GasBandit
Staff member
Amazon productThat's where the wirecutters came from. But I hate tying lures on every time I go out.
Guess what I'll be doing every time I got out from now on?
"Tying lures." Sheesh. Like some kind of caveman
Rant VIII: The Reckoning
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"Tying lures." Sheesh. Like some kind of caveman
So I have a rapala X-rap fishing lure that I wanted to practice with at the catch-and-release pond in Franklin Park near my house.
Every time I take this lure out, it gets snagged on my trunk apholstery or the fabric of the folding chairs. So I stick it in the front seat. Where it proceeds to slide down and get stuck in the fabric of the passenger seat, between the seat and the center console.
No problem, says I, and I grab my needlenose pliers to work it free. *Slip* go the pliers. Now I'm hooked, with my feet outside the car, bent over the passenger seat, and my right hand deep between the seat and the center console. I struggle like this for a good 10 or 15 minutes. Finally I work myself around so I can use my left arm to reach my tacklebox with the wirecutters, in the back seat. I get the wire cutters snaked down between the seats by feel (keenly aware of how fucked I'd be if my LEFT hand got hooked), get it around the base of the hook, and *snip* free the hook from the lure.
One look, and I know I'm not getting this hook out myself. The poor receptionist at the urgent care center looked more shook up than I felt.
"I caught one that was at least six feet tall...err, long."
Pez:
1. If you have trouble standing up and breathing, you need medical aid. ER if necessary, medicaid or similar definitely.
2. If your parents are close to cutting you off and you're already anxious about money, get an account in your own name ASAP and transfer everything from your old account over. If you're an adult and you've been using that account exclusively for years, they can't sue you for taking your own money, even if it was originally in her name.
3. Get a different cell phone plan, again, in your own name. You parents may be close o cutting you ff/leaving you to struggle alone, and it's better to prepare for it now than to be thrown in suddenly with no more cellphone, no more access to your money, etc.
4. As long as your suggested or preferred doctor isn't a quack, go to him/her. Good, correct medical advice may be costly but it IS the only thing that can help you down the line. Perhaps they'll find something clear cut and possibly easy to treat. For all you know, a 10 day anti-fungal pill course is all that's needed to get you back on your feet - and if it IS a mold that's been there for years and you have proof, there's a decent case to be made against your negligent landlord.
5. I don't know how your rent situation is, but if you've only got 2 more months of rent, it may be in your best interest to try and find someone to move in with (temporarily), for a lower rate. You don't necessarily need an apartment, a basement or a room or depending on where you live a tent in someone's backyard with access to their restroom may be enough and will cost a lot less.
6. Good luck, try to get the anxiety down. We want you to stick around.
1. If you have trouble standing up and breathing, you need medical aid. ER if necessary, medicaid or similar definitely.
2. If your parents are close to cutting you off and you're already anxious about money, get an account in your own name ASAP and transfer everything from your old account over. If you're an adult and you've been using that account exclusively for years, they can't sue you for taking your own money, even if it was originally in her name.
3. Get a different cell phone plan, again, in your own name. You parents may be close o cutting you ff/leaving you to struggle alone, and it's better to prepare for it now than to be thrown in suddenly with no more cellphone, no more access to your money, etc.
4. As long as your suggested or preferred doctor isn't a quack, go to him/her. Good, correct medical advice may be costly but it IS the only thing that can help you down the line. Perhaps they'll find something clear cut and possibly easy to treat. For all you know, a 10 day anti-fungal pill course is all that's needed to get you back on your feet - and if it IS a mold that's been there for years and you have proof, there's a decent case to be made against your negligent landlord.
5. I don't know how your rent situation is, but if you've only got 2 more months of rent, it may be in your best interest to try and find someone to move in with (temporarily), for a lower rate. You don't necessarily need an apartment, a basement or a room or depending on where you live a tent in someone's backyard with access to their restroom may be enough and will cost a lot less.
6. Good luck, try to get the anxiety down. We want you to stick around.
I have some old-style Flatfish lures that have tiny hooks on spring-loaded arms. When you figure in the rod tension, working with them was always an adventure in potential damage.That's where the wirecutters came from. But I hate tying lures on every time I go out.
Guess what I'll be doing every time I got out from now on?
I quickly learned to use a swivel.
--Patrick
When I posted it to reddit, I used the title: "Caught a 6-footer fishing today"[DOUBLEPOST=1437170724,1437170548][/DOUBLEPOST]
And you know, I have swivels. But I know fuck-all about lure fishing. I'm used to fishing for catfish using a bobber, sinker, and a long snell attached via a swivel with a worm on the hook. All of the pros I've seen on videos don't use a swivel when bass fishing with lures, so I didn't know if it might scare the fish off, or negatively change the weight of the suspending lure, or in some other way screw things up.
figmentPez
Staff member
Went to the ER. I did break my hand. They didn't find anything wrong with me that they could treat, just the evident panic attack / anxiety. I need to find a doctor for follow up care,
Right now I'm too overwhelmed to do anything. I'm exhausted, and I need sleep badly, but I'm not sure I'll be able to.
Right now I'm too overwhelmed to do anything. I'm exhausted, and I need sleep badly, but I'm not sure I'll be able to.
Yes, having a swivel or something else on the line does change the visual profile and the weight, but the idea when fishing with lures is that you're attempting to induce reflexive strike behavior in the fish. You could catch a fish on a freakin' Budweiser pull tab if you could get it to wiggle and flash convincingly enough. That's what you're trying to do with a lure, is to imitate the prey of the fish you're targeting. Catfish don't need lures because they hunt by scent anyway. Panfish (sunfish, bluegill) will gobble up anything small and floating, so bobber/worm works great. Bowfin or pike are less choosy and will go after anything they think they can fit in their mouth (if they're hungry).
--Patrick
Dave
Staff member
It's my understanding that his parents are the homeopathy types and don't believe that mental illness/panic attacks are a real thing. I think Pez is fighting against more than you think here. I may be wrong, but he may not HAVE a support structure in place, which is bad, bad, bad.
They treated your hand though I hope?
figmentPez
Staff member
It's not that they don't think mental illness is real, they just don't think mainstream medicines like anti-depressants are effective, and think they're dangerous. They also think the same thing about all mainstream allergy treatments. My mom is convinced I'll ruin my long-term health if I follow most doctors' advice. She's terrified of mainstream medicine, and has a very selective understanding of anything, but especially medicine. She believes whomever reinforces what she's decided is true, and only as far as they agree with her. If she changes her mind, she rarely admits that she was wrong.
I don't know what their issue is with not understanding anxiety. For some reason they think I'm lying. My dad's words the other day were, roughly, "you've always been like this, you don't want to do anything, so you come up with excuses not to". A sentiment I've heard from him time and time again. That's what he told me about the pain I was in for a dozen years from my somatoform disorder. "Everyone hurts, you're just using it as an excuse to not do anything." Yeah, because most of the population walks around hurting as bad as if they had fresh, blistered burns scattered all over their body. They just hurt like that constantly, and they get stuff done. (No, he's never apologized for being wrong. I don't think he even understands how much damage and fear I was in because I was being told that the torment I was going through was normal, and no one else was bothered by it.)
Let me give you a non-psychiatric example of the medical insanity that I've had to put up with from my parents. When I was about 14, both of my big toes developed ingrown toenails, and became infected. When I told my mom, she said it my fault for trimming them too short. No matter that I said I had not, I was wrong, and it was my fault. I was told to soak my toes in a salt bath, and that the infection would fix itself in time (with the help of my mother's homeopathic remedies). I spent months with infected, ingrown toenails; even went to Disney World and walked around the parks in pain, because my parents continued to insist it was my fault, and that the situation would fix itself. I tried so very hard to fix those toes. I soaked my feet in saltwater, multiple times a day, though it burned in my open, oozing wounds. Sometimes my toes would even improve to the point where there would be no more pus, but the infection would always come back because the wound couldn't heal.
Finally, my parents allowed me to see a podiatrist. He said that the ingrown toenails were a genetic problem, and that they had nothing to do with how I trimmed them. Surgery removed the overgrown part of the nail, and killed the nail bed so that they wouldn't continue to cause me problems. My parents never apologized for the months of pain I was subjected to, and they never admitted to being wrong. Furthermore, they stopped me from getting the anti-biotics that the podiatrist prescribed. My mother continued to risk my health because of her belief in quackery. I honestly thought I'd be kicked out of the house if I filled that prescription.
That's what I've been putting up with all my life. Not just belief in wacky alternative medicine, but outright denial of my viewpoint, repeatedly, even when evidence supports my viewpoint. It destroyed my self-confidence, and it's only lately that I've realized that's why I doubt myself so much. I spent more than a dozen years hearing "we believe that you're sick" one moment and "you're just making up excuses to not do anything" the next.[DOUBLEPOST=1437192223,1437192144][/DOUBLEPOST]
It's in a splint, but I need to find a doctor to care for it longer term.
That's horrible! I don't know what to say other than that I'm so sorry to see this.
I don't know about how american health care works, but there must be a way to be seen without their input? Your parents that is?
I don't know about how american health care works, but there must be a way to be seen without their input? Your parents that is?
Not until you're 18. In the USA, prior to your 18th birthday, you're viewed as incapable of making your own decisions.
There are some exceptions (emancipated minor, abortion (depending on your State laws)), but that's how it usually goes. You're either a ward of your parents, or a ward of the State, but you're always a ward.
--Patrick
figmentPez
Staff member
Yes, but for me it's always been at the risk of losing their financial support. If I'd just checked into the nearest psychiatric hospital, way back in my teens or twenties, and they'd missed that I had somatoform disorder, I would have been put on anti-depressants, stabilized, and put back on the street (which has happened to friends of mine who went to that particular hospital, it's very much a "throw meds at them, hope they don't come back" place). That would have left me with an incomplete diagnosis, and I'd have been on my own financially. Well, that's the hindsight view, at the time I was just scared they'd miss a physical cause.
Now getting care is a similar problem. Can I get all my ducks in a row, and be stable enough to support myself, before my money runs out, or I completely crack under the stress of so much change coming so quickly. Right now it feels impossible, but logically I know my anxiety is distorting my perceptions.
Sorry for being so brief, that's not the full picture, but typing is really difficult, and I'm not thinking straight because I need sleep. The only reason I'm still up is I'm still struggling to get my anxiety lowered enough that I can sleep. Maybe some benadryll will help (I'll risk the long-term potential for dementia if it means sleeping.)
It may hurt to hear this, but I've got to be blunt. Finances be damned, your best hope for your physical and mental well being is to just cut ties with your parents. They have their own issues, and it's caused you harm for a long time.
Even more blunt after a bit more thought, SCREW their money. They aren't paying your bills, they're holding you hostage. First thing Monday morning, drop whatever plans you had and go to state Social Services and tell them your situation. ESPECIALLY what your parents are and had been doing. I don't know what the rules are in TX, but in WV most hospitals will make you fill out financial aid forms so even if Medicaid is denied, you're not completely holding the bag for treatment costs.
Even more blunt after a bit more thought, SCREW their money. They aren't paying your bills, they're holding you hostage. First thing Monday morning, drop whatever plans you had and go to state Social Services and tell them your situation. ESPECIALLY what your parents are and had been doing. I don't know what the rules are in TX, but in WV most hospitals will make you fill out financial aid forms so even if Medicaid is denied, you're not completely holding the bag for treatment costs.
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Yeah, I'm thinking you're the kind of fella who should be on government support. Welfare is not always a bad thing . . . especially if if means you can get halfway proper medical care and employment counseling.
Also, from what you describe, you'd possibly be eligible for disability pay from the government up here in Canada. Y'all Mericans must have something like that. It would likely be less stigmatizing for you than welfare, and the employment counseling would likely be more geared to your needs, too.
Although I don't really have a clue about any of this.
Also, from what you describe, you'd possibly be eligible for disability pay from the government up here in Canada. Y'all Mericans must have something like that. It would likely be less stigmatizing for you than welfare, and the employment counseling would likely be more geared to your needs, too.
Although I don't really have a clue about any of this.
@figmentPez, I read your tumblr post. You're afraid your parents will delete that post? Do you mean to tell us your parents have access to your personal internet accounts?
GET. OUT. NOW. Change all your passwords and barring that, get all new accounts. This has got to stop immediately.
GET. OUT. NOW. Change all your passwords and barring that, get all new accounts. This has got to stop immediately.
figmentPez
Staff member
My sleep deprivation combined with anxiety is/was causing my thoughts to border on paranoid. I knew I was having irrational fears, but I didn't know what level. When I originally started worrying about my parents deleting my post was when I was going to leave it as a suicide note. They wouldn't need my passwords, just my computer. By the time I was posting that to Tumblr and Facebook, I couldn't tell up from down. I was worried that they'd get access to my computer somehow, I don't know. Now that I'm calmer, I'm not sure how likely it is that they'd even think to try to delete my posts, let alone try to force access to my accounts. Other stuff I said is more reasoned, since I'm not just tying it all together right now. I just finally typed that up, it's stuff I've realized over the last 3 years, when much clearer headed. I hope it doesn't taint my witness too much to admit that my thoughts in the present can't tell the difference between imminent threat and distant possibility, possibly involving social engineering, or access to my computer when I'm not at home. I think I can still tell fact from fiction, I just can't tell probable from improbable when it comes to fears.
I'm about to head to bed, and typing is laborious. So please forgive my short update. I am stable. I have reached out for help. I talked for a long time on the phone with @Dirona , along with extended family and friends. I've had two friends come spend time with me in person. Two police officers show up at my door to ask how I'm doing. I'm having lunch tomorrow with an old friend. He's the father of some of my peers who were in my high school youth group at church. I've known him for more than two decades. He's a doctor (pediatrician) and has worked as lay pastor at my church for a while. He's a tremendously caring and capable person, and he definitely does not see eye-to-eye with my mother on medical matters. I'm hopeful that he'll be able to help me figure out what my next steps are.
I hope that's update enough for now.
@figmentPez, I'm no expert, and that tumblr post is extremely difficult to get through without multiple bouts of rage, but like I said earlier, given what they've done to you over the years, it may be for the best to just cut off all contact with your parents, except through legal counsel. Tell them through a lawyer what they can do with their offers. What's legalese for "go fuck yourselves"?
If your sisters are underage, a call to CPS is in order. That is an abusive household, pure and simple, and the best thing to do is get them out of there and under legal protection as well.
If your sisters are underage, a call to CPS is in order. That is an abusive household, pure and simple, and the best thing to do is get them out of there and under legal protection as well.
Pez - I'm glad you have someone, a doctor at that, who you can talk to. I am also hopeful that he can help you figure out what to do and where to go from here.
figmentPez
Staff member
My sisters are 32 and 28.
The older of the two is still living at home, and is completely into the quackery herself. She's got severe health problems that she blames on multiple chemical sensitivity and such. She's got anxiety issues, too, but she's in lock-step agreement with my mother, and always has been.
My younger sister is married and lives with her husband in a small house they're renting from my parents. She has severe allergies, and their house is not a good place for her (actually, I think the whole Houston climate is terrible for me and my sisters) because it has a history of mold problems in the bathroom, attic, and the floorboards let in dust and such from the crawl-space under the house. She's bought into what my mom tells her, and while I'm glad my mom got her to stop living off of Hot Pockets and boxed mac & cheese, I know she'd benefit from being able to get help with her allergies. She also has bad anxiety, and has been told she's lazy and doesn't want to succeed even more often than I have.
There's a lot more I could say, but I don't know that it would be helpful. Basically, they're both adults, and in some ways more adult than I am, but they're both really tied to my parents, and very afraid of mainstream medicine. I don't know if anything can be done for them unless they decide to do it themselves. I had hoped the shock of my death would force people to ask why, and to worry about my sister's mental well-being.
This is where I'd disagree. You're the only one who has figured out they way you've been living was wrong from the get-go, and has finally shown the guts to say NO MORE.
Considering everyone your parents raised has anxiety issues to some degree, it's almost a sure bet that it's tied to how your parents raised you.
And/or their own anxiety issues, if genetic. Many people who are very against things like modern medicin (by no mean all, nor do I mean to imply modern medicine is manna from heaven and infallible) have anxiety issues themselves. It's a form of conspiracy thinking, which has often been connected to paranoia and other fear-related mental instabilities. Your mother' fear of accepting modern medicine could well be an outwards manifestation of their own internal issues.
That said, I can only agree with others that a) you need to cut loose and b) I'm happy you have some people to help you make sense of things.
@figmentPez
Speaking from very personal experience, the right anti-depressant medication combined with cognitive behavioural therapy made a HUGE difference in my anxiety levels. I don't know if you have a Department of Human Services place in your city, but if you do, go there, and apply for help as indigent and or low income status to get Medicaid coverage or Mental Health help. Your parents are not a resource for you anymore, and I'm sorry to say that but at this point they cannot help you. The more you involve yourself with them the worse you will have of it.
Also, keep a copy of this checklist handy if it helps.
Good luck, I'm cheering for you.
Speaking from very personal experience, the right anti-depressant medication combined with cognitive behavioural therapy made a HUGE difference in my anxiety levels. I don't know if you have a Department of Human Services place in your city, but if you do, go there, and apply for help as indigent and or low income status to get Medicaid coverage or Mental Health help. Your parents are not a resource for you anymore, and I'm sorry to say that but at this point they cannot help you. The more you involve yourself with them the worse you will have of it.
Also, keep a copy of this checklist handy if it helps.
Good luck, I'm cheering for you.
Ah, if you mean @Amorous Eyes Ames, I'm not her, though I do adore her immensely. No, I'm Amy formerly known as Crone, Biannshofu, ▐▐▐▐▐▐▐▐, Sacawhatever, and CantRememberMyPSWD.[DOUBLEPOST=1437329095,1437329009][/DOUBLEPOST]
I think it's a list for anyone who needs it.
Ah, my bad. It's just that I thought Ames meant someone else, because my nickname is "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" screamed aloud as if running away.I know who you are, Amy. I was only referring to you in a positive, slangy, caring manner - mostly because of what you shared.
I sit corrected.
Self-care is good for everyone, not just people who are suicidal or experiencing a mental health crisis. Sometimes you just need a reminder that it's ok to be good to yourself or to look at what you can do differently. I use a similar list on days when I'm feeling frustrated.
figmentPez
Staff member
I haven't looked at the attachment yet, I've been busy, but I will when I get a quieter moment (or more anxious, whichever comes first.)
I'm pretty exhausted, but I had a good talk with my doctor-friend. Not much detail planned, but I have a direction. Calling my uncle and updating him is the next step, but I'm not sure if I need a nap or just some quiet first.
figmentPez
Staff member
Summary of my day:
- Go to bed at 11:30-ish, sleep fairly well until 6-ish. That was amazing, but nowhere near enough rest
- Keep trying to sleep because I'm still exhausted, start to have disturbing dreams.
- Get up at 8, put out the trash, go back to bed because I'm still exhausted
- Proceed to have horrible nightmares that are an inception-ish series of dreams of waking up to successively worse versions of my stuff being gone and my parents waiting to do awful things to me.
- Finally wake up for real, in full panic mode, unable to calm down.
- Sit at my computer trying to focus. My plans from yesterday said I was supposed to make a list of questions, then call my apartment complex and find out about moving.
- Completely fail to come up with anything, making my panic attack progress to the point of curling up on the floor, unable to speak, even afraid to curl up in my bed because I might fall asleep and have nightmares
- Text friends until I find someone who can come over.
- Friend comes, but can only stay a short time. She helps me get food, and calls my apartment for me, but they say they'll have to call her back and they never do.
- Try to nap, and fail because every time I nearly fell asleep, I jolted awake again.
- Give up on napping.
- Most of this time has been spent in a very scary mindstate where I don't feel in control of my thoughts. I randomly start to drift, and feel like I'm not actively thinking, thoughts are just happening and they don't feel like me, but they don't feel like not me. Then I snap back to being aware again, and most of the floating thoughts get forgotten. I can feel myself slipping back into that pattern.
- Call @Dirona and she helps me focus.
- Different friend comes over.
EDIT: WTF? This didn't post everything I wrote! Dammit. Now to retype. Follow up message on it's way.
- Go to bed at 11:30-ish, sleep fairly well until 6-ish. That was amazing, but nowhere near enough rest
- Keep trying to sleep because I'm still exhausted, start to have disturbing dreams.
- Get up at 8, put out the trash, go back to bed because I'm still exhausted
- Proceed to have horrible nightmares that are an inception-ish series of dreams of waking up to successively worse versions of my stuff being gone and my parents waiting to do awful things to me.
- Finally wake up for real, in full panic mode, unable to calm down.
- Sit at my computer trying to focus. My plans from yesterday said I was supposed to make a list of questions, then call my apartment complex and find out about moving.
- Completely fail to come up with anything, making my panic attack progress to the point of curling up on the floor, unable to speak, even afraid to curl up in my bed because I might fall asleep and have nightmares
- Text friends until I find someone who can come over.
- Friend comes, but can only stay a short time. She helps me get food, and calls my apartment for me, but they say they'll have to call her back and they never do.
- Try to nap, and fail because every time I nearly fell asleep, I jolted awake again.
- Give up on napping.
- Most of this time has been spent in a very scary mindstate where I don't feel in control of my thoughts. I randomly start to drift, and feel like I'm not actively thinking, thoughts are just happening and they don't feel like me, but they don't feel like not me. Then I snap back to being aware again, and most of the floating thoughts get forgotten. I can feel myself slipping back into that pattern.
- Call @Dirona and she helps me focus.
- Different friend comes over.
EDIT: WTF? This didn't post everything I wrote! Dammit. Now to retype. Follow up message on it's way.