This girl... a semi illustrated story

[Silver Jelly]

So, if you have been following my posts for the past months, you may have seen I've been talking about a girl (sometimes dubbed "the cosplayer girl", sometimes "the girl I like"), mainly in the minor victory, epic win or minor rant threads. Let me tell you the story.
This year I started studying a master's degree, or whatever they are called. A few weeks after, all the students went to have dinner and party to meet eachother. I was seriously drunk, dancing around, when this girl comes talk to me. I had barely noticed her until that night, but she was very pretty. In my drunken stupor, I could barely believe she just came to me to ask me "If I liked comic books". Heck yea, I do! "how did you know" I asked, alcohol making me not realize I had worn Daily Planet, Arkham Asylum and Tintin shirts to class.
(the only picture of us that night isn't especially flattering... )

She then keeps talking about she liking them too, and being a cosplayer, and suggesting we may go together to the Barcelona comic convention.
Awesome.
The next day she sent me a picture of her dressed as leia.

But what did I do after that night? Reacting in my usual way and being so shy I didn't even talk to her for 3 months.
UNTIL we had another "group dinner" in wich we sat down one in front of the other. It was an awesome evening, I got VERY drunk too, but probably that was what allowed me to talk "freely" to her about how shy I was and that I didnt talk to her for months because I was shy. We talked about nerdy stuff, and it finally ended up with her inviting my friends and I to her place to watch some episodes of Stargate.

Since then we have been getting closer and closer.

(example pictures)

Then, one day, I invited lots of friends to watch a soccer match home. Only my childhood friends came... and her, who doesn't like soccer. That night she mentioned she wanted to go watch "Clash of the titans"

A week later I managed to get a date with her. Next wednesday we went watch it. We had dinner, we were alone in the cinema, and I later got my friends (who were in a car) to come get us and take her home. And these awesome friends also brought me something awesome. You see, we went to the cinema on "Saint George's day", in wich men give roses to their loved ones. They brought me a rose for her. She seemed to like it.

Next monday, she came to sit down next to me in class. We have been sitting together since then, we have gone together to the Barcelona Comic convention,

we were very close at her birthday party,

she's been texting me almost every night before going to sleep and EVERYBODY in class keeps saying it looks like there's something between us, and interrogate me about "us" at every drunken chance they get.

So, as some of you may have read, She invited me tonight to go and watch Buffy at her place. "booty call", some said. I don't know, and I'm pretty nervous... but the fact is that, two days ago, she told me she wanted to go to a concert (BSG music) with me some weeks from now... In the Canary Islands. That's both of us, alone, taking a freaking trip!

The thing is, maybe because my low self esteem, maybe because I've known of people doing all this stuff and later discovering they are just "best friends", that I'm very scared. I don't know what to do*. I HOPE tonight I get some irrefutable proof we are not "just friends", but I'm very anxious about finding the opposite. And what if she really did like me? What I'm supposed to do then? I've never been in that situation...

Can I get some sage words of advice from Dave and the rest of forumites? Seeing how awesome you all were in the "sex for newbies" thread (antoher thread about her? :sneaky: ), I'm looking forward to hearing what you think!

(I apologize for the weird english and typos. I'll be correcting them progressively)

*You should add in here the fact my parents are old fashioned and probably wouldn't let me go on that trip with a girl, wich is an important fact considering they would be paying for it.

 

[Wahad]

You sound a lot like me, Jelly. So let me tell you the story of how I met my girlfriend. See, we were good friends for a while already. Talking a lot, (well, she did most of the talking but that's beside the point), hanging out, etc. etc. I thought, well, she's pretty cool, I wouldn't mind if she and I were more than just friends. Of course, me being rejected by all the girls I'd ever met I didn't ask, because I mostly wanted to stay at what we had. So one day she asked me if I felt something for her, because she definitely did for me. We've been dating for little over six months now.

The point is, if she likes you, she'll come out for it - she looks the type anyway. Either tonight with the Buffy show, or when you two are alone on the islands. Or maybe some other time. All you gotta do is stay cool, don't go in there thinking ''this night will make or break it''. That's when things go wrong. Just do what you've done so far, and if there's stronger hints about her feelings, you could ask her if you feel brave. Or she might come out with it herself. I don't really know her, so I can't particularly say how she'd be but I think she might.

Hope it works out for you!

 

[Silver Jelly]

Thanks! ^__^

 

[tegid]

And what if she really did like me? What I'm supposed to do then? I've never been in that situation...

Dude, that's easy! Have fun

 

[evilmike]

And remember, there's nothing wrong with telling her that you like her. It's only wrong if you act like a jerk if she doesn't reciprocate.

 

[Chibibar]

If you like her, tell her. BUT don't go in "expecting booty call" that will just make you more nervous than you already are. You have been enjoying each other company's for a bit of time now and have many interest. Of course look for cues. hmmmm... I am a little bit dated since well.... married for 5 years now so "the cues that she want to kiss you" and such might not be as good.

One thing my wife and I do (before we were married) and I discover that she was "really into me" is when we were watching a show one day there was a kissing scene. I took the plunge and go "kissing scene" and kissed her. of course we were cuddling at the time pretty close while watching the film.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

I agree that you should tell her that you like her. If she only sees you as a friend, well yes, it'll be disappointing, but at least you'll know for sure where things stand. It sounds to me, though, like she wants to be closer to you because you have similar interests. Usually women don't do that with guys they just want to be friends with. I think there is hope for something more than friendship. One thing I would do if your parents don't agree to this trip, if you can't some how get the money on your own, then tell cos-play girl you'd like to go with her, but can't afford the trip.

 

[Silver Jelly]

"the cues that she want to kiss you"

What cues are these? I'm interested, even if they are "dated"!

(also, thanks for all the advice!)

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

She might put her head on your shoulder or upper part of your chest and look up at you for a minute, then look down kind of like she's shy. She might tilt her head to one side while moving closer to you. Instead of just touching your hands, she may touch you further up on your arms or shoulders or even your face.

 

[Cajungal]

Seems like she really likes you to me from all that you've said... but you won't know unless you go for it. It sounds like she's trying really hard to keep in contact with you... harder than most girls would for just a friend. Plus, you admitted to her before that the reason y'all didn't talk for a while is because you are shy. That gives her a clue about you liking her, I think. If you just wanted to be friends, it probably would relax the situation.

I don't know why you seem to doubt yourself so much, SJ, because I don't know you that well... but I just wanna say you always strike me as a sweet and adorable person, and you should totally go for it... Cajun's orders.

 

[Silver Jelly]

She might put her head on your shoulder or upper part of your chest and look up at you for a minute, then look down kind of like she's shy. She might tilt her head to one side while moving closer to you. Instead of just touching your hands, she may touch you further up on your arms or shoulders or even your face.

Thanks! ^__^

Also, CG... Well, I've always been rejected by all girls I've liked... That's probably a good reason to doubt myself :S But if those are Cajun orders, I'll have to obey! XD

 

[Chibibar]

She might put her head on your shoulder or upper part of your chest and look up at you for a minute, then look down kind of like she's shy. She might tilt her head to one side while moving closer to you. Instead of just touching your hands, she may touch you further up on your arms or shoulders or even your face.

Thanks! ^__^

Also, CG... Well, I've always been rejected by all girls I've liked... That's probably a good reason to doubt myself :S But if those are Cajun orders, I'll have to obey! XD[/QUOTE]

Well think about this. You HAVE more than one date with her right? She wants you to be around and you communicate all the time (from what you told us) so... I think this girl is interested in you. She might be shy too so maybe during the show, you could "make a move" of course if you get your cue.

usually if a woman is touching your upper arms, chest, or upper thigh (hand rest) it is a good sign really. she might lean in and close her eyes that is a given cue but personally I say enjoy the time you have with each other and don't worry too much, have them in your mind, but it should be the primary thing on your mind

 

[Cajungal]

She might put her head on your shoulder or upper part of your chest and look up at you for a minute, then look down kind of like she's shy. She might tilt her head to one side while moving closer to you. Instead of just touching your hands, she may touch you further up on your arms or shoulders or even your face.

Thanks! ^__^

Also, CG... Well, I've always been rejected by all girls I've liked... That's probably a good reason to doubt myself :S But if those are Cajun orders, I'll have to obey! XD[/QUOTE]

Ah, I see... well that can be rough. But it sounds like this girl has better taste.

 

[bhamv3]

Tell her how you feel. Openness, honesty, and communication are essential for relationships, so why not start this one with open honest communication?

 

[Officer_Charon]

It seems like everyone's giving you pearls, son, so take heed.

Bottom line, and I know this is going to sound nigh-impossible, is to RELAX. Seriously, if you're wound up tight as a fiddle, you're going to bumble through, and while it might be endearing to her, you're going to wince at the stuff you do/say. *chuckles* Relax, enjoy her company, and if the opportunity presents itself, make eye contact as much as possible. As corny as it sounds, you'll be able to tell, by the look in her eye, if she's expecting you to make a move. Trust me: look at romantic anime, then tone down the obviousness. *grins* The cues are real, but they get played up in media, because they want the audience to recognize something's there.

You sound like a great guy, fun to hang with, and this girl, as CG said, sounds like she's going out of her way to open up to you and keep something going. Trust me, as someone who's MISSED that cue before, I think you're on to something good here...

 

[Calleja]

This is very hard to do when you're shy (and believe me, I used to be not very different than you), but you should just take the plunge and say "Hey.. I like you". I know, I know, the idea probably sends you into nervous spasms, but I really think you should consider it PRECISELY because it will save you much nervousness and awkwardness and... all that crap that gives you diarrhea and makes you lose your hair.

Think about it. You grab your balls and utter 4 syllables and that will instantly put the cards on the table. You'll know if she likes you too, letting you pursue the relationship like a spawning romantic on, or tell you she's just looking for a friend (which I personally don't think is the case...you're better looking than you give yourself credit for, too) in which case you can just relax, and enjoy having a cool female friend. Who may even eventually introduce you to hot friends.

The girl I'm dating had me nervous as fuck last night when we went to this bar with a great live band. She seemed to enjoy being there with me, but I still felt nervous as fuck as how to proceed (I know, I know... it's different when it's serious) until I just downed the rest of my beer, turned to her and said straight to her face : "Hey, it's really obvious I really like you, right?". Apparently it "wasn't" (She's "very bad at realizing stuff like that") but after that we talked it through, after some playful prodding she confessed to liking me too and we spent the rest of the night holding hands and even kissing a bit. It just relaxed the whole situation to be all out in the open. You should consider that, dude.

 

[Hailey Knight]

It sounds like she's pretty into you. Chill, and keep going.

And on the "negative" side, just to throw it out there, you wanna know, and if you find out she looks to you as a friend, that shouldn't end just because you spoke up. I told a girl I liked her that way and she told me she didn't feel the same. Over five years later, we're still best friends.

That said, this girl seems to be going out of her way. Calligari dumacy is right; getting it out there lets go of so much tension and makes it easier to just be upfront about it all.

 

[Silver Jelly]

So, I came back from the date. I hadn't read any answers after my last post, but I can tell you I didn't tell her. And that nothing happenned... It all looks more promising from our day to day relationship than on this particular night.

 

[Gusto]

There ius something to be said for manning up. It is difficult as HELL the first time you do it but it keeps getting easier and easier and makes you feel like a badass.

 

[gargoyle_eva]

This trip could be the biggest cue of all, will you be staying in 1 room or 2? Does this room have 2 seperate beds or 1 bed? these details may help clarify the situation. But a definite +1 for the rest of the advice. Take the plunge my friend!

 

[Philosopher B.]

She sent you a pic of herself dressed up as Leia?

... propose.

 

[Silver Jelly]

Here's the whole night, as I told it to some of my friends on Facebbok (private messages, obviously). It's in spanish, an a particularly erratic one, as I haven't slept much, but here you have it if you know the language.

(Notes: Caprabo is a supermarket, Yas is the girl in question.)

Acercaos, pequeños, y dejad que os cuente la historia... tal como la recuerda mi mente medio dormida.

Cap. 1

Dudando sobre si ir al Caprabo a esa hora, creyendo que quizás me sobraría tiempo, me quedé un rato en casa. Buena estrategia, pues pocos segundos después mi padre iba a bajar a comprar no sé qué cosa para la cena... Y, siguiendo los consejos de seguridad básicos cuando se va a casa de una chica, aunque no contaba con tener que usarlos, pensaba comprar lo que Nacho llamó "extras". Y no tenía ganas de dar explicaciones cuando me encontrase con mi padre y mi hermana pequeña en el supermercado, especialmente porque, por la misma razón, había dicho que iba a cenar "con gente del master" a casa de uno de ellos.
El lambrusco me salió gratis, pagó mi padre, pero yo estaba muy enfadado por temas marginalmente ajenos a la historia, así que me fui con un poco más de tiempo del que debía. Contaba con perderme, cosa que hice, pero el caso es que ya estaba en su barrio media hora antes de la convenida cuando me llama y me dice que vaya más tarde, que con el tatuaje están tardando más de los esperado.
Hice tiempo en un bar repugnante regentado por un chino, pasé por delante de una farmacia y lo dejé estar por el riesgo a que me viesen mientras regresaban a casa, y finalmente subí a su casa.

Cap. 2

El principio fue prometedor: Me recibió cariñosa, me enseñó el tatuaje (que no es tan pésimo como pensaba, aunque sigue sin acabar de convencerme: es distinto conocer a una chica y descubrirle un tatuaje discreto en la espalda o algo así a conocer a alguien con un tatuaje a la vista del tamaño de un donut, pero eso es otra historia y debe ser contada en otra ocasión) y me enseña su cuarto. Con minuciosidad. Con pausas incómodas. Eso me mola.

Me lleva a su "trastero-despacho", a ver el video que ha montado para el trabajo del lunes, saludo a la madre y a la hermana, nos instalamos un poco... No empieza mal. Se sienta a mi lado en el sofá, hay ténue roce ocasional...
Ah, y su madre y su hermana eran muy buena compañía para ver Buffy.

...

El caso es que la madre se va, después de hacer de madre típica e intentar sobrealimentarnos, y su hermana solo "se va a quedar un rato" (HASTA LAS 3:30/4:00). Es agradable, Buffy no está tan mal como recordaba, la hermana se tumba en el suelo y Yas en el sofá... con los pies orientados hacia mi. >_<
Al cabo de un rato, se reorienta con la cabeza hacia mi, y yo me arrimo tanto como es humanamente posible. Pero no funciona, hay cojines por enmedio. Y está la hermana. "cuando se vaya será distinto", pienso, "ahora no hay posibilidad de intimidad".
Sí fue distinto.

Cap 3 (y cambio de tiempo verbal así por las buenas)

A la que la hermana desalojó el suelo, Yas fue directamente, dejándome en el sofá. Me tumbé, con lo que teníamos las cabezas más o menos en el mismo eje, y me pensé si acaricarle la cabeza como a un perrito fiel, pero era como raro. Y, además, a la que percibió mi mano flotando por ahí (pero por mi pose al estar tumbado, no estaba orbitando para hacer nada), empezó como a encogerse.
Harto ya de esa situación en la que estabamos en dos planos distintos, (y viendo que la cosa se acababa, puesto que se estaba durmiendo a ratos) decido que tb me tumbaré con ella en el suelo. Me da un pequeño asunto para tumbarme a su lado... Y, juraría, ¡Se va alejando de mí progresivamente!
Finalmente, está muy cansada, me lo dice claramente y como que me medio echa / despide con prisa. Le doy el chocolate para antes de ir a dormir, que me reservaba para, bueno, cuando se fuese a dormir*, me lo agradece, pero adios. Dos besos más bien correctos y saludos desde el balcón, aunque no veo un pijo porque me ciega la farola que se interpone entre su balcón y mis ojos.

Me pierdo y acabo tomando un taxi.

*O a la cama >_> <_<

("dos besos" en la mejilla, claro)

(I google translated it to see if it was more or less understandable. It wasn't. But it was kinda funny)

 

[Hailey Knight]

Callejambori, tell us what happened!

 

[tegid]

Short summary: her mom and sister stayed with them till late (the sister stayed till 4 in the morning...), it seemed difficult to make a move but things didn't look so bad. When the sister, who was laying on the floor, went to bed, The Girl went from the couch (where SJ was too) to the floor. She seemed very tired, falling asleep at times, and apparently when SJ went to the floor with her she tried to keep her distance. She then clearly says she's very tired and wants to go to sleep and hurriedly says goodbye. He gives her the chocolate he had been keeping for before going to bed (long story), yeah, thanks but goodbye. Two kisses on their cheeks, as is customary here, and she says goodbye from her balcony.

 

[Silver Jelly]

Short summary: her mom and sister stayed with them till late (the sister stayed till 4 in the morning...), it seemed difficult to make a move but things didn't look so bad. When the sister, who was laying on the floor, went to bed, The Girl went from the couch (where SJ was too) to the floor. She seemed very tired, falling asleep at times, and apparently when SJ went to the floor with her she tried to keep her distance. She then clearly says she's very tired and wants to go to sleep and hurriedly says goodbye. He gives her the chocolate he had been keeping for before going to bed (long story), yeah, thanks but goodbye. Two kisses on their cheeks, as is customary here, and she says goodbye from her balcony.

thank you for the summarised translation!

 

[Hailey Knight]

Doesn't sound like it was a good night for it anyway, with mom and sis there at all, and when a woman is tired, that's what she means. Not wanting to deal with anything, even if she likes you .

That said, I still say to make your feelings known at some point.

 

[evilmike]

Doesn't sound like it was a good night for it anyway, with mom and sis there at all, and when a woman is tired, that's what she means. Not wanting to deal with anything, even if she likes you .

That said, I still say to make your feelings known at some point.

I'm wondering if it might be best for him to set up something simple and quiet like an afternoon walk somewhere scenic and talk to her then. That way, it isn't about looking for the best moment to interrupt something that was already planned. It also means that he wouldn't be competing with background noise or people interrupting. Finally, it wouldn't look as if he had some grand plan built up on the assumption that she would react a certain way.

 

[Hailey Knight]

I don't know; probably shouldn't set it up like an event either. That creates unnecessary drama around it.

But I don't know. There's no right way.

 

[evilmike]

I don't know; probably shouldn't set it up like an event either. That creates unnecessary drama around it.

But I don't know. There's no right way.

Yeah, I was trying to think of something that was simple as "Hey, do you want to wander around the local park."

 

[Bumble the Boy Wonder]

I don't really have advice, but the best I can do is tell you my story of love and success, sir.


I was talking to a girl for a few months, and she was back in town for a short while. I was invited over one night and we were going to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. (...yeah... don't ask...)

We were sitting in her garage watching it and talking and laughing, and this is what I did.

THIS IS BUMBLE'S BIG MOVE.

I asked her, "Do you know why I came over tonight?"

When she asked "why," I told her "Because I think you're so adorable, blah blah blah, (mushy personal stuffz) and I think you're amazing"

She shyly smiled and looked away and said "Yeahhh, I thought soo.."

Then I asked her "...Can I kiss you?"

And the rest is history

I was shaking unbelievably bad (I reallllyyy liked this girl, now I know I love her) and she could see that... and feel it. As we were making out.

BUT THAT'S JUST ME, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR SITUATION

 

[Silver Jelly]

I was shaking unbelievably bad (I reallllyyy liked this girl, now I know I love her) and she could see that... and feel it. As we were making out.

XD

Thanks! I find this "Bumble's big move" inspiring!

 

[Bumble the Boy Wonder]

Glad it could be of some use Good luck, sir!

 

[Dave]

Bad Dave is bad. I've been gone for a couple days so I missed this. You've been given some very good advice and I get the feeling that she's already into you. Here's a test. Has she talked about liking other men while you were around? Has she been looking and commenting on cute guys while you were around? If she's done neither of these she's interested.

But then again, your culture is different than ours so I may not know the ins & outs of dating there. I mean, Calleja always talks about how casual stuff like this in Mexico so advice to him would be off, too.

 

[Cajungal]

Bumblllllle, that's so sweet!

 

[Necronic]

This probably ISN'T good advice, but here we go nonetheless. Never friendzone. That's obvious. The bad advice is how to avoid it. There's nothing wrong with being a friend, the problem is when there isn't any sexual tension, or even the possibility of it. Personally I refuse to be friends with women that there isn't some sexual tension with. I have had terrible terrible experiences with friend zones, and I swore it off.

First off, dress nice. I can't stress that enough. Not all the time, but every once in a while dress to the nines. Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man. Even if you are doing something more casual, put thought into it. Never wear a neck beard. And trust me, dressing nice will do more for your confidence than a pocket full of hundreds. And I'm not talking flashy shit. I have never met a woman that thought a well put together suit wasn't sexy (anyone that said otherwise was clearly lying because they were shy and I was wearing a suit.) Actually looking back on those pics I think you already have a good feel for that. Got to love you europeans, your men were trained well at a young age (American men have terrible style sense)

Second, flirt flirt flirt. It doesn't have to be overt, but it has to be there. Compliment her, but in a non-commital joking way. Like when she walks into a room for the first time and is dressed smoking hot giver her the "Daaaaaaaammmmmmmmmnnnnnnn girl!", or if she shows you a Princess Leia Cosplay outfit immediately get down on one knee and get an overly serious look on your face and ask her to marry you (won't work now of course). These are just examples, and probably not great ones. There was a friend of mine in college who I was never attracted to really, and we didn't hang out a lot, but I constantly flirted with. Even....when she told me she was getting married. Told her "I just wanted you to know that I'm ok with ignoring all those years of unfullfilled sexual tension, I can deal with it..." with a hangdog face. I wasn't trying to sleep with her or anything, that's the best part of it. The best flirting you will ever do is with someone you aren't really into, but you think 'why not?' Which brings me to my next point.

Don't ever put all your eggs in one basket. This is probably the worst advice of all of the things I will say, but I stand by it. Never become emotionally committed to someone you aren't in a relationship with. You think she's hot and awesome? Cool. Now think of someone else that you want more. Girl's can smell a guy that is overly attracted to them. It stinks up the room, it makes you awkward. That whole night on the couch story you told sounds like something that could have been avoided if your mind wasn't 100% on her. Get on a dating site or something like that, you don't even have to go out with anyone. Just talking to someone else will help you.

Here's another piece of bad advice. Alcohol. Now, I'm not saying you should get her drunk and take advantage of her. I'm really not. People are so worked up over the whole date rape thing (which IS a problem) that we have gotten overly PC about the value of alcohol in dating. It is a social lubricant, it could be a good way to hang out with her some, and could be a place for you to get a better idea of her feelings towards you. BIG WARNING! Be REALLY careful getting drunk around her. Probably not a good idea, the best bet is to have a couple drinks and smooth yourself out and that's it. Although sometimes you can totally luck out and be an adorable drunk. I wouldn't bet on that though. I go between adorable drunk and sexist asshole that talks out his ass and insults strippers (very bad night)

This is the last thing I'll mention is that at the end of the day, you have to make the move. And you will. Most of what you have told me makes me think that she is actually into you, and you are definitely into her. When it comes down to it, nothing we can say will help get you past that. You will have to take the hope and promise you have now and hold it over a cliff and drop it, hoping that she catches it. And she might not. And that sucks. But is better to know how it would go than to always look back and wonder.