last weekend, but he still has all the mental faculties of a 4-year-old.

Apparently yesterday evening he took the dog with him for a drive to go pick something up somewhere at a store, And when he got back...

He just left the dog in the car. Totally forgot about it. Went off to MMA practice with the dog sitting in the car in my driveway.

Thankfully it has been rainy and cool for the last few days, so the dog is okay.

But it's probably for the best I'm out of town on business or I would have screamed my head off about this dumb shit leaving a dog in a car outside in July in Texas.

Yes, the very same dog I just spent $11,000 on to keep alive.
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
Dave said:
"went to MMA practice"

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I bite my tongue about that a lot. It would not endear me to his mother to crush his ridiculous dreams. Dude's had to go to the hospital twice in the short time I've known him because somebody dealt him grievous bodily harm in practice.

Is it just me, or does everyone who has absolutely no ability to do anything AT ALL in life end up trying to do MMA/Personal Training?

We've tried to get him to apply to other jobs with growth potential or a future, but his lack of initiative means he always let things that should have been easy gets just... slip through his fingers.
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

GasBandit said:
Is it just me, or does everyone who has absolutely no ability to do anything AT ALL in life end up trying to do MMA/Personal Training?
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My armchair observation is that there's unfortunately a lot of social pressure on that age group right now because there are all those influencer vids suggesting that once you find your "thing" (whatever it might be), the rest of your life will be smooth sailing, and that if you don't fall into that something by the time you turn 21, your life is over and you're an unwashed pansy poopoo who can never amount to anything. And there are also people who think that MMA is easy because all you need is to be angry enough (conversely if you fail at MMA it is because you were NOT angry enough and you have to JUST ANGRY HARDER the next time). What I'm saying, I guess, is that he sounds like he's having a lot of emotions right now that are overpowering his ability to think, which turns out hurts both his personal life AND his burgeoning MMA career. I don't know exactly what to do to rein him in, but I'm guessing showing him lots of long-term "look how far you can go if you apply yourself for an indeterminate, extended period of time" opportunities would have the opposite effect. Maybe the endurance he needs to build is in how long he can do a task? Give him a bunch of really short 2-step, 2hr-or-less things to do until he gets his reward, then move on to "by the end of the day" things, etc? Just spitballing. I'm having the same kinds of issues with our son, but I think our son's difficulties are rooted in a misplaced desire to remain detached from everyone/everything else in an attempt to never have his feelings hurt by someone he "accidentally" befriends.

--Patrick
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

GasBandit said:
The 19-year-old may have turned 20 last weekend, but he still has all the mental faculties of a 4-year-old.

Apparently yesterday evening he took the dog with him for a drive to go pick something up somewhere at a store, And when he got back...

He just left the dog in the car. Totally forgot about it. Went off to MMA practice with the dog sitting in the car in my driveway.

Thankfully it has been rainy and cool for the last few days, so the dog is okay.

But it's probably for the best I'm out of town on business or I would have screamed my head off about this dumb shit leaving a dog in a car outside in July in Texas.

Yes, the very same dog I just spent $11,000 on to keep alive.
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It kinda sounds to me like he might be neurodivergent in some way.

He could also just be a fuck up. Or it could be both, I'm just saying there are signs.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Frank said:
I had a bad breakdown today and almost just bailed. I can't take spending one more minute with either of my brothers. I hate this fucking shithole town so much.
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If they're being shitheads, what's stopping you from just leaving? If they won't respect you then they don't deserve your company.
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

I have had a low-level sense of dread and feelings of sadness for about 3 weeks. It hits me during quiet times in the morning or when alone in the bathroom. It's getting exacerbated by more responsibility at work and we are having some work done in our kitchen that keeps that area very messy. The lack of order is bothering me more than I realized. Hoping that writing this down will help me feel better. Having some really intrusive dark thoughts that I have allowed myself dwell on, which is not helpful.

It is coming out as anger and frustration and low energy and low patience.
 
Frank

Frank

You know, this really isn't a gigantic deal, but boy does it make me feel like complete shit. This weekend has been like a record in how many people can ditch me, some more than once, in 2 days without so much as a sorry or a response to a message. Like, friends, family and loved ones, everyone seems to think I don't mind being left the fuck out without so much as a word of apology or even a God damn heads up.

Fucking hurts.
 
CrimsonSoul

CrimsonSoul

Dave said:
I found out one of my “best friends” was in town. He’d been here two weeks. I found out the day he left from a mutual friend.
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Yeah had that happen to me in July. Only I spent time with him. 15 minutes while he looked for a hotel for his wife close to the airport so she could fly back out to their house in hawaii while he stayed to get his foot in the door at the air traffic control towers nearby. He was down for another 2 weeks. Never saw or heard from him the rest of his time down here
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
CrimsonSoul said:
Yeah had that happen to me in July. Only I spent time with him. 15 minutes while he looked for a hotel for his wife close to the airport so she could fly back out to their house in hawaii while he stayed to get his foot in the door at the air traffic control towers nearby. He was down for another 2 weeks. Never saw or heard from him the rest of his time down here
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My story wasn't so that I could get sympathy. It was to show @Frank that he's not the only one who got ditched. Mine was only by one person but it was someone I thought I was really, really close to.
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

I am the friend who didn't visit his best friend. But, it was a 2.5 hr drive one wayand I chose to hang out with my family instead of driving 5 hrs in one day.
 
Far

Far

So I'm not excusing anyone but can I be the other side of this for a second?

I moved away from home about 16 years back at this point. Every time I returned in the initial years, I'd meet up with friends the entire time I was down. Years would pass and the frequency of my visits reduced and at other times the lengths as well. When I did come back, I'd get in my head about us not reaching out to arrange things the last time or because we didn't that they wouldn't have time with either party feeling guilty because they couldn't make it. Personally for me, maybe even fear and anxiety that after all that time they didn't even want to see me and, rather than reaching out and confirming those thoughts I'd just continue to stay out of contact because I think in my head, stupidly and stubbornly, the ambiguity was better than knowing for sure. I don't even think these were conscious decisions on my part, just self-sabotaging behavior that then perpetuated a self-fulfilling inevitability. It wasn't anything those individuals had done or said or not done or said.

The truth now is that I have lost friendships and relationships because of my own shame/guilt/anxiety monster. They aren't gone, and sure distance is rough and absolutely a contributing factor, but they aren't as strong as they could have been.
 
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