[Important] North_Ranger's Wacky Tumor Thread

S

SeraRelm

No pun intended but hang in there. We all want to hear about you getting better.
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

North_Ranger said:
Gusto - trust me... after something like that, you never take your Trouser Titan for granted again. EVER.
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I've had the joy of unexpectedly sliding down the trunk of a tree* while wearing only shorts WHILE I had urethral stitches . It's the sort of thing that lingers in your memory.

--Patrick
*Technically, this is preferable to falling a couple dozen feet out of one.
 
Frank

Frank

North_Ranger said:
It is said that childbirth and being kicked in the balls are the greatest pains known to mankind. Yesterday, I was submitted to another procedure that, in my mind, completes the unholy trinity of OHMYGODTHATHURTSMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOOOOOOPP!!

Spoilered for the sake of sanity - except maybe for Shegokigo , who perhaps would consider this educational material for her future domination of the world:


As mentioned earlier, I've got a kidney drain because the tumor is threatening to block the tract that leads urine from my kidney (the only good one) to my bladder. The drain itself had almost stopped working, and finally they got an operation time for it this morning. Yesterday, however, the tumor apparently started pressing the tract and the bladder so that I was constantly aching and could barely urinate - only a trickle of blood-laced stuff. My kidney values also started spiking, so after talking with the doctor they got a person from the urological ward to come look.

With just the barest howdoyoudo, I was told to lie back - and the damn nurse shoved a catether into my bladder.

As in "took a plastic tube and shoved it up my dick, all the way into the bladder".

This has been done to me once before, and then I had to wear that catether for three whole days - and I was in constant pain. Now the resurgent memory of those days, the feeling of a tube inside my tortured John Thomas and the sheer shock of this having been done to me just like that out of the blue, I probably would have lost it there and then if my Mom hadn't managed to calm me down. She said I looked in so much pain that my head was about to burst. No wonder, considering how fucking humiliating the whole process feels, on top of the pain.

Luckily the pain subsided with time and painkillers, and I managed to get some shut-eye. Today they changed the drain, and once satisfied it was working - meaning it had leaked out about a gallon of fluids in eight hours - they removed the catether. That wasn't as painful as I had remembered, probably because it only stayed there for about 24 hours. But the insertion, and the feeling of helplessness the first time you really need to urinate but can't... the blood that leaks out when you instinctively try to squeeze out that urine you have burning in your bladder... God, the horror...

tl;dr/safe version: painful and humiliating procedure with associated memories. I am getting better now. Guys... Give your schlongs some love. Because when they're in horrid pain... there's absolutely nothing worse.
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I'm not going to lie to you sir, having my mother there while someone put a catheter into me might be the worst nightmare I can think of.

That's terrifying.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Frank said:
I'm not going to lie to you sir, having my mother there while someone put a catheter into me might be the worst nightmare I can think of.

That's terrifying.
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Well, she was there because we have developed this system where she or my dad is always present when we go and meet the doctor. That way, I am spared the often unpleasant duty of reiterating to them what was said, thus keeping them in the know of what's going on - and there's another person there to ask questions if I fail to ask something that might be of importance.

We were expecting a visit from a urologist, not a nurse with a vendetta against dangly bits.

But it was good she was there, because I was in such a state of pain and shock there's no guessing what I might have done to myself if she hadn't been there to calm me down. Seriously, the nurse just shoved it in and left, even though I was crying and moaning and damn near hyperventilating with the sheer shock of just having been shoved a line up my Rod of Lordly Might.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
I am feeling better now, BTW. The kidney drain is working like a charm, meaning I only urinate the tiniest bit when I need to take a crap. It's a little uncomfortable at first, but that's passing. I'm still waiting for my lab results to come back, though; my kidney values were elevated (about 150, when for an adult it should be between 60 and 100), so they wanted me to come by today for some bloodworks. But considering how well the drain's working, I'll be damn surprised if they haven't started to go down again.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

North_Ranger said:
I am feeling better now, BTW. The kidney drain is working like a charm, meaning I only urinate the tiniest bit when I need to take a crap. It's a little uncomfortable at first, but that's passing. I'm still waiting for my lab results to come back, though; my kidney values were elevated (about 150, when for an adult it should be between 60 and 100), so they wanted me to come by today for some bloodworks. But considering how well the drain's working, I'll be damn surprised if they haven't started to go down again.
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you now qualify as a cyborg. And that's an instant +150% in badassery.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Matriarch Benezia's crown and duct tape over my mouth? Um... I like Mass Effect, but not enough to go transvestite BDSM cosplay sex for it :p
 
IronBrig4

IronBrig4

Wow, sounds painful. A few years ago I had a bone graft operation on my jaw. The surgeon gave me a local anesthetic. It totally numbed my mouth but I could hear everything, including him scraping the bone. A few hours later, I was eating mashed potatoes and pudding when the painkillers wore off. It felt like a had a fire ant colony in my mouth.
 
fade

fade

Staff member
IronBrig4 said:
Wow, sounds painful. A few years ago I had a bone graft operation on my jaw. The surgeon gave me a local anesthetic. It totally numbed my mouth but I could hear everything, including him scraping the bone. A few hours later, I was eating mashed potatoes and pudding when the painkillers wore off. It felt like a had a fire ant colony in my mouth.
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Yeah, one of my wisdom teeth had a curved root, and they sent me to an oral surgeon. He told me he was going to have to break away some of my jawbone. It's a really disturbing crunching noise, even when you can't feel it.
 
Frank

Frank

fade said:
Yeah, one of my wisdom teeth had a curved root, and they sent me to an oral surgeon. He told me he was going to have to break away some of my jawbone. It's a really disturbing crunching noise, even when you can't feel it.
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Agreed, except I could feel it and let loose with a blood choked scream.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

Hey Northie,

Thought I'd pass by this forum again for old times' sake and some happy/funny/silly stories. Saw a thread titles "North_Ranger's Wacky Rumor Thread", thought it'd be right what I was looking for... Well, guess that's what you get when not properly reading titles :confused:

Damn, mate. Really very sorry to read this, all my hopes/wishes go to you. As Dragon has stated a few times here, you seem to be handling this much better than I possibly could. Keep it up!
 
WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

Holy Moses, NR! You have such an amazing attitude considering all that you've been going through. I sincerely hope you beat the living hell out of this cancer. Though I do kinda like your shaved head pic.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Had a bit of a bad day yesterday... the drain stopped working, possibly due to clogging, and I ended up running the whole day to the john and back. All. Frickin'. Day. And. Night.

It wouldn't have been so bad, if
1.) the drain hadn't been changed like a week ago SO IT BLOODY WELL SHOULD WORK
2.) it had not made me jump to the loo every hour even at night, meaning I basically got no sleep and
3.) the previous day hadn't been so awesome.

Seriously, the day before I was actually feeling pretty good. Went to see the Avengers in 3-D and loved it to bits, and since it was such a lovely day I decided to walk down to the comic book/roleplaying/general geekery store. It was only a couple of blocks, but I considered that a major win because the lack of physical exercise since September has left me weakened, to the point where I can't sometimes stand more than an hour before I have to sit down. But I did okay, and even though there was nothing I got from the store it was still nice to enjoy the sweet warmth of a spring day.

Hence why I was so pissed off when the very next day things take a turn for the worse. It's like someone's fucking with my life, making sure that whenever I start feeling good about my situation, something bad happens to knock me down a few pegs. Now, I'm not a religious kind of person, but I kept remembering something I read in the Book of Job. Basically God and the Devil making bets on how much shit the poor bugger Job can take. I don't know, I guess I just find it hilarious how there's a whole book in the Bible about God being a dickish troll :p

Anyway, things are better today. The drain's working again, and I hope it stays that way.
 
Docseverin

Docseverin

North_Ranger said:
It is said that childbirth and being kicked in the balls are the greatest pains known to mankind. Yesterday, I was submitted to another procedure that, in my mind, completes the unholy trinity of OHMYGODTHATHURTSMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOOOOOOPP!!

Spoilered for the sake of sanity - except maybe for Shegokigo , who perhaps would consider this educational material for her future domination of the world:


As mentioned earlier, I've got a kidney drain because the tumor is threatening to block the tract that leads urine from my kidney (the only good one) to my bladder. The drain itself had almost stopped working, and finally they got an operation time for it this morning. Yesterday, however, the tumor apparently started pressing the tract and the bladder so that I was constantly aching and could barely urinate - only a trickle of blood-laced stuff. My kidney values also started spiking, so after talking with the doctor they got a person from the urological ward to come look.

With just the barest howdoyoudo, I was told to lie back - and the damn nurse shoved a catether into my bladder.

As in "took a plastic tube and shoved it up my dick, all the way into the bladder".

This has been done to me once before, and then I had to wear that catether for three whole days - and I was in constant pain. Now the resurgent memory of those days, the feeling of a tube inside my tortured John Thomas and the sheer shock of this having been done to me just like that out of the blue, I probably would have lost it there and then if my Mom hadn't managed to calm me down. She said I looked in so much pain that my head was about to burst. No wonder, considering how fucking humiliating the whole process feels, on top of the pain.

Luckily the pain subsided with time and painkillers, and I managed to get some shut-eye. Today they changed the drain, and once satisfied it was working - meaning it had leaked out about a gallon of fluids in eight hours - they removed the catether. That wasn't as painful as I had remembered, probably because it only stayed there for about 24 hours. But the insertion, and the feeling of helplessness the first time you really need to urinate but can't... the blood that leaks out when you instinctively try to squeeze out that urine you have burning in your bladder... God, the horror...

tl;dr/safe version: painful and humiliating procedure with associated memories. I am getting better now. Guys... Give your schlongs some love. Because when they're in horrid pain... there's absolutely nothing worse.
Click to expand...
I trained my soldiers to do foley catheters one day while in Iraq, I couldn't get a test subject so instead I had to train them as they did it on me. 6 catheters in 30 minutes....Fuck yeah!
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

If you like the book of Job, ight I suggest you try to find "Job: a Comedy of Justice" by Robert A. Heinlein? Great book ;-)
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

Docseverin said:
I trained my soldiers to do foley catheters one day while in Iraq, I couldn't get a test subject so instead I had to train them as they did it on me. 6 catheters in 30 minutes....Fuck yeah!
Click to expand...
Going the extra mile, 6 inches (give or take) at a time.

--Patrick
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

Y'know, I think this is even less interesting for him than performing a curetage is for me or you...And I can't say I find that particularly fun or interesting to do :-P
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Just something weird that happened today: I went to the Market rehearsals today and met this one guy with whom I've talked a few times over the years. The guy's a complete looney, but hey, he's in professional theatre so that's pretty much given. When I mentioned my current medical predicament to him, his response was condolences and "You know, I've got some weed. Which you are perfectly welcome to. You're entitled."

I have to say, I was tempted to accept his proposal, were it not for my personal zero tolerance policy in the past and the fact that I seriously don't want to know what kind of a fucktard I'd turn into when I'm high. I mean, I turn morose when I'm drunk. I shudder to think what I'd be like high.

Also the fact that my Mom comes over three times a day to rinse my kidney drain might have been a factor why I decided to decline for now :p
 
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