So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (11/07/2009 GF's BDAY Edition)

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ZenMonkey

ZenMonkey

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

I went on a few dates while I was in the long-distance relationship that preceded meeting Mr. ZM. They never went anywhere but just meeting other guys did help me make up my mind that I needed to be out of that relationship. And yeah, of course I felt bad about it. And then I met the man who became my husband (not on a date).

So I don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to the morality of it -- I just think looking to see what/who else is out there to make you happy is a great idea and I wish you luck with it.
 
C

Chibibar

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Shegokigo;271062][quote=drawn_inward said:
I would probably talk to your gf and tell her your concerns. Stringing someone along until something better comes along isn't cool.
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"I haven't loved you for the past 6yrs, I only used you for financial security and sexual promiscuity."

Probably wouldn't go over pretty well. As for "stringing her along", I wouldn't call it exactly that. I wasn't out looking for potential people to dump her for, she was just never important to me on an emotional level. It's just recently getting to the point where I'm beginning to want something more than just money and se..... wow was I really going to say that?

I think I really am starting to think that way now..... :bush:[/QUOTE]

Plus, I don't think it is truly stringing along. Both are getting something out of the relationship.

I think this trip will do Shego good. It will (like she said) either realization of her current relationship or terminate it.
 
Espy

Espy

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Yeah... sounds like you are seeing the writing on the wall here Sheg. You don't want to be in this relationship and you want to move on with your life.

Go for it. And good luck.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

UNF UNF UNF? UHHH? UHUH? UHM?

I dunno, just wanted to throw some U-rlated words out there. Seems to be the cool thing to do now.
 
KCWM

KCWM

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Tinwhistler;271142][quote=Shegokigo;271043][quote=Charlie Dont Surf said:
Is UT the school in question?
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Nope, but it is in the Norther Texas area. :slywink:
[/quote]

TWU? UNT?[/QUOTE]

You beat me to it.

I'd offer up Texas Wesleyen, TCU, UNT, or TWU (texas women's university) as the four likely candidates. Which means, I could have run into either of you and not.ever.known.it.

Yikes!
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

If the gf is really as dependent as she sounds... you're going to have to be very, very careful if you do decide to leave her. You're going to have to be very blunt, leave no room for hope, and more or less break her heart.

And then hope that she isn't clingy enough to become a stalker ex-girlfriend.
 
strawman

strawman

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

I don't condone the deception you are about to commit, but it pales in comparison to the lie you've been living for 6 years.

You've been using her.

How have YOU changed that makes you believe your next relationship will be different? What makes you believe that you won't lie to or use your next girlfriend?

You can pretend that Mrs Right is going to come along and your relationship with her will be fundamentally different and more fulfilling, but I don't see it.

Try to work on that honesty thing. I hear it works wonders for relationships.

I don't mean to offend, or come off as condescending - you deserve happiness, and that must necessarily come at some cost and risk. But you deserve honest bluntness just as much as your girlfriend deserves it.

Don't shortchange yourself, and don't shortchange your SO, and you'll find the happiness you need. Take the risk and jump without the safety net - be completely open and honest.

Treat yourself, and treat her as living, loving, thinking, breathing human beings. You are using and lying to yourself as much as you are to her, and it's hurting both of you.

I understand the desire to test the waters first, but until you decide to ACT on what you KNOW you will never be free - even if the test comes back positive.

You can do it. You'll survive. And you will be better for the effort.

Good luck, Shego - you're worth it.

-Adam
 
R

Rubicon

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Shegokigo said:
Well, I'd hope that if I had any feeling for my current GF I wouldn't be able to be "into" the "new".
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Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind.

personally, i think people should do what makes them happy

however, i think you should also tell her.. even if you don't love her, i personally wouldn't recommend breaking her heart if she found out you cheated.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Amorous Eyes said:
Please don't disappoint me.
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I really REALLY do understand what you're saying Amorous, but one thing you're wrong about is that I'm already "decided". That's the thing, I'm "confused" about my current relationship. I don't think I have those kinds of feelings for her, yet at the same time I can't leave her (not just the financial thing anymore, even though it was that at first) I actually do not want to hurt her.

Maybe it's because I feel bad for bringing her this far, maybe because I actually have fallen in love with her. I'm not sure, I've done alot of things to try and figure this out but nothing has really "clicked" for me. This trip is to finally spend some time apart, to see what I feel while I'm away from her. I'm also curious if it's really "someone with common interests" that I want to be with OR what I have now is really the feeling I've been looking for but overlooking for so long.

I'm not trying to "be one of those girls", I'm simply trying to find some answers in my current relationship, even if I've come across as "decided".

Thank you for the blunt honesty Amorous, it's really appreciated. This response is also directed at you Stein, thank you as well.
 
strawman

strawman

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Shegokigo said:
I'm simply trying to find some answers in my current relationship
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The answers are best found within the relationship - not anywhere else.

If you do not open up to her about your feelings, misgivings, fear, doubt, and lack of love then this relationship is utterly doomed. It can't function. It isn't functioning. It's already determined, regardless of what you are telling yourself about your decision.

Looking outside the relationship for answers about the relationship may give you some small amount of perspective, which may be all that you're looking for - the stifling presence of your SO could be limiting your view.

But at the end of the day, you're going to have to open up to her to find out what the relationship COULD be. Risk it, and succeed or fail, I guarantee you will be better off from the experience than if you keep hiding from it.

Don't risk it, and you'll forever wonder "what could have been..."

Sorry to be relentless on this topic, but relationships are tremendously hard, and there is some experience that people here have which, if you do the hard thing and follow it, will save you a lot of pain and difficulty later.

-Adam
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Plus I think we all assume you've already decided based on what you've been saying for quite a while. If you're unsure now, I'd be willing to bet it's because of how hard it will be to break out of what's become a routine. But we don't know everything. As you know, you have to figure this out on your own. :) Good luck.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

That's just it Stein, if I told her now, after 6yrs, I'd devestate her. I don't want to do that, especially if this confliction is going to be over and we're going to stay together.

Cajun, it's partially fear of losing my financial security, which is what it always was. The thing is, recently, I've been more worried about the effects it'll have on her and also I'm not sure if NOT being with her is what I want....
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Shegokigo said:
Cajun, it's partially fear of losing my financial security, which is what it always was. The thing is, recently, I've been more worried about the effects it'll have on her and also I'm not sure if NOT being with her is what I want....
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...and they say Shego's heart grew 3 sizes that day...

No but seriously, that might be love, love that makes a relationship. Or it might just be that you've softened up to her a little over the years and appreciate what she's done for you, and you at least care enough to feel bad if you have to hurt her. Hell, look at Rob King. He had a big post recently about a girl who he had to blow off for both their own good. Even though he didn't want her back, it still hurt him to hurt her. No matter what your feelings turn out to be, it usually hurts to hurt someone you have a history with. No matter how much we joke about you here, we know you've got a heart. ;)

---------- Post added at 11:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:11 PM ----------
Shegokigo said:
Oh, by the way, I'm loving these thread tags. Seriously. :thumb:
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I'm particularly enjoying lesbaw.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Cajungal said:
No matter how much we joke about you here, we know you've got a heart. ;)
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Yeah well, I'm not liking this feeling at all. I MUCH preferred the way it was before. Would have made this decision cake.
Amorous Eyes said:
Are you hiding from your emotions?

Again, even if you would "decide to stay together" afterward you still did what you did and hid it from her. That is a terrible thing.
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You could very well be right, I'm very unsure what I'm feeling these days other than unease. What I do know, is if I told her, she wouldn't leave. She'd stay, be broken hearted and continue life here with me, miserable instead of the very happy and content that she is now. To me, it'd be cruel to change what she feels now on a day to day basis.
 
strawman

strawman

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Shegokigo said:
That's just it Stein, if I told her now, after 6yrs, I'd devestate her.
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Keep in mind that most people have more strength and backbone than others give them credit for.

If you truly and fully open up to her, you may be quite surprised to find that it strengthens your relationship.

One of the reasons she is so clingy is likely to be that she can tell you're very distant, emotionally, from her. Opening up your heart will give her a sense of peace and greater trust in you and your relationship with her, and she may back off a little.

You don't have to start with the big things, and you can be diplomatic about it (rather than "I'm been using you for 6 years" try, "I don't feel we're getting as much out of this relationship as we could be."), but it's worth starting the conversation.

-Adam
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

If I recall correctly, Shego ol' girl, you've mentioned before that you've had doubts about your relationship - mainly that you didn't think it could be all that it could be, but it was a situation where you could, I think the term was "sit around and play video games".

I have no authority or experience to tell you what to do, friend, but I concur that some time by yourself will definitely be good for you. Enjoy it, have fun... and also see if it makes you look at your GF in a new light. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say... But most importantly of all, whether you decide on your return to call it quits or give it a shot: Be honest with her. Quadruple emphasis on that because there I have some experience; I could have saved a lot of heartbreak and sorrow if I had 'fessed up to the facts earlier. Trust me, the worst you can do is to carry on a pretense if you know it's not going to last. [/manbaww]

Here's a kick of good luck your way. And no matter happens, at least you have us to vent at or threaten with violence.

...

Wait, is that comforting? I'm not really sure.
 
R

Rubicon

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Shegokigo said:
That's just it Stein, if I told her now, after 6yrs, I'd devestate her.
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The lesser of two evils shegs, do you tell her upfront you want to part ways or at least spend extended time apart

or do you cheat on her and her find out?

If she finds out, trust me, that will hurt more, way more.
 
Jay

Jay

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

I found this thread when I researched the tag "when can I tap dat".

My opinion? Meh, does it really matter at this point, Shegs? You've been wanting this for some time and you have to do what feels right. This is a serious case of taking a step back and re-assessing the situation. Getting impulses about other lovers is normal but if you're constantly doing it and wondering how green the grass is on the other side of the fence, you're only lying to yourself.

Tit up and go check your options. Just make sure you do what's right, life's too short, ya know?
 
Vytamindi

Vytamindi

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

After thinking on this subject for most of the night, I have to change my opinion. I don't have time to type it until much later, but it's something that kept me up a little last night when I think about how much I hurt my ex.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

I'm interested to hear what the outcome was Vytamindi. :uhhuh:
 
Vytamindi

Vytamindi

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Had a huge post typed out but it wasn't making any sense.

In a nutshell, I really thought about what I typed yesterday. Yes, you deserve happiness. Yes, you NEED to make some changes (I am so glad I did), but if it boils down to leaving on bad terms such as planned "pseudo-infidelity" if you will, you will not be happy with yourself and the outcome of it.

In my case, I thought I wanted to be free! I was engaged having never lived by myself, having none of MY furniture, having only been in ONE relationship. After we broke off the engagement, I knew it was only a matter of time until it was all over. We ended our relationship, and I automatically started talking more to my current boyfriend. I didn't want "strange," I just didn't want him anymore...

Things were GREAT! I moved into a nice apartment, got my own bills (the novelty has long worn off), bought my very own furniture and appliances... I was on my own! I needed that so bad! I will never regret having done this :)

But there is something that has been eating me up. Sure, we had problems (money, sexual, emotional), but he really did put up with my spoiledness. He's a great guy: responsible, well paid, clean, caring, but for some reason I wanted to "live" a bit before settling down so much.

I don't regret my decisions, I just regret that I treated him like crap during it. After we broke it off, he would call me once a day to try to coordinate giving our stuff back, dividing our bank account, talk to me, and I totally blew him off... this just eats at me.

I still love him. A lot. Not in any sexual or affectionate way, it's just hard letting go of someone that I met almost 10 years ago. I wish I could take all his hurt away...

Enough of my bawwwing, but what I want to say is that you might not immediately regret hurting her. It might take a few months to sink in (once you have your own place, get settled, etc.), but it will come back to haunt you. It's bad enough breaking off a long relationship whether you NEED to or not (I needed to, and change ALWAYS happens), but don't make it worse by being dishonest.

I'm sure I will need to clarify more of this as needed. I am brain dead right now... :Cry:
 
Piotyr

Piotyr

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

There's enough baww in this thread so I'll keep my part to a minimum, but having been on the other end of a similar situation to Vytamindi, the sooner you can be honest and up front about your feelings with your other, the better it will go for everyone involved. Trust me, it hurts more when it comes out of nowhere that there's been some kind of infidelity.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

That's just it Vy, I'm usually "cold" to anyone in my life if it requires it. My past 2 GFs I left them with little issue. Anytime I'm reminded by them, I'm more greatful than anything. At first, I always said that if a better financial situation came around, I'd leave my current GF without batting an eyelash twice. Recently however, I'm actually highly concerned and torn about doing it, even if a better opportunity presented itself.

The problem here is, I have no idea WHY I feel this way about this woman. We have nothing in common (other than over-active sex drives), we never talk about anything of substance beyond "how was your day?", and I usually prefer when she's not home and I've got the place to myself. Yet still, the thought of NOT being with her is beginning to get harder and harder as time goes on. Still, I find myself constantly wanting to have "more" from someonelse.
 
Piotyr

Piotyr

So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (Baww Thread, Stay Out If You Don't Like It)

Looks like some responses got lost.

What I said before:

To me, the question is why you are hesitant. Is it for your sake or her sake?

If hers: talk about things with her before doing anything drastic that you both will regret later.

If yours: Feelings or lifestyle? If feelings, talk about things. If lifestyle, it's never a sure thing, and sometimes you just have to jump into the blue ocean to find where it takes you.
 
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