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Hell, I don't know if this is a good idea. I started wondering a day or two ago whether I oughta make a thread about this piece of my life - ie. the recent news that yours truly has cancer. On one hand, I hate dropping the "c-bomb" in rant threads because that might discourage others with legitimate rants from coming forward. On the other hand, I fear that this is terribly pretentious of me, clogging up the forum with what could be construed as a not-so-elaborate pity party.

Then again, it might be therapeutic to do this, and this way people who want to hear what's going on have a place to go, and people who don't give two shits about this can avoid this thread like the plague.

So, here goes...

Going to the hospital again tomorrow, to discuss treatment. So far the pathologist's raport has not yet come in, but based on the preliminary results the doctors are going to start treatment within the next two weeks. Chemotherapy, in all likelihood. I wouldn't be so goddamn antsy about this, but for the possibility they want to take me in. I frickin' hate staying at the hospital; no matter what distractions I have, my mind invariably returns to the same terrible phrase: "You're here because there's something wrong with you". At least at home I can silence that thought more easily.

Otherwise... well, there's been some changes. Mostly dietary. Which, after a long run of not-so-healthy foods, have left me with some nice indigestion. But I'm getting over that.

And hey, I'm already down almost twenty pounds. Hopefully I can keep that up.

Related to that, went shopping for a bow... and found out where I could train reasonably well. A friend recommended me to a fellow medievalist who apparently supplements his income as a traditional bowyer. Might go and see what he has to offer...

Keep strong, North Ranger. A very manly* internet hug.

*(or not so manly)

Silver Jelly said:

Keep strong, North Ranger. A very manly* internet hug.

*(or not so manly)

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It ain't gay unless our balls touch

well NR, a manly handshake of manlyness on your willingness to stand against cancer, you have my axe! you are gentleman and a scholar.

What stage is this? You have penile cancer right?

Here's the game plan for you if it's Stage I-III: surgery to remove the tumor, some topical chemo/ radiation therapy for a couple months, and enjoy your 80% survival rate.

I know it's frustrating and scary, but it sounds you've got the type of cancer that you want to get if you have to get cancer.

We got your in our prayers and thoughts over here man. Stay strong.

I would like to offer you some words of encouragement, as some of the posters here have.

But there are two problems with that.

1. I don't really know you, and do not know how you take offers of sympathy from near-complete strangers. Hence, I don't know if it is really appropriate for me to express any sympathy towards you.
2. Anything I will say might be interpreted in the worst possible fashion, as you have cancer and I don't. So the onus is upon me to figure out what is appropriate and possibly helpful, and what is not.

So I hope the multitudes of insensitiveness in this post will fire up your ire, and take your mind off of bad things for a while. You know, in case you need to lash out a bit.

Still, I wish you all the best.

Mathias said:

What stage is this? You have penile cancer right?

Here's the game plan for you if it's Stage I-III: surgery to remove the tumor, some topical chemo/ radiation therapy for a couple months, and enjoy your 80% survival rate.

I know it's frustrating and scary, but it sounds you've got the type of cancer that you want to get if you have to get cancer.

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I'm going to go on a limb here and take that first comment as a joke. No, not penile cancer. The pathologist's report is yet to come in, but the tumors are located in my bladder.

North_Ranger said:

I'm going to go on a limb here and take that first comment as a joke.

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I don't think anyones making jokes NR. Theres a couple folks going through some tough stuff on this board and its hard to keep it all straight.

Awh man, I'll add to the spaniard-hugs fund, I hope you beat your mutant factor and remain alive and well.

North_Ranger said:

I'm going to go on a limb here and take that first comment as a joke. No, not penile cancer. The pathologist's report is yet to come in, but the tumors are located in my bladder.

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I thought you said you had penile cancer in the rant thread? Oh well, my bad.

Jeez, I was just quoting Kindergarten Cop. I didn't mean for it to be true.

But seriously man, best of luck. We'll all be prayin' for ya. Or sacrificing something, in Shego's case.

a very manly ball grab to you!

keep us posted. Good luck.

It's official: Halforums gives you cancer.

I've heard that an Arcade may be making its way in the next few days (tomorrow?) so maybe that'll help keep spirits up.

And I know I joke, but you know that if there's anything I can do from a half a world away I'll do it.

welcome to one of the shittiest clubs ever possible to join.

I'm serious though. Walk around your town without pants. When people ask you why, tell them it's part of the treatment.

Stay strong man. It does help to just reach out and just talk about it sometimes. I'm pulling for you.

isn't walking around with no pants normal there? Why would they even ask?

Biannoshufu said:

Walk around your town without pants.

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/insert "like a boss" image macro here

On a lighter note... you will lose what ever remaining inhibitions that you have for dropping your trousers around strangers. I think I've dropped trou in front of strangers more these last 4 months than I have in the last 4 years.

But really, good luck. Keep yourself on an even keel. And do what ever the hell the Doctors tell you to... ASK QUESTIONS (they don't always know what they are doing,) get answers in writing. Shit will be flying at you very fast, and you will not retain it all.

I've got something that might help. Do you suffer from the severest toothaches? Lumbago? Gout of a most vicious disposition? Well, pardner, look no further than this cure for your multitude of ills!



But in all seriousness, I hope it all turns out fine in the end. Hey, at least the doctors are trying to make you better. We've come a long way from leeches and snake oil.

Heh, thanks, all... for the jokes and the cheering up. Hell, even the ball grab was appreciated.

Just came back from the hospital. The bad news is that 1.) the cancer I have is extremely rare - seriously, I'm like the fifth person in the frickin' world who's documented of having this - and 2.) they cannot operate because the tumor is too big. The good news is that I start chemo first thing tomorrow, and they will operate as soon as the tumor has diminished sufficiently. Also, there seems to be next to no metastasis.

I was warned I'm gonna lose all my hair due to the treatment, so I decided to beat that to the punch. Next stop, the barber shop for a close shave.

North_Ranger said:

I was warned I'm gonna lose all my hair due to the treatment, so I decided to beat that to the punch. Next stop, the barber shop for a close shave.

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Fuck yeah.

North_Ranger said:

there seems to be next to no metastasis.

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I think that's the best news you could have gotten. Now it's just a mater of shrinking that bad boy until it's small enough to operate.

And if they opt for radiation, you might get super powers.

Naaaahhh... with my luck I'd probably get some lame-ass powers like being able to talk to fish or being able to telekinetically control asparagus.

Also...

Before:


After:

I see a new painting is in order.

Biannoshufu said:

I see a new painting is in order.

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I won't stop ya

The hair works for ya, man. I know that's no real consolation, but I'm hoping the best for you!

Whoop that cancer's ass.

With hair, North Ranger, you kinda look like my friend Adam.

Best wishes NR, and I look forward to many more years of posts from you.

Fuck that cancer, dude. Fuck it hard. Fuck it up so badly, it'll go back and tell all the other diseases about how the Fearsome Finn fucks up diseases, and all the diseases in the world will avoid you for ever and ever, lest they come back as broken and useless as cancer. From this day forth, only minor colds, who don't know any better, will dare grace your doorstep.

arrr, i likes th' cut o' yer gib, bhamv ye ol' scurvy sea dog. an' while i dost like comelier wenches than this cankerous sort, i shall take yer word t' heart and bed it like a spaniard. if'n only i had me left 'and, too, but th' physician be put a tube in tha', renderin' me speech capitalless.
Added at: 14:22
...aaaaaand i realize that the international talk like a pirate day was yesterday. tarnations.

*shrug* It's yesterday somewhere.

Phew.

First set of chemotherapy is behind me. Curiously, during the three days I spent in the hospital the worst thing I had was headache from being cooped up all day. Of course I could have gone outside, but autumn is arriving pretty heavily in these parts, meaning it's mostly cold and rainy nowadays. Got out Thursday, and the last two days I've pretty much slept like a log and peed like a race horse, thanks to the fact that I need to purge the systems of remaining medication. Afterall, the stuff they give you in chemo is essentially toxic to growing human cells.

Besides being tired and having equine urinary tendencies... well, I'm feeling fine. It's good to be back home, in my own bed. I'm just a tad saddened that a dear friend of mine seems to have gone AWOL on me. I can't reach her by phone or e-mail, and she is one of the few people to whom I can talk truly candidly about this, outside the immediate family. Oh well, I'm sure she'll turn up someday. All in all, feeling okay and keeping the spirits up. Not thinking about getting a wig should I lose my current buzzcut, but might go and try some on just for shits and giggles someday. Photos will be posted in that eventuality

Maybe a neon green polka cut...

North_Ranger said:

Not thinking about getting a wig should I lose my current buzzcut

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That's good. You can usually tell that they are fake.

Is it weird that I'm completely freaked out by that?

Where did they tuck it's ears?!

Is it weird that I immediately have Justin Bieber music stuck in my head?

bhamv3 said:

Is it weird that I immediately have Justin Bieber music stuck in my head?

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Is that better or worse than me hearing the Trololo-guy?

Dude, you could totally bring back powdered wigs as a fashion statement!

Officer_Charon said:

Dude, you could totally bring back powdered wigs as a fashion statement!

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That would also necessitate me wearing tights, and I don't think I have the gams for 'em.

you totally do.

Awww, shucks, you're making me blush

North_Ranger said:

Naaaahhh... with my luck I'd probably get some lame-ass powers like being able to talk to fish or being able to telekinetically control asparagus.

Also...

Before:

Spoiler

After:

Spoiler

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Would you shave those pubes off your face already!!!!!

Buzzcut looks good, man. Good luck with the chemo.

A bit of a warning.

Thanks for the advice, 'shaker. And good luck with your own treatment. *brofist*

Okay, this week... could have been better, but also could have been a lot worse. I pissed some blood and coagulated flakes on Sunday, so I went for a quick check-up. My one working kidney is still working efficiently, but the urine sample told me I had a small urinary tract infection. Nothing too bad, save for the fact that the chemo had pushed my white blood cell count down. Got some antibiotics, and after a few days I'm feeling fine. Didn't even get a temperature or nothing...

Rantwise, they did give me a white blood cell booster on Saturday that they said would start hurting after a few days... it hit me today. Oh my God I can't even walk without a limp, and from time to time it feels like someone is jabbing an ice pick into my pelvis and backs of my knees. But I'll live, hopefully I'll be better tomorrow when the Turku Book Fair is in town. Time to get me some sick leave reading material.

For a major piece of good news (not related to the cancer but to my mood), check the epic win thread.

The blood booster did not hurt me as much the second time around. I hope it works the same for ya...

Gusto said:

Fuck yeah.

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Gusto, there are times when I get the biggest hard on for you.

This is one of those times.

And get better soon, North Ranger. Kick cancer's ass.

Chime in late. Cancer is a bitch. Kick that ass and beat it to submission.

I wish you the best man.
BTW: you look really good with the buzz cut.

Yeah, keep the buzz cut.

Is anyone else reminded of this when you think of a wacky, Finnish tumor?

It always sounds like cancer treatment hurts more than the cancer.. I know it's probably not true, but hearing stuff like that just scares me and I commend anyone who can go through it and still keep a good outlook.

Fuck me in the neck.

Today's been a bad day. I've been sleeping badly, the new diet is making my stomach growl, I've basically had to fight myself not to buy anything sweet, and yesterday's game night was a resounding failure. One no-show, one said after an hour he needed to go, and the only woman in our group - a close friend along with her fiancé who is also in the group - was all depressed and shit. Sometimes it's hard, because it seems that after I let them know what's going on they don't always see me as me. Only the disease. And it doesn't help her mom died last spring. Of cancer.

It keeps raining which means I can't go out walking. It's quiet because there's nothing good on telly, and I can't even find anything too interesting in the Internet. Aaaaand I'm back to the hospital next week for three days of chemo, until which I have to contend with my mother who offers assistance laced with well-intended but repeated ad nauseam advice in regards to my diet. Whoop-de-fuckin'-doo.

Guess I'll just keep watching Conan, then...

Play some videogames or somethin', man. Pick a game on Steam and I'll gift it to you.

Thanks for the offer, doomdragon, but as a gaming platform, my laptop sucks monkey bollocks I appreciate the gesture, though...

I will, however, hit the local DVD shop later this week for some new films... Tucker and Dale vs Evil and Trollhunter oughta do it nicely

Got a call from the hospital today.

They finally got a firm diagnosis of the cancer I have: Ewing's sarcoma. The bad news is that it's considered an aggressive kind of cancer, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that the CT scans won't show any metastasis.

The good news is that while rare, it is still much more well-known and well-documented than the initial diagnosis - including an internationally approved treatment plan including chemo, radiation therapy and eventually operating on the tumor. And considering that the previous diagnosis led to the doctor having to use a treatment plan that had been tested only briefly, this is indeed a piece of good news for me.

Otherwise, feeling pretty okay at the moment. I am getting more sleep, and while I still stress about going to chemo next week, I've kept my spirits up. If it doesn't rain tomorrow, I thought about taking a walk downtown. Got me a 10% discount ticket to the local comic book store, and might hit the DVD stores for some good viewing material.

North_Ranger said:

Got a call from the hospital today.

They finally got a firm diagnosis of the cancer I have: Ewing's sarcoma. The bad news is that it's considered an aggressive kind of cancer, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that the CT scans won't show any metastasis.

The good news is that while rare, it is still much more well-known and well-documented than the initial diagnosis - including an internationally approved treatment plan including chemo, radiation therapy and eventually operating on the tumor. And considering that the previous diagnosis led to the doctor having to use a treatment plan that had been tested only briefly, this is indeed a piece of good news for me.

Otherwise, feeling pretty okay at the moment. I am getting more sleep, and while I still stress about going to chemo next week, I've kept my spirits up. If it doesn't rain tomorrow, I thought about taking a walk downtown. Got me a 10% discount ticket to the local comic book store, and might hit the DVD stores for some good viewing material.

Click to expand...

Dang brother. Keep fighting and never give up.

North_Ranger said:

we're keeping our fingers crossed that the CT scans won't show any metastasis.

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We are too!

I'm glad for the good news part of these news. Let's hope we hear more of them soon!

Bored all day.

It rained the whole day, meaning I couldn't go out much. Head ached like I was being ear-fucked by something from a friend's yaoi comic book. Possibly due to being cooped up the whole day, and possibly because I had to deal with a lot of red tape due to being unemployed and telling the social security office that no, I'm not currently looking for employment due to three months of sick-leave. God, I hate bureaucracy.

Cooked some chicken and rice, pretty good. Tomorrow a day full of tests, hopefully I'll get to rest the evening. Designing a new bracer pattern, will post pictures when feeling better. Realizing I write like I'm Rorschach from Watchmen. Troubling. Need to watch out for superpowered naked giant smurfs?

Just got back from the doctor. The bad news is that the cancer has spread into my lungs. I know it sounds terrifying, but there are some mitigating factors. I knew to expect this, due to Ewing's being an aggressive cancer. Also, the tumors in my lungs are quite small and they have neither caused liquid in my lungs nor a flare-up in the lymphatic system. And finally, the chemotherapy protocol I am on now should be able to handle them while it treats the major tumor in my bladder. And while the final analysis has yet to come up, it is unlikely that the cancer has spread to my bones.

The doctor did warn me, though. The treatment is only going to get rougher as we go on, especially since it ties up with radiotherapy later this year or in January. But even though the likelihood of recovery is not 90% as it would be in case of localised Ewing's, there's still light at the end of the tunnel. Plus, I intend to keep my hopes up. Physically, I'm feeling okay. The only thing that currently troubles me is the gamma scan they took of my skeleton today. Apparently I'm now mildly radioactive and should stay away from small children and pregnant women. Although I do have this strange urge to go to the grocery store and juggle baby foods for a moment

Nah, just kidding, just kidding... Anyway, the treatment will likely last almost a year, which also makes me worry about next year's Medieval Market. I intend to go if my condition permits it. Acting, I mean... I could just go and watch, but going as a spectator instead of being one of the acting crew at the Market is like comparing watching porn to sex. Sure, it's slightly entertaining to watch it, but it's more fun doing it yourself.

Am I in denial? Perhaps. But I'd rather live and enjoy every moment of it in my own way, rather than ponder my own mortality. Heck, we all have to face the music someday, my meeting with the band is just potentially closer than most of yours. But like the doc told me; there's still hope, and she urged me to keep livin' a normal life as much as possible. Have to keep the details under wraps, though... I know some of my friends would take this rather too hard, and I already fear losing them due to them seeing only my cancer and not the person I used to be. The person I still am.

Ignorance truly is a bliss sometimes.

Rambling again, it seems. Oh well... Feels good to vent sometimes.

Fuck, dude ... I don't know what to say, except you're hella brave and I admire the shit out of your attitude. Keep fuckin' that cancer up. Fuck it up right in its cancery face.

I already fear losing them due to them seeing only my cancer

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You'll always be North_Ranger to us, dude. Keep fighting, and vent as much as you like here.

I hear sauna pants also help with cancer treatment. We'll start a fund and send you a pair just as soon as we stop getting distracted by shiny objects.

Last week i got a gamma scan and, while I was radioactive, my headphones started working worse and worse until all the sound was garbled.

Coincidence? I think not! Stay away from electronics! and pregnant women. And children.

And pregnant cyborgs.

And keep it up, man.

stienman said:

You'll always be North_Ranger to us, dude. Keep fighting, and vent as much as you like here.

I hear sauna pants also help with cancer treatment. We'll start a fund and send you a pair just as soon as we stop getting distracted by shiny objects.

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You do that and I'll mail you some of the hair I shed today. Doused in my radioactive urine

You're amazing. Keep on enjoying each moment, and remember that we're here to support you. Also, I dub "doused in my radioactive urine" the funniest thing I've heard today. Hugs, friend.

Stick some popcorn in your pants and see what pops!
*seriously though, (hugs)*

Keep it up. We're trying to contact Russell Crowe so he can beat up the cancer for you. "Right! Where is that pussy cancer?"

<- is terrified of pussy cancer.

<- is terrified of pussy cancer.

Feline leukemia is a terrible thing.

Hang in there, man. Positivity is a natural cure. (so long as you use real medicine) You're gonna whip this. Mathias needs his nemesis.

Thanks, Zappers. Even thinking of making that into a comic or something

Anyway, back at the hospital. I feel like a Borg or something 'cause they went and installed something called an infusion port into my chest. Apparently it's kinda like a shortcut into my bloodstream, thus making it easier to administer the medicine. It also creates a nice bulb on my chest, essentially being a piece of plastic implanted under my skin Feeling okay, only slightly peeved off on two accounts:
(1.) The regimen of medicines I'm on means I need to have a line into the new 'port 24/7, and since it's a fresh 'cut', the nurses don't really want me walking off, even though the pumping mechanism's battery would allow me to walk around for a few hours. Meaning, no cafeteria for yours truly. And the hospital food is crappy as hell. Damn, even school lunches were better.
(2.) Due to the regimen being 24/7 and having to check for things like pH levels in my urine (don't ask), I'm likely gonna end up being here until Friday. Which wouldn't be so crappy save for the fact that there was a once-a-year seminar that starts on Friday and I had been aching to go see it. Oh well... cancer first, fun second, I guess.

A slightly pointless post now... Not much to report, really. Just hoping that, like the previous time, I won't get much of the nausea and other side effects associated with chemo. Next week, I'll perhaps visit the wig shop with a camera I've been told I'd look good as a redhead.



...or perhaps not.

you totally would.

I hate to sound cliche, but keep fighting it brother. Never give up! never surrender! Positive attitude helps in conjunction with medicine.

That message was made twice the more awesome by you quoting GalaxyQuest, Chibi ya ol' fascist Asian dude Thanks, you cheered me up. As did Biannoshufu. Rest assured, pictures of contemplated coiffures will be posted in due time.

North_Ranger said:

That message was made twice the more awesome by you quoting GalaxyQuest, Chibi ya ol' fascist Asian dude Thanks, you cheered me up. As did Biannoshufu. Rest assured, pictures of contemplated coiffures will be posted in due time.

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I wont lie to you. the road is hell and full of zombies. Best bring the shotguns and the buddies who can back you in a fight.

Biannoshufu said:

I wont lie to you. the road is hell and full of zombies. Best bring the shotguns and the buddies who can back you in a fight.

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Groovy.

*packs up some shotguns and his bow*

Just to give you guys a better idea that a porta-cath looks like. It is a shallow cylinder with a rubber gasket on top. It has a line leading out of it that threads into a vein in your chest.

Actually it is titanium. I thought mine was plastic too. Mine is painted pink which makes it look like plastic.

Even though I am done with my chemo, I get to keep mine at least two years. I still need to get PET/CT scans four times a year. I do not have the quality veins in my arms to handle getting that many shots. I'd never make it as a junkie.

North_Ranger is the six million euro man!

sixpackshaker said:

Just to give you guys a better idea that a porta-cath looks like. It is a shallow cylinder with a rubber gasket on top. It has a line leading out of it that threads into a vein in your chest.

Actually it is titanium. I thought mine was plastic too. Mine is painted pink which makes it look like plastic.

Even though I am done with my chemo, I get to keep mine at least two years. I still need to get PET/CT scans four times a year. I do not have the quality veins in my arms to handle getting that many shots. I'd never make it as a junkie.

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What is that thing on your pelvis? looks like an alien.

That is just representative of the porta-cath, I have now idea who's body that is.

Shai Hulud gettin' all up in your guts. THE SPICE MUST FLOW.

Xeno spice worms invading one's body?!



Time to send in a kill team!

Run, 'shaker, run!

Holy balls, that guy controls the spice!

N_R, forget the wigs! I found some great hats for you. Allow me to demonstrate.


This stylish number is a must for fancy tea parties or croquet matches with the queen.


For when you're feeling whimsical or just delusionally believe you are the star of a Little Rascals short.


Get the respect you deserve while in the hospital by donning this snappy number. Nurses and doctors will be grovelling at your feet and paying tribute to your mightiness in no time. Just make sure you share any tribute with your Halforum friends.


This classy piece of work combines all the benefits of a wig, a hat, and the appearance that something has died on your head. Be sure to carry a bottle of flea powder with you and a certificate from the vet that you don't have mange.


Pay tribute to your ancestors with the striking Viking helmet. Be proud to come from the land of ice and snow, from the midnight sun where the hot springs glow. Sadly, sword, shield and longboat are not included in this ensemble. Pillaging is optional.


Last, but not least, release your inner Cthulhu with this hat that tells the world that you just don't give a fuck today.

Do they come in XXL sizes?

Eeeuuuuggghhhhhhhhh...

No, I have not yet turned into a zombie. Got out of the hospital yesterday, after the second round of chemotherapy... and the first under the new treatment plan.

It wouldn't have been half so bad except for the fact that since they were now pumping more powerful stuff into my veins, they had to keep me constantly liquidated and watch how well my kidney could handle it. Which translated into me peeing into a bottle for four frickin' days and being constantly woken up by night by nurses wanting to check the pH levels of my urine or changing the IV bag.

I swear, I've never been so tired in my whole life. And the fact that the infusion port surgical scar is itching like hell and cannot be wet until Monday is not helping. But I'll live. The worst is, I believe, the complete fucking-up of my sleep rhythm, which has led to me being half-awake at times, and at times when I'm trying to sleep suffering from.... I dunno, visions? Like when you try to fall asleep and your mind starts playing that one song you heard at some point or repeats that one joke you heard at one point. That. Except more vicious, angry and long-lasting. Like visualizing that joke where a jealous young child comes to his momma about how people are always saying how the baby has such beautiful blue eyes - and now he has them, on a spoon. Yechhh...

What scares me the most, though, is just having to deal with people until I can get some rest and the side effects of the chemo wear out. I've found myself to be short-tempered, easily angered by even the smallest things, not having the patience for anything... not even when people complain about their own problems. A matter of perspective and viewpoint, I guess. I can't be fuckin' arsed to care about my niece's ingrown toenail when I'm pissing flakes of dried blood and trying not to lose my lunch. On the other hand, I know that this is a just a passing phase... and the more positive part of this is that I now tend to overlook things that would have driven me nuts with rage earlier. Including some people who take everything I say as "fat guy whining"

Hey, guess what? Nuts to you. Don't read my posts if that gets your knickers in such a knot.

Anyway, I think I'll hang around online for a while and then go watch Hell's Kitchen. With any luck that will help my apetite come back. Damn thing's been apathetic as hell due to not eating anything but hospital food for a while (though the 4-5 gallons of fluids they pumped into me certainly don't help, either).

See you around, guys.

You're on chemo, you totally get a Rude Pass card, and anyone who doesn't understand that? Fuck em with a wire brush. Hang tough, watch funny uplifting movies.

Dude, you got a titanium tube in your chest, you got probably more chemical in your body than a drug addict, people waking you up in the middle of the night to test you and you have to pee constantly. Yea, you definitely can be irritable. People who really knows you should see all that. I am sure they will not hold it against you. If they do, see how they like it having to go through chemo. Just hang tough buddy. Probably should get some netflix and watch some movies

Feeling much better today. Smiling at the comments here and slowly getting my apetite back. Still gonna go with just strawberry rahka and maybe a sandwich tonight... don't feel yet like cooking. That will be for tomorrow. Chicken and rice, yummy.

The infusion port is apparently not metal in my case, but plastic. I asked that a while back. But while it does lessen my cyborginess, at least I don't get metal detectors to whine And yes, I did worry about that because me and my folks have agreed that once the worst is over, we'll go on a holiday that I've always wanted to but never gotten around to it, due to it being so far away and expensive. That is, going to New York. Still in the distant future (due to the treatments continuing until summer, at least - and me not being able to travel much between treatments), but we're gonna go there.

Goals should make it easier to get through the bad times, as should family. I'm glad you're having an up day.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

Gah, parents. You know they mean the best, you know they just want to help you, but goddammit if you can't get them to fuckin' understand when you are feeling well enough to be by yourself, well enough that they don't fuckin' have to constantly ask if everything's okay.

Moms are naturally prime offenders. Gaaahhhh... I guess I should be glad I'm single, otherwise I would have an overprotective mom and an overprotective girlfriend hovering over me constantly. Mostly it's a matter of my diet. I'm trying to lose weight in preparation for the surgery, but my weight loss flatlined during the chemo. I know she means well, trying to help, but goddammit, I'm trying as much as I can. And I'm tired of having the same fuckin' "discussion" every time I call her.

Gonna go and watch some mindless comedy and then go to bed.

Fuck.

At least you have somebody to support you. It's way worse not having anyone.

*Edit: Accidentally implied that I have no-one. Not implying that.

Yeah, I know... It's just a little jarring sometimes, having to tell my mom that she has to cut me some slack. I'm not complaining that she and dad want to help me - God, I welcome it! - it's just that sometimes their support is more akin to a straitjacket than crutches, if you know what I mean.

Had to visit the hospital today, peeing blood again. Not worried, though. It could be a small infection like last time, or it's the medicine doing a number on the tumor. Feeling pretty good, to be honest. The only thing that pissed me off about it was that I was planning to go and see Johnny English today. But now I gotta wait for a call about the test results instead.

Oh well, it'll be on tomorrow.

Also, the bandages from the infusion port came off. And if you'll pardon the expression, the scar looks like I have a circumcised vagina on my chest

This is why I just wanted to ignore you.

You ever hear of the concept of too much information? You can say you went to the hospital for some tests due to issues. Do you really need to get into detail about pissing blood? This is why you make me rage all the friggin time. In general, no one cares or wants to hear about the gory details. You're like that fucking annoying co-worker who constantly talks in your ear about every mundane detail about their life. Trust me no one cares. People feel bad you have cancer. I do too, but get a blog if you want to piss in the wind.

No please, next time I want to hear every gory detail about your follow-up colonoscopy including pictures of the inside of your anus.

I... don't care he's sharing "too much information" myself. But, of course, sharing too much info is kind of one of my things.

Mathias said:

This is why I just wanted to ignore you.

You ever hear of the concept of too much information? You can say you went to the hospital for some tests due to issues. Do you really need to get into detail about pissing blood? This is why you make me rage all the friggin time. In general, no one cares or wants to hear about the gory details. You're like that fucking annoying co-worker who constantly talks in your ear about every mundane detail about their life. Trust me no one cares. People feel bad you have cancer. I do too, but get a blog if you want to piss in the wind.

No please, next time I want to hear every gory detail about your follow-up colonoscopy including pictures of the inside of your anus.

Click to expand...

Calm the fuck down. The thread title alone suggests this is going to be a bit graphic. He wants a place to vent, he can do that here. So it's time to revert to the "Don't like, don't click response."

Now stop making me be serious and move on.

Amorous Eyes said:

^ This.

I actually find it interesting and I think it is perfectly fine to have details such as those in here. It is his thread about his condition. It is to be expected to be a bit 'graphic' at times. Though, honestly, it is not something I view as graphic at all. Just information about his medical wellbeing.

Maybe, just for shits and giggles, I'll do a "wacky surgery" thread next year and add all those graphic details which will make every male cringe in terror and fall to the floor in the fetal position; crying.

It is simply information that not only serves as an outlet, but can also serve as useful information for others who may stumble upon this thread in the future. Don't like it, don't read it.

Click to expand...

I would find that to be interesting info, even if my testicles try to run in fear just from reading about a vasectomy.

Mathias... May I direct you to the original post:

North_Ranger said:

Then again, it might be therapeutic to do this, and this way people who want to hear what's going on have a place to go, and people who don't give two shits about this can avoid this thread like the plague.

Click to expand...

Am I being graphic? Yes I am. Am I using this thread to vent out my frustrations, fears and the odd good news I have at being a cancer patient before I turn thirty? You can bet your lily-white ass* I am.

I know perfectly well I sometimes tell things I shouldn't in retrospect, but I am not telling anything here I wouldn't talk about with people I trust, with people I want to keep posted on what's going. Heck, I admit freely that I sometimes take advice from you fellows because this is hardly the situation I wanted to find myself in. Plus, I find it conducive to my continued well-being that I have this place to vent or to see funny messages from time to time. I've always believed in the curative properties of a good laugh.

I'm not forcing you to click and read this thread. That's your choice, not mine. If you want to continue this conversation, talk to me in PM or open a ticket if you find something here that is against the forum rules. If people start telling me "Dude, TMI", okay, I will tone down my notes. Some of which, I admit, have been made in either a heavily drugged or cheesed-off state of mind.

If it is helpful to continue to read this thread, consider every post to be read tongue firmly in the cheek, or if you prefer, in the deadpan snark that is Rowan Atkinson playing Edmund Blackadder (Blackadder Goes Forth, to be specific). I'm not trying to write some kind of Anne Frank's Diary here, just keep a thread for myself and the people who, for some reason or another, are interested in what's going down in my end of the line. If that bothers you, don't read. I'm not holding a gun to your head.

And no, I won't be telling any of you what I've been pissing lately Just gonna say, feeling better, both mentally and physically, and hoping nothing else pops up before the next round of chemo. Toupé shots may be forthcoming, pending on how I'm out and about.

*Disclaimer: the poster has no knowledge of the colour of Mathias's ass, nor will he appreciate any such information. This notion is made in humorous fashion only, and should not be taken to mean that the poster has seen Mathias's ass** or will do so in any point in the future.

**Which he hasn't and doesn't want to, either.

you know what? Ignore the naysayers (whether literally or figuratively) and just keep posting what you feel you need to post, regardless of how graphic that might be. Let this be your little space to say what you want to, what you need to, to focus on staying positive and recovering. This is important especially if you have no other place to vent comfortably.

Rock on, red head.

Does this mean I have to stop posting about my poop? Because I really like posting about my poop.

Did I mention poop?

Yes, you did. Several times, actually.

May I ask is it firm, or is it consistency more like that of boiled baby food?

Personally, I think it's great that you're being so open about all these details. It gives us all a personal inside into something that we may someday have to experience ourselves (or someone we know and love). I say keep up with it.

Chaz, you don't like it? Don't read the thread.
(I know, I know. You don't want to be referred to as Chaz anymore. It's moments like these, though, that it's necessary.)

NR: Do what you want on this thread we are here to support you (even some naysayers heh) I can totally relate with Parents' help, I am almost 40 and my parents still treats me like I'm 12 and can't run my own life.

They mean well, but it can be jarring. I say take what you can get and work on getting better.

Mathias, I may be your biggest fan, but I couldn't disagree with you more on a) your general beef with NR b) and your comments in this thread. It's clearly therapeutic for him to talk about this. I can honestly see where talking about it with a crowd of people who sort-of know you would be a lot easier than talking to real life friends.

My apologies. Continue sharing with us the inner workings of your body. It seems you do in fact have an audience for it.

I'm actually very interested. It's a place for you to get out what you need to, and it's very educational for someone who's never known anyone with cancer to learn what happens in case I or someone I know gets it.

And Mathias seems to have come to an understanding, but seriously. Don't wanna read it, don't click it.

Mathias said:

My apologies. Continue sharing with us the inner workings of your body. It seems you do in fact have an audience for it.

Click to expand...

I tend to skip over the gory part, but I do support the therapy of writing It is surprising how easy to share stuff with total strangers of your inner workings (literally or figuratively) than telling your best friends, family members, or your co-workers.

I don't think it's about the inner workings of his body so much as it's about talking through it.

Yesterday evening: temperature down, clear urine meaning no blood and the kidney is working fine, the surgery scar had stopped itching and a nasty case of sore throat had died down. In other words, feeling exceptionally fine.

Today: In other words:

Goddammit, body, you're supposed to be on my side. Stop fuckin' throwing these curveballs at me!

Hang tough man. I can't imagine what you are dealing with but you say whatever you damn want inside this thread, especially if it helps you get it out of your head for a bit.

Holy crap, I can't believe I missed this thread for over a month and a half...

I'm glad you're doing good under the circumstances, NR; and i'm impressed by your ability to keep a good attitude and a smile. I don't think I could do that. I'm pulling for you (as little as that might do), but you've got my thoughts and best wishes (as well as my axe).

Thanks, espy... I was a little uncertain about writing that, considering what happened the last time I did. I just don't have the desire to get into online pissing contests anymore.

Anyways, some good news: went to the hospital for some blood works to see if there was something seriously wrong. But no; the results were good, so at least there's nothing in my cardiovascular system that's causing this. Either the old infection is acting up or the tumor is breaking up/bleeding. But no need for blood transfusions or anything like that. I knew the worst was over when the colour turned from cherry red to chestnut brown

In other good news, any evening-time boredom will be negated by two picks from the local DVD retailer: Expendables and Thor.

North_Ranger said:

I knew the worst was over when the colour turned from cherry red to chestnut brown

In other good news, any evening-time boredom will be negated by two picks from the local DVD retailer: Expendables and Thor.

Click to expand...

is it sad that I laughed at the color change comment? Been there, done that.

North_Ranger said:

Thanks, espy... I was a little uncertain about writing that, considering what happened the last time I did. I just don't have the desire to get into online pissing contests anymore.

Anyways, some good news: went to the hospital for some blood works to see if there was something seriously wrong. But no; the results were good, so at least there's nothing in my cardiovascular system that's causing this. Either the old infection is acting up or the tumor is breaking up/bleeding. But no need for blood transfusions or anything like that. I knew the worst was over when the colour turned from cherry red to chestnut brown

In other good news, any evening-time boredom will be negated by two picks from the local DVD retailer: Expendables and Thor.

Click to expand...

Good to hear buddy. Personally this is YOUR thread. do what you like. I rather you tell us about it and make YOU feel better which is the main goal

Biannoshufu said:

is it sad that I laughed at the color change comment? Been there, done that.

Click to expand...

Nope. In fact, I'm glad you laughed. I had to stop and thinking for a second, "Is this TMI?", but then I figured eh, like I'm the only person who sometimes see what colour they pee

North_Ranger said:

Nope. In fact, I'm glad you laughed. I had to stop and thinking for a second, "Is this TMI?", but then I figured eh, like I'm the only person who sometimes see what colour they pee

Click to expand...

Heh. My family always tell me to make sure my pee are clear (which is a good sign)

Enresshou said:

Holy crap, I can't believe I missed this thread for over a month and a half...

I'm glad you're doing good under the circumstances, NR; and i'm impressed by your ability to keep a good attitude and a smile. I don't think I could do that. I'm pulling for you (as little as that might do), but you've got my thoughts and best wishes (as well as my axe).

Click to expand...

Thanks, buddy. I admit, I don't always post here when I'm feeling pissed-off or otherwise stressed out (like in the last few days when I was afraid my temp would go up and I'd end up back in the hospital), because let's face it, there's enough ranting here as is But yes, generally I try to keep a positive outlook and focus on the good things that are happening - and put a spin on the bad things.
Hell, I'm even glad about the frickin' Republican primaries, 'cause apparently Herman Cain's a cancer survivor. Hell, if Republicans can make it, well goddammit, so am I!

Third round of chemo comin' up... Tomorrow, blood tests and meeting with the doctor. Come home for the night, go back Tuesday morning.

Yeeeeaaaahhhh... Not really looking forward to it. Horrible food, peeing in a bottle, getting a line in my chest, peeing in a bottle, roommate likely going to be farting like a lactose-intolerant elephant on all-cheese diet... oh, did I mention peeing in a bottle? Just gotta focus on the fact that it's only for 3-4 days after that. Wouldn't really be so bad if the stuff they put in me wasn't so strong it takes more than a week to recover, leaving me three or four days - tops - of feeling relatively normal before I have to go in again.

Welp... what doesn't kill ya, I suppose...

Get better so we can play arrow-tag.

I hate cancer.

Threaten to pee on your room mate. Tell him it's cancer pee.

bhamv3 said:

Threaten to pee on your room mate. Tell him it's cancer pee.

Click to expand...

Considering I'm gonna be on a cancer ward, that's kinda like threatening to throw loose body parts at someone in a leper colony

Also, just learned that they want to check my bone marrow for stem cell harvesting. You know, that when the treatment's over, they can jump-start my tired bone marrow with an infusion of new material. So apparently they're gonna cut and shove a needle in my pelvis for some specimens. Oddly appropriate; last time they cut my chest for the infusion port, now they want to work on my ass.

At least they fiddled with your heart before your rear. Some docs work too fast and just go straight for the rear without working up to it. Then they spout some nonsense like, "Don't hate the doctor, hate the game."

The pastiches.

Thank you so much for that, stien. As if having to lie on my belly and take a needling in my backside wasn't enough...

stienman said:

At least they fiddled with your heart before your rear. Some docs work too fast and just go straight for the rear without working up to it. Then they spout some nonsense like, "Don't hate the doctor, hate the game."

The pastiches.

Click to expand...

Just replying because I couldn't like the post twice.

Well, look at it this way, NR: if you have to have something all up in your ass, it may as well be science.

Hope it's going well for you, and that your pee's back to a normal, healthy shade!

Ugh, back from the hospital again...

Yeah, I certainly got screwed in the keister alright - 'cause apparently they put some kind of a screwdriver there to get a sample of the bone marrow. However, since I'm overweight the doctor wasn't sure if she had gotten enough - we're talking about lengthness of less than a quarter inch here, after all. So I got a(nother) hole in my backside and uncertainty whether they'll have to do it again or not.

Chemo went okay this time around, except my appetite is still a bit slow to come back. For some reason, everything still tastes a little weird for me. Like everything's been doused with a sprinkling of powdered salmiakki (or salty liquorice for you English-speakers) - which I don't really like. Even the water I drink tastes hairy. I know that sounds weird, but that's the best way I can describe it; like it's full of fur or something. Otherwise doing okay, and yes, Enresshou, my pee is at least for the time being of the normal shade

Stay strong man. Stay strong. It's going to take more than a few holes in ones backside to stop you.

So now they can REALLY call you an asshole? *ducks*

Seriously though, way to tough it out, man... hopefully your appetite comes back soon, sans salmiakki

Good luck again mang, I'm pulling for you. Sorry that you have to go through the rough treatment for cancer, where I was basically a cancer tourist.

The patches are off, and the first time I've properly showered since Monday has been unaccompanied with an angelic choir singing "Hallelujah".

How the hell those winged freaks got into my shower I'll never know...

I thought a little celebration was in order, so I got them for you. Sorry I could only get male "angels", but, you know, tough economy and all...

Well... I guess it's the thought that counts. But next time lemme know, 'cause they broke the sauna bench.

Also, sometimes it's the little things that piss me off. Ever since this whole cancer thing it seems everywhere I look there's something about cancer. Science Illustrated writes a 20-page article about it from a scientific point of view; the title character of Amy's Law worries about it; every goddamn women's rag tells about creepily smiling turkey-necked women who survived cancer... and more often than not I come across cancer as a synonym for 'delayed death' in media. Heck, I found myself stopping reading Watchmen and not wanting to watch the movie in my freetime because terminal cancer is such a big element in it. Yes yes, spoilers, but c'mon, really, is there anyone who hasn't read or watched that yet?

I know it's just oversensitivity, but somehow I just find it irritating... and definitely not something that lightens my spirits or any of that jazz. I guess it's just dramatic conventions; if you want a character that's slowly dying, what do you do? Say they've got cancer. No explanations needed and you can keep making them look like they've taken make-up and hair-dressing lessons from Gollum.

I don't think about this all the time, but there are just times when my cup runneth over. Therefore this short rant, tryin' to just get it out of my system. It actually made me feel a tad better. *sighs and smiles*

Okay, I think I'll head out and make myself a sandwich and watch some Master Chef USA. I loves me some cooking shows... can't wait for Kitchen Nightmares to start again

I think you just notice it more than usual since you are going with treatment, but stay strong buddy!

I love cooking shows too. My wife and I watch Chopped A LOT cause those guys put some of the weirdest stuff in the basket. A new show that is pretty cool is Sweet Genius.

Chibibar said:

I think you just notice it more than usual since you are going with treatment, but stay strong buddy!

I love cooking shows too. My wife and I watch Chopped A LOT cause those guys put some of the weirdest stuff in the basket. A new show that is pretty cool is Sweet Genius.

Click to expand...

I love those shows. (I promise I wont hijack the thread about it). I only like to watch Chopped on dvr though. When I watch, it goes, what are the ingredients- who is getting kicked off- repeat. I don't want to sit through the whole show. I love my dvr. The Sweet Genius judge is so fun and I look forward to referencing him a lot and having no one have any idea what I am saying.

Okay, technically I enjoy watching MasterChef, Hell's Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares because I enjoy the ranting personality of Gordon Ramsay. Top Chef I like to watch 'cause the personalities in the competition are usually great, too.

Funny thing? I actually started watching those because I wanted to give my one-time Changeling: the Lost character - a Darkling chef - something to cook in-game. But I digress... uuuhh... nothing out of the ordinary today.

Crap.

Started to get a temperature yesterday. Without chemo, that wouldn't be so bad... but because I'm undergoing chemotherapy, it means that for a time right after the hospital stay my white blood cell counts drop to abysmal levels (hence the earlier reference to anemic baby birds). Because of that, the doctor told me to get back to the ward, where I'll be given antibiotics intravenously. Which means I'll be stuck here for at least a few days, until the fever and my CRP values come back down to normal levels again.

Not that bad compared to chemo; I'm not tethered with a line up my chest 24/7, and the antibiotics I took before getting called back here have already cut down the fever, but there's some things that still make me frown with disappointment:
(1.) the general feeling of not being able to do much to get better. Essentially all I can do is keep myself hydrated.
(2.) boredom of the ward. Granted, I got my computer here, but it's still boring as hell to be here. The fact that the janitor hasn't fixed the TVs here isn't helping; there was a general switch of channel broadcasting frequencies about six weeks back - and they still haven't fixed that here in the hospital. So all we get are two news channels and that's it.
(3.) the likelihood of having to spend a number of days here. CRP values do not actually tell you how bad of an inflammation you have - they tell you how bad of an inflammation you had a while ago. Meaning I'll be stuck in here until Saturday, the least.
(4.) lack of privacy. I'm a pretty private man, not quite a hermit but I like being by myself. Having nurses run around and such is a bit of a bore.
(5.) hospital food. 'Nuff said.

I know I'm ranting about things that will help me get better; but trust me, when you end up spending roughly about one week out of every three weeks in a hospital, and live the interval two weeks in a constant hypochondriac state (checking the temp, watching your pee, worrying about meds-induced stomach aches and diarrhea), you don't want to spend any more time at the ward than you absolutely have to.

music + writing stories bud.
*hugs*

That sounds like no fun. I found that for long bouts of boredom the key seems to be switching your activities before they get tiring. Read for awhile, but change to games or movies before reading becomes a chore. Watch a movie, or a few episodes of a show, but switch to a game before it becomes tiring, etc. Staring at a computer or TV screen can be tiring as well, so see if you can get a single player board or card game, that should be easier on your eyes. Visit the other patients - they are likely as bored as you are. Start a D&D game in your ward.

Hopefully you have something like netflix with online movie/tv streaming for your computer. I don't know if amazon prime works where you are at, but it might be an option (I'm guessing it doesn't, though). I suppose the only other altenative is itunes for music, shows, and books, and amazon for the same - it just gets costly. Steam should work there for a number of games - and there are usually some pretty decent cheap games on there that are good for a few hours of fun. Don't forget the bazillions of flash games available on various sites - in fact if you want to pass the time, pick out a few dozen flash games, try them out, then review them for us on halforums.

Also, there are tons of people you can call and chat for a bit. If you get bored of your local friends, you can always do skype and/or google voice for free to people here in the forum. You never know what you're gonna get when you call a crazy person you only know on the intertubes - it may be a boring 10 minute conversation, or a 2 hour long laugh fest. Given the number of people here who'd love a random call from you, you'd probably be able to whittle away many hours relatively enjoyably. (insert "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" joke here) Just PM a few people you think you'd like to chat with and see if you get any responses. I'd certainly make myself available for that. If you have a free way to call into the US just use +01-734-418-8418 and BAM! Instant Adam. Alternately let me know you want to chat and I'll turn on skype and/or google voice and give you the info (I generally don't leave them on because, as you are well aware, I'm dead inside).

And, of course, if there's anything you need or want, big or small, don't hesitate to post. We may not always be able to help, but we can't do anything about stuff you don't tell us about - and you might be surprised at what we can do.

Big Fish Games is another good one for little time-wasty games, with some pretty decent puzzle and mini-strategy/RTS-ish games. They do free demos on most of their games or you can buy them for pretty cheap.

If you have steam, you could get Sega collection and play all the old games (good times) there are TONS of time waster there.

Thanks for all the tips, guys. But I think I'm okay. I've got three Order of the Stick books with me, some History magazines and a tube of Oreos - the first two to ward of boredom, the last to ward of starvation

Plus, with my computer in here, I've been playing a lot of different Pop Cap Games. Steam is a bit out for me because I don't know what my computer can handle. But there's always Sidereel and Doctor Who, yay!

Also, yes, still in the hospital - and getting blood and trombosyte transfusion to boost my waning values of hemoglobine and trombosytes. CRP is leveled and a little down since yesterday, but they still intend to keep me in here over the weekend. Also, due to a side effect of the antibiotics I am becoming rather good at running to the loo with the IV still attached to my chest. But let's not go there or someone will blow a fuse

fuckgoddamnmotherfuckercuntpicklelemonpartymeatspinqalbibnqalbvittusaatanaperkelejumalautaTimoSoiniperussuomalaisetjytkypötkälehijodeputacazzohelvetefittanMicheleBachmann!

I am... slightly in pain now. Every goddamn bone in my body feels like someone's boiling them to make gravy while feeding the leftover bits to their dog and skullfucking me in the eye.

Yet I can't help but feel elated. Part of the reason why they've kept me here in the hospital this long is my dismal white blood cell count. When I last got out of chemo, I was given a white blood cell booster, and today and yesterday I've been given additional booster shots. The side effect of those boosters is that once they kick in, they make the larger bones in my body hurt. And now my femurs, my tibias, the bones of my arms, pelvis, back and shoulder blades are all in fire.

Gonna... be... out of here... soon. Just... gotta... accept the pain.

Oh hey, they brought me painkillers...

The Northranger's pulled a boner contest:

"Hey baby, I can fee every bone in my body [fill in pickup line here]"

Winner (most likes) gets adulation! and likes! Wooo!

I'm sorry toolazytosignin, but I'm not really picking up what you're putting down. :/

North_Ranger said:

fuckgoddamnmotherfuckercuntpicklelemonpartymeatspinqalbibnqalbvittusaatanaperkelejumalautaTimoSoiniperussuomalaisetjytkypötkälehijodeputacazzohelvetefittanMicheleBachmann!

Click to expand...

Someone needs to draw this!

Biannoshufu said:

Someone needs to draw this!

Click to expand...

I think that's already a Jackson Pollock painting.

I don't even know how one could draw something like that... except maybe a caricature of yours truly surrounded by a tornado of expletives.

Which, admittedly, sounds kinda cool.

Anyway, got out of the hospital today, FINALLY! They say I probably had some kind of a viral infection, which is why the antibiotics didn't kick it out so fast. I'm still eating them, though, as per doctor's orders, and watching for any sign of vertigo - apparently some of my blood tests were still under the preferred levels, but they didn't think it could be helped by me staying in. Still gonna go for a check-up day after tomorrow.

Other than that... man, it's good to be home. And eat, definitely eat. Hospital food was horrible, so when I purchased a whole barbecued chicken today... well, that bird had a snowball's chance of hell of surviving more than twenty minutes once I got back. Feelin' pretty good.

Good to hear buddy. I can't imagine you actually feeling "my body is on fire" in the literal sense, but at least you tough it out. You are da MAN! Enjoy that chicken and get some rest.

Recently my wife and I watch a new series of anime call "Fairy Tail" it is actually pretty good. It is funny and good character development (fight scene could use some work) but still fun to watch. You can stream it from many sites. eps 1-43 is available on Hulu.com (not plus) but the rest (upto 105 now and still going) from other anime streaming sites.

North_Ranger said:

I don't even know how one could draw something like that... except maybe a caricature of yours truly surrounded by a tornado of expletives.

Which, admittedly, sounds kinda cool.

Click to expand...

Haven't I posted it before?

Note to self: Next time you end up in the hospital for a longer period, take up walking sooner. I mean God, after that extra week in the hospital I've been hella week in the legs. Gotta get them back in working order, unless I want to keep waddling around like a penguin.

Some good news, too: the results from the bone marrow punction came back; I've got no cancer in my bone marrow. Here's hoping the CT scans don't come back with bad news...

Yay for no cancer in your bone marrow, not for waddling around like a penguin.

Yay for waddling around and being able to do that!

All hail our Finnish Penguin Mascot!

Glad you're out of the hospital, North. Take care.

Thanks, Seej. Unfortunately, I'm going in again the day after tomorrow. 'nother round of chemo.

Le sigh.

This wouldn't be so bad except that the tumor's in my bladder - which means that even when I'm out I have to stay within a dashing distance of the toilet. It makes Christmas shopping quite difficult...

Internet shop! Here in the states that's the least most destructive way. Plus you can buy everyone gift cards, and holiday cards saying: hey I'd get you some real Xmas presents except I'm busy waging a cellular civil war with myself and hey I'm sorry:

And I'd bet you all the foreign tribal currency of Fantasyland that no one who cared about you at all would be upset with such a gift.

North_Ranger said:

Thanks, Seej. Unfortunately, I'm going in again the day after tomorrow. 'nother round of chemo.

Le sigh.

This wouldn't be so bad except that the tumor's in my bladder - which means that even when I'm out I have to stay within a dashing distance of the toilet. It makes Christmas shopping quite difficult...

Click to expand...

I know I've posted this video before, but in this case it bears repeating... sorry if this isn't funny...thought you might get a giggle...


Anyway, North, you are in my thoughts. Your attitude is still so admirable to me. I know it's been tough, but people are pulling for you! *HUG!*

oh come on, David Sedaris is hilarious!

Well, yes, he is, but I just want him to know I wasn't trying to be insensitive. Any excuse to post a Sedaris vid, though...

Goddamn that pony is hypnotic.

Cajungal said:

Goddamn that pony is hypnotic.

Click to expand...

QFT

Okay, I'm at the hospital... and now Mathias will be pissed Yeah, it's a rant because of that. Apparently there's some pre-requisites for being dosed with the chemo medication; one of them being the pH value in my urine - something which I have diddly-squat control over. So because my whizz had too low a pH - 6, when they need it to be 7 - they couldn't start the chemo until around 5pm, when they should've started it at noon.

This wouldn't be so bad if this wasn't one of these 24-hour IVs; meaning I will be tethered by my infusion gate all day and night long, with saline solution and medication constantly dropping. Which in turn means that every time they say my urine pH is too low and have to cut in with some other medication, it also means that I have to stay in the ward a little bit longer. Vittu.

Uh-huh-huh . . . Pee!

Pee, whizz, urine, warm apple juice, the tinkling fountain, Manneken Pis... is that all? Did we get all out of your system, Cheesy?

Salty Lemonade, Yellow Falls, I.P. Freely River . . . Okay, I think I'm good now!

Okay, got out of the hospital the day before yesterday. Today's the first day I'm starting to feel relatively normal. Still tired as hell and still have some urinary issues, but I'm getting better.

On the bright side, my longbow is finally finished, yay! Now I just have to get back on my feet again and get some shooting done. So far I've been too tired... because of what happened during the chemo. People, if you ever have a loved one who ends up with a tumor in their bladder, bear with them. They'll be tired, they'll be cranky, they'll be easily pissed off. Trust me, you would be the same way if every time you hit the john you had to guess what comes out of you. Are you going to pee okay? Is there going to be blood in it? Or perhaps some caked blood that looks like a chocolate someone sat on and feels like you're squeezing a pea through a straw when peeing? Or simply if you can't sleep because you have to hit the porcelain throne every 15, 30 or 45 minutes 24/7. And I do mean 24/7, especially during chemo when they pump up to five gallons of medicines and after-fluids into you for three or four days. The drugs they use in chemo are harmful to the kidneys if they don't get washed out, hence the need for such heavy liquidation.

Okay, I seem to be in the rambling mood again. The point is that when a simple bodily function like relieving yourself becomes a part-Russian roulette, part constant annoyance, you really start to get messed up. Be understanding of us with these issues, and thank God you can write your name in the snow without cursing like a one-eyed carpenter.

Here's to hoping that you can get back on your feet, get your energy level back up, and get out shooting soon, NR.

Good luck with the shooting, Perkele Pete!

Good to hear that you're out of the hospital. I hope things continue to get better.

Thanks, folks... I really appreciate the well-wishes and all. Now I'm just trying to get back on my feet, even though it seems to be getting harder after each round of chemo. You get more tired, you lose apetite, every little thing that annoyed you can now get you hoppin' mad... I'm just glad I have my folks here to help me out with some of the household chores - and yes, I do remember to thank them as often as possible

I'm just a little worried about Christmas... I'm likely going to be in no condition to travel, and I know my mom would prefer to spend the holidays here in Turku. It's a bit of a twisted situation someways; remember when I told about the apartment I got and where I was supposed to move in this fall? We never got the moving done before the diagnosis came through, so now I'm living in my old place and my parents - who were thinking of moving here at some point in the future - are staying in the new apartment. I think mom actually prefers it this way; she was always a city girl at heart, while my dad - born and bred in the countryside - didn't mind living in the sticks. The current plan is to spend Christmas here in the city, in any case. It'll be a big change after more than three decades of family Christmases spent in the countryside.

Just take care of yourself. Christmas here or there is okay, but there will be more holidays after you get better.

They told me it would get rougher... and it most certainly has. Had to go back to the hospital on Monday because of dismal white blood cell counts and a minor infection. Now I'm back home, but I'm still aching like hell in the plumbing and also eating antibiotics that make my stomach feel like the Battle of the Somme, the Battle of the Bulge and the steak thread got together to throw a headbangers' ball.

Not to mention I get to go back next week for another round of chemo. Wheee... This honestly sucks; I haven't been able to go out and shoot some arrows even

Screw the arrows, just worry about getting better. Do something to take your mind off of things. Buy Skyrim. If you don't have it I'll pitch in a few bucks and I'm sure we can all get it for you.

Heh, thanks, Dave. I've been cheering myself up with some good books and DVDs, so no worries there. I just wanted to rant a bit; it's been a hard week-and-a-half since the last round of chemo, mostly because of what's been going on in my nethers. The tumor's in the bladder, and the chemo drugs are known to be especially harsh on that region of the body, so I get a double whammy of discomfort when it comes to that.

I'm just happy you're still with us, man! You had me worried when I didn't see you post for a while there. Stay strong, buddy!

You seem to be pretty strong about it. Me? I've been extremely lazy lately, and reading all this just makes me go, "Man, I don't think I could put up with all that." You're strong in my eyes, homes.

You'll get through it, man, and we're all here for you. Rant and complain if you need to, we'll listen. You'll get through this, you'll kick its ass, and you'll be able to tell people that you beat its ass.

I second that.

Hell yeah, man! It don't matter if it feels like all you're doing is spinning your wheels - here, you always have a captive audience!

(Seriously, Dave's got me chained to this thing... I see you all in my dreeeeeeams....)


You'll beat this down, go out, shoot arrows, score a bullseye, then receive a wet one from a buxom lass! 'Cause that's what happens when you beat cancer.

At least, it should. Make it happen! Haakaa päälle!

Hey NR, I don't I've wished you well since you announced it, but I hope your body responds to the treatment and you get better. Hope to hear that you're back to the pantless saunas soon!

Okay... some news...

Went to the doctor today to have my bladder checked with a lovely procedure that included a numbing gel and a camera mounted on a limber plastic tube. I'll leave the exact details of how that went about to your individual imaginations. But the point of all this was to see if there was something that could be done to keep me from peeing constantly (currently going at once every 1,5 hours, 24/7).

Aaaaand they found I have an inflamed prostate, that's actually pressing on my bladder and making it so that I have a constant need to urinate, even though there's little to pee. So in other words, I've got a problem that's usually the domain of old men (Hi Dave!).

The other piece of news is... the doctor couldn't find any sign of a tumor inside my bladder

Annd... a new reason why I'm glad I'm younger than Dave.

North_Ranger said:

Okay... some news...

Went to the doctor today to have my bladder checked with a lovely procedure that included a numbing gel and a camera mounted on a limber plastic tube. I'll leave the exact details of how that went about to your individual imaginations. But the point of all this was to see if there was something that could be done to keep me from peeing constantly (currently going at once every 1,5 hours, 24/7).

Aaaaand they found I have an inflamed prostate, that's actually pressing on my bladder and making it so that I have a constant need to urinate, even though there's little to pee. So in other words, I've got a problem that's usually the domain of old men (Hi Dave!).

The other piece of news is... the doctor couldn't find any sign of a tumor inside my bladder

Click to expand...

That sounds like all good news to me. It's one thing to have a symptom of an unknown problem, but to have a known problem that can be treate. As well, excellent news on the lack of bladder tumour!

Seconding Adammon. Lack of a tumor is almost always good news. (It's only bad news when it leads to further questions...)

Okay, the holidays are beginning to tide down. Despite my fears, I had a lovely Christmas time with my folks, even though coming out of the chemo on the 23rd meant I spent much of Christmas resting and sleeping. The only downside to the whole holiday was that after four days of hospital food, my system just didn't cope too well with the plenitude of holiday dishes: ham, meat balls, potatoes with gravy, beet salad, eggs, various smoked fish. The end result was something I'll spoilerize to spare the sanity of those who do not wish to know:


Also, I went to look for wigs yesterday. But alas, there is a curse upon my head. Quite literally, even. One of my family's prominent features is that we're big-headed. No, not pig-headed (not always, anyway) but big-headed, huge of the cranium, humongous noggins and so on and so forth. The nice lady at the shop promised she'd call the main office to see if there were any plus size available, but today I got a call telling me that they simply don't make wigs that would fit my head. In fact, if I do want a wig, they have to order it. Custom made. From Germany. And it will take four months.

So sorry, guys I know I promised you funny pictures of me trying on different wigs, but it seems that isn't really possible.

Now I'm trying to find one of those thin crochet hats that dumbass celebs wear, instead.

Good to see you back mang.

Just shave clean for two to four months after chemo then let it grow wild again. I finally let my hair grow, after a month I can nearly trim it now. I am sure you have a couple of woolly or furry hats to keep your noggin warm.

Well, I do have one or two woollen caps, but that's about it. Fur hats? No, haven't got any of those. For one, there's still the problem of my head being two big. The other reason is that one of the less complimenting nicknames for a furry hat hereabouts is "bear vagina".

As for shaving... well, already done that. Hell, I haven't even shaved my chin for the past three months, chemo wiped that all out. What was more terrifying, however, was realizing that it wasn't just the hair on my head and chin that was getting thinner and gone, but.... everywhere. I'll spare the sanity of you fine folks by not saying where exactly, but let's just say it's in a place I hear Olympic swimmers and porn actors shave. The former for reasons aerodynamic, the latter for aesthetic.

It grows back. I went from nearly reddish brown with streaks of gray, to salt and pepper. But my beard has grown back fuller.

How much longer do you get to deal with chemo?

I hear ya. My aunt who also has cancer, went from ginger to almost white due to her chemo. Granted, she has it a lot worse than I do.

As for chemo, it's still up in the air. I'm going to a CT scan on Jan 3rd, and based on what kind of response there has been to the treatment, the doctors will decide what comes next. The main problem is that I have a number of diminutive tumors in my lungs. Chemo will work on those as well as the main tumor in my bladder; laser therapy is good only for topical treatment, and surgery is not an option as long as the tumor in my bladder is of the size it is now. So if the tumors in my lungs haven't disappeared, I'll likely be undergoing chemo for at least 3-4 months more.

To be honest, I'm terrified of the prospect of going under the knife. Because of the tumor's location, there's a chance they might have to take out my bladder as well. And if they take that, they also take my prostate. Hell, it's already been told that if I undergo surgery, they'll also whip out my defunct left kidney. So surgery would leave me with a bad artificial bladder and a likelihood of impotence. So... not really looking forward to that.

Kati suggests trying theatrical wigs, such as from Lacey. They tend to be sized to go over people who already have hair.

--Patrick

I'll have to look into that...

Got a call from the hospital today, regarding the CT scan they did last week. No change Which in itself is okay - when it comes to cancer, no news is good news - but it's still a bit of a disappointment, concerning how high my hopes had got when they found out that the inside of my bladder was cleared of tumors. Still got a number of small ones in my lungs and a huge lump nudging against my bladder, but at least they haven't gotten bigger.

Apparently the next course of action is radiotherapy, seeing how the big tumor responds to that. It's also necessary at this point because the months of chemo have done a number on my blood cell counts. This week I had to go to the hospital twice for transfusions because my hemoglobine values were down in the dumps. I'm also supposed to keep an eye on any surprising bruises and nose bleeds, because the trombosytes - I don't know what's the colloquial in English, in Finnish it's 'blood flakes' for the cells that stop hemorrhaging - were only a quarter of what they should be for a healthy man. In this kind of a situation, continuing chemo is not really an option; it would just leave me weakened as hell. So, I'm waiting for an appointment in radiotherapy.

Otherwise... well, otherwise there's a few things, mostly irritation of the urinary tract and old hemorrhoids acting up due to the inflamed prostate and the resulting heightened need to visit the toilet. Other than that, doing okay.

All these cancer threads are bringing me down. You're way stronger than I think I'd be on this, and I keep reading and responding to show my support and that we care.

You've pushed the cancer back to a halt, the only way to go from there is to keep pushing it back and out.

FYI, in English it'd be platelets (or thrombocytes, if'n you want to get all fancy).

Okay... This is actually a little weird. It's been almost two weeks into the New Year, and despite the news that there wasn't any reduction in my tumors... I'm actually feeling pretty good.

Don't get me wrong, now. I'm still balder than Elmer Fudd and about as hairy as a Ken doll, I'm still running to the toilet 4-5 times a night because of the prostate... but besides all that, I'm actually feeling better than I have in a few months. It's the little things, really. My apetite's getting better, and even though I have to drink like a camel due to the antibiotics and then as a result pee like a race horse I've gotten that annoyance to a tolerable level. Still have trouble going to the movies and such but getting better. Radiotherapy starts next week, and I'm thinking of asking about possibilities to gather sperm before that. I wasn't offered the possibility before - I'm thinking the fact that I'm almost 29 and single had something to do with it - but since there's a fair chance the therapy will do a number on my reproductive capacity, I'd rather ask and see what the doctor says. A little worried about little things like that, you know... but I'm getting up earlier every morning, and I'm getting back on my feet. Hell, might even go and give the longbow a shot, weather permitting.

Okay, I guess I'm just rambling... anyway, all things considered the current mood is pretty okay.

I know. Guess I'm just a little peeved at the situation, that's all. I mean, on one round of chemo I shared a room with a guy who had just been diagnosed with lymphatic cancer. He's about 5-10 years older than me, married and with a young child. Before they even started the chemo the doctor asked if he wanted to have some sperm put aside because chemo tends to weaken the quality of the sperm. When I started chemo, nobody even asked me that. Okay, the guy's married but it did felt more than a little discriminatory. I didn't speak up about it then because I couldn't have given a sample anyway; chemo had been going on for a few rounds already. And to be honest, the problems I had with the plumbing also meant that the amusement park was also closed, if you know what I mean.

North_Ranger said:

And to be honest, the problems I had with the plumbing also meant that the amusement park was also closed, if you know what I mean.

Click to expand...

Liked just for this. Made me laugh.

Just masturbate into a bottle and stick it in the freezer. Screw those science guys!

(Just don't forget and defrost....)

Honestly I was 42 and single and that was the leading question wherever I landed in the medical field. It just sucked that I could not afford the $1,500 to $4,000 (not covered at all by insurance.)

Edit:

I meant to add that these guys forget a lot. Hell they even forgot to tell me to put ice on my sac. Then what was left behind had swollen to the point that I asked the doc if he really did remove a testicle.

Dave said:

Just masturbate into a bottle and stick it in the freezer. Screw those science guys!

Click to expand...

Should he screw the science guys before, during, or after masturbating into the bottle?

Funny story, when we did our first round of IVF, my part consisted purely of a donation. For this donation, they give you a little room with some reading material. I was fortunate enough to get the room where the only material was CHUBB, FATT and other similar genred pornography. LUCKY ME!

Amorous Eyes said:

I always found this incredibly silly. "Yes son, you were conceived by your dad jerking off to pornographic content."

Click to expand...

I could give him a new mom simply by turning the page.


Added:
(On a more serious note, my wife wasn't allowed anywhere near the room with me and we weren't allowed to do any traditional collection either for fear of contamination)

doomdragon6 said:

Liked just for this. Made me laugh.

Click to expand...

Heh, glad I could brighten your day, doom ol' boy. I just frankly consider this the best possible evidence against Intelligent Design. I mean, what kind of intelligence does it show that you have waste disposal and sex sharing the same facilities? If some civic engineer suggested something like that, they'd be laughed out of the city.
Added at: 03:44

Allen who is Quiet said:

Should he screw the science guys before, during, or after masturbating into the bottle?

Click to expand...

None, since he is a straight guy who just isn't interested in science guys. Unless they're Stephen Fry, because hell, the man's brilliant in whatever he does.

Now, science gals, on the other hand...
Added at: 03:47

Adammon said:

Funny story, when we did our first round of IVF, my part consisted purely of a donation. For this donation, they give you a little room with some reading material. I was fortunate enough to get the room where the only material was CHUBB, FATT and other similar genred pornography. LUCKY ME!

Click to expand...

I have to admit, I'm shy enough that I actually don't think I could manage the "donation" part. Hell, I mean can there be anything less sexy than a frickin' hospital? Kind of a moodkiller, if you ask me

North_Ranger said:

as hairy as a Ken doll

Click to expand...

SIMILES?!






Oh, and NR, keep on keeping on, man.

Geez, we go through a lot of tables around here.

Technically, that one was a desk.

Your face is a desk. Oh, that's right. I went there.

I don't think that's a a very apt comparison, and I don't see what I did to deserve having my visage be besmirched in that manner.

Wow, Nick, your constantly insulting my face is starting to make me feel like shit.
Added at: 12:42

Allen who is Quiet said:

Wow, Nick, your constantly insulting my face is starting to make me feel like shit.

Click to expand...

SIMILES?!

Well fuck me in the neck... Shego, put that knife down.

Went for a talk with the radiotherapy doctor today. The procedure starts Friday, so they explained me how it's going to go (4-5 weeks of radiotherapy with about 15 minutes of radiation into my lower abdomen every weekday, drink a lot, have painkillers at ready if there's tingling, yada yada yada). But also got some bummer notices:

1.) She straight out told me that unless the small, half-an-inch tumors in my lungs start diminishing, they can't harvest stem cells. And before they harvest stem cells they can't put me through an even more rigorous chemo treatment that would pretty much wipe my system clean. The treatment in question is pretty much a death sentence to bone marrow, so they need to have samples of my stem cells ready to put back in afterwards. And the tumors won't be diminishing because the radiotherapy is focused on the major tumor in my pelvic area.

2.) Aaaaand apparently the ship has sailed on the whole collecting sperm issue. Because I've undergone several chemo treatments already, what little sperm cells there are would likely not be viable for any kind of future use. In other words, because the doctors in the cancer ward decided not to/forgot to mention collecting and freezing sperm to me before chemo, I'm now likely shooting blanks. The only hope is that the sperm quality may get better after the treatments are over, but that's a big goddamn maybe.

So in other words, today's been the kind of day for me that requires a good movie and some Ben & Jerry's. I've already gotten some Chocolate Fudge Sundae, and I'm leaning towards either Full Monty or The Count of Monte Cristo miniseries starring Gérard Depardieu...

I had a coworker who, prior to getting 'snipped', told me that his upcoming sterility would actually make him more attractive to women. It's almost as if you'd come with your own condom. Great for first dates and random bar encounters! Of course, the type of woman you pick up might be a problem, but HEY

o/~ always look on the briiiight siiide of life o/~

(also, as long as we have a living, breathing North Ranger with us, we're happy)

Thanks for that, 'Mon. And thumbs up for the Monty Python reference.

:| You are the strongest man I know.

Okay... It's been a while since I wrote here. So here's what's been going on:

I've been undergoing radiotherapy for the past month. Go to the hospital every weekday for ten minutes of concentrated radiation, minus two days when the machines were being repaired. The good sides are that I can stay at home, rest and relax, and my hair's starting to grow back.

The bad sides have been the reason why I haven't written here. The side effects of the treatment have been rather... distasteful. Essentially, since the treatment involves heavy radiation to the general region of my bladder, I've been suffering from constant need to urinate. It doesn't sound so bad until you consider that due to the same radiation-caused irritation holding on isn't an option, and the need is 24/7. The result: inability to leave one's home for more than an hour at a time and having to get up 5-10 times a night The same treatment showed another, rather NSFW quality last week, one which is spoilered below for those not too attached to their sanity


Anyway, got a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Here's hoping this has actually worked. What happens next... I don't know. Likely I'll be back getting chemo. Yay...

Geez. But you're still fighting it, man. That alone earns you all the respect in the world from me. Head high, stay strong. You'll get through this.

Vikings, after all, are notoriously hard to kill.

ThatNickGuy said:

Vikings, after all, are notoriously hard to kill.

Click to expand...

Tell me about it. What's really bothersome is trying to get the blood of your blade after you've killed one

That's why disposable blades are such hot business. Gillette got their start selling sword handles with sword blade 10 packs.

It is a pretty sharp business practice. As long as everyone gets their cut.

I was looking over the icons I could give you. Did I want to 'like' that pun? 'Love' it? Call it 'funny'? No...I couldn't do it. I couldn't let you think it was that good.

So have a hug.

*shrug* Well, I had to take a swing at it.

That's it, we need a "pun" icon.

Okay... Last round of radiotherapy tomorrow. Been a rough day otherwise. Either I ate something yesterday that didn't sit well with me or the radiation decided to make me suffer, but I spent most of last night in the throes of heavy diarrhea. Been tired as hell all day, and my nethers are fuckin' killing me today. The doctor was pretty damn serious today; no news on how the radiotherapy's been working, the results usually take weeks to show. But there has to be some improvement, or else they are running out of options. Next, about a week off to recuperate from the side effects, then back to chemo - on my birthday, no less. Whoop-de-perkele-doo...

As an aside, whoop-de-perkele-doo has now been added to my lexicon.

Officer_Charon said:

As an aside, whoop-de-perkele-doo has now been added to my lexicon.

Click to expand...

My work here is done

Yeah... Those kind of days again.

Turned 29 yesterday. How did I spend the day? Going to the hospital for blood works and doctor's appointment. Heard that chemo can't be started because my creatinine values (that is, how well my one remaining kidney is working) are elevated. Sounded like a lot, but the doctor said it is nothing to be seriously worried about. So I staid home, following a diet of "drink an extra half a gallon at minimum" and suffering the consequences thereof.

Another round of blood works today... still elevated Got asked if I would be ready to come in today for extra liquids IV, but as I was already prepared to come in tomorrow, the doc agreed to let me spent the night home. So, going to the hospital tomorrow for at least four days. Three days of chemo, plus how many days they need to pump saline solution or whatever the fuck they use for liquification through my system.

*sighs* And to think that today I woke up thinking I'm feeling okay...

Those OK mornings are a good sign. Yeah the repercussions of taking in 2.5 liters of chemo/hydration and nearly 4 liters of non caffeinated drinks really tore me up last fall.

sixpackshaker said:

Those OK mornings are a good sign. Yeah the repercussions of taking in 2.5 liters of chemo/hydration and nearly 4 liters of non caffeinated drinks really tore me up last fall.

Click to expand...

Yeah... I'm just tired of that repeated sensation that things are going OK... and then being told there's something that's wrong. It eats ya... it eats ya fast.

North_Ranger said:

Hell, I mean can there be anything less sexy than a frickin' hospital? Kind of a moodkiller, if you ask me

Click to expand...

I know I'm really, really late to this party, and I'm sorry to hear about Lil' Ranger's blanks, but... ahem...

Nurses.

That is all.

bhamv3 said:

I know I'm really, really late to this party, and I'm sorry to hear about Lil' Ranger's blanks, but... ahem...

Nurses.

That is all.

Click to expand...

Oooh yeah, boyeeeee. Let's get some nurse on nurse action going on in here.


Bow chicka wow-wow!

bhamv3 said:

I know I'm really, really late to this party, and I'm sorry to hear about Lil' Ranger's blanks, but... ahem...

Nurses.

That is all.

Click to expand...

Thanks, bhamv3... But there's some small matters that get in the way.

For one, the blanks.

For second... the nurses at the cancer ward are not that hot

They don't have to be. You just have to pretend they are.

The girls in porn aren't really enjoying the sex that much. You just have to pretend they are.
There aren't really guards in a place called Skyrim, who took arrows to knees. You just have to pretend there are.
There wasn't really a guy called Romeo and a girl called Juliet who ended up horribly dead. You just have to pretend there was. Or not, if you prefer Taylor Swift's version.

Point is, if you open up your mind and let your fantasies unwind, even hospitals can be sexy places.

I'm pretending Bhamv3 isn't trying to get a guy shooting blanks aroused with the power of

bhamv3 said:

They don't have to be. You just have to pretend they are.

The girls in porn aren't really enjoying the sex that much. You just have to pretend they are.
There aren't really guards in a place called Skyrim, who took arrows to knees. You just have to pretend there are.
There wasn't really a guy called Romeo and a girl called Juliet who ended up horribly dead. You just have to pretend there was. Or not, if you prefer Taylor Swift's version.

Point is, if you open up your mind and let your fantasies unwind, even hospitals can be sexy places.

Click to expand...

Trust me, with most of the nurses being in their forties or older, with hair styles and body types one mostly associates with bespectacled elementary school teachers that aren't getting any added to the constant discomfort, food one wouldn't feed to a pig and the prevailing atmosphere being a combination of soap and ass... I just can't find my hospital stays sexy in the least.

Of course, if those kinda things are your kinks, more power to you.

Back at the hospital, with a quart of saline solution dropped intravenuosly...

The bad news: there's apparently some problems with my good remaining ureter (the line going from my kidney to my bladder), probably the tumor pressing on it and thus blocking it, which has caused the elevated creatinine levels. Going to have minor surgery tomorrow, with a stent jammed up there to keep the ureter unobstructed and the spice... err, I mean pee flowing. Whoop-de-perkele-doo...

The good news: I would alike to amend my previous statement. There is at least one hot nurse in the ward

North_Ranger said:

There is at least one hot nurse in the ward

Click to expand...

I'll help you out with your pickup line:
"I know this guy on the internet named Allen. We should totally bang."

Dude, she's totally into you! She's giving you the signal! Go for it! Man the fuck up!

Wait, hang on. Sorry, wrong thread.

Hang in there, man. Hopefully the stent will be just the thing you need to drop those creatinine levels right the hell back down to where they're supposed to be, and get you some much needed relief from the "every 20 minutes must pee now" drama. Granted, just the idea of having a stent inserted gives me the heebie jeebies, but sometimes the benefits do outweigh the costs.

Gared said:

Hang in there, man. Hopefully the stent will be just the thing you need to drop those creatinine levels right the hell back down to where they're supposed to be, and get you some much needed relief from the "every 20 minutes must pee now" drama. Granted, just the idea of having a stent inserted gives me the heebie jeebies, but sometimes the benefits do outweigh the costs.

Click to expand...

You want some really bad heebie jeebies, Gared old boy? This will be the fourth time in seven months I'm getting stuff shoved up my John Thomas. I wonder if this qualifies me as bi-curious and failing at it? You know, getting stuffed through an 'exit only' male orifice, but the wrong one at that

I knew a guy who was into that once. He'd share anecdotes. If I recall correctly, the last story he shared involved toothpaste.

Ame, Allen, for the love of my sanity and being able to sleep tonight... don't give me specifics.

If it'll make you feel better, as I think about it more, the toothpaste one was probably a story regarding his anal insertion fetish.

Also, I'd love to be able to see the google search tags for this page in the coming weeks

North_Ranger said:

The good news: I would alike to amend my previous statement. There is at least one hot nurse in the ward

Click to expand...

To meet Hot Nurse, one must be patient.

North_Ranger said:

Ame, Allen, for the love of my sanity and being able to sleep tonight... don't give me specifics.

Click to expand...

Don't look up "sounding".

But now that you know what it's called, it's inevitable.

So, when someone says "this sounds pretty good," they actually mean...

Ooooffff...

Things took a slight turn to the south today. They couldn't put in the stent, as the tumor blocked the ureter too badly. I was knocked out during the procedure, but apparently they stopped trying after half an hour... when the operation usually lasts five minutes.

So, I've now got the next best thing: a catheter into my kidney and out of my side, with a line leading into a handy-dandy half-gallon plastic bag to be filled with pee. I admit, I was pretty broken about it at first, fearing this would pretty much make me unable to go anywhere or even sleep on that side. Luckily, I had one of the friendlier nurses talk me through on how to use and operate the catheter and the bag, and she even gave me a hand in rinsing it with saline solution - something I now have to do 2-3 times a day to keep the line clear.

At least I can now call myself a metrosexual; I've got my very own accessory. Okay, it's plastic and filling with piss, but goddammit, that counts!

That really sucks. Love the attitude at the end though, that's goddamn hilarious.

North_Ranger said:

At least I can now call myself a metrosexual; I've got my very own accessory. Okay, it's plastic and filling with piss, but goddammit, that counts!

Click to expand...

It's all about matching, man. Something to match the yellow. I suggest a colostomy bag.

ThatNickGuy said:

It's all about matching, man. Something to match the yellow. I suggest a colostomy bag.

Click to expand...

No no no, you're going about this all wrong... you should only need to carry one man purse bag with you at all times. For matching, you need to move on to the other accessories. NR needs to buy a yellow Live Strong bracelet and yellow Crocs.

You're right on the other accessories, but totally wrong on the colour. Too much yellow before springtime is such a no-no. He needs to mix it up with some blue and red or something.

I've got it. An IV drip with a green candy-cane stripe design along the pole. The stripes will be very slimming.

Oh, good point. You know, come to think of it, most of the metro guys I see around Seattle really do a great job of rocking the pink shirt. We need to make sure that the hospital gowns NR has are a nice dark shade of pink. They'll go great with the green and yellow.

Goddamn, man! Nurses panties will drop so hard, there'll be a hole in the floor!

Back from the hospital today...

Destroyed a plateful of homemade meatballs and three big sandwiches, drinking a lot and enjoying comfortable clothing.

Feeling... relatively good. Hell, pretty good, actually.

There's gonna be some changes, though... Because of my kidney status, they had to modify my treatment plan to one that was less harsh on that remaining organ. It's not the same as the one they considered most effective, but there's been good results with that, too. Plus, the treatment is going to be done with shorter infusions, meaning I'll be going in the morning and getting out the same evening. Which is good because the hospital stays tend to be either painful or boring as hell. The bad side is that I won't always have the same doctor overlooking my progress, but in this day and age everything's available on the computer. First round of chemo with the new program will be on Friday.

Also, trying to get used to the piss bag by my side. It's okay, for the most part. Just gotta need to figure something out for two rooms: In the kitchen everything is just a tad too far from each other, so I have to hook up the bag to different places depending on where I am (the fridge, the cutting board, the stove...). In the living room I still need to figure out where to hang it if I wish to lay down on the couch. Dad suggested looking into smaller, less noticeable bags that strap onto your thigh. I dunno, I still have to get over the yuckiness of having a bag of piss strapped to the side of my leg. Might be good, though, in the sense that it would free my hands.

There's some problems, though... Mostly related to loss of independence. They put the line just a little too back, meaning that it's almost impossible for me to reach the valve to rinse the drain - a process I need to do three times a day. Luckily, mom has offered a helping hand, promising to come over and do the rinsing. Same goes with showering; the place where the line punctures the skin needs to be kept clean and sterile, and that necessitates a kind of wrap on it - one that I cannot place myself because of where it is. So once again I need to rely on someone else to do that for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna stop showering... it will just be damn acrobatic now if I need to do it when there's no one around to place the wrap.

It's not much, but it is still a little jarring, being dependent on someone else on a daily basis...

Hang in there, buddy. You're doing well, just stay strong!

You've been dealing with this a long time, man, but it sounds like things are at least progressing!

Still among the living. Decided to start something of an Anti-Bucket List; things to keep me going, to look forward to. Seeing how I am currently tied to a piss bag with the need to get it rinsed three times a day and bandages changed twice a week, I'm somewhat restricted in things I can do with any kind of reason. The trip to New York, for instance, is pretty much not viable as long as I have this kidney drain. Well, not before I get a proper handle of it anyway.

But here's the List, going to keep updating it every now on then:

The Anti-Bucket List:
1. The Hobbit premiere
2. Season 2 of Game of Thrones
3. Using the upcoming Mayan apocalypse as a pick-up line.
4. Seeing my niece graduate.
5. Getting to Year 15 as a Medieval Market performer (currently going at Year 13)
6. Starting, reading and finishing The Song of Ice and Fire - first five books purchased, will get to them eventually.
7. Getting comfortable enough with my drain to properly start archery. - Started yesterday
8. Hitting a bullseye. - By a blind stoke of luck, admittedly.
9. Finishing the current Changeling: The Lost campaign with my friends.
10. Preparing a Pathfinder campaign.
11. Finding players for said campaign.
12. Ropecon in July.
13. Finishing the collection of Jeeves stories by Wodehouse that I've bought.
14. Attending the Medieval Market as a performer. - Looking good, the only things that can put a stop to this is either getting sick and having to be at the hospital, or the doc deciding to change my chemo treatment so that I have to spend more than a few hours at a time at the ward. Here's hoping...
15. Avatar: The Legend of Korra - watching it, purchasing the DVD.
16. Replenishing my movie collection. Lost a lot of good films when the digibox crapped out on me last month.
17. Visiting the States, preferably New York.
18. Re-visiting London, now as an adult.
19. Finding a good Japanese restaurant within driving distance. - Gah, such a pain in the ass, this one...
20. Failing #19, learning how to cook some decent Chicken Teriyaki.
21. Re-visiting Ireland, including the school where I spent two semesters as an exchange student.
22. Spending as much time outdoors as possible during the summer.
23. Meeting Gordon Ramsay.
24. Reading to the end of the Order of the Stick. I remember Rich Burlew saying he's past the half-way mark in his saga...
25. Getting the Order of the Stick completely in book form.
26.

Pretty depressing so far.

Gusto said:

Pretty depressing so far.

Click to expand...

Nah, I just accidentally pressed Enter before I could fill the list

North_Ranger said:

13. Finishing the collection of Jeeves stories by Wodehouse that I've bought.

Click to expand...

Love these!

Have you seen the miniseries with Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie?

Chad Sexington said:

Love these!

Have you seen the miniseries with Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie?

Click to expand...

Bitch, please. I have the whole damn series on DVD

Gusto said:

Pretty depressing so far.

Click to expand...

One time, I depressed a friend by mentioning that one of the reasons I wanted a girlfriend was so I could have somebody to drive me home after getting a medical procedure that required sedation.

Goddammit I hate this week...

I haven't posted much on this thread in recent weeks mostly because the news have been mostly bad - and quite frankly, the recent churnings and moaning and the general asshattery and dickery on the forum (whether real or perceived) kinda made me not want to pour my heart out to people. But now... well, the cup floweth over.

The drain has been acting up for the past three weeks. Essentially it has been almost clogged up with certain solid elements (grains, dust, specks, whatever you wish to call them) in my urine so it just doesn't work as well it should. When it worked properly, it would drain out at least a half a gallon a day. Now I'm surprised if I get a tenth of that. They're supposed to change the drain, but the "urgent, must be done within two weeks" request for that minor surgical operation has not even been answered yet - and the two weeks comes up the day after tomorrow. God, I fucking love red tape...

Not only that, but because the drain is essentially a foreign element in my system, it's also highly susceptible for infection. I already got it once as a mild case, but this Monday I ran a full-on, 103.5 degree fever and have been in the hospital since. I'm frustrated and pissed off and angry as hell, having to spend so much time in the hospital. Especially since I had to forget celebrating Eve of May (basically Finnish Mardi Gras) and Medieval Market rehearsals. Hospital food and sharing the room with a constantly vomiting old man aren't helping my mood none...

*sigh* The good news is that the fever's down, but they're still keeping me in here until my CRP drops to a more tolerable level. "Optimistically", as the doc said, that would be Friday. But after three days in here - sweating due to medication, cajoling an uncooperative nurse to rinse the drain because it fucking hurts if it doesn't work, having to deal with Mom being worried as hell... Yeah, I am soooooo looking forward to spending more time in here.

And no, the drain can't be fixed until the infection fully passes.

That is all.

Ranger, man... don't let the dickery get to you. We're here for you, man.

*manhug*

You're ten times stronger than I'd ever be if I consumed the hearts of a moose and 6 bears. Keep it up mang.

*hugs*

Hang in there, hon.

Good luck, man. You got the sisu to carry you through this, I know it.

Really sorry to hear about all the troubles NR. Keep hangin' in there, and listen to bhamv3 - don't let the dickery get to you, there will always be people here ready to give you a virtual shoulder to lean on from time to time.

Yeah, we actually LIKE you.

Indeed. Dude, I think I've dropped my Skype to you before... even if you're bored in the middle of the night, I'll be up to listening to ya vent.

That's my night or yours, whichever way it comes. Trust me on this: I know the power of a good vent.

Officer_Charon said:

Trust me on this: I know the power of a good vent.

Click to expand...

Just not on camera.

SeraRelm said:

Just not on camera.

Click to expand...

That costs extra.

It is said that childbirth and being kicked in the balls are the greatest pains known to mankind. Yesterday, I was submitted to another procedure that, in my mind, completes the unholy trinity of OHMYGODTHATHURTSMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOOOOOOPP!!

Spoilered for the sake of sanity - except maybe for Shegokigo , who perhaps would consider this educational material for her future domination of the world:



tl;dr/safe version: painful and humiliating procedure with associated memories. I am getting better now. Guys... Give your schlongs some love. Because when they're in horrid pain... there's absolutely nothing worse.

Oh my god.

And I thought my vag stitches hurt.

North_Ranger said:

Guys... Give your schlongs some love.

Click to expand...

Aaaaand... done.

Gusto - trust me... after something like that, you never take your Trouser Titan for granted again. EVER.

Gusto said:

Aaaaand... done.

Click to expand...

That was fast...

Azurephoenix said:

That was fast...

Click to expand...

Oooooooh...

So that's what he meant.

North_Ranger said:

Spoiler

As mentioned earlier, I've got a kidney drain because the tumor is threatening to block the tract that leads urine from my kidney (the only good one) to my bladder. The drain itself had almost stopped working, and finally they got an operation time for it this morning. Yesterday, however, the tumor apparently started pressing the tract and the bladder so that I was constantly aching and could barely urinate - only a trickle of blood-laced stuff. My kidney values also started spiking, so after talking with the doctor they got a person from the urological ward to come look.

With just the barest howdoyoudo, I was told to lie back - and the damn nurse shoved a catether into my bladder.

As in "took a plastic tube and shoved it up my dick, all the way into the bladder".

This has been done to me once before, and then I had to wear that catether for three whole days - and I was in constant pain. Now the resurgent memory of those days, the feeling of a tube inside my tortured John Thomas and the sheer shock of this having been done to me just like that out of the blue, I probably would have lost it there and then if my Mom hadn't managed to calm me down. She said I looked in so much pain that my head was about to burst. No wonder, considering how fucking humiliating the whole process feels, on top of the pain.

Luckily the pain subsided with time and painkillers, and I managed to get some shut-eye. Today they changed the drain, and once satisfied it was working - meaning it had leaked out about a gallon of fluids in eight hours - they removed the catether. That wasn't as painful as I had remembered, probably because it only stayed there for about 24 hours. But the insertion, and the feeling of helplessness the first time you really need to urinate but can't... the blood that leaks out when you instinctively try to squeeze out that urine you have burning in your bladder... God, the horror...

Click to expand...

Hope you feel better soon, man.

Oh, I know the feeling, Cheesy1 ... I know the feeling. Happened during those three days at least once.

And thanks, I'm a lot better now. Hence why I'm here.

No pun intended but hang in there. We all want to hear about you getting better.

North_Ranger said:

Gusto - trust me... after something like that, you never take your Trouser Titan for granted again. EVER.

Click to expand...

I've had the joy of unexpectedly sliding down the trunk of a tree* while wearing only shorts WHILE I had urethral stitches . It's the sort of thing that lingers in your memory.

--Patrick
*Technically, this is preferable to falling a couple dozen feet out of one.

North_Ranger said:

It is said that childbirth and being kicked in the balls are the greatest pains known to mankind. Yesterday, I was submitted to another procedure that, in my mind, completes the unholy trinity of OHMYGODTHATHURTSMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOOOOOOPP!!

Spoilered for the sake of sanity - except maybe for Shegokigo , who perhaps would consider this educational material for her future domination of the world:

Spoiler

As mentioned earlier, I've got a kidney drain because the tumor is threatening to block the tract that leads urine from my kidney (the only good one) to my bladder. The drain itself had almost stopped working, and finally they got an operation time for it this morning. Yesterday, however, the tumor apparently started pressing the tract and the bladder so that I was constantly aching and could barely urinate - only a trickle of blood-laced stuff. My kidney values also started spiking, so after talking with the doctor they got a person from the urological ward to come look.

With just the barest howdoyoudo, I was told to lie back - and the damn nurse shoved a catether into my bladder.

As in "took a plastic tube and shoved it up my dick, all the way into the bladder".

This has been done to me once before, and then I had to wear that catether for three whole days - and I was in constant pain. Now the resurgent memory of those days, the feeling of a tube inside my tortured John Thomas and the sheer shock of this having been done to me just like that out of the blue, I probably would have lost it there and then if my Mom hadn't managed to calm me down. She said I looked in so much pain that my head was about to burst. No wonder, considering how fucking humiliating the whole process feels, on top of the pain.

Luckily the pain subsided with time and painkillers, and I managed to get some shut-eye. Today they changed the drain, and once satisfied it was working - meaning it had leaked out about a gallon of fluids in eight hours - they removed the catether. That wasn't as painful as I had remembered, probably because it only stayed there for about 24 hours. But the insertion, and the feeling of helplessness the first time you really need to urinate but can't... the blood that leaks out when you instinctively try to squeeze out that urine you have burning in your bladder... God, the horror...

tl;dr/safe version: painful and humiliating procedure with associated memories. I am getting better now. Guys... Give your schlongs some love. Because when they're in horrid pain... there's absolutely nothing worse.

Click to expand...

I'm not going to lie to you sir, having my mother there while someone put a catheter into me might be the worst nightmare I can think of.

That's terrifying.

LittleSin said:

And I thought my vag stitches hurt.

Click to expand...

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*runs around screaming*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm sorry, NR. I've heard how much that hurts.

doomdragon6 said:

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*runs around screaming*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Click to expand...

That's the same reaction my husband had when he came out of his daze and saw it being done.

Frank said:

I'm not going to lie to you sir, having my mother there while someone put a catheter into me might be the worst nightmare I can think of.

That's terrifying.

Click to expand...

Well, she was there because we have developed this system where she or my dad is always present when we go and meet the doctor. That way, I am spared the often unpleasant duty of reiterating to them what was said, thus keeping them in the know of what's going on - and there's another person there to ask questions if I fail to ask something that might be of importance.

We were expecting a visit from a urologist, not a nurse with a vendetta against dangly bits.

But it was good she was there, because I was in such a state of pain and shock there's no guessing what I might have done to myself if she hadn't been there to calm me down. Seriously, the nurse just shoved it in and left, even though I was crying and moaning and damn near hyperventilating with the sheer shock of just having been shoved a line up my Rod of Lordly Might.

I am feeling better now, BTW. The kidney drain is working like a charm, meaning I only urinate the tiniest bit when I need to take a crap. It's a little uncomfortable at first, but that's passing. I'm still waiting for my lab results to come back, though; my kidney values were elevated (about 150, when for an adult it should be between 60 and 100), so they wanted me to come by today for some bloodworks. But considering how well the drain's working, I'll be damn surprised if they haven't started to go down again.

North_Ranger said:

I am feeling better now, BTW. The kidney drain is working like a charm, meaning I only urinate the tiniest bit when I need to take a crap. It's a little uncomfortable at first, but that's passing. I'm still waiting for my lab results to come back, though; my kidney values were elevated (about 150, when for an adult it should be between 60 and 100), so they wanted me to come by today for some bloodworks. But considering how well the drain's working, I'll be damn surprised if they haven't started to go down again.

Click to expand...

If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you now qualify as a cyborg. And that's an instant +150% in badassery.

Fact: North Ranger is now a cyborg viking.

Goddamnit, I wish I had talent in drawing so I could draw that.

ThatNickGuy said:

Fact: North Ranger is now a cyborg viking.

Goddamnit, I wish I had talent in drawing so I could draw that.

Click to expand...

Matriarch Benezia's crown and duct tape over my mouth? Um... I like Mass Effect, but not enough to go transvestite BDSM cosplay sex for it

its optimus prime he was shooting for, but the joke you made is still pretty funny

I know. I just couldn't resist. Hee hee ^_^

Wow, sounds painful. A few years ago I had a bone graft operation on my jaw. The surgeon gave me a local anesthetic. It totally numbed my mouth but I could hear everything, including him scraping the bone. A few hours later, I was eating mashed potatoes and pudding when the painkillers wore off. It felt like a had a fire ant colony in my mouth.

IronBrig4 said:

Wow, sounds painful. A few years ago I had a bone graft operation on my jaw. The surgeon gave me a local anesthetic. It totally numbed my mouth but I could hear everything, including him scraping the bone. A few hours later, I was eating mashed potatoes and pudding when the painkillers wore off. It felt like a had a fire ant colony in my mouth.

Click to expand...

Yeah, one of my wisdom teeth had a curved root, and they sent me to an oral surgeon. He told me he was going to have to break away some of my jawbone. It's a really disturbing crunching noise, even when you can't feel it.

fade said:

Yeah, one of my wisdom teeth had a curved root, and they sent me to an oral surgeon. He told me he was going to have to break away some of my jawbone. It's a really disturbing crunching noise, even when you can't feel it.

Click to expand...

Agreed, except I could feel it and let loose with a blood choked scream.

Hey Northie,

Thought I'd pass by this forum again for old times' sake and some happy/funny/silly stories. Saw a thread titles "North_Ranger's Wacky Rumor Thread", thought it'd be right what I was looking for... Well, guess that's what you get when not properly reading titles

Damn, mate. Really very sorry to read this, all my hopes/wishes go to you. As Dragon has stated a few times here, you seem to be handling this much better than I possibly could. Keep it up!

Holy Moses, NR! You have such an amazing attitude considering all that you've been going through. I sincerely hope you beat the living hell out of this cancer. Though I do kinda like your shaved head pic.

Had a bit of a bad day yesterday... the drain stopped working, possibly due to clogging, and I ended up running the whole day to the john and back. All. Frickin'. Day. And. Night.

It wouldn't have been so bad, if
1.) the drain hadn't been changed like a week ago SO IT BLOODY WELL SHOULD WORK
2.) it had not made me jump to the loo every hour even at night, meaning I basically got no sleep and
3.) the previous day hadn't been so awesome.

Seriously, the day before I was actually feeling pretty good. Went to see the Avengers in 3-D and loved it to bits, and since it was such a lovely day I decided to walk down to the comic book/roleplaying/general geekery store. It was only a couple of blocks, but I considered that a major win because the lack of physical exercise since September has left me weakened, to the point where I can't sometimes stand more than an hour before I have to sit down. But I did okay, and even though there was nothing I got from the store it was still nice to enjoy the sweet warmth of a spring day.

Hence why I was so pissed off when the very next day things take a turn for the worse. It's like someone's fucking with my life, making sure that whenever I start feeling good about my situation, something bad happens to knock me down a few pegs. Now, I'm not a religious kind of person, but I kept remembering something I read in the Book of Job. Basically God and the Devil making bets on how much shit the poor bugger Job can take. I don't know, I guess I just find it hilarious how there's a whole book in the Bible about God being a dickish troll

Anyway, things are better today. The drain's working again, and I hope it stays that way.

North_Ranger said:

It is said that childbirth and being kicked in the balls are the greatest pains known to mankind. Yesterday, I was submitted to another procedure that, in my mind, completes the unholy trinity of OHMYGODTHATHURTSMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOOOOOOPP!!

Spoilered for the sake of sanity - except maybe for Shegokigo , who perhaps would consider this educational material for her future domination of the world:

Spoiler

As mentioned earlier, I've got a kidney drain because the tumor is threatening to block the tract that leads urine from my kidney (the only good one) to my bladder. The drain itself had almost stopped working, and finally they got an operation time for it this morning. Yesterday, however, the tumor apparently started pressing the tract and the bladder so that I was constantly aching and could barely urinate - only a trickle of blood-laced stuff. My kidney values also started spiking, so after talking with the doctor they got a person from the urological ward to come look.

With just the barest howdoyoudo, I was told to lie back - and the damn nurse shoved a catether into my bladder.

As in "took a plastic tube and shoved it up my dick, all the way into the bladder".

This has been done to me once before, and then I had to wear that catether for three whole days - and I was in constant pain. Now the resurgent memory of those days, the feeling of a tube inside my tortured John Thomas and the sheer shock of this having been done to me just like that out of the blue, I probably would have lost it there and then if my Mom hadn't managed to calm me down. She said I looked in so much pain that my head was about to burst. No wonder, considering how fucking humiliating the whole process feels, on top of the pain.

Luckily the pain subsided with time and painkillers, and I managed to get some shut-eye. Today they changed the drain, and once satisfied it was working - meaning it had leaked out about a gallon of fluids in eight hours - they removed the catether. That wasn't as painful as I had remembered, probably because it only stayed there for about 24 hours. But the insertion, and the feeling of helplessness the first time you really need to urinate but can't... the blood that leaks out when you instinctively try to squeeze out that urine you have burning in your bladder... God, the horror...

tl;dr/safe version: painful and humiliating procedure with associated memories. I am getting better now. Guys... Give your schlongs some love. Because when they're in horrid pain... there's absolutely nothing worse.

Click to expand...

I trained my soldiers to do foley catheters one day while in Iraq, I couldn't get a test subject so instead I had to train them as they did it on me. 6 catheters in 30 minutes....Fuck yeah!

Docseverin said:

I trained my soldiers to do foley catheters one day while in Iraq, I couldn't get a test subject so instead I had to train them as they did it on me. 6 catheters in 30 minutes....Fuck yeah!

Click to expand...

I weep for thy penis.

Wow, did that ever sound gay.

No, gay would be wanting to kiss it better.

Docseverin said:

I trained my soldiers to do foley catheters one day while in Iraq, I couldn't get a test subject so instead I had to train them as they did it on me. 6 catheters in 30 minutes....Fuck yeah!

Click to expand...

And thus you became the "Throbbing Cock of Justice"...

Hey, that was one of my nicknames on prom night!

If you like the book of Job, ight I suggest you try to find "Job: a Comedy of Justice" by Robert A. Heinlein? Great book ;-)

Docseverin said:

I trained my soldiers to do foley catheters one day while in Iraq, I couldn't get a test subject so instead I had to train them as they did it on me. 6 catheters in 30 minutes....Fuck yeah!

Click to expand...

Going the extra mile, 6 inches (give or take) at a time.

--Patrick

PatrThom said:

Going the extra mile, 6 inches (give or take) at a time.

--Patrick

Click to expand...

No no no... you're not supposed to measure from the asshole!

I think with Doc, he'd rather give than take.

Y'know, I think this is even less interesting for him than performing a curetage is for me or you...And I can't say I find that particularly fun or interesting to do :-P

Just something weird that happened today: I went to the Market rehearsals today and met this one guy with whom I've talked a few times over the years. The guy's a complete looney, but hey, he's in professional theatre so that's pretty much given. When I mentioned my current medical predicament to him, his response was condolences and "You know, I've got some weed. Which you are perfectly welcome to. You're entitled."

I have to say, I was tempted to accept his proposal, were it not for my personal zero tolerance policy in the past and the fact that I seriously don't want to know what kind of a fucktard I'd turn into when I'm high. I mean, I turn morose when I'm drunk. I shudder to think what I'd be like high.

Also the fact that my Mom comes over three times a day to rinse my kidney drain might have been a factor why I decided to decline for now

It'd probably be very good for you actually.

I know it works for me.

Yeah but I don't really have any problems with pain. Often I am mildly uncomfortable because I have to move very slowly and carefully due to being a sizeable fellow with a line up my side, but there's not been many occasions when I've needed to pop pain killers.

And like I said, I have my qualms about getting high.

If you have trouble with your appetite or nausea after chemo or radiation treatments smoking a little pot can help ease those side effects.

WasabiPoptart said:

If you have trouble with your appetite or nausea after chemo or radiation treatments smoking a little pot can help ease those side effects.

Click to expand...

Vomit count so far: One, and that was at a hospital.

Appetite: Really not much of a problem, mostly it's the constant sense of fatigue and the fact that I need to hook up this piss bag somewhere while I cook. But once I get to cooking... well, let's put it this way: in a single day I once devoured about a kettle-ful of spaghetti carbonara.

Nonetheless, I'll be sure to remember those...

One thing to remember though is that there's a bit of a stygma against people who smoke, even if it's for medicinal reasons.

And as far as I know, the Finnish medical community does not recognize the medicinal use of marijuana.

What's more, if in the odd chance I do get caught with a bag of wacky tobacky and get convicted for possession --- that's the end of my career as a teacher. That's it. No do-overs. Game over, man, game over.

EDIT: Well, okay, I checked the legislation... Having a drug offence on your criminal record does not automatically disqualify you from seeking a teaching position, but it is something of a black mark on your record. Prospective teachers are demanded by law to present their up-to-date criminal records to employers before they are hired, and violent or drug-related crimes or being a sex offender are considered black marks. And frankly, I have met my share of principals, and none of them have struck me as the kind who would let a little toking go unpunished.

Updated the anti-bucket list.

Addendum to previous: There may be pictures posted in the New Picture Thread once I get out all the ones where I look like a damn hobo Having to wear a kidney drain really cramps my style. Mainly because I have to rely on loose clothing and trousers that don't require a belt to stay up. Damn urologists slapped it so low I can't wear my trousers high enough to keep them from falling... not without suspenders anyway.

But that's a tale for another time.

Still, it's summer, and I'm loving the fact I can go out without having to worry about a jacket constantly pressing against my side, or catching a cold simply from going out. Also... all things considered, feeling pretty okay. Might hit the movies over the weekend. Maybe see The Avengers again; I've heard Men in Black 3 is crappy as hell...

God damn you, Murphy...

I have noticed that whenever I have a really good day, it's usually followed by a really crappy day. Especially if I dare say the words "Today's a good day".

Don't believe me? The day I went to see the Avengers, it was a bright, sunny day, and after seeing that awesome film I felt like doing a bit of a walk to the local comic book/gaming/general nerditry store. I was feeling great. The next day my kidney drain started acting up, and I had to spend the day indoors.

A few days ago I was feeling pretty good as well, and commented on that. The next day I suffered from the worst case of the runs I've had in years.

Yesterday I only thought to myself today's a good day. Aaaand today my kidney drain clogged up completely and I had to call my doctor to get it changed. Turns out the only available time before Midsummer is tomorrow... meaning I had to cancel our weekly game night with friends, one that I had spent all week preparing for.

God damn you, Murphy...

I hope you have a crappy day.

(see what I did there? We can fool Murphy.)

Trust me when I say this, my friend: No matter what you are going through, it'll get better. I'm 100% serious when I say that at one point in my troubles of the last few months that the thought that the life insurance policy I have on myself would benefit my family greatly. Not saying I had a gun in my hand but there were times when I was driving that I very nearly made that swerve into a bridge or oncoming traffic. Really the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I might have hurt someone else in the process.

So when I tell you that right now I'm feeling wonderful and that I don't even recognize the depressed person I'd been, take it to heart that what you are going through is finite. You will get through it and be happy and healthy again. Right now you are suffering indignity upon indignity and it's just not fair!

But even though it sucks, look what you've gained. You've gained an understanding on how strong you can be in the face of adversity. You've learned which people in your life you can count on in a crisis. You've learned which "friends" were not truly there for you. You've learned that even a motley group of strangers on a website can band together and do something amazing - just because they care about you.

So yell that challenge out to the sky. Diarrhea? Bring it on! Cancer? Fuck you, cancer! Weaken me though it might I will prevail! I. AM. NORTH_RANGER!

Fuck Murphy right in his ear!

*hugs* We love you, North! Keep a stiff upper lip and all that!

Elemoodivate yourself!

--Patrick

Break a leg!


Don't actually break a leg!

Keep those sauna pants riding high, buddy. Hope you're doing better today

Enresshou , you mention sauna pants to me one more time and I will drain my piss bag into your beer Other than that, thanks

Today's been... okay. I was told that I would be out after the operation, and the blood test values they took were pretty much the best they had been in months. The doctor put a somewhat thicker line in my side this time, hoping that it would not then clog so easily, and the nurse at the cancer ward reassured me that there's nothing to be worried about my situation. Usually the line has to be changed every three months, but there's a lot of individual variation; for some the drain works without a hitch for the three months with no effort at all, others can work their asses off to keep the line working and they still have to get it changed in less than half that time.

The only thing that really worries me is the chance of infection: my temp's just a tad higher than it usually is, and my side is somewhat aching, but I try to think positively and hope the ache is just the result of the doc poking the damn line up into my last functioning kidney It'd be a shame if something went wrong, especially since tomorrow's the day for the Medieval Market actors' annual picnic. And I have cake

Thanks for all the well-wishes, especially you, Dave . This is hard as hell but you're right, I keep trusting that there are better things to come in the horizon, and I've learned who are the people I can rely on when the shit hits the fan. As for surviving cancer...

I'm North_Ranger, third son of my family.
I've bested the university.
I am a Jaeger of the Satakunta Jaeger Brigade.
I've faced down classes of students, insufferable bureaucracy and idiotic principals.
I'm an actor, a lover, a joker and a fuckin' awesome person.
I'm the Dragon of the North, the creator of a thousand stories.
I will kick this cancer's ass.
I will live.
Deal with it, bitches.

*cue Eye if the Tiger*

But...this was the first time I got in on that joke...

But in all seriousness, glad to hear it man. As for cueing Eye of the Tiger:

Bad news: The drain is clogging up again, to the point where once we got it to work again it pretty much drizzled like hell for hours. Usual rate: a little less than a cupful per hour. Today: more than half a gallon in two hours. It seems I'm the unlucky sort for whom it starts clogging up in about a month (the maximum time the drain stays on without changing is three months). Called the doctor today; Ropecon - the biggest RPG, Larp and general geekery convention here in Finland - is in three weeks, and I wanted to make sure they can change the drain before that. Because brother, it won't last like this until then.

Good news: Doc called the Urology Ward. They're changing the drain Friday. So it should be a-okay for Ropecon. So barring any sudden infections, this guy's going Also, barring any sudden complications, I won't have to give a rain check for Sunday's game night

Aside from still having to piss out of a tube, how's your health been overall these days, man?

Pretty okay, all in all. I have, unfortunately, gained some weight and my overall physique is still weakened due to much bedrest, but there's no daily pains, either mental or physical.

The one thing I try not to think about is the fact that I was pretty much told all they can do for now is give me chemo that will keep the cancer at a standstill. They cannot give me the truly curative treatment without knocking out my last kidney, and surgery isn't an option because of the small, inch-at-most tumors in my lungs. And they can't give me the uber-treatment that would knock the crap out of the cancer without putting a lot of my internal organs - especially the kidney - in jeopardy. It's no death sentence, of course. No need to start making my last will and testament... but it does remind me how serious my situation is.

Which is kinda weird, to be honest, considering how well I am feeling, both physically and mentally. So I'll keep living, and looking forward to the new day.

North_Ranger said:

Just something weird that happened today: I went to the Market rehearsals today and met this one guy with whom I've talked a few times over the years. The guy's a complete looney, but hey, he's in professional theatre so that's pretty much given. When I mentioned my current medical predicament to him, his response was condolences and "You know, I've got some weed. Which you are perfectly welcome to. You're entitled."

I have to say, I was tempted to accept his proposal, were it not for my personal zero tolerance policy in the past and the fact that I seriously don't want to know what kind of a fucktard I'd turn into when I'm high. I mean, I turn morose when I'm drunk. I shudder to think what I'd be like high.

Also the fact that my Mom comes over three times a day to rinse my kidney drain might have been a factor why I decided to decline for now

Click to expand...

Do it.

Fuck my life with a spoon.

For two months everything was okay. The drains got changed in a timely fashion, I suffered no sudden inflammations and I even got to go to the two events I wanted to go this summer.

Then boom, the day before yesterday. My drain was changed, but I had a slight temp so I went home with some oral antibiotics. That night my temp rose radically, and when I called the hospital, they told me to come back for IV antibiotics. So I've been stuck here since Saturday morning. And today's blood tests show no improvement, meaning I'll be stuck here for at least two more days. Possibly more.

What's the real cherry on top is that today I got told they need the one-person room for another patient, so I got moved to a two-person room. Not such a biggie... save for the fact that my new "roomie" is an older man whose far worse off than me, to the point where apparently due to operations he looks like Quasimodo's fugly brother. I shouldn't be this cruel, but goddammit, that certainly doesn't lighten my spirits.

*sighs*

Fuck the fugly sonofabitch, who gives a shit about what that asshole thinks, he's too ugly to live.

(Seriously, if that makes you feel better? WHO THE HELL CARES???)

*giant crazy monkey lady hugs*

zen, i like your outlook and candor, I am so glad you decided to come back.

and to NR, the bestest finnish mod we ever had, you do what you have to not to be swolled up by all this shit.

Had a talk with the doctor today. There's been some slight changes visible in the scan - none of them particularly good. There are new tiny tumors in my lungs and some of the old ones have grown. The big one is unchanged. The initial reports were far more drastic, but apparently the specialists had a look at the pictures and found that whoever wrote the report had been overly dramatic. The changes aren't good, there's no denying that, but nowhere near critical or threatening to the overall treatment.

For the foreseeable future the treatment is palliative, meaning that they can't cure the cancer but the treatment will focus on containing the growth of the tumors. The doctor pretty much told me that they will essentially aim to make life as normal as possible for me. They can't offer curative treatments without serious danger, so now this is just something I need to learn to live with. I'm strangely okay with that; the doctor didn't tell me to start writing my will or nothing, and I understood that the overall changes in the past year have been few. And if the current treatment doesn't work, there are still two or three others they can try.

That's pretty much it for the time being. I'll likely have this monkey on my back for the rest of my life, but considering that overall I am still quite well, that's not as dramatic or short as it might sound like. I'll just keep on living and hope for the best.

What is killing me, however, is that signature, Bones ... My eyes keep jumping up to Pinkie Pie

That's...just...


Fuck cancer, man. Just fuck it. If we spent as much time trying to cure shit instead of denigrating science and spending countless billions of dollars on campaigning for a $400,000 a year job, maybe the world would be a better place.

Preachin' to the choir, bro. Preachin' to the choir.

But yeah, fuck that shit.

North_Ranger said:

Had a talk with the doctor today. There's been some slight changes visible in the scan - none of them particularly good. There are new tiny tumors in my lungs and some of the old ones have grown. The big one is unchanged. The initial reports were far more drastic, but apparently the specialists had a look at the pictures and found that whoever wrote the report had been overly dramatic. The changes aren't good, there's no denying that, but nowhere near critical or threatening to the overall treatment.

For the foreseeable future the treatment is palliative, meaning that they can't cure the cancer but the treatment will focus on containing the growth of the tumors. The doctor pretty much told me that they will essentially aim to make life as normal as possible for me. They can't offer curative treatments without serious danger, so now this is just something I need to learn to live with. I'm strangely okay with that; the doctor didn't tell me to start writing my will or nothing, and I understood that the overall changes in the past year have been few. And if the current treatment doesn't work, there are still two or three others they can try.

That's pretty much it for the time being. I'll likely have this monkey on my back for the rest of my life, but considering that overall I am still quite well, that's not as dramatic or short as it might sound like. I'll just keep on living and hope for the best.

What is killing me, however, is that signature, Bones ... My eyes keep jumping up to Pinkie Pie

Click to expand...

Ranger I love your attitude! You sir are impressive. Keep living well and I will keep hoping that they find a way to shrink then cure those damned tumors!

Dave said:

That's...just...


Fuck cancer, man. Just fuck it. If we spent as much time trying to cure shit instead of denigrating science and spending countless billions of dollars on campaigning for a $400,000 a year job, maybe the world would be a better place.

Click to expand...

Dave you nailed it, more priorities running too fast in way the wrong damned direction when we should be focused on making it a better, freer, smarter world and making the most of it.

That time of the month again... the chemo goes in a four-week cycle, and once a month the marrow booster pains hit. GoddamnmotherfuckershitstormBarbraStreisand I hate this time of the month.

The bad news is that this is apparently my life for the time being: a cycle of treatments and monthly pains [insert jokes about menstrual cycle here].

The good news is... well, I'm learning to live with it. Spring is coming, and even though I've let myself go horrendously, I try to get out and about every day. Even if it's just to walk around the garbage bins and get back inside.

Here's some flowers and some words of encouragement I saw earlier today:

Keep strong and pull through! My grandma lived with breast cancer for 23 years, it was diagnosed in her late 60s! You are young and strong!
She was a great lady and always an optimistic and happy person, even when times were hard (born in 1930 she knew hard times). She laughed a lot, that's what everybody remembered about her.

I know it sounds lame and dull, but think positive. For you, your family, and all your friends!

Hokay, it's been a while...

The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. I had to give this year's Market a pass... I made it okay during the first day, but because I had had treatment the day before the show began, the side-effects caught up with me the next day. Without going into too much detail, let's just say that for the next three days I had to deal with some serious shit almost every hour 24 hours a day - and I do mean that literally. But I had fun the first day, and got a lot of pictures from mom and dad. Some of which will be posted later this month once I trawl through them.

What also happened during these few weeks was that a small bump on my forehead - which the doctor thought to be nothing more than a slightly irritated sebaceous gland - suddenly started growing, until it was about 1/4 inch high and 3/4 inch wide, soft and sensitive. And goddammit, did the fucker bleed when I accidentally snagged it on something. They cut it out last week, leaving me with mummy-like head bandages for a few days.

Today, they removed the stitches. The doctor said the scar looks nice, and save for a little skimming of dead skin they will do next week - a 30-minute operation, no more than that - there were no other problems. All except the pathologist's report... Yeah. Not a sebaceous gland. It was a small tumor, metastasized on my skin.

F***.

That's the bad side. The good side is that apparently it was not too serious: the surgeon who operated on me had contacted my cancer ward, and apparently they thought the growth was cleanly removed, with no further need for operating. Apparently the small tumors I have in my lungs are more dangerous, and those have yet to cause me any trouble.

I might be in slight denial here... but I'd like to believe that was the end of that for now. One skin growth in two years... could be better, could be worse. At least it came off cleanly.

And if nothing else, I can now probably go to Ropecon in a suit and say I'm cosplaying young Gorbachev

You would rock a turban.

North_Ranger said:

And if nothing else, I can now probably go to Ropecon in a suit and say I'm cosplaying young Gorbachev

Click to expand...

Please god walk around singing his verse from ERB:

Sorry to hear that it showed up but glad it came off cleanly Gorby!

Okay, North_Ranger, this is the best advice possible:

Stop getting tumors.

There's a good lad.

Neon Pirate said:

Sorry to hear that it showed up but glad it came off cleanly

Click to expand...

There aren't too many threads where this response could be anything but creepy.

ThatNickGuy said:

Okay, North_Ranger, this is the best advice possible:

Stop getting tumors.

There's a good lad.

Click to expand...

Yes, because a huge, purple, squishy knob of a unicorn horn was such a great fashion statement that I willed it into existence

North_Ranger said:

Yes, because a huge, purple, squishy knob of a unicorn horn was such a great fashion statement that I willed it into existence

Click to expand...

Ah HAA. So the truth FINALLY comes out!

Cursés! I have been ze found out!

Well... fuck.

Got the results of my last CT scan back. The tumors in my lungs have grown, and there's a new one in my one good kidney. Gonna have to see the sarcoma specialist next week to discuss changes to my treatment. I kept hoping the best, but apparently the last two months when I didn't receive any treatment* managed to do a number on me.

Gotta say that kinda put a damper on my day. The good news is that I still don't suffer from any shortness of breath, and even my kidney values have been good. So this is not a "You have X months to live" scenario. Still shitty as hell, though.


*They couldn't give me the treatment when the surgical wound on my head was still healing because of danger of infection, and later they couldn't give me the treatment because of three weeks of bouncing temperature that demanded antibiotics.

Ah, shit, NR. I'm so sorry to hear it. Glad you're not seeing stresses like shortness of breath though.

Jesus man, I wish I could just give you a big hug right now.

I ripped my shirt this morning on the way to work and have been bitching all day about my stupid shirt. I think I'll stop complaining about it now.

Stay strong, buddy. You know we all love ya and are pulling for you.

Dave said:

I ripped my shirt this morning on the way to work and have been bitching all day about my stupid shirt. I think I'll stop complaining about it now.

Stay strong, buddy. You know we all love ya and are pulling for you.

Click to expand...

I'm wearing one of my favorite shirts today, and the sleeves have shrunk in the laundry so much I can't button up the manchetes anymore. Also, I can't keep it tucked in my pants anymore -it's simply too short. Which is problematic, as dress code requires the shirt tucked in at all times. oh well.


*edit* wait, this isn't the whine thread? Whoops. Dave, you misleading misleader, you.

Err, Northy, dude, stop with the silly growths, okay?

Bubble181 said:

Err, Northy, dude, stop with the silly growths, okay?

Click to expand...

He jokes, but not really.

--Patrick.

You'll bounce back, NR. Once the treatment gets going again, you'll see an improvement.

Don't know if this helps, but I've seen some recent research on how the body can self-heal in addition to whatever else you're doing to fight it. It basically involves getting yourself to a state of very relaxed calm, which helps bring your various systems into balance, which puts the body in an ideal state to go through the healing process. Saw it on Dr. Oz. he had on a woman who did faced stage 4 cancer, but practiced self-healing with her other treatments, and she was cancer free now.

I have to admit, I believe it. My kidneys were majorly fucked up. There was even a point I was hours away from going on the transplant list. Part of my personality is, for lack of a better term, oblivious. Putting my condition out of my mind save for my treatment and relaxing to draw on a regular basis fit the mental and body state described by Dr. Oz. I'm in remission now, and have actually surprised my doctors with how good my numbers are now. One just told me I could go forever if that holds.

Point is, there's some real power there. Try to put your stress out of your mind. Do what you gotta do for your treatment, but don't let it preoccupy you. Find something truly calming and relaxing, that won't get you worked up in the slightest, and breathe slowly and calmly. You are literally giving your body more resources to fight your disease. That's pretty much the entire thing. Do not feel despair or even allow yourself to be disappointed. Just do what you gotta do. Look at it that way without considering those negatives. You can bounce back and kick the ever loving hell out of this thing.

Quick update.

My life is currently a major bitch. Last night I lost the feeling in my right hand fingers. Then my hand. The my arm. CT scans today showed I had suffered hemorrhaging my brain, effectively turning right hand from the instrument of my art into a limp, aching sack of noodles. It was not a tumor nor a full-on stroke, as I still retain mobility in my arm and the ability to move my fingers, limitred as both are at the moment. I'm seeing a neurosurgeon later today and a physical therapist hopefully soon to discuss options, and I still remain hopeful of regaining my arm.

Updates as they come and I'm able to write them with my left hand (hence the typos). I tried dictating this post to my dad, who prides himself on his English - and yet was stumped by the word "major".

Ummm...."Get well soon" doesn't quite cut it, I suppose? But ehh, get better, 'kay?

Fuck, NR, I leave for a year and this happens?! I'm never leaving again

I will send you hugs and love everytime I think of you.
You're AWESOME, don't let your spirits fall.

Jesus, man. It's just one thing after another. Really hope your health eventually gets better.

Update.

Getting worse. Can not feel my hands, nor my legs. Fearful of all hell. Gonna get a new CT scan. Likely it has bled worse.

I'm scared.

Dictated to my mom on my iPad. My right hand is completely useless.

Wish I could be there for you. I'm praying for you.

Hugs don't exactly cut it right now but it's all I can offer.

So sorry, NR. You're in my thoughts. Be brave, but keep leaning on us and family. Much love.

Ranger, you're giving me Guillain–Barré flashbacks and it's scaring me. Dude, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy much less a friend like you. I'm with stienman, praying for you buddy.

Thoughts are with you

If you read this, thank you, NR's mom. I'm sure you're very scared, I know that feeling too and I wish there was something we could do for you. You're an awesome mom for doing this. All my love.

Trans-Pacific hugs coming your way man. Stay strong, you can beat this, I know it!

We're here for you, buddy. Keep fighting and kick this thing's ass.

Wish there was more I could do from here... good vibes coming your way.

Be strong man. Be strong.

We might not be in the room, NR, but there's a lot of people with you tonight. We're pulling for you.

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. We love you, N_R.

N_R, I love you man, I really don't know what else to say. I'm thinking about you.

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you, N_R. Wish I could offer more.

We love you, man. You'll be in my thoughts.

Good luck. I hope you beat this.

god speed our finnish broski!

Fuck. NR, you are one of the people I really respect. I have no words other than we love you.

Whenever I feel bummed I just remember you're going through a lot worse and are way stronger than I am. Good luck, bro.

What everyone else said - we love you, and we're thinking of you. Hope you get some relief and answers soon.

Anwers I'm gettin'. They just all happen to suck. I've been put on stroke observation, meaning that I am being constantly monitored for signs of further hemorrhaging - to the point I am forbidden to leave the bed even to take a dump. How I manage that without the use of adult diapers or by being Gary Busey... I'll leave that to your imagination. They'll be keeping me here for now.

Also, typing one-handed AND left-handed? Totally sucks.

You need anything we can help with and we're here, man. Anything. I'll even make a video of myself twerking if it would help.

What Dave said. We're here for you, buddy; anything you need.

Dave said:

You need anything we can help with and we're here, man. Anything. I'll even make a video of myself twerking if it would help.

Click to expand...

Halforums twerking compilation... *shudders*

Hey, I'd do it too if it would help though. Hang in there North Ranger.

I'm so sorry, man. I wish there was more I can do, but just know that you're an incredibly strong person and have proven that time and time again in this thread.

Also, dear lord, man. If Dave twerks it'll break the internet.