Ask Me Anything: The Dave Experience

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Dave

Staff member
How much would it cost to get you to lick a 'freshly' used fly-swatter?
Depends on the time of the month. No, that's NOT what I mean by that! I get paid monthly. So at the beginning of the month I'd charge you $100. Near the end of the month it would be down to a happy meal and a bottle of Pepsi.

Have you ever actually husked corn? If so, were you viciously assaulted by a live wolverine in the attempt?
I actually have husked corn before. Several times, in fact. I'm quite good at it. No wolverines, though.

---------- Post added at 06:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:19 PM ----------

Who is the most famous person you've ever touched?
The lead singer of Cheap Trick. We played putt putt golf together at the Fuddruckers in Fargo, ND some time in the 1990s.
 

Dave

Staff member
Who are your top 10 favorite posters?
I'm very fond of a lot of you. Normally I wouldn't answer this one because as Admin it would look like I am taking sides in any dispute. But because Zen is now the arbitrator of the boomstick and I'm not involved I will answer. And these are in no certain order, by the way.

  1. Shegokigo - She brings a level of insanity to the boards that I like. Yes, the shtick sometimes seems forced, but for the most part it's good fun.
  2. GasBandit - His views and mine politically don't even come close to one another, but he sticks to his guns and is unflinching. Plus he's always making things interesting.
  3. Charlie Dont Surf - He's brash, he's too young to be so set in his ways and he's a movie snob. But he's interesting and even when bored he brings a certain something to the boards. Look at this mini-meme he started!
  4. Lucid JCM - As opposed to the ranting lunatic JCM that occasionally rears his ugly head. Really the only time I've ever lost it on someone was the batshit insane JCM. But Lucid JCM brings a view to the board that we would normally not get. Namely the insight - important insight - into the mind of a member of a religion with which the United States is currently at war. His posts on the subject are a real treat...before they spiral down into flaming drivel and implode.
  5. Chazwozel - This one could be one of a few people, but Chaz comes to mind first. We have a number of scientists on this board and the professional information we get from these folks is invaluable to understanding things like cloning, virology and the current global pandemic. Yes, he can be acerbic. But you have to realize that he means almost none of it and if you fall for his poking and prodding he just won.
  6. Crone - I like the newer, calmer Crone. Her posts are funny and she's always been there with a laugh. We've had our differences in the past but I respect the hell out of her. Shit, we voted her Forum President!
  7. SeraRealm - The funny and beautiful version of GasBandit with the GB hoard at her disposal. Although a great number of posts contain what Charlie refers to as "image macros", her posts never fail to elicit a chuckle or even the occasional guffaw. I hope she's right now very happy getting her marriage on.
  8. Gusto - Having spoken with him several times on the Vent and D&D games & such I find I like GOOSTO personally and that tends to color my views of his posts somewhat.
  9. Calleja - Even though he hasn't been around as much, the Happy Mexican is a great guy who has shared so much personal information with us at his own expense that I'm amazed. Come back, ya crazy Mex, ya!
  10. My Mods & Admins - I chose these folks for a reason. For the most part they are very even tempered and they are ALL easy to work with. The private section you guys can't see is drama free and I likes it that way.

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
In 20 years I'll be 64 years old. I hope to God I'm able to start thinking about retirement although by that time I hope to have written something that someone likes enough to publish so I can sit in my boxer briefs at the computer and still make a living.

Have you ever DJ'ed a deaf wedding?
Actually, one of the wedding I did had a deaf bridesmaid. But that's about the extent of it. I wished I knew sign language at the time.
 

Dave

Staff member
peperoni, or supreme?
I prefer Canadian Bacon, otherwise known as ham. But if I had to choose I'd say pepperoni due to the fact that I am not a fan of vegetables on my pizza.

What baseball team do Nebraskans tend to root for?
Generally it's the Kansas City Royals. The miner league team in Omaha is the Omaha Royals so we have that connection plus the fact that KC is one of the closest franchises. Personally I'm a Minnesota Twin.

How much should one tip cows?
20% just like everyone else.
 

fade

Staff member


(I keed)

Also, will we be privy to a "Comedy stylings of Dave" podcast anytime soon?

Also, when can we get a laugh track mod for the forum. Guaranteed to make each post 10 X more hilarious™. 9 out of 10 Balkis agree.
 

Dave

Staff member
When will you stop answering questions in this thread?
When people get tired of asking them.

Also, will we be privy to a "Comedy stylings of Dave" podcast anytime soon?
Hadn't even thought about that. Interesting idea. But do I really want to take the time to write fresh material for a medium where you get no feedback and have no idea if the material is working? Let me think about this.

Also, when can we get a laugh track mod for the forum. Guaranteed to make each post 10 X more hilarious™. 9 out of 10 Balkis agree.
Laugh track? Not sure we want to incorporate sound clips. It would take up space and could become very annoying.
 

Dave

Staff member
would you be willing to turn this into an amateur porn site?
Dave, do you honestly think Crone still has amateur status?[/quote]

I have no proof to the contrary. That I know of.[/quote]

Do you really know how Crone looks like? ;)[/QUOTE]

If she was truthful about the pictures she posted then sure. But if she posted pictures that weren't her I'd have no way of knowing. I mean, you all know that I look as I look because I post a picture from my DJ job and that would be an incredibly elaborate ruse to fake. But a picture or two uploaded could be of anyone.

I think I have but you can never be 100% sure.
 
And what about 5 celebrity dudes?


If you could get this place exactly how you want it, what would it be like?
 
Three parter:
1. Dave you ever going to come visit me in Texas so we can go shooting?

2. Do you see the hot air machines and think push button recieve bacon?

3. When can I tap dat?
 
Oh! another one I thought of. If you were a wacky radio DJ what would your show be like? Assume you a re "Demented Dave" and this is your "Destructive Drive time" or something, who would be your sidekick, the one who asks all the people you interview how big their dong is? Who would be in intern who has to do the stupid stunts, and who would be the chick who thinks you're all just gross?
 
A

Andromache

would you be willing to turn this into an amateur porn site?
Dave, do you honestly think Crone still has amateur status?[/quote]

I have no proof to the contrary. That I know of.[/quote]

Do you really know how Crone looks like? ;)[/QUOTE]

If she was truthful about the pictures she posted then sure. But if she posted pictures that weren't her I'd have no way of knowing. I mean, you all know that I look as I look because I post a picture from my DJ job and that would be an incredibly elaborate ruse to fake. But a picture or two uploaded could be of anyone.

I think I have but you can never be 100% sure.[/QUOTE]

wait, when did this become about me? how do I make it stop?
 

Dave

Staff member
Do you have a list of 5 celebrity ladies you'd have sex with if you had the chance?

  1. Salma Hayek - My overall #1. I would be able to die happy after 1 night alone with her.
  2. Kathy Ireland - As long as she doesn't speak. She's kinda dumb but those eyes...
  3. Jennifer Aniston - Just because she's hot.
  4. Mila Kunis - Have you SEEN her lately?!?
  5. Megan Fox - You would have to shut her up and make sure that she doesn't try and act in front of me but even vacuous Megan is super hot.

And what about 5 celebrity dudes?
Well, I'm not gay so the prospect doesn't turn me on. But throw a million tax free at me and I'd probably lower myself and then take a long, long shower.

If you could get this place exactly how you want it, what would it be like?
A centralized hub of activity that is constantly bringing in new users so that even if a few leave we're still okay and not stagnating.

Three parter:
1. Dave you ever going to come visit me in Texas so we can go shooting?
That would be really interesting...as long as you aren't Dick Cheney. But I'd suck as I'm really rusty with my shooting. I haven't touched a weapon in 20+ years.

2. Do you see the hot air machines and think push button receive bacon?
You know, I really do now. And it always makes me laugh.

3. When can I tap dat?
See the quote about dudes above.

Oh! another one I thought of. If you were a wacky radio DJ what would your show be like? Assume you a re "Demented Dave" and this is your "Destructive Drive time" or something, who would be your sidekick, the one who asks all the people you interview how big their dong is? Who would be in intern who has to do the stupid stunts, and who would be the chick who thinks you're all just gross?
I would do a call-in show where I'd basically be an "answer" guy. So people would send us questions and we'd answer them and talk about nothing for 4-5 hours a day. No stupid stunts or anything like that. I'd actually want a "serious" type of talk show where the personalities make the difference, not the wacky stunts.

wait, when did this become about me? how do I make it stop?
When someone asked a question. I answered and now it's over.
 
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