Rant VIII: The Reckoning

I don't know what is going on with you exactly, but from my experiences with death and terminal illnesses (fuck cancer), people do not act rationally. Some folks do not deal with the situation in a way that seems correct or logical. I've seen people completely emotionless. I've seen a mom in total disbelief and in denial of her dead son. I've seen relatives vomiting and having diarrhea from the stress. I've seen relatives getting belligerent with hospital staff and other relatives. Death and illness is hard as fuck man. I am sorry you are going through this, but God bless you for being there for your wife. That's concrete brother.
True, I'm guessing lack of sleep and spending the night dwelling on my own regrets about others I have lost doesn't help. There's a lot of animosity growing between his children. I need to remember to try to be a calm head in it all.
 
Well, he passed away Saturday morning. For the best and all that...

It feels like no one wants to deal with it. No one wants to sit down and go over anything. Thankfully funeral arrangements were paid for and arranged by him ahead of time.
 
Well, yay. Had to run off two cars from the parking lot. One couple was definitely preparing to shoot up what with the foil and lighters and whatnot. But now the idiot's car and vanity license plate is known to local and state police. Would be nice if I weren't the only one interested in overnight safety and security around here.

If only I had an @Officer_Charon type to stop by to loudly say hi on nights I work :)

Maybe once I get settled again I could make it known that there are homemade chocolate chip cookies to be had.
 

Dave

Staff member
Things are going downhill fast on the home front. It might be sooner rather than later that we're forced to move. And we have no place to go and no money to go there. He found someone to take over our half and it's accelerating things beyond our control.
 
Things are going downhill fast on the home front. It might be sooner rather than later that we're forced to move. And we have no place to go and no money to go there. He found someone to take over our half and it's accelerating things beyond our control.
I really, really don't want to suggest anything that would cause any more stress for your family right now, but considering this guy is a repeated DUI offender, is there nothing, legally, that can help in your favor?
 
Things are going downhill fast on the home front. It might be sooner rather than later that we're forced to move. And we have no place to go and no money to go there. He found someone to take over our half and it's accelerating things beyond our control.
Dunno if it will help but you should call and find out:

http://www.legalaidofnebraska.org/

They cover housing defense. I bet they can at least help you buy time.

http://www.legalaidofnebraska.org/how-we-help/housing/
 

Dave

Staff member
We make too much to get aid. Last year we grossed about $65k. The trouble is that even though we make the money, student loans and a past foreclosure means that nobody will rent to us and we can't get a loan to buy.
 

Dave

Staff member
Well, looks like we have 6 months to find a place or come up with $15,000 to give him towards closing costs on a new place for him. So we can’t unpack because why would we? And now we have to go through all the moving shit again - and it’ll be a rental again. Fuck me.
 
Well, looks like we have 6 months to find a place or come up with $15,000 to give him towards closing costs on a new place for him. So we can’t unpack because why would we? And now we have to go through all the moving shit again - and it’ll be a rental again. Fuck me.
No, fuck him. He's the dude who can't stay sober.
 
Well, looks like we have 6 months to find a place or come up with $15,000 to give him towards closing costs on a new place for him. So we can’t unpack because why would we? And now we have to go through all the moving shit again - and it’ll be a rental again. Fuck me.
Is it out of the realm of possibility to start a GoFundMe campaign? I'm sure plenty of people - especially on here - would be happy to chip in to raise this.

And before doing so, I would make absolutely certain he doesn't try to screw you and raise the cost. Get that in writing.
 
If his eligibility for lending is as bad as he says it is, DUIGuy might not even be able to give it to them if he wanted to (lender would refuse to refinance in @Dave 's name), and this sounds more like extortion than anything else.
Though of course if he continues his ways, you might be able to leave your name with the lender with a note: "Hi there, we're being forced to move out due to this manipulative asshole, but we were actually the ones paying the bill and were more responsible party all along, so if/when this guy starts to flake on his payments and responsibilities, give us a call."

I mean, no idea if that'll work, but I would definitely NOT take him up on his "generous" offer. It smells too much like a flat out cash grab (take $15k from you, never look for new place, live on $15k worth of liquor for a year). Let him go down in pale blue flames and put as much distance between him and y'all as possible.

...yes, I know this sounds like a lot of work. But it also sounds like the best option.

--Patrick
 

Dave

Staff member
The way the conversation went last night was that he wasn't going to leave because he spent so much money on closing costs, etc. And he's right. HE did not mention the $15,000. That's just how much I think it would take to recoup him of the closing costs, etc. which would allow him to find a new place while renting to us through a land contract. But I get the distinct feeling that his sister and her husband want to move in, which complicates things. I think getting the money would be the only chance that we have to stay, but I also don't think that it would be a definite thing either way.

I'm basically grasping at straws.
 
As wonderful as the prospect might sound of having him as your landlord, I think that if you don't already have his name on anything that shows you have any sort of right to stay, then all your best long-term options start with the initials GTFO.

--Patrick
 
Well, it's raining. I thought the porch was just wet. Stepped out to get a ups package that was delivered last night.

Nope, it's ice. My porch has concrete steps. One of them slammed right into the muscle above my kidney.

Now I can't bend over.

It's going to be a fun week.
 
I'm basically grasping at straws.
I searched and can't find the previous posts about your agreement with him. Is there a signed document stating terms? Are situations like terminating the agreement covered?

Also, remember that he's caused you a great deal of grief, I hope he's completely repaired the damage to your daughter's vehicle he incurred while drunk.

And less than a month ago you said:

And it's a cracked heating exchange. We get to replace our furnace less than a month after moving in.
If you've paid any part of that, you should expect him to pay you back, either in free rent, or cash, or take the stupid thing with you when you leave (actually don't, in the absence of a contract it would be considered destruction of property).

If you have a contract, particularly a rental contract (if it says "rent" anywhere in it, then state rental laws probably apply) then you have a LOT of protection and options.

If you don't have a contract, you still have a lot of protection and options, he can't just kick you out - but you can leave without notice and stiff him any rental fees he might suppose you still owe.

Getting an apartment after foreclosure is hard, but not impossible:

https://www.thebalance.com/how-to-find-an-apartment-after-foreclosure-961001

Getting another apartment isn't easy, and you will have to make a number of big sacrifices, but at this point I think you need to focus on getting your family out of this bad situation and into a stable (though undoubtedly uncomfortable) situation quickly. Look around for a 3 bedroom apartment that's cheap - less than 1/3rd your income. Plan on staying there for a year. You might have to save up a month's rent and a damage deposit to convince the landlord to rent to you ("Yes, my credit is bad, but I can pay you a month in advance on top of the damage deposit"). Look for smaller rental companies or individuals renting units rather than companies and large rental groups - smaller ones will be more likely to accept risk.

Then live there for a year, pay your rent exactly on time, get receipts for those payments so you can prove to your next landlord that you're capable of maintaining your housing costs.

Small, uncomfortable, and annoying, yes, but you have to rebuild your credit and your ability to eventually buy another home. Further, it'll be additional pressure for your children to figure out how they're going to support themselves, and it'll be a good example to them of pulling together your family and resources and bouncing back slowly and steadily from bad situations.

I do think you'll have to let go of the idea that you can settle down. You may have to make a lot of sacrifices in convenience and comfort. But I suspect that you'll be better off giving these things up and maintaining control over your situation than trying to work things out with ex boyfriend outlaw and maintaining the tenuous status quo.

If you do have a rental agreement, have him make out receipts for each of your payments that include the date and amount so you have some evidence to show other landlords regarding your capability to pay. They won't put much stock in it since it's a personal relationship, but it'll be something and you can show the withdrawals or cancelled checks from your bank backing up the movement of money. It'll be better than nothing.
 

Dave

Staff member
We have 6 years of on-time payments to a landlord, who said he'd be more than willing to give us a recommendation letter.

As to the rest, we have nothing in writing anywhere, other than the utilities being in my name. He won't sign a rental agreement because it "traps him".
 
We have 6 years of on-time payments to a landlord, who said he'd be more than willing to give us a recommendation letter.

As to the rest, we have nothing in writing anywhere, other than the utilities being in my name. He won't sign a rental agreement because it "traps him".
Yeah I wouldn't even wait 6 months. I would get out ASAP and cancel all of the utilities without saying anything to him just to be petty. :p
 
Ah, well then you have all the power in the relationship. You can leave on a dime without notice, and you can stick around for a long time without his permission - he has to process a formal eviction notice to you to get you to leave. Worst case you're living under squatter's laws which are surprisingly strong, but chances are good in your state that you've got enough evidence of a rental situation that rental laws would still apply and he'd have to process a full eviction and have the sheriff come and evict you, which takes 60 days minimum.

That said, he can certainly make life hard for you, so it's best not to force him to go that route, but if he becomes entrenched you do have that in your back pocket.

I'd start, though, by documenting all your property and possessions, and would seriously consider taking occasional pictures of the entire house and possessions in case something goes awry and you need proof that something did or didn't happen.

Speaking of which:

We have 6 years of on-time payments to a landlord
How old is your foreclosure? If it's nearing 7 years old, your credit rating should have bounced back almost completely by now.

I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. I hope it works out better for you in the end.
 
Can your daughter not press charges for the damage done to her car? It's well after the fact, so they may not be able to charge him with a DUI, but he did do a Hit and Run, didn't he?

Has he been drinking since? He's bound to try and drive again. Call it in. Anonymously if you think it will hurt his case more.

He can't do anything about the house from jail.

I'm aware that I sound horrible, but I have no patience for the crap he's pulling on you guys.
 

fade

Staff member
I have seen the opposite side of this, and I agree with stienman--you have the power. I have a friend in Boston whose tenants simply stopped paying. They pulled out their pockets and said, "We don't have it." Surprisingly, he couldn't do much. Not immediately anyway. The law protects the tenants (which you can blame on centuries of crappy landlords). That works in your favor here.
 
I have seen the opposite side of this, and I agree with stienman--you have the power. I have a friend in Boston whose tenants simply stopped paying. They pulled out their pockets and said, "We don't have it." Surprisingly, he couldn't do much. Not immediately anyway. The law protects the tenants (which you can blame on centuries of crappy landlords). That works in your favor here.
Yeah, it's just difficult since the living area is shared. Ex boyfriend could change the locks while they were away, and while they'd be able to get the police to let them back in it would be a very, very difficult stressful situation. If he decided to throw all their stuff out onto the street they'd have a legal case against him, but it would cost them a lot of time and effort to prosecute, and at the end they wouldn't be any better off.

So while the power is in his court, it's best to play it safe and methodically move away from the situation rather than having to enforce your rights.
 

Dave

Staff member
My credit rating is in the shits thanks to my student loans. I got out from under the wage garnishment and they tripled my payment. So, of course, I couldn't afford them. And I "make too much" to be able to have my loans reduced based on my income.

As to the rest, we're looking for a place right now. When we find a place we're going to move right away. If it's tomorrow or 5 months from now, the first place we go for that says yes will be where we go.
 
No, I will not send the kids to visit you over the summer in the shithole of a hometown I grew up in. The incredulous surprise in your response does nothing to sway me. The talk of taking trips to Philadelphia, New York and Baltimore does not make up for the assholes they would be around while staying with you or your own behavior since you already attempt to undermine our parenting when you visit here.
My answer is still an emphatic NO.
I feel very similar Wasabi. My mom is a religious nutjob (i.e. Militant Evangelical). She is incapable of having a conversation w/o bringing God or the Bible into it. Last time she was around she said my 3 yr was taking God's name in vain. I wanted to say, "At least she stopped saying 'fuck' all the time!". I rolled my eyes and told her she doesn't even know what God is. She's three. She doesn't need to know. She's still learning her numbers and still can't color in the lines. I don't know how, but I'd like to tell my mom, we'll come see you if:
#1 No discussion of religion or politics.
#2 No parenting advice or comments on how we are parenting.
#3 No manipulative emotional blackmailing of me or my children.
 

fade

Staff member
We don't go to my family much. And they know why. Let's just say childhood wasn't all that fun for me. Pretty sure I don't need a psych degree to diagnose why being beaten with a broomstick, for example, might make one not want to come home for the holidays.
 
A

Anonymous

Anonymous

Happy graduation weekend! Your present is... major structural damage! Pickup truck jumped the curb and wiped out a room. No one was injured and the truck didn't go all the way into the building, but there's a big dent in the wall, windows are blown out, and two more rooms are suddenly lost on a sold-out weekend. :cry:
 
Happy graduation weekend! Your present is... major structural damage! Pickup truck jumped the curb and wiped out a room. No one was injured and the truck didn't go all the way into the building, but there's a big dent in the wall, windows are blown out, and two more rooms are suddenly lost on a sold-out weekend. :cry:

Sorry, anonymous. For half a second, I thought this was @Dave talking about his previous house, and figured he got his wish pretty quick! Given the driving history of the current resident, I wouldn't be shocked in the least.
 

Dave

Staff member
Happy graduation weekend! Your present is... major structural damage! Pickup truck jumped the curb and wiped out a room. No one was injured and the truck didn't go all the way into the building, but there's a big dent in the wall, windows are blown out, and two more rooms are suddenly lost on a sold-out weekend. :cry:
I take it you run a venue? That sucks ass. Don’t tell me - drunk driver?
 
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