I didn't know hipster and caring about women's issues were synonymous! I guess I better go buy a case of PBR then
Proposing? That's nothing! Time Ask Permission From Her Fathers!
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M
makare
Maybe also some Valium.
I'm going to go do some drugs ironically
I don't think you care about women's rights. I don't see evidence of that in your posts about women. I see you as sexist as the guy who sees women as breasts and an ass that belongs in the kitchen or in bed. Why is this? Because the way you post about it says "I see women a certain way and that is the way they should be." It doesn't matter if that's distinct from the derogatory, demeaning way you're retaliating against--you're pigeon-holing a gender to your expectations, and treating that half of people as children in need of defense, and in need of being told "the way they should be."
There is no way you're supposed to be. Not men, not women; each individual person can form their own person, their own way of doing things, their own life. I think the practice of asking the father for permission is pointless and ridiculous in this day, and I'm happy to argue about it on the internet, but I'm not going to say whether someone should or shouldn't do that, or whether the bride-to-be should or shouldn't be offended. To each their own; a concept you have a hard time grasping, be it in terms as small and insignificant as movie preferences, or as important as equal rights.
You do not support women. You support your ideal of women. I wish the wisdom of that Sally poster (or whoever had the Slappy Squirrel avatar) would penetrate this, but I think you live in an environment so full of men who view women in demeaning ways that you can't help flying to the other extreme, regardless of what reason and clarity is brought up on the subject.
I know you're smart Charlie, you have to be to put on such a good act. Don't deflect, just admit it. You know exactly what I meant.
That's the same thing like how Stella is kind of pricey here in the states, where it's Europe's Budweiser.
Stella? What the hell is that?I'm from Europe and Europe's Budweiser,is the Czech Budweiser. xD Tastes much better then Import Bud.
Stella Artois?
Nope.Still dosnt ring a Bell.Maybe its because in Germany we fawn over our German Beer and kinda refuse to drink foreign beer.We sell it,but its a niche market.
Proposing? That's nothing! Time Ask About the Beers!
C
Chibibar
I think it is more of a family cohesion. It is just matter of "Do you want to get along with your future wife's family?" You be surprise how in-laws remember EVERY single bad thing you do but not a good thing. Now if the girl's parents are total douche and don't want them to be a part of your life, then who cares.
I guess it is Asian thing, cause when you married the girl, you marry the whole family (they become part of your family if you like it or not so that is why asking permission makes long term relationship WITH the family much smoother.) Also it could be a psychological thing that you could ask either parents favors (if you are in good favors) for stuff.
I guess it is Asian thing, cause when you married the girl, you marry the whole family (they become part of your family if you like it or not so that is why asking permission makes long term relationship WITH the family much smoother.) Also it could be a psychological thing that you could ask either parents favors (if you are in good favors) for stuff.
I guess I never really thought of it so much as asking permission to marry their daughter as simply giving them a heads up by saying "This is how I feel. These are my intentions. Because of these intentions, we'd likely be interacting a lot in the future, so I'd appreciate it if you approved of me and my intentions for your daughter."
L
Lucky in Love
I also approve of the change of the topic to beer! lol
Her family is important to me, especially since we live really close to both sides. I am already Uncle Chewy to her nieces and nephew and we regularly have dinner with both sides. We get along pretty great (which I take it as a good sign since they didn't even acknowledge her last boyfriend).
I am not getting chumming with her family for financial reasons, but because family is important to me. One of the reasons my SO and I work well together is that we both hold family in high regard. Getting her fathers' blessings is important to me.
I guess what advice I am looking for is how to go about it: can I just show up at their homes or should I take them each out to dinner? Should I bring a token (like a bottle of alcohol)?
Plus I love hearing about stories of how other people did it.
P.S. I will be brewing all of the beer for my eventual wedding.
Her family is important to me, especially since we live really close to both sides. I am already Uncle Chewy to her nieces and nephew and we regularly have dinner with both sides. We get along pretty great (which I take it as a good sign since they didn't even acknowledge her last boyfriend).
I am not getting chumming with her family for financial reasons, but because family is important to me. One of the reasons my SO and I work well together is that we both hold family in high regard. Getting her fathers' blessings is important to me.
I guess what advice I am looking for is how to go about it: can I just show up at their homes or should I take them each out to dinner? Should I bring a token (like a bottle of alcohol)?
Plus I love hearing about stories of how other people did it.
P.S. I will be brewing all of the beer for my eventual wedding.
Dave
Staff member
Uncle Chewy? Is your sister Salma Hayek?
Never have. I'll give it a shot one day.
It's AMAZING.
@Lucky: I'd say that bringing a gift, whether alcoholic or not, tends to put a more formal tone on the meeting, so you probably couldn't go wrong with that - lets them know that you're treating it seriously. Sounds as though they already like you, and that you're doing this for all the right reasons. Best of luck!
Here's how I popped the question before the question, to give an idea of the romantic I'm not:
I had the ring less than a week and had already been planning on bringing a care package from her family out to my fiancee at college for the weekend. I wasn't initially planning on popping the question that weekend because I wanted to plan something extravagant, but by the time I arrived on her campus the ring was already burning a hole in my pocket and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my intentions or put it off very long.
However, since I was already on campus by that time, 3 hours away from both families, I felt I should at least let someone know what I was going to do before I did it and her family missed out on the whole process. Some may say it's nobody's business but mine and my wife, but to me this was about family, so it was everyone's business.
So, I called her parents up that night before I popped the question. I should probably have thought things through a little better, because when I called them, they assumed something had gone wrong with me or her (it was after 9pm that night, and we rarely called just to "chat". So her mother answered in a panic and I asked to talk to her father. I told him that it wasn't how I planned on things, but I'd likely be asking my fiancee to marry me by the end of the night, and I just wanted him to know that, and that I loved his daughter and would treat her right.
How did he respond? "You'll have to ask her mother, then." So he goes and makes up a story to her mother about how something serious is happening, and that I needed to talk to her about something really important. So great, no pressure. So I give the same spiel to her mother, who by this time is both relieved and in tears. Their only stipulations were that I made sure I let her finish college (which I was planning on anyway, obviously) and to let them help plan things (again, hey, sure).
So if I can do that and get away with it, I'm sure you'll be fine.
M
makare
I'd want to surprise my family with the news 
I think it's important to start off the union between families on the best possible note. You're not really asking for permission, you're asking her family to accept you and your family joining them. It shows that you respect what they've been through and that you're not just "taking their daughter" from them, to start a new life. It's asking for acceptance from her parents and to show that you can endure them instead of just running away. Basically, it's a means of showing good faith.
If you don't know them well enough to figure out how to interact with them... heh heh heh.
Anyway, Without enough information to go on, I'd simply call them one night when you expect them to be home, and ask if you can come by for a chat. Then go over there and chat.
If she was raised by one dad more than the other, or considers one dad her "dad" (think about who she would call first if she needed help or was injured) then do that dad first. Don't tell either of them which you did first, unless, of course, they ask point blank. Don't bother lying, it'll only cause problems.
Assert that you are asking for their blessing for your marraige - not permission. Don't use any language that suggests that they have a say at all - merely that you 1) want them to understand your intentions and 2) want them to accept you into their family as your family accepts their daughter into yours.
They will either give you an answer right then, or they won't give you their blessing. If they hesitate and want "time to think about it" just chalk it up to them not liking the idea but not wanting to reject you outright. Expect them to ruin the surprise for your intended.
And ignore all that, if that's the case. You did what you wanted, and it's up to them whether they accept and support your union going forward, and if they don't it's their loss. Usually they wise up by the time you have children.
Some guys like to ask for the blessing prior to getting engaged, and I suspect that you'd probably give your guy that one thing if it was truly important to him.I'd want to surprise my family with the news
Likewise, if you make it clear that you would be offended if he did that, he'd probably back off from that tradition.
I got engaged to my wife, and that evening went to her parent's and surprised them with the news together. I don't see why you couldn't do that, but you should make it clear to your boyfriend early enough in a relationship so you don't get burned because he wants to "do it right."
My wife is very, very social, and so while I didn't specifically plan for it to occur this way, I'm quite certain she's glad she was able to be there for the surprise, and participate in the emotional visit with her father and mother. It's not an issue of ownership or control at all - it's merely the desire to be present for such an important announcement to the people you love.
Did you bring a baby as a surprise present?
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