Catholic sex guide!

[Bubble181]

He was too busy reading a certain book.


Also, I'm curious aboutt his book.

 

[JCM]

Seeing that he´s a priest, which means he doesnt even have sex, might I suggest the other guides- "The blind´s guide to looking?" or "Mav´s tips on how to get a girl into bed"?

"Some people, when they hear about the holiness of married sex, immediately imagine that such sex has to be deprived of joy, frivolous play, fantasy and attractive positions," he writes.

"[They think] it has to be sad like a traditional church hymn.

"Every act - a type of caress, a sexual position - with the goal of arousal is permitted and pleases God. During sexual intercourse, married couples can show their love in every way, can offer one another the most sought-after caresses."

Christ almighty, do you ever actually read anything before you post? Because I sure dont do it.

Yep you cant read. A guide to sex by a priest (who either hasnt had much sex lately) is as idiotic as having a dumb dramatic jock who cant read post exactly what I questioned.

I suggest sticking to Karate for dummies.

He was too busy reading a certain book.


Also, I'm curious aboutt his book.

 

[Chazwozel]

Seeing that he´s a priest, which means he doesnt even have sex, might I suggest the other guides- "The blind´s guide to looking?" or "Mav´s tips on how to get a girl into bed"?

"Some people, when they hear about the holiness of married sex, immediately imagine that such sex has to be deprived of joy, frivolous play, fantasy and attractive positions," he writes.

"[They think] it has to be sad like a traditional church hymn.

"Every act - a type of caress, a sexual position - with the goal of arousal is permitted and pleases God. During sexual intercourse, married couples can show their love in every way, can offer one another the most sought-after caresses."

Christ almighty, do you ever actually read anything before you post? Because I sure dont do it.

Yep you cant read. A guide to sex by a priest (who either hasnt had much sex lately) is as idiotic as having a dumb dramatic jock who cant read post exactly what I questioned.

I suggest sticking to Karate for dummies.
[quote:j1pmfph8]He was too busy reading a certain book.


Also, I'm curious aboutt his book.

[/quote:j1pmfph8]

In what you have bolded, the priest is pretty much saying that if you fuck doggy style, clad in assless leather chaps that you're doing God's will by enjoying the sex with your married partner.

Here's what you said in your very first post:

Let me guess, man on top, oral sex is a no-no and anal brings you and your wife to the fiery pits of *?

You didn't even read the OP quote and made that assumption. Am I anywhere disagreeing that a sex book by a priest is a little weird? I agree, it's a stupid concept to take sex tips from a priest, but your assumptions are completely pulled out of your ass when the OP quotes him as stating the complete opposite. And you can start throwing around your childish insults all you want, I'm not the one who posts assumptions without even reading the source material and understanding it.

Oh another thing. I don't usually stand up for Mav or anyone around here, but why would you say that about the dude? That's kind of fucked up berating him in a thread he's not even participating in. If you want to play hardball on those terms: JCM's guide to life: Make up sex stories, pretend to be a master of the jungle, make up professions, play internet tough guy, get a sexually transmitted disease from a Thai she-man, pretend to dabble through various religions to find purpose to your meaningless and vapid life, die. New York Times best seller.

 

[Math242]

god damn it, you two better not ruin this thread.

 

[LordRavage]

I worry about you Chaz.

I keep picturing a blood vessel in your skull ready to pop everytime you read the forums. :uhhuh:

 

[Chazwozel]

god damn it, you two better not ruin this thread.

I said what I have to say. That's all from me. There's no possible way he can bullshit himself out of this one. There's no opinion to the matter at all, so anything he has to say any further than what I posted is moot.

-- Fri May 15, 2009 9:23 am --

I worry about you Chaz.

I keep picturing a blood vessel in your skull ready to pop everytime you read the forums. :uhhuh:

What?!? Really? I'm fine and dandy. I take pleasure in picking apart JCM's nonsensical logic. In the tasering thread Tin and I were having a good laugh over PM's. Honestly, I've only been set off like once or twice by bewildering stupidity, otherwise I'm happy as a clam when I post.

 

"Priests do it Dogma style!"

"This is my flesh. Eat it."

I could go on.

 

[Shannow]

Cum unto the children?

 

[zero]

Heh... well, you gotta admit, Catholic church view on sex is something that is very badly misunderstood, even by some Catholics (and yeah, the church is to blame on that). JCM's assumptions are sadly very common, even within Catholics. In fact, I'm somehow surprised Chaz is so enlightened in this obscure matter (I remember something about Chaz being raised as a Catholic, but driven away by some idiotic priest... am I right?).

The whole view of the Church on sex is to create huge solid catholic families. Here's some Catholic church "do and do not" concerning sex:

- Do not have sex before marriage.
- Do not have sex outside your marriage.
- Do not use contraceptives.
- DO have a LOT OF sex with your mate (in fact, it is a severe sin to not have sex while being married).

About anal and oral, they aren't by any means a "sin" inside the catholic church! Just make sure you won't be doing it in prejudice of the traditional way (otherwise, see, no babies...).

Certainly, the contraceptive matter is the most controversial today, it is not clear that the population grow is sustainable in today's world (although the effects of increased lifespan are arguably much worse, and I don't see many people defending the hurling of elders in tar pits). Besides that one, I'd say those aren't really unreasonable... (yes, yes, before anyone ask, I am NOT married, I DO have sex while using contraceptives... shame on me, I guess... )

 

[Chazwozel]

Heh... well, you gotta admit, Catholic church view on sex is something that is very badly misunderstood, even by some Catholics (and yeah, the church is to blame on that). JCM's assumptions are sadly very common, even within Catholics. In fact, I'm somehow surprised Chaz is so enlightened in this obscure matter (I remember something about Chaz being raised as a Catholic, but driven away by some idiotic priest... am I right?).

The whole view of the Church on sex is to create huge solid catholic families. Here's some Catholic church "do and do not" concerning sex:

- Do not have sex before marriage.
- Do not have sex outside your marriage.
- Do not use contraceptives.
- DO have a LOT OF sex with your mate (in fact, it is a severe sin to not have sex while being married).

About anal and oral, they aren't by any means a "sin" inside the catholic church! Just make sure you won't be doing it in prejudice of the traditional way (otherwise, see, no babies...).

Certainly, the contraceptive matter is the most controversial today, it is not clear that the population grow is sustainable in today's world (although the effects of increased lifespan are arguably much worse, and I don't see many people defending the hurling of elders in tar pits). Besides that one, I'd say those aren't really unreasonable... (yes, yes, before anyone ask, I am NOT married, I DO have sex while using contraceptives... shame on me, I guess... )

I'm not debating anything other than what the priest was quoted in saying and what JCM inferred the book was going to be about without actually reading the source material (or reading it and completely doing a fly by in understanding it).


Let me put this bluntly: I DON'T CARE WHAT THIS PRIEST OR THE CATHOLIC CHURCH HAS TO SAY ABOUT SEX.

 

[Bubble181]

I don't see many people defending the hurling of elders in tar pits

Sounds like a plan, I'm all for it. Age 37 or a bit higher? :-P

 

[zero]

Let me put this bluntly: I DON'T CARE WHAT THIS PRIEST OR THE CATHOLIC CHURCH HAS TO SAY ABOUT SEX.

ah

 

[Chibibar]

- DO have a LOT OF sex with your mate (in fact, it is a severe sin to not have sex while being married).

A sever sin huh? I guess a lot of married couple are going to hell now (general assumption that married people have fewer sex, at least for some couple )

 

[Iaculus]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

 

[sixpackshaker]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

By dogma, the most famous married couple in the Bible did not have children of their own. They got a loaner from God.

 

[Chazwozel]

- DO have a LOT OF sex with your mate (in fact, it is a severe sin to not have sex while being married).

A sever sin huh? I guess a lot of married couple are going to * now (general assumption that married people have fewer sex, at least for some couple )

Yeah the sacrament of marriage is deeply steeped in the whole concept of "go forth and multiply" business. I mean the whole institution is one of only seven sacramental rights of the religion, so it's understandable that lack sex (sex being an important concept of marriage) would be a sin. A priest would phrase it as "denying a gift that God has given you."

 

[zero]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

Damn Iaculus, now you hit a touchy subject... You are right, many priests refuse to celebrate weddings between infertile people. It seems a little harsh, but if you consider that the catholic wedding is not about celebration of love between two people but as the beginning of a new family, some feel it would be hypocritical to do otherwise...

 

[Chibibar]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

Damn Iaculus, now you hit a touchy subject... You are right, many priests refuse to celebrate weddings between infertile people. It seems a little harsh, but if you consider that the catholic wedding is not about celebration of love between two people but as the beginning of a new family, some feel it would be hypocritical to do otherwise...

So lets assume that a couple who is not infertile married, but later decide NOT to have kids and have his tube tied (or hers) would that consider be contraceptive? or commit great sin since they can't produce kids.

While it is all fine and dandy of producing a family BUT it is expensive to raise a child (or slew of them), the money required rest upon the couple and their family.

 

[Chazwozel]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

I'm not sure, but I don't think a priest and bishop would have particular beef with that kind of marriage. There are other aspects to marriage aside from having children of your own.

Priest to infertile married couple: "Eh, gimme 15 Hail Mary's and 2 Apostle's Creeds and we'll call it even."

 

[zero]

Yeah the sacrament of marriage is deeply steeped in the whole concept of "go forth and multiply" business. I mean the whole institution is one of only seven sacramental rights of the religion, so it's understandable that lack sex (sex being an important concept of marriage) would be a sin. A priest would phrase it as "denying a gift that God has given you."

Chaz, you can't really blame people who get confused about your interest on Church's view on sex (particularly considering the subject of this thread...)

 

[Chazwozel]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

Damn Iaculus, now you hit a touchy subject... You are right, many priests refuse to celebrate weddings between infertile people. It seems a little harsh, but if you consider that the catholic wedding is not about celebration of love between two people but as the beginning of a new family, some feel it would be hypocritical to do otherwise...

Really? I've never heard of this.

 

Priest to infertile married couple: "Eh, gimme 15 Hail Mary's and 2 Apostle's Creeds and we'll call it even."

I swore you said "Apollo Creeds" at first. I laughed until I realized I read it wrong.

 

[Chazwozel]

Yeah the sacrament of marriage is deeply steeped in the whole concept of "go forth and multiply" business. I mean the whole institution is one of only seven sacramental rights of the religion, so it's understandable that lack sex (sex being an important concept of marriage) would be a sin. A priest would phrase it as "denying a gift that God has given you."

Chaz, you can't really blame people who get confused about your interest on Church's view on sex (particularly considering the subject of this thread...)

Just because I was (still am I guess) Catholic and understand the mindset doesn't particularly mean I endorse it. I grew up Catholic, so I do know a thing or two about the religion.

 

[zero]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

Damn Iaculus, now you hit a touchy subject... You are right, many priests refuse to celebrate weddings between infertile people. It seems a little harsh, but if you consider that the catholic wedding is not about celebration of love between two people but as the beginning of a new family, some feel it would be hypocritical to do otherwise...

So lets assume that a couple who is not infertile married, but later decide NOT to have kids and have his tube tied (or hers) would that consider be contraceptive? or commit great sin since they can't produce kids.

While it is all fine and dandy of producing a family BUT it is expensive to raise a child (or slew of them), the money required rest upon the couple and their family.

Yeah, to marry within the Catholic Church and decide to not have children after is a severe no-no... In fact, even have a few children and have your "tubes tied" could be frowned upon (which isn't admittedly very reasonable considering, as you said, the resources involved in raising a child today...)

 

[JCM]

ANGRY LLAMA IS ANGRY!!
ANGRY LLAMA CANNOT UNDERSTAND SIMPLE ENGLISH!!
JCM NERD MUST NOT HAVE SEX GAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
ANGRY LLAMA WRITE IN BOOOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its always interesting to see the idiotic jock mentality over and over, maybe I should buy "Chaz´ guide to the internet: whine that nerds get sex, cousin beats you at a videogame, say "yes master" to women, quit forums and still entertain others"

I love making fun of your nonsense Chaz, please do keep it up.

I worry about you Chaz.

I keep picturing a blood vessel in your skull ready to pop everytime you read the forums. :uhhuh:

I must admit loving to bait him into another goodbye thread, posting shitty traced drawings or complaining about nerds.

Anyway, my question still stands, how is a priest anyway able to give sex advice?
If its relationship advice, based on counselling couples, I do admit I´d buy it.

-- Fri May 15, 2009 10:20 am --

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

Ouch... thats a good question.

Anyone here might enlighten us?

 

[zero]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

Ouch... thats a good question.

As I said, that's a very touchy subject. A priest could in thesis refuse to celebrate such wedding, although it may be unlikely (after all, one can always argue that infertility is by no means an absolute, Medical science evolves, and miracles may happen...). But this is all speculation from my part. What I know for sure is that infertility is one of the few solid reasons for nullification of a Catholic marriage.

 

[@Li3n]

There are plenty of examples in the Bible of infertile women giving birth by the grace of God... so if the priest says something about it just slap him with one...

 

[JCM]

Incidentally, what's the Catholic take on marrying someone you know is infertile? Given that marriage is largely about producing children from that perspective.

Ouch... thats a good question.

As I said, that's a very touchy subject. A priest could in thesis refuse to celebrate such wedding, although it may be unlikely (after all, one can always argue that infertility is by no means an absolute, Medical science evolves, and miracles may happen...). But this is all speculation from my part. What I know for sure is that infertility is one of the few solid reasons for nullification of a Catholic marriage.

I teach a group of priests every Monday, this will be an interesting question to put forth to them, but so far what I know is that the church doesnt condemn it or other cases like older infertile people having sex.

Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC):


2362 "The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."144 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:


The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.145

Some good links on this would be-
http://marriage.about.com/od/catholic/a/catholicsex.htm

Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II:
http://www.foryourmarriage.org/interior ... d=20398964

However, I cant find anything on infertile marriage itself.

 

[@Li3n]

Well i can't speak for catholics, but as i recall it's the trying that's important... being infertile isn't a choice like using contraceptives.

 

[Chazwozel]

Ah I see JCM hasn't failed to disappoint.

-- Fri May 15, 2009 10:44 am --

Well i can't speak for catholics, but as i recall it's the trying that's important... being infertile isn't a choice like using contraceptives.

Yeah, like I said, I've never heard of a priest of bishop denying marriage to an infertile couple (or older people for that matter).

 

[@Li3n]

he never does... good ol trusty jcm... you can always count on him

 

[JCM]

he never does... good ol trusty jcm... you can always count on him

*bows* Always glad to poke fun at jocks stuck in mid-age crisis.

Well i can't speak for catholics, but as i recall it's the trying that's important... being infertile isn't a choice like using contraceptives.

Found this-

In 1965 Pope Paul VI confirmed his predecessor's teaching in his encyclical Humanae Vitae. "Similarly excluded is any action, which either before, at the moment of, or after sexual intercourse, is specifically intended to prevent procreation…." However, he made the two new concessions quoted by Adam Schwartz: "If therefore there are reasonable grounds for spacing births…then married people may take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and use their marriage at precisely those times that are infertile…." The other concession is to infertile couples.
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/2669

 

[Chazwozel]

he never does... good ol trusty jcm... you can always count on him

*bows* Always glad to poke fun at jocks stuck in mid-age crisis.

Well i can't speak for catholics, but as i recall it's the trying that's important... being infertile isn't a choice like using contraceptives.

Again, reading comprehension fail.

btw, I'm 27, although I have been looking into buying a BMW M3... :drool:

 

[Espy]

- DO have a LOT OF sex with your mate (in fact, it is a severe sin to not have sex while being married).

A sever sin huh? I guess a lot of married couple are going to * now (general assumption that married people have fewer sex, at least for some couple )

Actually there was a few studies that came out a couple of years ago that showed that married couples tend to have the most satisfying sex lives. :heythere:

 

[JCM]

Actually there was a few studies that came out a couple of years ago that showed that married couples tend to have the most satisfying sex lives.

I must agree with this 100%... I wouldnt change sex in a relationship for various sex partners ever... while the hunt is fun, there´s nothing like the closeness and familiarity of someone you love.

btw, I'm 27, although I have been looking into buying a BMW M3...

Offtopic insistence fail?
Congrats on the car, if what you´ve said about all your studying is true, you deserve it.