Wow, Nick, your constantly insulting my face is starting to make me feel like shit.
Added at: 12:42
Added at: 12:42
SIMILES?!
[Important] North_Ranger's Wacky Tumor Thread
- Thread starter North_Ranger
- Start date
North_Ranger
Staff member
Well fuck me in the neck... Shego, put that knife down.
Went for a talk with the radiotherapy doctor today. The procedure starts Friday, so they explained me how it's going to go (4-5 weeks of radiotherapy with about 15 minutes of radiation into my lower abdomen every weekday, drink a lot, have painkillers at ready if there's tingling, yada yada yada). But also got some bummer notices:
1.) She straight out told me that unless the small, half-an-inch tumors in my lungs start diminishing, they can't harvest stem cells. And before they harvest stem cells they can't put me through an even more rigorous chemo treatment that would pretty much wipe my system clean. The treatment in question is pretty much a death sentence to bone marrow, so they need to have samples of my stem cells ready to put back in afterwards. And the tumors won't be diminishing because the radiotherapy is focused on the major tumor in my pelvic area.
2.) Aaaaand apparently the ship has sailed on the whole collecting sperm issue. Because I've undergone several chemo treatments already, what little sperm cells there are would likely not be viable for any kind of future use. In other words, because the doctors in the cancer ward decided not to/forgot to mention collecting and freezing sperm to me before chemo, I'm now likely shooting blanks. The only hope is that the sperm quality may get better after the treatments are over, but that's a big goddamn maybe.
So in other words, today's been the kind of day for me that requires a good movie and some Ben & Jerry's. I've already gotten some Chocolate Fudge Sundae, and I'm leaning towards either Full Monty or The Count of Monte Cristo miniseries starring Gérard Depardieu...
Went for a talk with the radiotherapy doctor today. The procedure starts Friday, so they explained me how it's going to go (4-5 weeks of radiotherapy with about 15 minutes of radiation into my lower abdomen every weekday, drink a lot, have painkillers at ready if there's tingling, yada yada yada). But also got some bummer notices:
1.) She straight out told me that unless the small, half-an-inch tumors in my lungs start diminishing, they can't harvest stem cells. And before they harvest stem cells they can't put me through an even more rigorous chemo treatment that would pretty much wipe my system clean. The treatment in question is pretty much a death sentence to bone marrow, so they need to have samples of my stem cells ready to put back in afterwards. And the tumors won't be diminishing because the radiotherapy is focused on the major tumor in my pelvic area.
2.) Aaaaand apparently the ship has sailed on the whole collecting sperm issue. Because I've undergone several chemo treatments already, what little sperm cells there are would likely not be viable for any kind of future use. In other words, because the doctors in the cancer ward decided not to/forgot to mention collecting and freezing sperm to me before chemo, I'm now likely shooting blanks. The only hope is that the sperm quality may get better after the treatments are over, but that's a big goddamn maybe.
So in other words, today's been the kind of day for me that requires a good movie and some Ben & Jerry's. I've already gotten some Chocolate Fudge Sundae, and I'm leaning towards either Full Monty or The Count of Monte Cristo miniseries starring Gérard Depardieu...
I had a coworker who, prior to getting 'snipped', told me that his upcoming sterility would actually make him more attractive to women. It's almost as if you'd come with your own condom. Great for first dates and random bar encounters! Of course, the type of woman you pick up might be a problem, but HEY
o/~ always look on the briiiight siiide of life o/~
(also, as long as we have a living, breathing North Ranger with us, we're happy)
o/~ always look on the briiiight siiide of life o/~
(also, as long as we have a living, breathing North Ranger with us, we're happy)
North_Ranger
Staff member
Thanks for that, 'Mon. And thumbs up for the Monty Python reference.
doomdragon6
Staff member
:| You are the strongest man I know.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Okay... It's been a while since I wrote here. So here's what's been going on:
I've been undergoing radiotherapy for the past month. Go to the hospital every weekday for ten minutes of concentrated radiation, minus two days when the machines were being repaired. The good sides are that I can stay at home, rest and relax, and my hair's starting to grow back.
The bad sides have been the reason why I haven't written here. The side effects of the treatment have been rather... distasteful. Essentially, since the treatment involves heavy radiation to the general region of my bladder, I've been suffering from constant need to urinate. It doesn't sound so bad until you consider that due to the same radiation-caused irritation holding on isn't an option, and the need is 24/7. The result: inability to leave one's home for more than an hour at a time and having to get up 5-10 times a night
The same treatment showed another, rather NSFW quality last week, one which is spoilered below for those not too attached to their sanity 
Anyway, got a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Here's hoping this has actually worked. What happens next... I don't know. Likely I'll be back getting chemo. Yay...
I've been undergoing radiotherapy for the past month. Go to the hospital every weekday for ten minutes of concentrated radiation, minus two days when the machines were being repaired. The good sides are that I can stay at home, rest and relax, and my hair's starting to grow back.
The bad sides have been the reason why I haven't written here. The side effects of the treatment have been rather... distasteful. Essentially, since the treatment involves heavy radiation to the general region of my bladder, I've been suffering from constant need to urinate. It doesn't sound so bad until you consider that due to the same radiation-caused irritation holding on isn't an option, and the need is 24/7. The result: inability to leave one's home for more than an hour at a time and having to get up 5-10 times a night
The same treatment showed another, rather NSFW quality last week, one which is spoilered below for those not too attached to their sanity A brief lesson in male anatomy: the actual semen a man produces comes from small glands below the prostate. Sperm you get from the testicles, the rest of the stuff is produced higher up. And since that general region is getting punished with radiation, one of the unfortunate side effects is that I'm literally shooting blanks. I mean, literally nothing.
Essentially it means that besides being unable to go pretty much anywhere, I am also now unable to masturbate. Period.
It takes less to drive a man crazy...
Essentially it means that besides being unable to go pretty much anywhere, I am also now unable to masturbate. Period.
It takes less to drive a man crazy...
Anyway, got a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Here's hoping this has actually worked. What happens next... I don't know. Likely I'll be back getting chemo. Yay...
Geez. But you're still fighting it, man. That alone earns you all the respect in the world from me. Head high, stay strong. You'll get through this.
Vikings, after all, are notoriously hard to kill.
Vikings, after all, are notoriously hard to kill.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Tell me about it. What's really bothersome is trying to get the blood of your blade after you've killed one
It is a pretty sharp business practice. As long as everyone gets their cut.
*shrug* Well, I had to take a swing at it.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Okay... Last round of radiotherapy tomorrow. Been a rough day otherwise. Either I ate something yesterday that didn't sit well with me or the radiation decided to make me suffer, but I spent most of last night in the throes of heavy diarrhea. Been tired as hell all day, and my nethers are fuckin' killing me today. The doctor was pretty damn serious today; no news on how the radiotherapy's been working, the results usually take weeks to show. But there has to be some improvement, or else they are running out of options. Next, about a week off to recuperate from the side effects, then back to chemo - on my birthday, no less. Whoop-de-perkele-doo...
As an aside, whoop-de-perkele-doo has now been added to my lexicon.
North_Ranger
Staff member
My work here is done
North_Ranger
Staff member
Yeah... Those kind of days again.
Turned 29 yesterday. How did I spend the day? Going to the hospital for blood works and doctor's appointment. Heard that chemo can't be started because my creatinine values (that is, how well my one remaining kidney is working) are elevated. Sounded like a lot, but the doctor said it is nothing to be seriously worried about. So I staid home, following a diet of "drink an extra half a gallon at minimum" and suffering the consequences thereof.
Another round of blood works today... still elevated Got asked if I would be ready to come in today for extra liquids IV, but as I was already prepared to come in tomorrow, the doc agreed to let me spent the night home. So, going to the hospital tomorrow for at least four days. Three days of chemo, plus how many days they need to pump saline solution or whatever the fuck they use for liquification through my system.
*sighs* And to think that today I woke up thinking I'm feeling okay...
Turned 29 yesterday. How did I spend the day? Going to the hospital for blood works and doctor's appointment. Heard that chemo can't be started because my creatinine values (that is, how well my one remaining kidney is working) are elevated. Sounded like a lot, but the doctor said it is nothing to be seriously worried about. So I staid home, following a diet of "drink an extra half a gallon at minimum" and suffering the consequences thereof.
Another round of blood works today... still elevated
Got asked if I would be ready to come in today for extra liquids IV, but as I was already prepared to come in tomorrow, the doc agreed to let me spent the night home. So, going to the hospital tomorrow for at least four days. Three days of chemo, plus how many days they need to pump saline solution or whatever the fuck they use for liquification through my system.*sighs* And to think that today I woke up thinking I'm feeling okay...
Those OK mornings are a good sign. Yeah the repercussions of taking in 2.5 liters of chemo/hydration and nearly 4 liters of non caffeinated drinks really tore me up last fall.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Yeah... I'm just tired of that repeated sensation that things are going OK... and then being told there's something that's wrong. It eats ya... it eats ya fast.
I know I'm really, really late to this party, and I'm sorry to hear about Lil' Ranger's blanks, but... ahem...Hell, I mean can there be anything less sexy than a frickin' hospital? Kind of a moodkiller, if you ask me
Nurses.
That is all.
Oooh yeah, boyeeeee. Let's get some nurse on nurse action going on in here.
Bow chicka wow-wow!
North_Ranger
Staff member
Thanks, bhamv3... But there's some small matters that get in the way.
For one, the blanks.
For second... the nurses at the cancer ward are not that hot
They don't have to be. You just have to pretend they are.
The girls in porn aren't really enjoying the sex that much. You just have to pretend they are.
There aren't really guards in a place called Skyrim, who took arrows to knees. You just have to pretend there are.
There wasn't really a guy called Romeo and a girl called Juliet who ended up horribly dead. You just have to pretend there was. Or not, if you prefer Taylor Swift's version.
Point is, if you open up your mind and let your fantasies unwind, even hospitals can be sexy places.
The girls in porn aren't really enjoying the sex that much. You just have to pretend they are.
There aren't really guards in a place called Skyrim, who took arrows to knees. You just have to pretend there are.
There wasn't really a guy called Romeo and a girl called Juliet who ended up horribly dead. You just have to pretend there was. Or not, if you prefer Taylor Swift's version.
Point is, if you open up your mind and let your fantasies unwind, even hospitals can be sexy places.
S
SeraRelm
I'm pretending Bhamv3 isn't trying to get a guy shooting blanks aroused with the power of
North_Ranger
Staff member
Trust me, with most of the nurses being in their forties or older, with hair styles and body types one mostly associates with bespectacled elementary school teachers that aren't getting any added to the constant discomfort, food one wouldn't feed to a pig and the prevailing atmosphere being a combination of soap and ass... I just can't find my hospital stays sexy in the least.They don't have to be. You just have to pretend they are.
The girls in porn aren't really enjoying the sex that much. You just have to pretend they are.
There aren't really guards in a place called Skyrim, who took arrows to knees. You just have to pretend there are.
There wasn't really a guy called Romeo and a girl called Juliet who ended up horribly dead. You just have to pretend there was. Or not, if you prefer Taylor Swift's version.
Point is, if you open up your mind and let your fantasies unwind, even hospitals can be sexy places.
Of course, if those kinda things are your kinks, more power to you.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Back at the hospital, with a quart of saline solution dropped intravenuosly...
The bad news: there's apparently some problems with my good remaining ureter (the line going from my kidney to my bladder), probably the tumor pressing on it and thus blocking it, which has caused the elevated creatinine levels. Going to have minor surgery tomorrow, with a stent jammed up there to keep the ureter unobstructed and the spice... err, I mean pee flowing. Whoop-de-perkele-doo...
The good news: I would alike to amend my previous statement. There is at least one hot nurse in the ward
The bad news: there's apparently some problems with my good remaining ureter (the line going from my kidney to my bladder), probably the tumor pressing on it and thus blocking it, which has caused the elevated creatinine levels. Going to have minor surgery tomorrow, with a stent jammed up there to keep the ureter unobstructed and the spice... err, I mean pee flowing. Whoop-de-perkele-doo...
The good news: I would alike to amend my previous statement. There is at least one hot nurse in the ward
I'll help you out with your pickup line:There is at least one hot nurse in the ward
"I know this guy on the internet named Allen. We should totally bang."
Dude, she's totally into you! She's giving you the signal! Go for it! Man the fuck up!
Wait, hang on. Sorry, wrong thread.
Wait, hang on. Sorry, wrong thread.
Hang in there, man. Hopefully the stent will be just the thing you need to drop those creatinine levels right the hell back down to where they're supposed to be, and get you some much needed relief from the "every 20 minutes must pee now" drama. Granted, just the idea of having a stent inserted gives me the heebie jeebies, but sometimes the benefits do outweigh the costs.
North_Ranger
Staff member
You want some really bad heebie jeebies, Gared old boy? This will be the fourth time in seven months I'm getting stuff shoved up my John Thomas. I wonder if this qualifies me as bi-curious and failing at it? You know, getting stuffed through an 'exit only' male orifice, but the wrong one at that
I knew a guy who was into that once. He'd share anecdotes. If I recall correctly, the last story he shared involved toothpaste.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Ame, Allen, for the love of my sanity and being able to sleep tonight... don't give me specifics.
If it'll make you feel better, as I think about it more, the toothpaste one was probably a story regarding his anal insertion fetish.
Also, I'd love to be able to see the google search tags for this page in the coming weeks
Also, I'd love to be able to see the google search tags for this page in the coming weeks
To meet Hot Nurse, one must be patient.The good news: I would alike to amend my previous statement. There is at least one hot nurse in the ward
Don't look up "sounding".
But now that you know what it's called, it's inevitable.