The Dream Thread

[bhamv3]

I dreamt last night that I was watching a movie called Death Dildos. And, somehow, my subconscious managed to make it a pretty compelling and interesting narrative.

Y'see, there's a serial killer who lures women into his camper van by acting all charming, and then he knocks them out, and then he drives his victims to a remote location and beats them to death with his collection of baseball bats (which he refers to as his death dildos). So he lures his latest victim onto the camper van, drugs her and knocks her out, and while he's driving he swerves to avoid an animal on the road. This causes some piled objects in the back of the van to fall onto the woman, and she wakes up. She's trapped behind a locked door, but she manages to break the lock using one of the fallen objects, and she finds the guy's bat collection. The bats are stained with blood, and each wooden bat has women's names carved on them. She's shocked, and makes a sound, and apparently the killer hears her because the camper van suddenly stops, and she frantically tries to find somewhere to hide.

It's around this point that I woke up, and I wanted to know how the movie ends, so I grabbed my phone and looked up "death dildos" but to my disappointment this movie does not exist.

 

[GasBandit]

... on an unrelated note, I have a slightly used camper van for sale. In a hurry.

 

[sixpackshaker]

I had a disturbing dream that I was in a haunted house like the ones you pay to go through on Halloween. But this one was built in a decaying abandoned shopping mall. It was also a Running Man type of game show. It was also really haunted. So I was running through all these creepy/scary scenarios while trying to blow past zombies and ghosts. Most were just there to slow you down. But there were like 3 that were trying to kill me. So I went through 10 or so rooms like creepy mansions, locker rooms, industrial kitchens, operating rooms, etc. I had to hit a button at the end and run back out to the exit of the mall. All the while there was some Chuck Woolery type announcer commenting on my every move.

All the way through I was chased my a young female ghost that was a lot like the one from Harry Potter. She was the most dangerous one. As she could pass through walls at will. Her grasp could melt skin. Just as I could see the large glass doors on the way out, she grabbed me. My left wrist started to melt. I then took out my Schrade Fruit Knife. Like a 5 inch long folding knife, it is very simple. I had to hold it in my melting hand and open it with the other. Switch it to my free hand, and stab her with it. It did no damage, but it turned into a large ivory handled Stiletto Switch Blade. This time it hurt her. Then it turned into a small ivory handled Chef Knife. I stabbed her again and she vanished. Then I woke up, feeling bad that I killed what was basically a teenaged girl.

 

[PatrThom]

This sounds like you've been playing too much Dead Rising.

--Patrick

 

[GasBandit]

Had one of those "I'm back in high school" dreams last night. Except this time, I wasn't lost or late for class or in any kind of trouble (other than apparently having to go back to high school of course).... but the only part I can really remember is a teacher asking me "So have you found a date for the dance this weekend?" and me having to explain "To put it delicately, at 43, me asking any of my underage classmates out would be creepy and problematic at the very least."

 

[bhamv3]

I mentioned previously that I have a female friend who will often show up in my dreams as a random character.

Lately a female friend of mine, a classmate from university, will consistently show up in my dreams as a random character. Occasionally she plays a major role, but more often she just shows up in the background. The weird thing is that I haven't talked to this person in about five years, and before she started showing up in my dreams, I hadn't really thought about her at all.

I suspect there's something of a feedback loop going on, in which I've started thinking about her more these days because she keeps showing up in my dreams, which then in turn causes her to pop up more often.

See? I did mention it.

Anyway, last night she finally showed up as the main character in a salacious dream, and now I feel guilty.

 

[drawn_inward]

Last night, I dreamed that Dave had a youtube channel where he paid his bills in-person, and then roasted the companies (landlord, grocery store, internet provider). I don't remember the jokes but he was funny.

 

[PatrThom]

Not MY dream, but...


--Patrick

 

[ThatNickGuy]

My brain clearly needed to process the the recent spammer attempt on here because I had a dream last night that Halforums was overrun by them. Every thread was deluged with new posts from dozens of new hackers. And my account on here had been hacked, too, also posting spam. I tried messaging @GasBandit about it, but he said he was too busy trying to stop all the spam from pouring in.

 

[GasBandit]

My brain clearly needed to process the the recent spammer attempt on here because I had a dream last night that Halforums was overrun by them. Every thread was deluged with new posts from dozens of new hackers. And my account on here had been hacked, too, also posting spam. I tried messaging @GasBandit about it, but he said he was too busy trying to stop all the spam from pouring in.

AI Art has failed me. I prompted "An Ewok half-buried in cans of spam" and I got THIS mess.

That looks more like tire foam, and he's selling it, not buried in it!

 

[PatrThom]

Last night, I dreamed a story about a YA Japanese kid who is reasonably good at cooking EXCEPT that he is absolutely abysmal at cutting/preparing onions. But then at some point he inherits his (grand?)father’s cane/walking stick and suddenly becomes the GOD OF ONIONS, like six-star, 12/10, world-beating level but only when he somehow has the cane with him. Hijinx then ensue as he faces challenges from brash culinary rivals, time crunches when preparing for banquets/festivals/dignitaries, and in each episode he somehow loses the cane or whatever and has to go through shenanigans to retrieve it or send his friends to retrieve it and get it back to him just in time for the big finish, and two things are bothering me about this:
1) I have not been watching any anime lately, so I have no idea at all what inspired this dream.
2) This plot/premise is perfectly plausible and would absolutely not seem out of place in a current list of Crunchyroll “recommended” content.

—Patrick

 

[bhamv3]

I dreamt that I was having a spirited debate with someone about whether the comma or period should go inside the closing quotation marks, or outside.

Oddly enough I do not remember which side of the debate I was on.

 

[bhamv3]

I dreamt that my wife and I participated in a wife swapping event.

I am minorly freaked out that I am apparently okay with the idea of my wife having sex with other dudes.

 

[PatrThom]

I am minorly freaked out that I am apparently okay with the idea of my wife having sex with other dudes.

Are you sure they were [all] guys?

—Patrick

 

[bhamv3]

Are you sure they were [all] guys?

—Patrick

Well I mean, I can't exactly go back into the dream to double check, but it seems like a reasonable assumption...

 

[figmentPez]

I just remembered a really weird dream I had last night. I was watching a webseries, apparently with a group of people, but I didn't know anything about it. At the end of the episode there was a character in armor that looked a lot like Boba Fett, and when the sun went down there were tons of sparkling lights on the costume. I thought it was hilarious that this was Twilight Sparkle Boba Fett, and I laughed, but I was the only one in the audience that did, and I felt so stupid laughing at this serious character moment.

Then I was talking afterwards about the show with someone who worked on the webseries, and I was explaining that I so sorry I laughed because it was Twilight Sparkle. Then the person excused themselves, and when they came back they were in costume as the character, complete with lights built into the costume to make it sparkle. Someone explained to me that the voice actress for the armored character also voiced Twilight Sparkle, and that it was an intentional reference.

Which doesn't make any sense because I would have recognized Tara Strong, even if I didn't remember that she voiced a My Little Pony. That and the person in my dream had curly brown hair, which was how I could tell the one I'd been talking to was the one that came back out in costume.

Dreams are weird.

 

[Tinwhistler]

I had a weird dream where I tried to convince someone I had magic powers. "Turn me into a frog" they said.

"There's no coming back from that," I explained. "A tiny frog brain just can't hold everything it takes to be human. It's the size of a matchstick head. So, you lose everything. Sure, I can turn you back, but now I'm taking a frog brain and making it bigger. You'd look like you, but you'd still be a frog, mentally."

 

[PatrThom]

It's like trying to explain JPEG.

--Patrick

 

[bhamv3]

Last night I dreamt that my wife and I were staying at a hotel that George Clooney was also staying at, and somehow my wife convinced me that George Clooney was a "hall pass" dude that she was allowed to sleep with, so even though I didn't like it, I couldn't stop her from going off with Clooney. And while she was off doing her thing with Clooney I was packing up our luggage in our hotel room to prepare for check-out, thoroughly annoyed. I also made sure to grab the free toothbrush from the hotel bathroom, which I always like to do.

Whereas my wife dreamt that I had somehow found a shop or service that could create AI-powered realdolls, and I had procured one, and I was comparing her boobs to the doll's rack, and my wife's knockers were not winning in this particular competition.

So apparently we both woke up irritated with the other due to what we'd each dreamt of.

 

[PatrThom]

Imagine if you'd switched dreams.

--Patrick

 

[bhamv3]

Imagine if you'd switched dreams.

--Patrick

Unthinkable. My wife does not share my passion for collecting hotel toothbrushes.

 

[Far]

Crazy nightmare last night.

Spoiler: Trigger warning for suicide, manslaughter and death.

My family and I were all back in my hometown and I was "driving" Dad's car, Brother in the front passenger seat. I couldn't control the car though, Dad was doing it remotely somehow but I could tell something was wrong, it wasn't reacting fast enough. We don't stop at a light and hit an suv in front of us and sent it flipping end over end, out of sight.

By the time I compose myself and stumble up to it, my Brother is already there waiting sitting on the ground off to the side of the road, head in his hands, cops are there and all that's left of the suv is like the top foot of the car and some of the windshield attached, the rest was all ground away when it slid to a halt. I get to my Brother and say "well?" he goes "Just dust left. No survivors. 6 people gone, 4 kids." then a cop says something about how they didn't matter or something and my brother started going off about how "Oh right we're all just 9 digits who cares!" and goes full panic attack mode. He jumps for the cop's gun, which they just let him take, and tries to shoot himself like straight on at his face but nothing happens. He keeps trying by firing into the air and eventually gets it to work. Then he turns it on himself and shoots straight on again but some how misses and I see the bullet go behind him, towards my sister and Mum who are suddenly there now, sitting on the ground.

I'm yelling at him to stop but he can't hear from the shots and he does it again and it hits my sister in the head and she dies with this crazy disturbing grin, exactly like Tim Drake from animated Batman when he gets turned into Joker Junior, on her face as mum crawls over to cradle her. My brother realizes what he's done now and puts the gun under his chin, it goes off and then I woke up.

I can picture the exact street and intersection the accident happened on and where the suv finally came to rest is a block and half away we'd hit them that hard I guess with dream physics. Super vivid, and I couldn't get back to bed after.

 

[Tinwhistler]

Had a dream on my nap.I usually don't remember them, so I'm typing it up while it's fresh.

I had a clone of myself—or more accurately, there were two of me, but neither of us knew who the original was. We lived together in a very nice house. One day, other me brings a girl home and they're making out on the couch, and I'm staying hidden on the stairwell. She sees my feet, and wants to know who's here. So other me shows off me, and explains that we're not twins, but clones, and neither of us know who the original is, but we get along really well. Rather than being kinkily turned on by the prospect of having sex with two of me at the same time (which is what I thought would happen) she seemed really put off by the whole thing, and didn't even want to make out with other me any more, and instead just wanted to go home.

 

[PatrThom]

I agree that sounds like taking the 3D printing thing a little too far.

--Patrick

 

[figmentPez]

I had a dream last night where I was working for a gaming company that bought up a nearly finished game for cheap, and was going to try to fix it and release it. Only the company didn't know anything about the game, and all the documentation was just boxes and boxes of unorganized paper files. Design notes, the game's script, contracts, everything. The whole company was just sorting through boxes of paper trying to figure out what genre of unreleased, unfinished game we'd just bought.

Then someone found out that it was an "adult story book" and I was trying to explain to my boss what a point-and-click adventure game was, or that it might be a visual novel, or dating sim. We found out it had sex and nudity, but we couldn't find the waivers from the actors, and I was trying to explain to my boss that we absolutely had to have proof of age for the nudes or we couldn't use them, and my boss started hinting that if we couldn't find proof of the rights for the content, then employees would be asked to reenact the missing scenes, and I had experience as an actor.

That has to be the dumbest plot for a dream I have had in ages.

 

[PatrThom]

Was Seth Rogen in this dream? Cuz I think I've seen this movie.

The only part of my dream that I remember last night was that I was tasked with unclogging a toilet, and all I had available to help was a stick blender, which, while ultimately effective, was not a situation I look forward to reenacting in my waking life.

--Patrick

 

[bhamv3]

I dreamt I was back in secondary school, and our school's music teacher had resigned so we didn't have a music teacher any more, so I volunteered to teach music.

Then in my next class, math class, which was being taught by Anthony Hopkins for some reason, I asked him if it's hard being a teacher, cause I just volunteered to become a music teacher, and he said in his calm, soothing, Anthony Hopkins voice, "Hmm, that's not ideal."

 

[GasBandit]

I dreamed that I was having to add another story to my house to add the rooms needed by the second girlfriend I just got. Oh and I dreamed that I got a second girlfriend. It wasn't something I went out and looked for, it's just sometimes unexpected expenses crop up, you know? Sometimes you get a flat tire, sometimes the water heater breaks down, sometimes it turns out there's a second woman you're supposed to be sleeping with, so you have to make the house bigger. We all know how these things go.

 

[evilmike]

I dreamed that I was having to add another story to my house to add the rooms needed by the second girlfriend I just got. Oh and I dreamed that I got a second girlfriend. It wasn't something I went out and looked for, it's just sometimes unexpected expenses crop up, you know? Sometimes you get a flat tire, sometimes the water heater breaks down, sometimes it turns out there's a second woman you're supposed to be sleeping with, so you have to make the house bigger. We all know how these things go.

 

[ThatNickGuy]

I had a weird dream last night. There was a "drag potato" contest. Everyone had to dress up a potato in drag. The best drag potato won.

Now I'm tempted to make Drag Potato an actual thing. I'm not an arts and crafts guy, but I'd encourage others to do it.

Drag potatoes, people! Let's make it real!

 

[bhamv3]

Holdup, it's only drag if the potato is male but dresses up in a feminine manner, right? Or maybe vice versa?

So how do we know if we have a boy potato or girl potato? Does someone go out into the potato field and, ah, pull up the potatoes' skirts?

 

[ThatNickGuy]

Holdup, it's only drag if the potato is male but dresses up in a feminine manner, right? Or maybe vice versa?

So how do we know if we have a boy potato or girl potato? Does someone go out into the potato field and, ah, pull up the potatoes' skirts?

My weird dreams are devoid of logic like this.

 

[PatrThom]

Am now imagining a potato which has been cut/carved to resemble a moai, but then additionally has a pearl choker, exaggerated eyelashes, lipstick, etc.

--Patrick

 

[Tinwhistler]

Am now imagining a potato which has been cut/carved to resemble a moai, but then additionally has a pearl choker, exaggerated eyelashes, lipstick, etc.

--Patrick

 

[bhamv3]

I dreamt that the US government set up an official website that allowed people to make and share AI-generated salacious pictures of government figures, like members of congress or other officials. The idea was obviously that if any actual compromising photos of any political figures were leaked or released, they could just claim it was AI.