Rant VIII: The Reckoning

Man, let's bum this thread out hardcore.

I just read this story today:


I was immediately triggered, and I'm using that correctly, into every horrible memory I have. That lovely bit of PTSD that comes with dealing with this shit. It immediately reminded me of working when we had this mother fucker in custody:


He killed a local sex worker, kept her body in a freezer for months and then transported her south to the city carved up in a hockey bag.

This fucker was a paragon of the community. Worked with local PD. Showed up to every RCMP event. Probably counted a few of the members as friends.

You will never see a person with less behind their eyes. Dead stare. Immediately horrible feelings just being in the same building. My whole career afterwards, my time in Major Crimes, etc, I never came in contact with anyone that was a black hole of humanity as Thomas Svekla. Mother fucker has shown no remorse.

Well, I'm not sleeping tonight. Gonna go make some popcorn now.

PS: Also found out recently that my childhood best friend (the kind you have because you were neighbors but stop being friends once you no longer live near each other) was caught being one of Canada's foremost purveyors and producers of child pornography. So that was cool. Everything's cool. I'm great.

This didn't start out as a rant, but just me posting about something that reminded me of a real life thing. I'm going to move this post there
 
Ugh. My ac started going out last Saturday and I *just* heard back from the guy that came out last Monday with what he thinks the problem is and asks if I want him to make a quote. Mother fucker yes I want a quote I want this shit fixed. So going on 3 hours later still no quote. I called anotger company and they are coming out today to look at it. Hopefully I'll know something today on how much it'll cost to fix. I had a whole new ac/heat system installed a year ago almost to the day. Schools going good but my wife is spending money like it's coming out of my ass when she knows that we were on a tight budget so now come December I don't know how I'm going to pay my mortgage and electricity and insurance and everything. I applied for unemployment but not sure if I'm going to be accepted because I quit my job to go back to school, but some programs are a qualifying reason to quit for (and I think the nursing program at my college is a state approved training program in Texas but I'm not sure how to search their system to find out). So if I get on unemoyment I'll be golden with all my bills. If not.. Well.. I guess I can try driving for Uber in my area. I don't know. It's 82 degrees in my house right now. I have another company coming to look at the ac today and thank God my mom is paying for this service visit.
 
A vanessa is a paradox that describes an error in making coffee/tea that could have been avoided by the alertness provided by drinking the coffee/tea.

My vanessa this morning. Making my morning tea in my travel mug while having breakfast. Tea bag in first, hot water, stirring, add sugar and stir. Go to add milk and instead of pouring it into my travel mug of tea, I pour it into my glass of cranberry juice....

....so naturally I put the lid on my travel mug and take a huge drink from my cranberry juice....
 
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A vanessa is a paradox that describes an error in making coffee/tea that could have been avoided by the alertness provided by drinking the coffee/tea.

My vanessa this morning. Making my morning tea in my travel mug while having breakfast. Tea bag in first, hot water, stirring, add sugar and stir. Go to add milk and instead of pouring it into my travel mug of tea, I pour it into my glass of cranberry juice....

....so naturally I put the lid on my travel mug and take a huge drink from my cranberry juice....
But it woke you up, right? lol
 
A vanessa is a paradox that describes an error in making coffee/tea that could have been avoided by the alertness provided by drinking the coffee/tea.

My vanessa this morning. Making my morning tea in my travel mug while having breakfast. Tea bag in first, hot water, stirring, add sugar and stir. Go to add milk and instead of pouring it into my travel mug of tea, I pour it into my glass of cranberry juice....

....so naturally I put the lid on my travel mug and take a huge drink from my cranberry juice....
I guess that makes the time we made Jerkish Coffee instead of Turkish Coffee by mixing the Jamaican Jerk seasoning we'd used on the previous night's roast and the ground cardamom early one morning whilst group camping a vanessa. Somewhat surprisingly, Jerkish Coffee is amazingly palatable.
 
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Friends and extended family haven't been informed yet, so I don't really have anyone to share with except folks across the world... My sister-in-law is pregnant, and was due in September. Her water broke and she's having contractions, was rushed to the hospital a few hours ago. She definitely won't be able to carry to term, but they're now going to try everything they can to keep the baby in for one or two more weeks - she's at 28 weeks today, so the child should be viable, but s/he also hasn't turned around yet and won't be able to due to the lack of amniotic fluid, so more than likely it'll be a C-section.
What makes matters worse (as if that was necessary) and definitely won't be told to friends & family, is that they hadn't really begun trying for a baby yet - they were going to one or two months later -and during the first weeks she had a black-out-drunk experience, was still smoking and still kicking a mild case of casual cocaine use, so obviously she's feeling very vulnerable and guilty and is now doubting how much it's her fault and such...
Not much I can do about any of it, of course, but it's got me feeling pretty bad, too, of course.
 
So Mom came up to me while I was working earlier. It's dead and I hadn't had a customer and ages, so it was okay.

She told me she's having a meeting with me, Dad, and my sister who lives nearby. She would've included my other sister if she lived closer (in another province). But she said she had something to tell all of us. Won't say what. I offered to invite non-local sister by having her call in on speaker and she said that'd be great.

So now my imagination is going into overdrive because she won't say what it is. She did say she's not moving out, if that was my concern (it wasn't). But...yeah. So I'm just gonna be anxious until I'm off work now.

I talked with the non-local sister during my lunch. She's available for the call. We talked about various possibilities, like that Mom wants a divorce or is gay, or has cancer, or god knows what else. I couldn't glean anything from her expressions. She arranged the meeting for after I'm scheduled to be done work today.
 
So Mom came up to me while I was working earlier. It's dead and I hadn't had a customer and ages, so it was okay.

She told me she's having a meeting with me, Dad, and my sister who lives nearby. She would've included my other sister if she lived closer (in another province). But she said she had something to tell all of us. Won't say what. I offered to invite non-local sister by having her call in on speaker and she said that'd be great.

So now my imagination is going into overdrive because she won't say what it is. She did say she's not moving out, if that was my concern (it wasn't). But...yeah. So I'm just gonna be anxious until I'm off work now.

I talked with the non-local sister during my lunch. She's available for the call. We talked about various possibilities, like that Mom wants a divorce or is gay, or has cancer, or god knows what else. I couldn't glean anything from her expressions. She arranged the meeting for after I'm scheduled to be done work today.
I mean, if it helps, it could be something as simple as her going over her will. My grandmother would update hers every few years to make sure it was clear who was getting what and what her assets were.
 
So Mom came up to me while I was working earlier. It's dead and I hadn't had a customer and ages, so it was okay.

She told me she's having a meeting with me, Dad, and my sister who lives nearby. She would've included my other sister if she lived closer (in another province). But she said she had something to tell all of us. Won't say what. I offered to invite non-local sister by having her call in on speaker and she said that'd be great.

So now my imagination is going into overdrive because she won't say what it is. She did say she's not moving out, if that was my concern (it wasn't). But...yeah. So I'm just gonna be anxious until I'm off work now.

I talked with the non-local sister during my lunch. She's available for the call. We talked about various possibilities, like that Mom wants a divorce or is gay, or has cancer, or god knows what else. I couldn't glean anything from her expressions. She arranged the meeting for after I'm scheduled to be done work today.
UPDATE: We had the meeting.

She's been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's.

It's always been her biggest fear because she had to watch her mother slowly degrade. But she's already on a medication for it and she's already an active-as-hell person for a woman in her mid-70s. She downloaded a step counter on her phone recently and gets - at AVERAGE - 16,000-18,000 steps a day. She had 21,000 steps the other day. She eats well. She's always reading. So she already does a lot of the healthy things they say you should do.

I'm still concerned, of course. But everyone will do whatever we can to support her, however she wants.
 
UPDATE: We had the meeting.

She's been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's.

It's always been her biggest fear because she had to watch her mother slowly degrade. But she's already on a medication for it and she's already an active-as-hell person for a woman in her mid-70s. She downloaded a step counter on her phone recently and gets - at AVERAGE - 16,000-18,000 steps a day. She had 21,000 steps the other day. She eats well. She's always reading. So she already does a lot of the healthy things they say you should do.

I'm still concerned, of course. But everyone will do whatever we can to support her, however she wants.
Fuck dude, all the hugs man.
 
UPDATE: We had the meeting.

She's been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's.

It's always been her biggest fear because she had to watch her mother slowly degrade. But she's already on a medication for it and she's already an active-as-hell person for a woman in her mid-70s. She downloaded a step counter on her phone recently and gets - at AVERAGE - 16,000-18,000 steps a day. She had 21,000 steps the other day. She eats well. She's always reading. So she already does a lot of the healthy things they say you should do.

I'm still concerned, of course. But everyone will do whatever we can to support her, however she wants.
Having over the last decade lost two grandparents to fucking dementia, I'm sorry Nick. Enjoy and cherish the time you have with your mom and hopefully the deterioration is slow.

Miserable shithead disease that robs of both your health and yourself.
 
Im so sorry to see this. I am glad to see that she’s told you and that you’re all there to help her.
 

Dave

Staff member
I have nothing to say to this. Obviously I know quite a bit about the process of what's happening to Nick and his family. Like, way, WAY too much about what they are about to go through. The BEST part of this is that he lives in Canada so they won't lose everything to the healthcare system like we did. My mom lost everything due to her illness - all her possessions, the house, vehicles...everything. In Canada it won't happen.
 
I have nothing to say to this. Obviously I know quite a bit about the process of what's happening to Nick and his family. Like, way, WAY too much about what they are about to go through. The BEST part of this is that he lives in Canada so they won't lose everything to the healthcare system like we did. My mom lost everything due to her illness - all her possessions, the house, vehicles...everything. In Canada it won't happen.
Jesus, I'm sorry. Is that because she didn't have anywhere to go or couldn't pay the medical bills or other reasons?

One thing we talked about last night is her mother. That was almost 30 years ago and I'm sure there have been at least some advancements in Alzheimer's research since then. My sister also works for the government, specifically somewhere in medical administration (no idea what, specifically). So she's going to get Mom into a geriatric place to run some comprehensive tests to see exactly what we're in for, or at least an idea.
 

Dave

Staff member
In the US long term care is fucking expensive. Like $5000 a month. And you can't get state aid unless you HAVE nothing. So we had to sell everything she owned to pay for the place until that money was gone, THEN she was able to go on state assistance. And we had to have the long term care because she was an escape risk. Once we found her in a stranger's car, asking them to take her home to her parents in Persia. Even though her parents had been dead for decades and she hadn't been to Persia in twice that long.

You have no idea how lucky you are to have national healthcare, especially in a time like this.

And I have some really bad news for you. There is no cure for this. Get used to the idea. There's no treatments that do anything but potentially prolong the degeneration. It's one of the reasons I didn't want to comment. There's NOTHING good about this disease. Nothing. Were you a different person I'd lay out exactly what is going to happen, but I know how depressive you are and there's no happy ending to this for anyone involved. And there's nothing I can say that will make this better. I'd love to give you a ray of hope but that would be nothing but false light and lies.

I disassociated myself pretty heavily with my mother. I knew the person who raised me was still there physically, but it had been some time since she knew who I was or who she was for that matter. It's going to be very, VERY hard on you and your family - almost more so than her.

It may take years. But please know that I feel your pain acutely and will be there every step of the way as a shoulder to cry on, a neutral party for you to lash out at, or just someone to sit and listen while you vent. This is not going to be an easy ride for you, buddy. I was lucky I was not also battling a brain every step of the way.
 
In the US long term care is fucking expensive. Like $5000 a month. And you can't get state aid unless you HAVE nothing. So we had to sell everything she owned to pay for the place until that money was gone, THEN she was able to go on state assistance. And we had to have the long term care because she was an escape risk. Once we found her in a stranger's car, asking them to take her home to her parents in Persia. Even though her parents had been dead for decades and she hadn't been to Persia in twice that long.

You have no idea how lucky you are to have national healthcare, especially in a time like this.

And I have some really bad news for you. There is no cure for this. Get used to the idea. There's no treatments that do anything but potentially prolong the degeneration. It's one of the reasons I didn't want to comment. There's NOTHING good about this disease. Nothing. Were you a different person I'd lay out exactly what is going to happen, but I know how depressive you are and there's no happy ending to this for anyone involved. And there's nothing I can say that will make this better. I'd love to give you a ray of hope but that would be nothing but false light and lies.

I disassociated myself pretty heavily with my mother. I knew the person who raised me was still there physically, but it had been some time since she knew who I was or who she was for that matter. It's going to be very, VERY hard on you and your family - almost more so than her.

It may take years. But please know that I feel your pain acutely and will be there every step of the way as a shoulder to cry on, a neutral party for you to lash out at, or just someone to sit and listen while you vent. This is not going to be an easy ride for you, buddy. I was lucky I was not also battling a brain every step of the way.
God, I'm so sorry. I really don't know what else to say.

I know there's no cure. I know the treatments are a stopgap at best. Honestly, I've kind of been expecting this for years. I read up a lot on Alzheimer's after my grandmother had it. I don't know what I'm in for, emotionally, but I at least have some understanding of what to expect. I know it's going to be hard. I'm grateful my sister is where she is because she can at least get help for Mom. My sister's family is also fortunately very well off, so if we need to move her into a longterm care, we can.
 
God, I'm so sorry. I really don't know what else to say.

I know there's no cure. I know the treatments are a stopgap at best. Honestly, I've kind of been expecting this for years. I read up a lot on Alzheimer's after my grandmother had it. I don't know what I'm in for, emotionally, but I at least have some understanding of what to expect. I know it's going to be hard. I'm grateful my sister is where she is because she can at least get help for Mom. My sister's family is also fortunately very well off, so if we need to move her into a longterm care, we can.
It's important to not start acting like the worst is happening before it does. Current treatment can only slow it, but medicine advances every day. I know it sounds morbid, but at this point the best hope is that treatment can delay it long enough until she dies of other natural causes, sort of like when dealing with terminal cancer.

But she isn't gone, she's here now and from the sounds of it in good health, so focus on that.
 

Dave

Staff member
Good advice. I guess I'm still a little too close to the situation to be optimistic. I should have bowed out of the conversation altogether.
 
No, I think it's important to have a voice of someone who's been through the same and maybe worse.
My father is dealing with Parkinson's right now. It may not be quite as bad as Alzheimer's, but it's still an incurable, slow degenerative brain condition that'll eventually reduce him to a shadow of who he was. It had already impacted his personality and life in many ways.
Of course there's a long way to go between where we are now and where you were at the end. And of course it's best to focus on the now.
Still, like Ravenpoe said, you never know. If it goes slowly and the medication progresses further, maybe it'll be slowed or stopped.
HIV was a sure death sentence in 1990. Now, it's still incurable, but in most cases it can be contained, managed, and lived with. Who knows where Alzheimer or Parkinson research will be in 5 or 10 years?
 
Bring on the disagrees! I don't fucking care anymore. Nothing I do or say makes a goddamned difference to anything or anyone, after all. I'm just a minimum wage loser who tries way too hard to get it right when no one else fucking bothers. What's the point in trying when the next shift that comes along will only fuck it up? What's the point in trying when turning away the dealers and hookers only gets me chastised for "turning away revenue"? That $40 you're chasing won't make up for the $1000 in damage they did to the room. What's the point in trying when that "good job" from higher ups isn't worth the breath it took to speak it? Putting in the effort has gained me less than nothing.

So yeah, I'm lashing out. And it doesn't feel good. Because I've got absolutely nothing left to look forward to. Once the car finally dies, I either beg everyone I know for money or I resign myself to a 3 mile walk to work and back. Eventually the cushion that TrumpBucks check will run out, and I'll be living off virtually nothing again. All while busting my ass with no reward because it's the only job I can get.

So yeah. I'm the asshole. Isn't the first time. Won't be the last. Try too hard. Don't try at all. In the end I just piss everyone around me off.

Fuck this shit.

I'm... okay. I'm just mad. I'm upset. I'm poor. I'm frustrated. I'm lonely. Nothing drastic's going to happen.
 
We know.
We just thought we were special enough to you that we wouldn't get swept up into the backlash, that's all.

--Patrick
 

Dave

Staff member
Dude we totally get it. We're all tired & frustrated and appalled at what we've become as a country. Or rather, what we've finally brought to light.

As to the money thing, I've been there. So very much so. I had to work like a mad monkey to get to the job I'm at right now. I sometimes feel like a complete phony pulling in 50k a year. Like, am I really worth that much to a company?

All you can do is keep pushing, keep taking that next step. Keep venting if it helps.
 
Bring on the disagrees! I don't fucking care anymore. Nothing I do or say makes a goddamned difference to anything or anyone, after all. I'm just a minimum wage loser who tries way too hard to get it right when no one else fucking bothers. What's the point in trying when the next shift that comes along will only fuck it up? What's the point in trying when turning away the dealers and hookers only gets me chastised for "turning away revenue"? That $40 you're chasing won't make up for the $1000 in damage they did to the room. What's the point in trying when that "good job" from higher ups isn't worth the breath it took to speak it? Putting in the effort has gained me less than nothing.

So yeah, I'm lashing out. And it doesn't feel good. Because I've got absolutely nothing left to look forward to. Once the car finally dies, I either beg everyone I know for money or I resign myself to a 3 mile walk to work and back. Eventually the cushion that TrumpBucks check will run out, and I'll be living off virtually nothing again. All while busting my ass with no reward because it's the only job I can get.

So yeah. I'm the asshole. Isn't the first time. Won't be the last. Try too hard. Don't try at all. In the end I just piss everyone around me off.

Fuck this shit.

I'm... okay. I'm just mad. I'm upset. I'm poor. I'm frustrated. I'm lonely. Nothing drastic's going to happen.
First, thank you for the spoiler. I'm glad to know you're ok, and I get the anger and frustration. But I think this is a teachable moment, because everything you're feeling, and the way you're acting, are pretty common. We wonder how people can support Trump when he's so clearly malicious, but this is how. People are frustrated and angry because we have a government and a system that is failing them, and in anger they start to lash out. Maybe they revert to old learned behaviors that society is trying to change, they start acting sexist, or racist, or trying to tell themselves that it's the Mexicans or the Jews or the blacks, and the pushback they get from that makes them even more frustrated. So they say fine, if I'm a bigot I'll act like one. So when someone like Trump comes along that embodies all those things, that says through action that's ok and I'm the same way, they go him, that's my guy.

It doesn't actually help them. Trump has no answers to their problems, but he lies and says he does. And he makes them feel better as they dive deeper into their assumed identity.


The reason I bring this up is because there has to be an after Trump. And if we write off 45% of the population as unsalvageable, where does that leave us?
 
It's not just Trump. It's not just this state that was sold out before there was even a Drumpf. It's that making an effort around here is for is for idiots and suckers. There's no one left to fill the void, so the "IDGAF" person faces no discernible consequences, while I catch hell for trying to get things right, or blamed for stuff I didn't do simply because I know how to do my job better than most.
 
What's the point in trying when turning away the dealers and hookers only gets me chastised for "turning away revenue"?
I would just ask your boss to put it in writing that you are to not turn people like that away. If s/he is willing to, then that $1000 in damage from bad judgement isn't your fault.
 
I would just ask your boss to put it in writing that you are to not turn people like that away. If s/he is willing to, then that $1000 in damage from bad judgement isn't your fault.
I would rather quit and face the consequences of having nothing than do that. I will not put myself or my coworkers at risk for such a pittance.
 
It's not just Trump. It's not just this state that was sold out before there was even a Drumpf. It's that making an effort around here is for is for idiots and suckers. There's no one left to fill the void, so the "IDGAF" person faces no discernible consequences, while I catch hell for trying to get things right, or blamed for stuff I didn't do simply because I know how to do my job better than most.
I feel you there. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Your supervisor likely knows little of the environment that your hotel works in and you’d be responsible for turning away the revenue and for the damage they caused because it’s not like you could go after that crowd for damages.
 
I would rather quit and face the consequences of having nothing than do that. I will not put myself or my coworkers at risk for such a pittance.
Can you, at least while you're on location, work to make sure that POC aren't targeted for hassling, harassment, and refusal of service? It's a small way to fight back, but it's a way.
 
I would rather quit and face the consequences of having nothing than do that. I will not put myself or my coworkers at risk for such a pittance.
Oh if you're in physical danger then never mind. I thought this was just about saving the hotel money. You're a good guy.
 
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