Well, not happy. He watches FOX News all the time, so he seems angry. But not frustrated in that way.I'm sure
Like a cell phone in a bomb shelter, I don't get signals (dating advice)
- Thread starter Norris
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I'm not saying that you're me or that you should be ANYONELSE but yourself, but saying that you would rather live in a world of delusional happiness vs taking chance at real happiness (didn't happen this time) is what set me off Norris.
It's unfortunate that you have such low self esteem, because that "whatever" it is that I have? It's confidence. That "whatever" that the majority of women out there are looking for? It's confidence. You being a geek, a gamer, a comic book nerd or the fact that you've been shot down 5 or 500 times has NOTHING to do with why you keep failing. Your self-defeatist attitude is what's failing you, I can tell you 100% that a woman can sense that in a person, without them even opening their mouth.
It's unfortunate that you have such low self esteem, because that "whatever" it is that I have? It's confidence. That "whatever" that the majority of women out there are looking for? It's confidence. You being a geek, a gamer, a comic book nerd or the fact that you've been shot down 5 or 500 times has NOTHING to do with why you keep failing. Your self-defeatist attitude is what's failing you, I can tell you 100% that a woman can sense that in a person, without them even opening their mouth.
GasBandit
Staff member
From what I hear, a 20% success rate is actually higher than most serial womanizers. If you're not concerned too much about quality, you can just cast as wide a net as possible. A 1 in 5 success rate is only a problem if there have only been 5 attempts.
Added at: 18:19
Also - there is ALWAYS a boyfriend on the worthwhile ones. Repeat after me : A boyfriend is not a husband. If he liked it, he should have put a ring on it. A boyfriend is often just a future ex. Statistics show women "cheat" even more than men.
"What's your man got to do with me? I'm not try'na hear that, see?"
Added at: 18:19
Also - there is ALWAYS a boyfriend on the worthwhile ones. Repeat after me : A boyfriend is not a husband. If he liked it, he should have put a ring on it. A boyfriend is often just a future ex. Statistics show women "cheat" even more than men.
"What's your man got to do with me? I'm not try'na hear that, see?"
If you and I were best friends, and were sitting on the couch together watching something inane on TV and you said all that, the only thing I could honestly, and heartachingly respond with is, "YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..." said in a singing tone of voice.
Seriously. It's like talking to a wife beater. "I dunno, have you ever tried, you know, not beating your wife?" "Well, the last 5 times I tried not beating her, only once has she done something right, so it looks like beating her is really my best option."
So, you know, best buds forever, and all that stuff, but still...
"YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..."singing
And I wish I could stop responding to your despondency, but I know you! I used to be you! It took a figurative two-by-four to my head before I realized that I seriously had to get my act together if I wanted happiness, because it's within your grasp - but you apparently don't want it enough to look past your own nose.
So this girl doesn't want you. Fine. Move on. Find another girl, and ask her out. Rejected? Fine. Move on. Find another girl, and ask her out. Feels a little like an assembly line? GOOD! Keep going until you find one that gives you a chance, then you give her a chance. She breaks your heart? Fine. Move on. Find another girl and ask her out.
There's plenty of fish in the sea, but if you never put your hook in the water, you'll get exactly nothing. If you bait your hook so much the better, but all the bait in the world does you no good if you don't drop your hook in the water and reel it up every chance you get. And every time you see a female, you have a chance. Walk by a girl on the street? GO GET REJECTED! It's amazing what a string of rejections does for you. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to ask out and be rejected by at least one girl EVERY DAY. Complete strangers! People who serve you at the restaurant! The cute girl who's always in the corner of the bookstore/library/coffeeshop! "Hey, would you like to get some coffee/lunch/dessert with me? My treat!"
And to whatever you say to this post, just imagine me saying:
"YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..."singing
as my official response. No matter what you might say, or could say, the above response fits perfectly.
"YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..."singing
Seriously. It's like talking to a wife beater. "I dunno, have you ever tried, you know, not beating your wife?" "Well, the last 5 times I tried not beating her, only once has she done something right, so it looks like beating her is really my best option."
So, you know, best buds forever, and all that stuff, but still...
"YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..."singing
And I wish I could stop responding to your despondency, but I know you! I used to be you! It took a figurative two-by-four to my head before I realized that I seriously had to get my act together if I wanted happiness, because it's within your grasp - but you apparently don't want it enough to look past your own nose.
So this girl doesn't want you. Fine. Move on. Find another girl, and ask her out. Rejected? Fine. Move on. Find another girl, and ask her out. Feels a little like an assembly line? GOOD! Keep going until you find one that gives you a chance, then you give her a chance. She breaks your heart? Fine. Move on. Find another girl and ask her out.
There's plenty of fish in the sea, but if you never put your hook in the water, you'll get exactly nothing. If you bait your hook so much the better, but all the bait in the world does you no good if you don't drop your hook in the water and reel it up every chance you get. And every time you see a female, you have a chance. Walk by a girl on the street? GO GET REJECTED! It's amazing what a string of rejections does for you. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to ask out and be rejected by at least one girl EVERY DAY. Complete strangers! People who serve you at the restaurant! The cute girl who's always in the corner of the bookstore/library/coffeeshop! "Hey, would you like to get some coffee/lunch/dessert with me? My treat!"
And to whatever you say to this post, just imagine me saying:
"YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..."singing
as my official response. No matter what you might say, or could say, the above response fits perfectly.
"YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..."singing
Not a bad point, Gas. For all the nervous shyness I had, and even Norris-style self-defeatist attitude (when I was 17), my first girlfriend was still one I pulled away from another guy.
Added at: 19:34
You were absent during Mav's greatest hits, I guess.
GasBandit
Staff member
Norris, I'll give you some advice and you can take it for what it is worth, which may be nothing to you. Whenever I'm faced with something I don't want to do, or can't muster the enthusiasm for, I "disassociate" my self from myself. I am not this body, I am a disconnected psionic entity controlling this body. I basically visualize controlling myself from a third person isometric perspective. Do you care if Guybrush Threepwood gets rejected by every girl he asks out? No. Become your own avatar. You are not (your real name here), you are the completely isolated, detached player who is controlling (your real name here). Ok, player, what should this guy do? What's that? Ask out EVERY GIRL IN THE JOINT? There are no consequences. Let's do this.
He can't do that; otherwise he won't be himself anymore and then... I don't know, but earlier in the thread he took umbrage to doing anything differently than he would do things because he would lose his identity or become a pod person or some shit like that.
I had a bad meal at a restaurant one time, so now I just don't eat. I lost money on that risk, that I'll never get back. Ever again. If I had just skipped the meal, I could've imagined a world of happiness. Oh well, I know tasteless, bland water will never let me down.
Yep but he 100% flat out refuses to go to therapy cause he doesn't need it.
If anything good has come out of this thread, it's the therapy meme.
1) If she will cheat with you (or quit for you), she will cheat on you (or quit on you). When you're 18-25, when you're a college student, having one or more years in a relationship is as close as most come to being married. They break up after their lives start to go separate directions, but that comes later.
2) I think I messed up a little. Since getting to school, I have met five girls I would have been interested in dating. Three of them already had boyfriends. One of them was crazy. One of them just shot me down. That isn't to say that I haven't met a lot of girls who I am friends/acquaintances or that I find physically attractive, but none of them have interests close enough that we could hold much more than small talk.
3) What is pissing me off most about this situation is just...I'm good enough to be friends with. I'm good enough to be her friend. to go check out ArtPrize with, to go see Rocky Horror with (admittedly, in a group). Why am I not good enough to date? I know she's great, that's why I'm asking her out. So what is wrong with me?
And Shego: I found a reason to go to her apartment, said "simple yes or no, would you like to go out dinner with me sometime, like as a date", she said "no thank you". Where is the fucking defeatism in there? I was hoping like hell she'd say yes. I'd already figured out what ground we hadn't really covered in previous conversations so I wouldn't be too awkward on the date. I'd already had a place, date, and time planned. I thought it would work.
Added at: 01:19
2) I think I messed up a little. Since getting to school, I have met five girls I would have been interested in dating. Three of them already had boyfriends. One of them was crazy. One of them just shot me down. That isn't to say that I haven't met a lot of girls who I am friends/acquaintances or that I find physically attractive, but none of them have interests close enough that we could hold much more than small talk.
3) What is pissing me off most about this situation is just...I'm good enough to be friends with. I'm good enough to be her friend. to go check out ArtPrize with, to go see Rocky Horror with (admittedly, in a group). Why am I not good enough to date? I know she's great, that's why I'm asking her out. So what is wrong with me?
And Shego: I found a reason to go to her apartment, said "simple yes or no, would you like to go out dinner with me sometime, like as a date", she said "no thank you". Where is the fucking defeatism in there? I was hoping like hell she'd say yes. I'd already figured out what ground we hadn't really covered in previous conversations so I wouldn't be too awkward on the date. I'd already had a place, date, and time planned. I thought it would work.
Added at: 01:19
If you went to the same restaurant (Chez Female), ordered six completely different meals, and got food poisoning all but once, it would be relatively reasonable to quit going to that restaurant, maybe just stick to home cooking for a while if the competition don't excite ya.
There's a disconnect.
She said, "no thank you" and you turned that into "I am not good enough to date."
It has absolutely nothing to do with you being or not being good enough to date. She doesn't want to have that kind of relationship with you. It doesn't mean anything about your character - love and attraction are not so easily connected with whether you're a good catch or not - especially for women who are often attracted by and repulsed by the weirdest little things.
The fact that you turned the rejection into a personal cross you are carrying around is the defeatism Shego's talking about.
Also, pro-tip, saying "simple yes or no, would you like to go out dinner with me sometime, like as a date" carries a LOT of baggage, and many girls would reject it unless they were specifically attracted to you. Use the wadsworth constant and remove anything that's not necessary. "Want to go out?" would have been soooooooo much better. You might as well have said, "Hey, I need a girlfriend and I've chosen to glom onto you. Go out to dinner with me and your fate is sealed! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
She said, "no thank you" and you turned that into "I am not good enough to date."
It has absolutely nothing to do with you being or not being good enough to date. She doesn't want to have that kind of relationship with you. It doesn't mean anything about your character - love and attraction are not so easily connected with whether you're a good catch or not - especially for women who are often attracted by and repulsed by the weirdest little things.
The fact that you turned the rejection into a personal cross you are carrying around is the defeatism Shego's talking about.
Also, pro-tip, saying "simple yes or no, would you like to go out dinner with me sometime, like as a date" carries a LOT of baggage, and many girls would reject it unless they were specifically attracted to you. Use the wadsworth constant and remove anything that's not necessary. "Want to go out?" would have been soooooooo much better. You might as well have said, "Hey, I need a girlfriend and I've chosen to glom onto you. Go out to dinner with me and your fate is sealed! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
You kid, but my resolution at the start of this school year was either find a girl to ask out or buy a fleshlight by May. I did half of that, it didn't work.Norris: Why try dating when I can just masturbate to porn everyday
Most of the people I know I planning to marry/have already married their first love. I'm kind of already behind in my social circle.
I meant in my approach. I was direct, I was honest, I was shot down. Short of walking in, sweeping her off her feet with a kiss and then saying "You. Me. Thursday at seven. The Coney Place up the road.", I don't think I could have been less out with it. I was nervous, yes, but not in a "this is gonna hurt!" way but in the "They're read 4 out of 5 of the numbers on my lottery ticket" way.
I thought your social circle was 18-25 year olds who are going to break up after school when they go their separate ways?
I'll leave this here...
There's no such thing as "behind". It's incredibly rare for anyone to follow the exact stereotypical plan of "graduate high school, go right to college, start career, start family." The same goes for relationships.
You're still flipping young, man. I can't remember, but you're like early 20's, right? If that? I knew a guy that didn't even have a serious girlfriend until he was 25. Hadn't gotten laid until then, either. And now? He's living with said girl and they'll likely get married at some point.
My point is, as I said, there's no such thing as "being behind" in your social circle.
Bollocks, bollocks, BOLLOCKS. If you treat a woman right 95% of the time she will NEVER wander. God damn do I hate this line of thinking among men (and women!). A person is not defined by one things that they have done.
BOLLOCKS.
I am not good enough for her. I do not come up to her standards. There is not enough about me that she likes to warrant a passing grade. What about me is she not attracted to? What is, in her eyes, wrong with me?
As it is, I can learn NOTHING from this experience. If I find out "well, you did X and that bugged me", I can avoid doing X next time I meet a girl I like. I can't adapt if I don't know what kills me.
She and I have gone out to dinner before, 100% platonically. Ergo, I need to specify "date". And "simple yes or no" means I don't want "yes, but I'm just so busy with school I don't think it's a good idea", or "no, but I'm a weird thing right now", or "you're a really nice guy but...", or "maybe".
Did she specifically tell you you weren't good enough for her or up to her standards? Or did she just say 'no'? Because if it was just the latter, that's the Mind Reading Cognitive Disorder.
Yup.
Girl I mentioned earlier? Guy wasn't treating her right, I pointed it out to her; she ditched him for me.
8 months later, I wasn't treating her right, and a while after that, she ditched me. I totally deserved it.
If you're worried a girl's gonna leave you because she left some guy for you, it sounds like you're planning to be someone she should leave in the first place anyway. At least make it the relationship's good of six months. That's the usual length of time before people start getting on each other's nerves.
Norris, attraction is not about the heft of your wallet. It is about when she looks into your eyes and smells your scent, does she want to fuck. You may be her soul mate on paper but smell like her brother... yes it can be that shallow.
Question Nick: If I were everything she was looking for in a potential partner, knowing that I am more than willing to work around her positively crazy amount of art school work and frakked up sleep schedule (because I already do that socially), would she turn me down? Logically, I mean. Not asking you to read her mind. Asking a pure logic problem. The answer is no. So therefore, because she turned me down, something she is looking for in a partner is not in me.
Not being interested in dating someone is absolutely NOT the same as "not being good enough" or "up to any standards".
You're not telling us the whole story, so I'm assuming you asked her out and she said no. That's it. Overthinking it and overgenerlizing it is just going to tear you apart.
You're not telling us the whole story, so I'm assuming you asked her out and she said no. That's it. Overthinking it and overgenerlizing it is just going to tear you apart.
She probably doesn't even know! This is what I was saying earlier - attraction is nebulous - even moreso for women. All she knows is that she's not attracted to you in that way and so she's not going to lead you on.
You can't approach love like an engineer. Yes, there are some things that you might need to "fix" but the reality is that she isn't going to be able to tell you anything that might be helpful.
Further, the thing that is preventing you from being attractive to her is not necessarily universal - fixing it may actually prevent you from being attractive to another girl.
You have to take the view that it's her, and not you. You also have to balance that with a healthy dose of self-improvement and analysis.
But she can't help you with that. Be the person you want to be - not the person you are, nor the person you think she wants.
"YOUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUCK AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER WITH THAT ATTITUUUUUUUUDE..."singing
She's not a video game. You don't cut off all avenues and then expect her to not feel like a caged animal. Just be glad she's not a shrinking violet - you need girls who are straight shooters. Heaven help you both if you ask someone out who has low self esteem and she decides her happiness is worth less than not hurting your feelings.
I'm not talking about people who have been dating in "months". I'm talking about people who have been dating in "years". Two, three, four years. If you can get a girl to ditch a relationship with a guy she practically lives with when not at school, you're probably not going to be the love of her life. You're probably going to be the rebound.
And yes, they all might break up two years from now. But right this second, they are planning to spend the rest of their lives together. Some will succeed. Some will fail. Doesn't make Mrs. M any less 21 yrs old and married.
Yes, if the same restaurant poisoned me 6 times, it might be time to change restaurants, not swear off food. Because that would be crazy.
If the same woman shot you down 6 times, it might be time to start asking someone else, not quit women entirely. Because that would be crazy.
The fact that you think logic has ANYTHING to do with a woman's mind is just hilarious. If a girl had no interest in a guy for a singular reason he could be ripped like Adonis with more money than Bill Gates and she wouldn't have a single feeling for him.
It doesn't get much more "full story" than direct quotes.
"Simple yes or no, would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime, like as a date."
"I'm going to say no thank you".
I was in her apartment. She was putting dishes away. Not much more to say.
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