Rant VIII: The Reckoning
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Yes she did, and I only had to teleport down a flight of stairs and sprint to the ditch to catch her before she went back down the culvert and was lost again.
I'm glad she came home and you were able to exercise your teleportation abilities. Having a pet go missing is a scary, helpless feeling. <hugs>
Stayed home from work again, decided to take a hot shower to relieve my sinuses. Ended up passing out, woke up on the bathtub floor.
Went to local urgent care, was sent to local ER. After getting my blood drawn, passed out again.
Blood work came back fine, my EKG readings were good. My chest x-ray, however, shows possible Covid damage.
So now I'm stuck at home for two weeks and won't know for sure until the swab test comes back in almost a week.
Went to local urgent care, was sent to local ER. After getting my blood drawn, passed out again.
Blood work came back fine, my EKG readings were good. My chest x-ray, however, shows possible Covid damage.
So now I'm stuck at home for two weeks and won't know for sure until the swab test comes back in almost a week.
I am going on permanent work from home Thursday. I have to clean out my desk tomorrow. I was worried about it. While expressing my concerns to my Mom, she said take a large wheeled suit case to work tomorrow. I've moved many times on short notice....
I was like, that is bloody brilliant!
I was like, that is bloody brilliant!
Ok, this is the second time I've seen people going off just that same initial list of symptoms for telling whether or not you might need to be tested for Covid19. So, here are the list of symptoms from both the WHO and CDC as of today, 14/07/2020.
Per the CDC:
* Fever or chills
* Cough
* Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing
* Fatigue
* Muscle or body aches
* Headache
* New loss of taste or smell
* Sore throat
* Congestion or runny nose
* Nausea or vomiting
* Diarrhea
Per the WHO:
* Fever
* Dry cough
* Tiredness
* Aches and pains
* Nasal congestion
* Headache
* Conjunctivitis
* Sore Throat
* Diarrhea
* Loss of taste or smell
* A rash or discoloration of fingers and toes
Please stay up to date on your Covid19 knowledge and what symptoms to watch for. Doctors are reporting more and more every day that this disease is affecting all systems in a person's body. They've seen kidney failure; blood clotting resulting in DVT, heart attacks, and strokes; allergy symptoms like @Cheesy1, and more. Also, please wear masks, don't go out any more than absolutely necessary, avoid large crowds as much as possible, and take care!
Per the CDC:
* Fever or chills
* Cough
* Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing
* Fatigue
* Muscle or body aches
* Headache
* New loss of taste or smell
* Sore throat
* Congestion or runny nose
* Nausea or vomiting
* Diarrhea
Per the WHO:
* Fever
* Dry cough
* Tiredness
* Aches and pains
* Nasal congestion
* Headache
* Conjunctivitis
* Sore Throat
* Diarrhea
* Loss of taste or smell
* A rash or discoloration of fingers and toes
Please stay up to date on your Covid19 knowledge and what symptoms to watch for. Doctors are reporting more and more every day that this disease is affecting all systems in a person's body. They've seen kidney failure; blood clotting resulting in DVT, heart attacks, and strokes; allergy symptoms like @Cheesy1, and more. Also, please wear masks, don't go out any more than absolutely necessary, avoid large crowds as much as possible, and take care!
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So, the Mother in law posted a YouTube video by The United Spot to our group text that goes to all her kids and grandkids. I won’t give them one more click, so I won’t post the link. Fee free to look them up if you want.
It was basically a giant conspiracy theory rant by someone dressed as the joker going on about the govt taking away all our rights because of the fake COVID and comparing vaccines to how the Jews happily marched on to the death trains because they were told to.
This was the second video she sent. A few weeks ago it was about how BLM was a bunch of anarchist marxists wanting to overthrow our way of life.
I responded to that in the nicest way I could, and told my wife I’m not ok with that shit being sent to me, let alone my kids.
I didn’t respond to this latest one, but told my wife she needs to talk to her, because I will burn that bridge. I said if she continues down this path I do not want to be around her, and I will not be ok with my kids spending time with her.
Hopefully the message gets across this time
It was basically a giant conspiracy theory rant by someone dressed as the joker going on about the govt taking away all our rights because of the fake COVID and comparing vaccines to how the Jews happily marched on to the death trains because they were told to.
This was the second video she sent. A few weeks ago it was about how BLM was a bunch of anarchist marxists wanting to overthrow our way of life.
I responded to that in the nicest way I could, and told my wife I’m not ok with that shit being sent to me, let alone my kids. I didn’t respond to this latest one, but told my wife she needs to talk to her, because I will burn that bridge. I said if she continues down this path I do not want to be around her, and I will not be ok with my kids spending time with her.
Hopefully the message gets across this time
I....what? WHAT?!?It was basically a giant conspiracy theory rant by someone dressed as the joker going on about the govt taking away all our rights because of the fake COVID and comparing vaccines to how the Jews happily marched on to the death trains because they were told to.
I’m so sorry. I hope that you have a swift recovery.
Please, please keep us as updated as you're comfortable with. It worries me greatly that you've already passed out twice. We care about you, @Cheesy1.
Is there anything you need?
Physically I've been getting better since they put me on an antibiotic for my sinus infection and a steroid for the COVID. The hardest thing has been eating and drinking enough to stay sufficiently hydrated. Been an uphill battle, but I haven't passed out again since.
Right now it's the emotional toll all of this has been taking on me and my loved ones.
Right now it's the emotional toll all of this has been taking on me and my loved ones.
I've been avoiding going to stores since March for multiple reasons, and today just proved that I should have kept it that way.
I promised Li'l Z we'd go out and catch some Pokemon (from the car), and just as soon as I turn the key...nothing. Great. Lift the hood to have Mr. Z give my battery a jump, and the battery terminals are corroded to hell. Great, again. Mr. Z is in the middle of a project so it's up to me to go to Auto Zone with Li'l Z to get them to replace and reinstall the battery. Not ideal, but doable.
Mask up, go in, get the battery and dude come out to install it. All good. Li'l Z and I are standing on the grass to not block the sidewalk and keep our 6 ft. from the guy working on my car. Then, out of nowhere, this maskless Boomer walking to his car grabs my arms and starts patting it, saying, "You get a charge out of that one!", pointing to the battery, and waddles off into his car while his wife gives me a dirty look.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Why is he touching me?!? Even if there isn't a pandemic, why the fuck are his hands on me?!? Like, make your terrible joke and fuck off, and put on your damn mask! I was so shocked (I didn't see him coming because I was watching my car and talking to my son), I didn't respond fast enough, though I did immediately grab my sanitizer and start rubbing it all over my arm. But who fucking does that?? Don't touch people without permission!
I promised Li'l Z we'd go out and catch some Pokemon (from the car), and just as soon as I turn the key...nothing. Great. Lift the hood to have Mr. Z give my battery a jump, and the battery terminals are corroded to hell. Great, again. Mr. Z is in the middle of a project so it's up to me to go to Auto Zone with Li'l Z to get them to replace and reinstall the battery. Not ideal, but doable.
Mask up, go in, get the battery and dude come out to install it. All good. Li'l Z and I are standing on the grass to not block the sidewalk and keep our 6 ft. from the guy working on my car. Then, out of nowhere, this maskless Boomer walking to his car grabs my arms and starts patting it, saying, "You get a charge out of that one!", pointing to the battery, and waddles off into his car while his wife gives me a dirty look.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Why is he touching me?!? Even if there isn't a pandemic, why the fuck are his hands on me?!? Like, make your terrible joke and fuck off, and put on your damn mask! I was so shocked (I didn't see him coming because I was watching my car and talking to my son), I didn't respond fast enough, though I did immediately grab my sanitizer and start rubbing it all over my arm. But who fucking does that?? Don't touch people without permission!
Guys who think they have license to touch any woman they want to, is my guess.
--Patrick
Was that even a joke? Or senile boomer ramblings?
I want to give you the "hug" rating for this, but... uh...
I suppose
also expresses my feelings.
figmentPez
Staff member
I can't remember how much of my life I've posted about the last few months. Probably not much because I've been struggling a lot with depression, anxiety, and a lot of physical health problems as well. Last year I posted about how my apartment had major AC troubles, but that it was supposed to be fixed. Well, it wasn't. The water damage was repaired, but the AC itself was not fixed. So the AC continued to run low on coolant every month or three, freeze over and cause some amount of new water damage. Every time it caused me weeks of problems because of my allergies. Management refused to do any sort of repair beyond recharging the coolant.
The good news is that I moved out in June and into a new place that I hope will be better for me. The bad news is that in May the AC in my old place froze over so bad that it cracked the tray that catches the condensation off the AC's cooling coils, which led to the insulation around the unit to be constantly damp, something management refused to fix. Which meant my last month there was spent struggling to breathe because of my allergies. It took over a month to mostly get rid of the cough I had, and I'm still having a lot of other problems. Things are trending better, health wise, but it's really slow, and I'm still having some very bad days.
The last 4 months of my life have mostly been just struggling to make it day-to-day. I don't get much enjoyment out of anything. I wouldn't have gotten out of the house much, even if it weren't for COVID-19. My anxiety has been through the roof for most of this. That's why I haven't been showing up for Friday night Jackbox stuff. Even if I remember it's Friday, and I'm not busy taking care of necessities, then I'm more than likely to be too anxious to enjoy playing.
A couple of weeks ago I started feeling really lonely, and I realized that I'd been too sick to be lonely for more than two months. Now it's back in full force, and I don't know what to do about it. I have friends, and I haven't stopped talking to my closest friends, but they're all busy living actual lives. It's not really friendship I feel like I'm lacking, anyway. I want a romantic relationship, but I don't know if that's possible. Well, not any sort of healthy romantic relationship.
I've been on one date in the last 14 years, and I don't even have the car that allowed me to go on that date, anymore. I've been in two relationships in my adult life, and both of those ended, in large part, because my partners got fed up of dating someone whose health problems limited his life as much as mine do. (Which they both swore up and down wouldn't be a problem, early in the relationship.) It doesn't help that there's a huge double-standard when it comes to gender and health problems in dating. My youngest sister also struggles with chronic health problems, but she's married and no one ever criticizes her for being in a relationship while sick. Her husband provides for the both of them, and it's not a problem. When my older sister was dying of cancer, people praised her boyfriend for being willing to marry her despite her illness, and were confused when she broke things off. When I was engaged to be married, people asked me pointed questions about how I'd support us, and were distressed that my fiancee made more money than I did... Oh, but you say "the right woman won't care", but I'm not really eager to have my heart stomped on again by someone who thinks she's the exception, but later decides it really is important that I be higher functioning than I am, while putting the blame on me for not trying harder.
Not that I'm really hopeful that many women will find me attractive. I seem to draw a very small subset of interest: early-twenties, emotionally unstable (i.e. depressed, bipolar, etc.), insecure, and going through a hyper-sexual phase. I've had more than a half-dozen young ladies (mostly online) develop a crush on me in the last five or six years, all of whom stopped caring about me the moment their lives became more stable (which is fine by me); but not even one woman has shown genuine interest in a relationship with me. So clearly something is very wrong with me, or with my approach to life, or something. I just don't know how to fix it.
I don't even know what I'm looking for in a relationship. The two relationships I've been in have just happened, and I clung onto those relationships far longer than I should have, because I was afraid they were my only chance to not be alone. Also, a lot of my hang-ups about dating and relationships stem from the time I spent frequenting an online Christian forum that was very conservative, back in my mid twenties. It's been really hard to shake the idea that I'm broken and undateable because I can't provide in a relationship (which I got real-life pushback on, as well), and because I've looked at porn. Not to mention the ideas that it's a very long-shot for me to find someone who will put up with: video games, science fiction/fantasy, and other nerdy stuff. (Like, I know that's more mainstream, now, but it's still hard for me to shake the idea that most women my age view that as negative traits. Compounded by the fact that I don't know many women my age, outside of Halforums.) Conservative Christian singles get really weird about some things, and I still feel guilty over wanting to date someone I find physically attractive. (Which has not been helped by some of my non-Christian friends criticizing me for not being attracted to some of our mutual aquaintences. Well, I guess fuck me for not being attracted to every woman in existence.)
Okay, I'm starting to ramble and not make sense. I'm just really despairing of ever having a fulfilling life. It feels like I'm only allowed to have bits and pieces. I love my friends, but I'm tired of being told that friendship should be enough. Especially when I don't get to hang out with any of my friends in person, and I don't really know how to go about doing that. I'm tired of having to spend most of my time fighting to keep from being overhwelmed by my health problems, to the point where I don't get to do much of anything that feels creative or fulfilling. I spend so much time doing what seems like nothing, but it's because I'm busy fighting my body, or my mind, or both. It's taken me over six hours just to write this, something I've been thinking about writing for weeks.
I'm worried too much of my life has been spent being sick and weird, and that it's not ever going to be possible for me to learn how to be healthy.
The good news is that I moved out in June and into a new place that I hope will be better for me. The bad news is that in May the AC in my old place froze over so bad that it cracked the tray that catches the condensation off the AC's cooling coils, which led to the insulation around the unit to be constantly damp, something management refused to fix. Which meant my last month there was spent struggling to breathe because of my allergies. It took over a month to mostly get rid of the cough I had, and I'm still having a lot of other problems. Things are trending better, health wise, but it's really slow, and I'm still having some very bad days.
The last 4 months of my life have mostly been just struggling to make it day-to-day. I don't get much enjoyment out of anything. I wouldn't have gotten out of the house much, even if it weren't for COVID-19. My anxiety has been through the roof for most of this. That's why I haven't been showing up for Friday night Jackbox stuff. Even if I remember it's Friday, and I'm not busy taking care of necessities, then I'm more than likely to be too anxious to enjoy playing.
A couple of weeks ago I started feeling really lonely, and I realized that I'd been too sick to be lonely for more than two months. Now it's back in full force, and I don't know what to do about it. I have friends, and I haven't stopped talking to my closest friends, but they're all busy living actual lives. It's not really friendship I feel like I'm lacking, anyway. I want a romantic relationship, but I don't know if that's possible. Well, not any sort of healthy romantic relationship.
I've been on one date in the last 14 years, and I don't even have the car that allowed me to go on that date, anymore. I've been in two relationships in my adult life, and both of those ended, in large part, because my partners got fed up of dating someone whose health problems limited his life as much as mine do. (Which they both swore up and down wouldn't be a problem, early in the relationship.) It doesn't help that there's a huge double-standard when it comes to gender and health problems in dating. My youngest sister also struggles with chronic health problems, but she's married and no one ever criticizes her for being in a relationship while sick. Her husband provides for the both of them, and it's not a problem. When my older sister was dying of cancer, people praised her boyfriend for being willing to marry her despite her illness, and were confused when she broke things off. When I was engaged to be married, people asked me pointed questions about how I'd support us, and were distressed that my fiancee made more money than I did... Oh, but you say "the right woman won't care", but I'm not really eager to have my heart stomped on again by someone who thinks she's the exception, but later decides it really is important that I be higher functioning than I am, while putting the blame on me for not trying harder.
Not that I'm really hopeful that many women will find me attractive. I seem to draw a very small subset of interest: early-twenties, emotionally unstable (i.e. depressed, bipolar, etc.), insecure, and going through a hyper-sexual phase. I've had more than a half-dozen young ladies (mostly online) develop a crush on me in the last five or six years, all of whom stopped caring about me the moment their lives became more stable (which is fine by me); but not even one woman has shown genuine interest in a relationship with me. So clearly something is very wrong with me, or with my approach to life, or something. I just don't know how to fix it.
I don't even know what I'm looking for in a relationship. The two relationships I've been in have just happened, and I clung onto those relationships far longer than I should have, because I was afraid they were my only chance to not be alone. Also, a lot of my hang-ups about dating and relationships stem from the time I spent frequenting an online Christian forum that was very conservative, back in my mid twenties. It's been really hard to shake the idea that I'm broken and undateable because I can't provide in a relationship (which I got real-life pushback on, as well), and because I've looked at porn. Not to mention the ideas that it's a very long-shot for me to find someone who will put up with: video games, science fiction/fantasy, and other nerdy stuff. (Like, I know that's more mainstream, now, but it's still hard for me to shake the idea that most women my age view that as negative traits. Compounded by the fact that I don't know many women my age, outside of Halforums.) Conservative Christian singles get really weird about some things, and I still feel guilty over wanting to date someone I find physically attractive. (Which has not been helped by some of my non-Christian friends criticizing me for not being attracted to some of our mutual aquaintences. Well, I guess fuck me for not being attracted to every woman in existence.)
Okay, I'm starting to ramble and not make sense. I'm just really despairing of ever having a fulfilling life. It feels like I'm only allowed to have bits and pieces. I love my friends, but I'm tired of being told that friendship should be enough. Especially when I don't get to hang out with any of my friends in person, and I don't really know how to go about doing that. I'm tired of having to spend most of my time fighting to keep from being overhwelmed by my health problems, to the point where I don't get to do much of anything that feels creative or fulfilling. I spend so much time doing what seems like nothing, but it's because I'm busy fighting my body, or my mind, or both. It's taken me over six hours just to write this, something I've been thinking about writing for weeks.
I'm worried too much of my life has been spent being sick and weird, and that it's not ever going to be possible for me to learn how to be healthy.
Well, you know I can't offer any solutions from afar, but, well, best of luck.
You're not alone in many of this, I think - the concept that the man should be able to "provide" is a typical catch. Men aren't allowed to show weakness, men aren't allowed to need support, men aren't supposed to show emotion, men are supposed to always be the rock for others to lean on. Obviously that's impossible - some men may be able to measure up to that yardstick, but most, well, we all have better and worse moments. As you said - any man abandoning a woman because they're (medically) dependant would be looked at sideways; a woman leaving a man for the same reason is justified. It's one of those (few) things where female privilege definitely exists.
I don't know if there will ever be The One for you. Maybe, maybe not. And look, I don't know you in real life, of course. But as far as I know you're kind, caring, and a bit of a goofball and a nerd (dork/whatever your prefered term is), Those are good qualities! Don't let anyone, including your past or your own mind, tell you you have to be someone else or hide an aspect of yourself. You deserve a relationship where you can be yourself, feel supported, feel appreciated for yourself.
I'm sure you've heard it all before, but - aside from a little Corona virus crisis - the only way to meet new people is to go out and meet new people. With a friend (or friends) if possible; without if necessary. Look in the right places and you may find the right person...
Anyway, don't give up - you're worth knowing and carign about. Sometimes, survival is the only achievable goal, and sometimes things get better. Let's hope the new place will help the health, and thus the confidence and social stuff.
You're not alone in many of this, I think - the concept that the man should be able to "provide" is a typical catch. Men aren't allowed to show weakness, men aren't allowed to need support, men aren't supposed to show emotion, men are supposed to always be the rock for others to lean on. Obviously that's impossible - some men may be able to measure up to that yardstick, but most, well, we all have better and worse moments. As you said - any man abandoning a woman because they're (medically) dependant would be looked at sideways; a woman leaving a man for the same reason is justified. It's one of those (few) things where female privilege definitely exists.
I don't know if there will ever be The One for you. Maybe, maybe not. And look, I don't know you in real life, of course. But as far as I know you're kind, caring, and a bit of a goofball and a nerd (dork/whatever your prefered term is), Those are good qualities! Don't let anyone, including your past or your own mind, tell you you have to be someone else or hide an aspect of yourself. You deserve a relationship where you can be yourself, feel supported, feel appreciated for yourself.
I'm sure you've heard it all before, but - aside from a little Corona virus crisis - the only way to meet new people is to go out and meet new people. With a friend (or friends) if possible; without if necessary. Look in the right places and you may find the right person...
Anyway, don't give up - you're worth knowing and carign about. Sometimes, survival is the only achievable goal, and sometimes things get better. Let's hope the new place will help the health, and thus the confidence and social stuff.
Embrace the weird, Pez. It's in style these days. See if you can find some mutual aid groups in your area for any of your personal interests or areas of particular concern and get involved with them. Even if you can't leave the house, it's nice to have another group of people to talk to on Discord until you can leave the house.
Well, so much for adventure on my first day off. I had today (Wednesday) and tomorrow off. I thought of maybe going on some kind of adventure. Instead, I spent the day doing jack all. Possible plans fell through when I didn't hear back from one friend who wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History. Said they'd call or text back and then I have yet to hear back from them. So I just spent the whole day playing Surviving Mars and just wound up getting depressed.
And then I saw the news about the drought in New Brunswick and the Saint John river drying up and now my anxiety is rising again.
On top of all that, I'm watching the nonsense in the U.S. and you just know somehow it's all going to wind up fucked up and Trump is going to stay in office somehow. Because that's just the way the world has become.
And then I saw the news about the drought in New Brunswick and the Saint John river drying up and now my anxiety is rising again.
On top of all that, I'm watching the nonsense in the U.S. and you just know somehow it's all going to wind up fucked up and Trump is going to stay in office somehow. Because that's just the way the world has become.
every time one of my family or friends "find Jesus" i am keenly aware of how nice it must be. I am envious, I am eternally marked as one of the forsaken, an apostate, a wolf, whatever word you want to use. when im asked why all i can utter is the words of an old holocaust survivor. "If there is a God, he will have to beg my forgiveness." I dont want your pity, I ask for no mercy, I feel it is a honor to be a monster in the eyes of those who feel safe in the knowledge that their god loves them. sorry if this is the wrong place for this, I just needed to express myself somewhere I wouldnt hurt those peoples feelings.
GasBandit
Staff member
And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross,
I'll tell them I found Jesus, that will throw them off.
He goes by the name "Hay-suus" and steals hubcaps from cars.
Oh Jesus, can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these goddamned nails out? They're beginning to hurt.
Crucified and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Just sport some phony holier-than-thou facade.
Yeah, that's what I would do if I were God.
- Bloodhound Gang
I'll tell them I found Jesus, that will throw them off.
He goes by the name "Hay-suus" and steals hubcaps from cars.
Oh Jesus, can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these goddamned nails out? They're beginning to hurt.
Crucified and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Just sport some phony holier-than-thou facade.
Yeah, that's what I would do if I were God.
- Bloodhound Gang