Co-parenting with my ex.

I feel like obviously bogus claims of sexual assault would be good for you in terms of showing a pattern of untrustworthiness.
I mean it’s great if that ends up happening.
There is always the possibility this goes south for me or somehow things get worse. Lawyer is on it and is positive. We are going to use this to get me some more time now that my schedule is finally changing to Monday - Friday morning hours.
 
Can you sue for libel? I don't know law at all, but I would lose my fucking shit if I was accused of that.
You would have to prove definitively that she knew the accusations were fake, or that she disregarded obvious evidence that the accusation was not accurate. It would be very hard to win that case.
 
Oh also idk how you’ve been before this but assuming this all goes away, I wouldn’t give her an ounce of civility or reasonableness beyond what is legally required for the rest of your life.
 
I went to Hailey's games over the weekend but I my ex and her men kept Hailey apart from me. I didn't push it to avoid further issue as the last time I tried to talk to Hailey at a game my ex screamed that I was harassing them and they would call the police.
Sarah is citing the texting incident as part of her complaint, stating that I was trying to destroy their family with the texts. Then, as if it's a secondary thought, she's including mentioning a recent Family Services investigation that is still pending as the reason for the visitation disruption. The investigation is into some more heavily exaggerated tales and lies that Sarah has made and is having Hailey bring up in therapy. Just the norm for Sarah. Lawyer is on it. Court is the 24th. Just hoping all goes well. Honestly not sure just how devastated I will be if I lose my visits with Hailey.
 
Reconnecting with your daughter after a period of alienation can be challenging, but your dedication and thoughtful approach are critical. Also regular, consistent visits help establish stability. Even if it's just virtual contact during the week, it reinforces your role in her life.
 
Sarah has made getting more time, and even keeping the time I already have a challenge. Her usual tactic is making plans for Hailey during my schedule, telling me last minute, and then make me either agree with no chance for a make-up visit “coparenting is letting your kid decide her schedule. Deal with it” or having me force the visit where she lets Hailey know that I’m not letting her participate in the thing that was planned in favor of being with me, making me the bad guy
 
Wowwww.

I legitimately think this should be entered into evidence. I'm not even kidding. It speaks volumes.
Like, not only will they not be available for some unspecified reason, but she is specifically calling out that she doesn't consider you, the father, to be "family."

--Patrick
 
Wowwww.

I legitimately think this should be entered into evidence. I'm not even kidding. It speaks volumes.
Like, not only will they not be available for some unspecified reason, but she is specifically calling out that she doesn't consider you, the father, to be "family."

--Patrick
We’re using it.
She tries to say it’s out of context in later parts of the text but it still is a huge concern.
 
I was thinking more for things like if she pursues child support:
"Why should I support a child you don't let me see?"
"Because you have to. It's your duty as a father."
"Oh, NOW I'm the father?"

--Patrick
 
I was thinking more for things like if she pursues child support:
"Why should I support a child you don't let me see?"
"Because you have to. It's your duty as a father."
"Oh, NOW I'm the father?"

--Patrick
It’s good for showing alienation and parental substitution mostly, which is what we are using it for. She’s keeping me from seeing my kid and putting other father figures ahead of me. I’m never going to argue child support.
 
Sarah has made getting more time, and even keeping the time I already have a challenge. Her usual tactic is making plans for Hailey during my schedule, telling me last minute, and then make me either agree with no chance for a make-up visit “coparenting is letting your kid decide her schedule. Deal with it” or having me force the visit where she lets Hailey know that I’m not letting her participate in the thing that was planned in favor of being with me, making me the bad guy
As a child of a narcissist, I feel I want to weigh in on this while admittedly mapping Sarah's behavior to the way my mother would think.

Here's my advice: Be the bad guy. "Oh, you made plans? How unfortunate that you'll have to break them, it seems you lost track of the dates I get Hailey." Her tactic isn't just targeted at you, it's as much maybe even more a carrot/stick for Hailey. She gets "rewarded" for choosing to stay home when it's presented as such, with the implication that she'll be deprived of those events and family bonding time if she expresses that she wants to spend time with you. Even if Sarah is successful for the time being at making Hailey think it's mean ol' dad stopping her from having fun, it's a short term victory. She's rapidly approaching the teenage years where she'll be able to pick up on adult bullshit. Hailey presumably knows what days she's supposed to be with you. She'll see the pattern that Sarah is scheduling things for those days on purpose. As she gets older, she'll remember which parent fought for every minute they could spend with her and which one made a sick game of preventing it. Be immovable and Sarah is forced to see you, not Hailey, at "fault" for not getting her way in order to maintain her internal logic. She wants to see herself as "winning" at being the favored parent, and she knows she can't do that if she keeps punishing Hailey for you enforcing your rights.
 
As a child of a narcissist, I feel I want to weigh in on this while admittedly mapping Sarah's behavior to the way my mother would think.

Here's my advice: Be the bad guy. "Oh, you made plans? How unfortunate that you'll have to break them, it seems you lost track of the dates I get Hailey." Her tactic isn't just targeted at you, it's as much maybe even more a carrot/stick for Hailey. She gets "rewarded" for choosing to stay home when it's presented as such, with the implication that she'll be deprived of those events and family bonding time if she expresses that she wants to spend time with you. Even if Sarah is successful for the time being at making Hailey think it's mean ol' dad stopping her from having fun, it's a short term victory. She's rapidly approaching the teenage years where she'll be able to pick up on adult bullshit. Hailey presumably knows what days she's supposed to be with you. She'll see the pattern that Sarah is scheduling things for those days on purpose. As she gets older, she'll remember which parent fought for every minute they could spend with her and which one made a sick game of preventing it. Be immovable and Sarah is forced to see you, not Hailey, at "fault" for not getting her way in order to maintain her internal logic. She wants to see herself as "winning" at being the favored parent, and she knows she can't do that if she keeps punishing Hailey for you enforcing your rights.
Thank you. I appreciate that. I’m so sorry you had to (have to?) deal with that. I dealt with my narcissist as a major part of my life for 7 years. You’ve had to deal with yours your entire life. It is a little comforting however to be able to hope that Hailey will catch on just as you did.
You only got to meet Sarah briefly when you visited that time. I wonder if you ever suspected what I was really going through at the time or if we just put on a good show for you. I think at the time she was having her first affair that I was aware of. I was already suffering from sleep deprivation and severe depression I’m sure. That was still a year or two into our marriage but it was already having a hugely negative impact on me.
 
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Truthfully, I had no idea just from the handful of times I met her, at least not until you started writing what you were going through on the forums. I'm still in the process of looking back and learning how things I grew up with and thought were "normal" in my childhood weren't okay, and I was probably much less equipped to identify anything 10 years ago when I met you guys in person. The best advice I can give at the moment is just make sure Hailey develops self confidence, knows she can talk to you without fear of judgement, knows she's not responsible in the slightest for anything going on, and that she learns much earlier than I did what "gaslighting" is and how to identify it. I believe I read earlier in the thread a long time ago that she already has individual therapy sessions going through this, and if so that's already amazing and a resource I never had.
 
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