Been holding off on ranting about this for the past week, but I think I finally need to get it out of my system.
I've dropped out of my teaching practicum.
It wasn't an easy decision and I was in a deep, depressive funk last week as a result. But after my final assessment at my first placement (a Kindergarten and Grade 1 merged class), the writing was on the wall: I'm not ready to be a teacher. At least not right now. A lot of what my supervisor said in my assessment included things like:
-I get easily overwhelmed and frustrated, especially when things don't go the way I planned or wanted.
-I tended to leave my lesson planning to the last minute.
-By this point in the placement, I should have had full control of the classroom as far as planning for the week's lessons and such. I could
barely even do a short, small group activity or a short Smartboard lesson.
-I'm not consistent in my speaking tone or teaching practices. I was also not animated enough or speaking excitedly enough to keep the attention of the children.
So at this point, I need to drop out of it. On the bright side, I'll be getting 50% of my tuition back for dropping out so early. There were some positives to be said, such as that I clearly cared for the kids and they did enjoy my presence. I was most excited and animated when I would read a story to them. Admittedly, this really was my favourite thing to do with them.
Right now, I'm looking into a program at the local community college for Human Services. This program will allow me a number of options, which includes being a teaching assistant. These days, a teacher is rarely alone in the classroom. They have either special needs specialists or teaching aids, etc. It depends on the school and the needs of the classroom, of course, but it's becoming more common. In fact, my province recently announced it was hiring over 200 teaching assistants. Given the glut of teachers graduates the last decade, the possibility of even landing a full-time teaching gig might be tough right now. But I've heard that getting a job as an educational assistant is more possible right now.
I suppose I can always try for my practicum again in a few years. It was one of the few things left that I needed to finish my program, aside from a couple of non-educational related courses.
Still, it's really disconcerting that I've hit this brick wall. This has been what I'd been moving towards for the better part of a decade. To hit it now, when I was so close to the finish line, hurts like a bitch. At this point, though, it's clear that I'm just not cut out to be at teacher.
