Rant VII: Now With 25% Less Drama

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strawman

strawman

Not to be the guy that tries to fix every problem he sees, but if it's just the mirror top that's broken, it can be replaced by a glass shop. Make sure your hubby understands that it's not just a coffee table and you expect him to replace the mirror professionally.
 
Null

Null

LittleSin said:
You would be right. He has refused anger management, saying that they don't talk about anything important.

You see, he is a good guy. I love him...but jesus christ when he fails at something he has no way of dealing with it other then to lash out at shit. Luckily these times are becoming rarer and rarer, he is getting a better grip on himself, however, when this shit happens it just makes me despise him.

I feel terrible for that. I know he's getting better, he tries so hard. His father is like it as well, easily frustrated and explosive, so it a family thing.

Don't know what to do.
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Well, you could wait until he breaks another one of your paintings, puts you in the hospital, and starts kicking around Jet, I suppose. Or you could wait until Jet grows up abusive himself and just go, "Well, he takes after his father."

Last time it was one of your paintings, this time it was your coffee table. He has no value for things you've put time and effort in to.
 
LittleSin

LittleSin

It's been two years (I think) since he broke the painting. He's never been physical either, I just want that clear.

He has mellowed substantially.
 
Sparhawk

Sparhawk

LittleSin said:
His father is like it as well, easily frustrated and explosive, so it a family thing.

Don't know what to do.
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It's a learned behavior. Period. He needs to grow up, his father needs to grow up, it's the response of a 2-year-old and not that of an adult.

If it was a "family thing" with my father I would be a beer-guzzling, chimney stack smoking, self-absorbed cheating bastard. But I'm not.

Walking around outside griping to yourself, or just "walking away" to gain control of yourself is the adult reaction, not breaking things.

I know that you love him, not telling you otherwise (wouldn't even try), but you have to make it clear that you understand that his outbursts like this (painting, and now table) that break things that you've put time into are just a way for him to hurt you without actually touching you. Mental abuse is still abuse.

We all can talk, talk, talk, but until YOU decide to take him to task for his behavior he will continue to do these trite little (and not so little) actions of retribution.
 
Null

Null

LittleSin said:
It's been two years (I think) since he broke the painting. He's never been physical either, I just want that clear.

He has mellowed substantially.
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Sounds like a keeper. Just start buying cheaper furniture so you're not out so much when he throws a tantrum and breaks it, cause I guess that's okay with you.
 
Gared

Gared

sixpackshaker said:
Insulting both parties of a marriage is always helpful, Null.

Good advice has been given already for the situation, now you just have to come in and start piling on.
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Well after all, he was raised by badgers. You can't expect him to have a civil tongue or to respond in a constructive way.
 
LittleSin

LittleSin

I just have no idea how to respond to Null. I knew how my rant would sound and how my defences would come off.

Perhaps there is nothing I can say. Thanks for all other advice though.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
It seems like there's sickness going all around the Halforums these days. Sixpack and his nads, Zappit and his kidneys... Mine's not as serious (I hope); last week I was diagnosed with a urinary tract infection, for which I received antibiotics. However, the tingling pain I sometimes get has not gone away, so I did what the doctor ordered: made an appointment to have them shove a camera-on-a-stick up my John Thomas.

That's tomorrow. Oh joy.

LittleSin, sorry to hear what's going on in your life. I wish I had some advice to give you, but I don't think a childless man in forced singlehood can give any advice to you. I'm hoping things turn for the better, though...
 
Piotyr

Piotyr

As someone who's had to deal with destructive anger tendencies in the past (and with a son who can demonstrate the same tendencies), the best advice I can give is that he has to find a way to deal with anger in a non-destructive way. If he bottles it up, it's just going to end worse. Either find a creative outlet, or find something to strike that won't be destroyed as a result.

Side note: a brick wall is not a worthy substitute, as a past broken hand will attest to. Punching bag is better. Hell, playing video games and beating the ever-loving shit out of something in a virtual world can be a good outlet.
 
Piotyr

Piotyr

When we were camping/canoeing last weekend, a friend of mine mentioned that his wife asked him for a divorce last week. She said it was because his body disgusted her, and she wanted to start dating women. He was instantly defeated to the point where he wanted to just give her everything she wanted (house and kids) so she could be happy and felt it was his fault she wasn't happy the past 10 years. Fast forward to last night, and he noticed her open journal in the living room. From that, he discovered that not only had he cheated on him with another woman as a sort of "test run" of dating women, she also cheated on him with two other men to see if it was all men that disgusted her or just him, personally.

Corollary: Last weekend he was so crushed that all he wanted to do was get drunk and cause mayhem, others be damned. He purposely tried to tip the canoe I was in for shits and giggles, except what he succeeded in doing was guiding me into a protruding tree, opening a gash in my head and causing me to fall awkwardly into the water, spraining my ankle. In the chaos, I lost my wedding ring, which I am still really disappointed about and my wife is down right pissed about. I find it hard to fault him too much because he was just trying to screw around.
 
Mathias

Mathias

Null said:
Sounds like a keeper. Just start buying cheaper furniture so you're not out so much when he throws a tantrum and breaks it, cause I guess that's okay with you.
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What the fuck? You don't even know the guy at all. So he's got some anger management issues... That doesn't make him a friggin criminal. You can honestly say you've never been pissed off enough to punch a wall or throw something?
Added at: 06:50
Piotyr said:
As someone who's had to deal with destructive anger tendencies in the past (and with a son who can demonstrate the same tendencies), the best advice I can give is that he has to find a way to deal with anger in a non-destructive way. If he bottles it up, it's just going to end worse. Either find a creative outlet, or find something to strike that won't be destroyed as a result.

Side note: a brick wall is not a worthy substitute, as a past broken hand will attest to. Punching bag is better. Hell, playing video games and beating the ever-loving shit out of something in a virtual world can be a good outlet.
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I disagree. I can get pretty pissed playing TF2 if I die due to random demo spamming assholes.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Just got back from the doctor's. It wasn't fun; sticking that camera up the way nothing's meant to go inside... Felt like I was pissing needles.

The results were no comfort, either... They found a tumor in my urinary tract :( They can't say if it's malignant or not, but I've been referred to the hospital and should get a surgery time in a matter of weeks. They'll know if it's cancer or not only after they excise the tumor. I'm trying my best to keep my fingers crossed...

The doctor, however, offered hope when he saw I was panicking. Apparently most people respond well to treatment even in case of malignant tumors, and it seems like they caught this one at the bud, so to speak. So now I'm just trying to keep my spirits up and hope it's not malignant.

It hurt like hell... but I'm glad they found out what's wrong down there. At least now it can be fixed. No pun intended.
 
Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

No, mate, it's called distraction... was hoping that it could help to cheer you up, whilst simultaneously being amusing... sorry it didn't work...
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
It's alright, I know I was kinda trolling for attention anyway... Well, that's what ranting is all about, ain't it? I guess I've just not been in the mood on account of the constant ache in my crotch caused the cystoscopy (i.e. the doctor sticking a camera up my dick). I popped some over-the-counter pain killers so I'll get to sleep at least.

I'll probably laugh about it in the morning, so no biggie. I appreciate the gesture.
 
sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Not only did I have Testicular Cancer, I had two Testicular Cancers in the same testicle. On the PET Scan I thought it was just two tumors, but it was two different flavors. That does not really change much, as they were still localized.

NR get the treatment that you need. I hope you can get the best possible in your country... Go for the best doctors possible even if you have to travel to the capitol.

I got worked on in this podunk town because it is a fairly easy surgery to take care of my form of cancer. Hell, Vets everywhere do it everyday. If what I had was more serious I'd be in line at the Texas Medical Center (Best place to be treated for Cancer in America.)

You will be fine. You are young and live in a nation with advanced medicine. It also sounds like the doctors caught it early.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Thanks, 'shaker. I'm not worried about the treatment, really. I got referred to the university hospital here in my home town, and as far as Finland goes, they're pretty much top-of-the-line there. I guess I'm just shaken by all this, and even though I do try to keep my spirits up, there are moments when I do worry about what if it is cancer.

Of course, it didn't help that last week when I got put on meds for urinary tract infection I went online and found something incredibly terrifying: penis cancer, one treatment of which is amputation.

But I'm hopeful. Like I said, the doctor said I should focus on the fact that they found it early on, and most people react well to treatment. If it's a benign tumor, it's not that bad. If it's malignant... well, then I can still live normally, I just have to get the treatment for it. Now, I'm just waiting to here when I'm up for the operation.
 
Sparhawk

Sparhawk

sixpackshaker said:
Not only did I have Testicular Cancer, I had two Testicular Cancers in the same testicle. On the PET Scan I thought it was just two tumors, but it was two different flavors. That does not really change much, as they were still localized.
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If you're gonna have it, have it big? Everything is bigger in Texas? Okay, I'm done with jokes...

Wow, glad that they caught it early.
 
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